Fear Us

by B. B. Reid

  While she was preoccupied, I took the opportunity to do the same to Sheldon’s whose neck was exposed. She jumped in surprise and Kennedy laughed outrageously.

  “Daddy, silly.”

  I stiffened at the sound of the word, and I could tell without looking that Sheldon had the same reaction. I finally mustered some motion and turned to face Kennedy’s bright grin shining toward me. She squealed and clamped her hand over her mouth as if she’d just told some big secret.

  “Did you tell her?” Sheldon’s accusation only served to piss me off before I could revel in the idea that my kid knew who I was.

  “No, I didn’t but does it matter? I am her father unless there is something you’d like to tell me.” I knew it was bullshit as soon as I uttered the words, but I wanted to strike back. Kennedy was mine. Every single inch of her was me.

  “She can’t know.”

  “It looks like she does,” I smugly replied.

  “She’s three, Keenan. It means nothing.” Her eyes flashed deviously when she sat back in her seat and crossed her arms. “She thought Keiran was her father once too, you know. Right around the time she began to talk…” The smile that appeared on her lips hurt worse than the bullets that almost took my life.

  I counted the seconds it took me to realize that what I thought I heard her say was real.

  I wanted the anger.

  I wanted to rage.

  I wanted blood.

  But all I could feel was devastation.

  Kennedy had known someone else as her father.

  So where did that leave me?

  “Get out.” She flinched at my command, and if my daughter had not sat watching, I would have thrown her out on her ass.

  “I’m not leaving without my daughter.”

  “Fine. Then get out of my sight before I lose what little control I have left and snap your neck.”

  “Don’t talk like that around my daughter.”

  “GET THE FUCK OUT, SHELDON!” I gripped the counter until my nails dug into the granite because, while I may have lost my temper, I still held a feeble leash on my control.

  Kennedy was now crying and watching me as if I were going to hurt her next, and I never wanted that. I watched Sheldon with pure hatred flowing through my veins as she reluctantly left the kitchen.

  “Mama.” Kennedy held out her hands for her. Sheldon turned back for her, but my look stopped her. I let go of all the warmth from mere moments ago. She deserved the hard, cold exterior, not the person on the inside clawing to get out and save her from me.

  When she was finally gone, I turned to Kennedy, who now watched me with sad eyes. My own reflected back and I could feel the slump in my shoulders. “I’m sorry you had to see that, kid.”

  I’d lost my appetite so I contented myself with watching her eat her pancakes once she calmed down. She wasn’t her usual talkative self, which made the atmosphere awkward, so when my phone rang, I welcomed the distraction.

  “Keenan, you need to get here now.” Keiran’s gruff voice filtered through the phone before I could speak, but he sounded off. He sounded scared.

  “What’s going on?”

  “It’s your father.”

  “My father?” John… or Mitch?

  “John,” he clarified as if he could read my mind.

  “What does he want?”

  “He was shot, man, and it’s not looking good. Get here.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  SHELDON

  KEENAN HAD ALL but thrown us into the car without a word of where we were going and why. More than once, I had to ask him to slow the car and remind him that Kennedy was in the backseat, but he never responded. He would just grip the steering wheel tighter and let off the gas until whatever plagued his mind returned and then he would gun it again.

  We made the eight-hour trip in just less than seven and went straight to the hospital. I still had no clue what was going on, but I knew someone close must have been in trouble judging by the look of terror and pain etched all over his features.

  I grabbed Kennedy and chased after Keenan, who had parked in the emergency lane and ran into the building. He was at the reception desk, rattling the poor nurse who scrambled to find what I assumed was a room number.

  “Keenan, you have to calm down before they kick us out.” He pinned me with a look that would have killed me on the spot if such a thing were possible.

  “Yes, John Masters is in room 345. You take a right—” Keenan had already taken off before the lady could finish her directions. I followed at a much slower pace feeling far too numb to move any faster.

  Something had happened to John, and I could only guess that it was serious given the severity of Keenan’s mood.

  I spotted Lake as soon as I entered the hallway where John’s room was and rushed toward her. She appeared lost in her thoughts. Her gaze was fixed on the wall. I set a sleeping Kennedy on a nearby couch before speaking. “Lake, what’s going on? What happened to John?”

  She snapped to at the sound of my voice, and when she looked from me to Kennedy, she broke down and rushed out the events leading up to this moment. “He was shot at a stoplight on the way home from town. The few witnesses say it all happened too quickly.”

  “So what are the doctors saying? Is he going to be okay?”

  “No, Sheldon. He’s not. He’s bleeding slowly around the heart and the doctors aren’t able to stop the bleeding.”

  “Then wh—” No matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t complete it. I couldn’t bring my fear to life. Keenan was going to lose his father?

  “He’s going to die and he doesn’t have long. They said it would be in the next couple of hours or so.”

  This can’t be happening.

  Why is this happening?

  “Who did this?”

