Fear Us

by B. B. Reid

  I had the attorneys divide everything that belonged to John, and everything that was inherited, and had them donate the inherited funds to various organizations with the larger portions going to foundations dedicated to battered women and children.

  “So what’s next?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked absently as I cut through the tape on another box. Michelangelo stared back at me in the form of a backpack. The little green monster was smirking while he stood ready in a pose for combat.

  “Are you going to fight for her this time?”

  “Who?”

  “Does it matter? They’re a pair now, you know. Two for the price of one,” she joked.

  “What’s that?”

  “Oy… pay attention, will you? The woman you’ve been in love with, the mother of your child, and the woman you pulled out of a burning car is out there falling in love with someone else and you’re here decorating.”

  “She wants nothing to do with me, Di. She made that clear.”

  “Well, you had just almost gotten her killed because she was worried about you when you couldn’t be bothered to care for yourself.”

  I took a deep breath and closed the box full of my daughter’s things that were left behind that morning a month ago. “Who have you been talking to?”

  “Lake. She and Keiran are doing great in Hawaii, by the way.”

  Keiran and Lake had temporarily relocated for the summer until Lake starts graduate school at Stanford in the fall. Keiran's brush with his past after four years was hard on Lake who hadn’t been able to relax since.

  Keiran had taken his inheritance and funneled a large portion of it into Jesse’s company, becoming a partner. It was hard to believe Keiran fought past his jealousy and now actually worked with the man. No one knows what he did with the rest of his inheritance. He only claimed it was no longer his.

  Apparently, he made this decision long before the NBA offers poured in. All of which he’d turned down.

  Even though our relationship was still rocky, I couldn’t help but respect his decision. Something told me Lake had something to do with it. Indirectly, of course. Anyone with eyes could see that Keiran sought her approval. He wanted to be worthy of her.

  It also explained the degree in computer science.

  I didn’t think I would ever get over that one.

  “That’s great. When are they coming back?”

  “In about two months, but don’t try to change the subject. What are you doing?”

  “I’m trying to be a decent human being for once.”

  “By denying your feelings and a child her father?”

  “Kennedy doesn’t know I’m her father. It’s better this way. I won’t have to spend the next fifteen years afraid that I will become my father and her suffering for it.”

  “So fulfill the promise you made a dying man during his final moments and do the right thing.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  SHELDON

  I READ THE words of the letter for what seemed like the hundredth time.

  I did it.

  After four years of wanting to pull my eyeballs through my skull by my hair, I’d accomplished what I set out to do. Medical school was calling my name.

  Worry tried to worm its way through, but I wouldn’t let the stress of the past few weeks or my future obstacles as a med student and single mother ruin this moment.

  I needed to call someone.

  Eric surprisingly popped in my head, but after Keenan had beaten him to a pulp in front of a restaurant full of people, including his parents, he made it clear I wasn’t to contact him, especially after I told him about Kennedy.

  Apparently, his parents had a certain image preset for him that my baggage and I would tarnish. And so ended a one-year relationship that would have never developed past the limit I had set of my own.

  I was even more grateful that I never slept with him.

  I never even had the urge.

  It was time to for me to make Kennedy’s lunch so I checked on her first. It was a full-time job keeping her out of mischief. For the first time, she took the initiative to actually draw on paper instead of the walls or furniture. Her head was bent and her face serious with concentration as she doodled. I was beginning to believe that drawing was something she loved to do like her father.

  Don’t think about him, Sheldon.

  Don’t think about how he hadn’t called nor had he stayed.

  Nope. He went back to California to his tattoo shop and high-rise apartment and… Di.

  I wondered if they ever had sex or if their friendship had been completely platonic.

  There was something about her that didn’t meet the eye. I didn’t know if it was good or bad, but I knew she was more than she showed the world. Maybe it was why I didn’t trust her.

  Or maybe I was just jealous.

  After all, she had been in his life for the last four years when I hadn’t.

  Did he realize he loved her and that was why he never came back?

  More often than not, I wondered if he ever thought about us.

  It was hard for me not to think of him or what he had done for me. He had risked his life for me in the craziest of ways. Not only had I heard about it, but also some punk kid had the gall to videotape it and upload it to YouTube.

  Now every vagina around the world and woman with girlish dreams wanted him. And all I wanted to do was to stake my claim and forget how I turned him away after surviving the crash.

  I half expected and half hoped he would threaten and stake his own claim, but instead, he walked away from us quietly.

  Was it unreasonable for me to hate him for it?

  “Kennedy, it’s time for lunch,” I shouted over the thunder that had suddenly broken through the sky. A quick peek through the windows showed torrential rains pouring onto the street below.

  “Mama, it’s raining now. Can I go play?” I smiled and like always, shook my head. I think Kennedy was the only child ever who didn’t understand that rainstorms were not for playing in. My little daredevil barely noticed a sunny day.

