Where We Belong: Love Returns

by Melissa Tereze

  The fact that my world was torn apart doesn’t matter in this moment.

  Curling my fingers around the waistband of her jeans, I pull her in a little closer and rest back against the table. Now standing between my legs, she runs her hand up my arm and it settles on the side of my face. Leaning into her touch, nothing else matters. The world around me is disappearing faster than I care to think and honestly, I need this. We both do. I need to feel that connection we so desperately crave from one another.

  “Mati…”

  “I’m sorry.” She pulls back and there is a sadness in her beautiful eyes. “I got a little carried away.”

  “N-No.” I stop her. “That’s not wha-“

  “It’s okay.” Mati gives me a sympathetic smile. Pulling her in impossibly close, I stare intently but her eyes lose focus on mine. “I should get this cleaned up.” She glances down at our leftover food but I refuse to loosen my grip.

  “It can wait,” I say. “I can clear up later.”

  “You cooked dinner…I can finish up here.”

  “Just stop, Mati.” She furrows her brow as I ghost my fingertips over her hip before my hand settles on her stomach. “Please, just stop.”

  “I-I…”

  I can feel her body responding to my touch and I know she wants more. She stopped this because she believes it’s the right thing to do. That I don’t want it, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is all I want right now. My fingers popping the buttons on her blouse, she glances down, and her eyes darken.

  “I want to take you to bed.”

  Nothing.

  Silence.

  Mati’s mind is focused on what my hands are currently doing, and I know that she is thinking this over. I know she is trying to gauge my mood, but I’m okay. I had a serious talk with myself earlier today and I refuse to make her feel like she isn’t loved.

  Slipping her blouse from her shoulders, I guide my girlfriend’s body back and towards the staircase. Her breath catching in her throat as her back connects with the wall, I smirk and take her bottom lip between my teeth. My lips grazing her chin, I run my tongue along her jawline and move a little closer to her ear.

  “I need you, Mati.”

  “You have me…” Her chest heaving, she moves backward and up the stairs, pulling me up with her. “Always.”

  Taking each step slowly, she grips the back of my neck and pulls me in for a searing kiss. My tongue slips between her lips and we fight for dominance. It’s hot and it’s frenzied but it’s everything that we need. It’s love…and it’s pure sex.

  I can feel her heart beating out of her chest and I’m pretty sure mine is doing exactly the same. This woman makes my head spin like never before, and I know right now, she is going to be by my side in thirty years. I know that she is the one person I can never see myself without.

  Reaching the hallway, we make quick work of our clothes and before I realize it, we are both standing in nothing but our underwear. I know that we have been here before but in this moment…it feels like the first time. It feels like I’m about to experience Mati for the first time and it sends my heart rate skyrocketing.

  “God.” I breathe out.

  My nerves hitting me square in the chest, Mati takes my hand and places it against her beating heart. A heart that is beating only for me. Stepping back into the bedroom, she refuses to release me from her grip and guides me into the darkness.

  “You are so beautiful.” My words barely above a whisper, she turns me and walks me back until my knees connect with the edge of the bed.

  My bra slipping from my shoulders, she pulls me against her and my body relaxes into her own. Her skin is on fire and it reminds me that I’m alive. That I’m the one who is here and doing these things to Mati’s body. Nobody else, just me.

  “Is this what you want, Olivia?”

  “Yes,” I say with certainty, my voice low. “More than anything.”

  My body pushed down and onto the mattress, Mati places her knee between my legs and climbs over me, straddling my hips. Her hot center connecting with my own, my body takes over and I find myself arching up into her touch.

  Throwing my head back into the pillow, Mati runs the palm of her hand over my hardening nipple and it takes everything within me to control myself. I want to take her. I want to make her mine…but we need this. We need to feel one another. That contact. The undeniable connection. Her soft hands roam my skin and I just let the moment take me. Allowing it to progress at its own pace.

  Mati’s fingertips ghosting down my body, she shifts back off my hips and curls her fingers around the waistband of my panties. Slowly slipping them down my thighs, she throws them into the corner of the room and turns her attention back to me.

  Spreading my legs a little, she settles down between them and places light kisses from my knee up to my inner thigh. The sensations she is creating are driving me insane but this is her. She takes her time. Mati concentrates and focuses on exactly what she knows I want.

  “God, your skin.” She moans as she reaches the top of my thigh. My legs inching further and further apart, my body wants her. “And your scent…” She smirks against my skin. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

  “Touch me, Mati.” I whimper. “Please, touch me…”

  Her fingers skimming the sensitive skin at the top of my thigh, she runs her thumb down the length of my sex before separating my folds.

  “So beautiful.” She whispers.

  The flat of her tongue following the path her thumb has just taken, it comes to rest against my throbbing clit, and she moans in delight as I force myself against her mouth.

  “Y-Yes, oh god…yes.”

  I want to hold on for as long as possible but I’m not sure I can. It’s been so long since she has touched me. So long since we have been together like this. My body is in overdrive and I swear my mind is going to explode. My fingers tangling in her hair, she licks and sucks, and oh god…this feels amazing.

  “M-More.” I moan, holding on for dear life.

  Her tongue teasing my entrance, Mati slips it inside me and my world turns black. She is all over me but nowhere at the same time. Replacing her tongue with two fingers, she enters, pushes deeper, and all breath leaves my body. My oxygen, stolen.

  “Mati, fuck!”

  Her tongue working my clit, her fingers pick up their pace a little and it’s the most incredible sensation in the world. She does this to me. Nobody else. Only her.

  “Yes, more.” I groan. “Please, more…”

  Her thumb taking the place of her mouth, she climbs up my body but never lets up with her pace. My right leg now between her own, she grinds her center down against my thigh and I can feel how soaked she is.