  “I don’t know. Keiran has been in there for hours and hasn’t come out. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Have you gone in?”

  She shook her head and said, “He told me to wait out here.”

  “I can’t do that.” There was no way I could stand here and do nothing. I pushed through the door of the hospital room and found Keenan, Keiran, Dash, and Q surrounding the bed with grave expressions. None of them noticed me enter so I stood frozen against the door.

  “Tell me who did this,” Keenan demanded.

  “I can’t do that, son. I would rather leave this world knowing you two were finally at peace. I don’t deserve to have my death avenged. It’s time I pay my dues.” John’s voice, once strong and deep, was now weak and sickly sounding. The hard, strong man suddenly looked frail.

  “What are you talking about?” Keiran barked. “If you deserved to die, I would have done the deed a long time ago.” I should have been appalled by his behavior, but after so many years of friendship, I knew being hard was his way of showing his pain.

  “Boys—”

  “No, John—dad—fuck!” Keenan visibly struggled with words and the emotions he desperately tried to keep in check. He was fighting a losing battle.

  “I am your father, son. I don’t care about the biology.”

  It was then that I remembered a paternity test had never been taken even when the question arose. Could John really be his father? With his death, Keenan would never know.

  “Just tell us who did this to you.”

  “Here is your chance to make it up to us. Tell us who did this,” Keiran pressed.

  “Whether he’s guilty or not, I would be encouraging the murder of a man and sacrificing your futures. It doesn’t matter what I allowed in the past. All that matters now is what I do in the present.” He took a deep breath and continued speaking.

  “I’ve lived my life with one regret after another, but the regrets I’ll carry with me wherever I go from here is not protecting the two of you and giving you the best of me. I regret not being there. I know I have no right to ask, but I want you two to make me a promise.”

  I risked ve
nturing further into the room because his voice was weakening with each word and his eyes grew heavy. The guys didn’t verbally acknowledge his request, but their attention never wavered.

  “Promise me that you both will be a better man than I ever was.”

  Time stood still and then stretched impossibly long as each person in the room waited to see what Keenan and Keiran would decide.

  At once, they finally nodded, offering some small mercy and comfort to the dying man who was the only father either of them had ever known.

  I expected more.

  Redemption.

  Acceptance.

  Love.

  In the end, John died and neither of them ever shed a tear.

  * * * * *

  No one knew what to say so no one said a thing. It was devastating how unexpected and pointless death could be. The doctor announcing the time of death still echoed in my head.

  What do you say to someone whose father just died?

  Are you okay?

  Sorry for your loss?

  It’s going to be okay?

  The real tragedy was in the lack of emotion that followed his death. Keenan and Keiran had both walked away without looking back. The only one who couldn’t seem to get a hold of their emotions was Lake.

  Dash had agreed to take Kennedy to our parents’ home for the night, leaving me his car while he hitched a ride with Q. I paced the hall while Keenan and Keiran talked to the doctors searching for something to say.

  When someone dies, you grieve. I didn’t know John all that well due to his absence, but he had become someone I could count on for Kennedy in the last four years.

  I was so deep in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed when Keenan approached and stood in front of me, watching.

  “Are you okay?” The raspy sound of his voice drew my attention.

  “I’m supposed to be asking you that.” He only shrugged, and I watched his emotionless eyes stare back at me blankly. “Keenan… what’s going on in your head?”

  “My father just died. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “Talk to me. You have to feel something. I know you do.”

  “I couldn’t even tell my own father that I loved him before he died and you know why? Because I didn’t. I couldn’t fucking love him. Our history is too ugly. How the hell will I ever be able to love my own kid?”

  “Keenan, sometimes it’s not that simple. You’re not your father and Kennedy isn’t you.”

  “Yeah? Well, I don’t think that’s a chance I’m willing to take any more.”

  And just like that, for the second time in my life, he walked away from me. Only this time, I followed. Right through the hospital doors and into the night.

  During a less emotional time in the future, I may wonder why I chased after him. He sped from the hospital grounds, and I struggled to keep Keenan in my sights as I raced behind him. The roads were slippery from rain and traffic seemed to pour from every direction.

  He was leaving.

  How could he leave?

  Why was I trying to stop him?

  His father had just died, and without missing a beat, his only thought had been to get away. Maybe it was just for a few hours, but the look in his eyes had sent warning signals to my gut not to let him get away.

  The course of this night would lead into forever, and it was up to me to choose the path. Right or wrong. I had to choose.

  So I did.

  “Come on, Keenan. Please slow down. Slow down. Slow…”

  He shot through an intersection just as the light turned red and I had no choice but to floor it so as not to lose him. It was a mistake that became apparent by the blinding lights of an oncoming car, hindering my ability to see even more but it was too late anyway. I had never heard a worse sound than metal crunching and grinding, and there was no greater fear than the fear of falling.