  “We talked about this, Ken.” I set her plate full of square-cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of her just as a hard knock sounded on the door.

  I debated answering because I wasn’t expecting anyone. After Kennedy had been kidnapped with no leads to who was responsible, I was being extra cautious.

  When I picked up the large kitchen knife on the way to the door, I realized that paranoid might have been a better term.

  Keenan and Keiran had suspected my father, but after damn near interrogating him, they laid it to rest. My father’s only crime had been his carelessness and putting business before his grandchild.

  Greg and Vick had approached my father with false credentials as private investigators after ‘hearing about her kidnapping’ on the news. It had been a long shot, but one they lucked out on after his men had already been placed on another assignment concerning a business deal in Germany that my father had been cultivating for a very long time.

  The only question now was who hired them to impersonate private investigators. We already knew why. Someone out there wanted Keiran dead bad enough to kidnap an innocent child, and without a name, he was still in danger along with Kennedy.

  “Just a second,” I called when the knocking continued, becoming louder with each knock. I opened the door and stared at the person on the other side in surprise.

  I wasn’t expecting him.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Yes, I’m here to install your new cable and internet service.” A middle-aged man in faded jeans and even more faded t-shirt with the cable company’s logo stood with a smile. I quickly slid the knife down my sleep shorts and pasted a smile.

  “I didn’t schedule for a cable installation.”

  The man frowned and then looked down at the tablet he carried. “Are you Sandy Chaplin? Apartment 203?”

  “No, I’m sorry. That apartment is around the corn
er and two doors down.”

  “My apologies. Have a great day.” He ambled off and I closed the door feeling silly. I had just made it back to the kitchen when the knocking returned. This time I left the knife.

  I assumed the technician might have gotten lost again so my smile was ready when I opened the door. The person standing on the other side of the door this time swept my smile away.

  My brain screamed at me to close the door and pretend it never happened, but I stood transfixed.

  Keenan stood on the other side with his head down, drenched in rainwater. His white t-shirt was plastered to his muscular chest making his tattoos visible while his jeans hung off his hips in the way that I liked so much.

  “Are you going to let me in or continue to eye fuck me,” he smirked. Instead of waiting for an answer, he took my hand and stepped inside, closing the door behind us. All the while, I stood with my mouth agape.

  He’s really here.

  “What—um… what are you doing here?” I had to clear my throat multiple times to speak intelligibly. I glanced toward the kitchen nervously and debated kicking him out. I didn’t want Kennedy to see him if he wasn’t here to stay…

  What was I thinking? Did I want him to stay?

  Kennedy had been depressed over Keenan’s disappearance and had only just stopped asking for him. For the longest time, she’d cry herself to sleep, and I didn’t understand even though I wanted to cry with her. She had only known him for a weekend.

  Love didn’t kindle that fast, did it?

  I felt like a hypocrite for even thinking it. Keenan and I had fallen fast and hard for each other. Why couldn’t the same be for father and daughter?

  “A good friend of mine reminded me that I wasn’t fulfilling my promises. I realized that every promise I made, since I walked away from you four years ago, involved you. Even the promise I had made to my father before he died.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about you and Kennedy and the very permanent fact that the two of you still own me.”

  My head swam with the possibilities of what he could mean. “I don’t speak in riddles, Keenan. Why are you here?”

  He ran his hands through his already spiky hair and blew out a breath. “I’m here because I want to beg… if you’ll let me.”

  He seemed at a loss for words so I asked, “What do you want to beg for?”

  “For you and my kid.”

  I took a step back, letting my hand slide from his tight grip. Surprisingly, he let me go although he flinched from the loss of contact. “Are you actually asking for another chance?”

  “No.”

  “Oh…”

  “I’m asking for you to save my life because with every breath in my body, I love you. I’ll love you until my last. Without you, I am no longer someone with a reason to live.”

  “I’d like to believe that, but I can’t. You have a problem that I can’t overlook anymore. I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying that one day you’ll find the woman who is not only worth betraying me for, but is also worth breaking my heart forever.”

  His eyes became desperate and frustration lined his features.

  “I was filling a void created by my parents. I was invisible before you. I was unwanted and unloved. I lived that way until I found a way to fill it, even if they were only temporary fixes. I was an addict but not in the way that you think. I craved the attention and the intimacy I never had and was too stupid to realize the gift you gave me was far more precious. I wasn’t worthy of you, but you filled the void. And then, somehow, this image of my mother walking away from me forever became you. I was scared, Shelly. I was terrified that you would one day realize I was unworthy and leave so I found a way to fight the insecurity while holding on to you. It made me feel like I was in control, and that no matter what, someone would want me.”

  “So I was replaceable.”

  “No!” he shouted and I glanced nervously toward the kitchen. He lowered his voice and said, “Not replaceable. You were unobtainable.”

  “But you had me.”

  “I had my mother once too, and then I lost her.”

  “So what makes you think it will be better now?”