  Actually, that was untrue. The feeling like you were going to die was greater. The fear of all you would leave behind by dying was the greatest of them all.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  KEENAN

  I NEEDED TO turn around. Something was telling me to turn around, but which would I be listening to if I did—my head or my heart?

  Rain poured by the boatload making it hard to see. I sped through the streets heading for the exit out of Six Forks.

  My father was dead, and I couldn’t feel a damn thing. Tonight proved how empty I was, and I couldn’t get out of my head how Sheldon looked at me.

  Like I was evil, unworthy, and cold. At least that’s how I felt. I couldn’t place the blame on her.

  The stoplight up ahead turned yellow and I had to make the choice to stop or speed through. I chose the latter because stopping meant having the chance to look back.

  I made it through just as the light turned red and thought I was home free until a series of horns blasted around me. At first, I chalked it up to disgruntled drivers until I looked in the rearview in time to see a car stupidly follow behind me. The car was quickly t-boned and spun out of control until a pole stopped it. Painfully, I watched the car wrap violently around the pole.

  There was no way the driver could have survived.

  In the space of seconds, the world seemed to stop when I recognized the car. It belonged to Dash, but he had left earlier with Kennedy and caught a ride with Q.

  Fuck.

  Sheldon.

  I jerked the car to the side and hit the ground running. A crowd formed around the wreck, and I had to muscle through to get to her. The car had flipped over and was completely totaled.

  Desperation and shame flooded my senses. Sheldon had been chasing after me.

  I did this.

  “Young man, you shouldn’t get too close. The car is leaking gas.”

  A quick inspection of the ground confirmed the older woman’s warning. Already, I could hear sirens in the background, but I couldn’t wait for them. I called out to Sheldon, but when she didn’t answer or move, I realized she was unconscious. Blood leaked from her head and given her recent head injury, it made the situation all the more detrimental.

  I yanked on the door handle, but it wouldn’t budge. The glass was completely shattered so I reached inside cutting my arm and hand in the process. No matter how hard I shoved and yanked and pounded, the door wouldn’t budge. I ran around and tried all four until the rear passenger door gave way.

  “Oh, dear,” the older lady from before gasped. “Son, you better get away and wait for help to come. That pole is beginning to spark.”

  It didn’t take an explanation to know what would happen if a single spark reached the ground and gas that traveled closer to the pole by the second.

  I refused to lose my father and her in the same night.

  “Son, get away from there. You’re going to get yourself killed,” a faceless voice yelled from the crowd. There was no way I was leaving her or standing by for help. If it came to it, I would die with her.

  Without her, I was dead anyway.

  I crawled inside just as she began to come to, and I said a quick, silent prayer that she was still alive and reached out for her.

  Screams ripped through the air, and when I looked back, I saw a single spark falling. I watched it fall for all of two seconds and then moved with renewed determination. I reached out again, but just as I did, hands grabbed onto me, pulling me away.

  “No!” I screamed and clawed at the hands grabbing me, but there were too many pulling me further away. The spark had now reached the ground and raced toward the car. I threw an elbow and my head back, not caring who was on the receiving end and managed to break free.

  Adrenaline surged through my veins.

  On my hands and knees, I scrambled for the car once again and dove in without hesitation. I ripped the seatbelt away and caught her just as the car caught the first fire. Instantly, I could feel the flames heating my skin. Smoke filled the car making it hard to see, and the way I came in was already engulfed leaving my only way out through the driver�
�s door.

  With little room, I kicked at the door, aware at any moment the car would explode. Even now, I could feel myself tiring from the smoke that filled my lungs. It was becoming impossible to breathe and even the force of my kicks decreased.

  I began to see my life as it had been and then my life as it could be.

  “Keenan,” Sheldon groaned before she went still.

  Just the sound of my name from her gave me the strength I needed, and with one last kick, the door finally gave way.

  * * * * *

  ONE MONTH LATER

  “I still can’t believe you closed the shop. However will you service all the women of Los Angeles?”

  “Would you stop with the slut jokes? I haven’t slept with a single woman in California.”

  “Oh, I know, but it’s so much fun to see your panties in a twist.”

  “Get lost, Di.” I pretended not to care but quickly gave up the fight. “How did you know?”

  “Because you were so much more happy go lucky when you were getting laid on a regular basis. Since you left, you’ve become a grumpy asshole. I would say even worse than brother dearest.”

  “Are you here to help me unpack or reflect on my character?”

  “I can’t believe you really left.”

  “You can always stay. Keenan and Di—on the road again.”

  “Umm… live in Six Forks? I don’t think so. I need the glam life in the city.”

  “Or maybe you’re scared,” I teased.

  “There is nothing in Six Forks that scares me.” The frown she wore was troubled. I cocked an eyebrow at her but didn’t respond. Unlike her, I didn’t push.

  I looked around my father’s house that he left to Keiran and me along with every single thing he owned. Keiran had immediately rejected everything while I chose to donate everything minus the house and his business. We had our differences as fucked up as they were, but I couldn’t bring myself to give away everything he built.