  “Because I realize my mother and father made their choices, but their choices didn’t have to reflect mine. I’m not afraid to love you anymore.”

  “You didn’t even love me enough to fight for me. Instead, you ran away the first time I hurt you when I forgave you each time you broke my heart. I risked everything to be with you—my self-respect, my sanity, and my heart—and now you’re asking me to risk it all again?”

  “If the risk means my surrender, then this…” He kneeled and my heart ricocheted around my chest. “This, Shelly, is me surrendering to you.”

  “I, uh… what?”

  “Princess,” he shouted. “Could you come here, please?”

  Tiny footsteps sounded, but I was still frozen to the spot to react. “Keenan!” Kennedy ran into sight and launched herself into Keenan’s arms.

  “I missed you,” he whispered to her.

  She clung to his neck until he sat her on his knee. “Baby girl, I have a confession to make that you may not understand, but I need to do it anyway. Are you listening?”

  She nodded and he cleared his throat.

  “Four years ago, I hurt your mother really bad in more ways than one.” Kennedy seemed to understand because her face fell, but she continued to listen.

  “I thought I could protect her from a really bad lady by doing something that I knew would break her heart. I took the chance to keep her father from taking her away from me because the bad lady knew we were naughty kids.”

  He grinned at the last, and I cleared my throat.

  “Anyway, the bad lady video recorded us with her phone when we did a naughty thing at school and threatened to show her father along with the whole world if I didn’t do what she wanted. She also threatened to fail her if I said no and failing meant your mother would have to go somewhere far away from me to finish school. I made a deal with the devil, and although I saved your mother from the bad lady, I lost her, too. I was selfish, Princess, and I took your mother for granted, but if you can forgive me, I promise to spend the rest of my life never taking her for granted again.”

  He looked up from Kennedy to meet my gaze. “Can you forgive me, baby?”

  I don’t know how long we gazed into each other’s eyes before Kennedy stood up from her father’s lap to stand in front of me. “Keenan sorry, mama.”

  “You little traitor,” I whispered to her before a smile broke free. I felt my tears but ignored them because there was something I needed to say. “I’ll forgive you on one condition.” He looked wary but told me to name it without hesitation. “You tell Kennedy that you’re her father, and you better have a ring somewhere on you because we aren’t accepting anything less than your full commitment.”

  His boyish smile that I recognized from so long ago broke free as he stuck his hand in his pocket and produced not one but two rings. “Princess, come here.” She turned to him and he took her left hand. “Kennedy Sophia Chambers, will you accept me as your father?”

  Kennedy nodded with her gaze transfixed on the ring that looked like a real diamond although tiny to fit her finger. I suppressed the urge to scold him for buying a three-year-old a ring that no doubt cost a lot of money. He slid the ring on her tiny finger, and to my surprise, it fit. He grumbled something about changing her last name before turning to me.

  That was the moment I began to feel my heart beating against my chest a little too hard. “Sheldon Chambers, will you do me the honor of accepting my surrender to you and being my wife?”

  * * * * *

  TWO MONTHS LATER

  “Let me see the ring! Let me see the ring!” Lake pushed aside everyone in her way to get to me. Seriously, someone would have to speak about what we started to call her Keiran Tendencies. We were currently having a barbecue in our backyard to
celebrate their return from Hawaii.

  She gushed and cooed over my engagement ring before she started crying. “I knew he was likely to stop being a coward.”

  Everyone in the vicinity laughed except for Keenan, who pouted. He could still be such a baby. There were days when Ken was more of an adult.

  “So when is the wedding?”

  “November 24th. Two days before Thanksgiving.”

  “I’m so happy for you, I could just cry.”

  “I think you already are…?” Keiran remarked, earning an elbow to the gut. He rolled his eyes and began to nibble on her neck, and just like that, I was forgotten. I had to clear my throat to get their attention again.

  “Do you guys ever use a bedroom?” More than once, I had walked in on them during their spring break. It was right after Kennedy was born, and the first time I had walked in on them going at it on the kitchen counter. Granted, it was his home but still…

  “Keenan, get your fiancée out of my sex life,” Keiran replied. “Someone might think you can’t please your woman.”

  Laughter surrounded us, and though I was the brunt of the joke, I was elated to see them trying once more. They still tiptoed around each other, but some of the tension had dissipated. Their bond started to reconnect at John’s funeral shortly after his death. I had attended despite my decision to stay away from Keenan because I couldn’t bring myself to not be there. There were days when Keenan would come across something of John’s and a dark cloud had taken residence while I waited him out, and like always, he’d come back to me.

  “Shelly, can I talk to you in private?” Without waiting for a response, he took my elbow and steered me into his childhood home that was now ours.

  “If you are dragging me off for sex, I told you there is a waiting period. We just did it on the washer an hour before the barbecue started.”

  “I found the letter,” he said once he shut the door to our bedroom.

  “Huh?”

  “The college acceptance letter to Stanford. I found it hidden in your panty drawer.”