  “Fuck.”

  Pulling her down against me, I weave my hand between our bodies and I’m met with an arousal I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced before.

  “You feel that?” Mati asks breathlessly as she grinds against my hand. “You do that to me, Liv.” Her hips picking up their speed, Mati’s eyes find mine as she captures my lips. I know she is close, I can tell by the gasps and moans. I’m barely holding on, but we have to do this together. We have to reconnect once and for all. “Yes.” She gasps as she pulls back for air. “Liv, yes. Oh, god…I-I.”

  “Together.” My fingers slipping inside, I graze my thumb over her clit and her walls close around me.

  “C-Coming, oh fuck, I’m coming…”

  My own orgasm hitting me like a freight train, Mati loses her rhythm a little but it doesn’t matter. The damage is already done. Our bodies writhing against one another, I have no words. I have no sound. My breath has left my lungs and I’m not sure it will ever return.

  Mati drops her body down on top of my own, her heart rate through the roof. I’ve barely touched her and I’ve left her like this. I won’t lie, it feels good to know that I have this effect on her body. I have this amazing woman on top of me and I’m the one she wants. I’m the one she
wants to spend her life with. I should feel good, right?

  Her breathing beginning to slow and return to normal, those greyish-blue eyes find mine and I place a kiss on top of her gorgeous blonde hair.

  “Hey…” I smile. My mind and my body totally at peace right now.

  “You’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you, Liv.”

  Her voice breaking, it tugs at my heart. I don’t want her to be upset. I don’t ever want to be the cause of her pain or her tears again. I just want Mati to be happy. With me.

  “Baby.” I pull her body up my own and wrap my arms around her. “Please, don’t cry.”

  “I’m sorry.” She shakes her head as she nuzzles her face in the crook of my neck. “I just…I love you and I needed that. I knew we had lost it, but I also knew we were strong enough to feel that connection.” She grips my body like I’m going to disappear. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I ask, confusion in my voice.

  “For being you…for letting me love you.”

  This world is totally upside down. I have been a complete bitch to my girlfriend but she is in my arms…and thanking me. Could she be any more amazing? Running my fingers through her hair, she relaxes against me and a comfortable silence settles between us. I know we won't always have amazing nights like this, but I owe it to myself to try. I have to try for myself, and for Mati. I’d be a complete fool to ruin this.

  Chapter Eleven

  Mati

  Waking up in Olivia’s arms must be the single most amazing feeling in the world. I didn’t expect us to get to this place just yet, but I could see it in her eyes last night. I could see the love and the desperate need to be something more than she has been lately. I could see the pleasure coursing through her body and the experience of coming down from one hell of a high.

  That is all I want from her. I just want her to have those moments where nothing else matters and all she feels is peace. I know it won't always end that way, but if I can provide her with just a few minutes relief from the heartbreak she is feeling, then I’m happy with that.

  Olivia’s naked body resting beside my own is warm to the touch and her breathing is even. She is sleeping soundly for the first time in as long as can probably remember. She thinks I don’t see it but I do. The night is when things hit her harder. Sure, we may have only spent the night together a handful of times since she arrived in London, and last night doesn’t really count, but I’ve noticed it. I’ve felt it every time she has slept at my place.

  Sleep hasn’t come easily for Olivia since she came to London and I know. I know because while she is tossing and turning, I’m also awake. I’m awake when she is trying to hide her sobs. I’m awake when she is staring up at the ceiling for hours on end…and I’m awake when she is thinking hard at 3 in the morning.

  There have been a few occasions when I’ve thought about ‘waking up’ and taking her in my arms but I try not to. I know night time is when Olivia allows everything to come back to her but that is her choice. That is how she deals.

  I can see the tiredness in her eyes. I can see that slight slump in her shoulders. It breaks my heart, but I don’t want to pressure her into talking. If the early hours are the only time for Olivia to let go then I should give that time to her. No matter how much it interrupts her routine. In time, she will figure this all out. In time, she will enjoy sleeping soundly more often.

  If she wanted me to be by her side, awake, during the night, she wouldn’t hide her sobs. She wouldn’t shift as gently as possible in the bed to keep me from waking. I get that she has to do some of her thinking alone, so I let that happen.

  Glancing down, a smile settles on my mouth when I find Olivia’s arm wrapped tight around my waist. I’ve missed this feeling. That feeling of love. The feeling of having that other person beside me. The feeling of pure contentment and the feeling that nothing else matters so long as we are locked away with nothing but each other.

  Shifting a little, Olivia tightens her grip around my midsection and I rest my hand against her bare back. Tugging the sheet up a little more, my girlfriend snuggles down into my chest and a slight sigh falls from her lips. It’s adorable.

  Moving down the bed some, I fix her up into my arms properly and our bodies mold together. I don’t know how long the grieving process will last for her, and I know that it never truly leaves us, but I like this. I like being the one who comforts her. The one who makes her feel safe. If I can’t be that person, then who can?

  Feeling Olivia flinch a little, I take in her facial features and then it occurs to me that she is dreaming. Her eyelids flickering ever so slightly, her hand grips my hip, and her nails almost break my skin. It’s not painful, but it is as though she is desperately holding onto me. Why, I don’t know…but she is safe here and consciously, she knows that.

  Jolting a little more so than before, Olivia’s eyes open and she stares at me. I don’t know if she is awake, but she doesn’t say anything. She just stares. At me. Through me. I do all I can do and run my thumb across her cheek to let her know that I’m here. That I’ve got her.

  “I thought you’d left.” Her voice filled with sleep, I furrow my brow and remain silent. “Y-You were getting your things together and I thought yo-“

  “Hey.” I cut her off. “I’m here, Olivia.”

  “I know, but you weren’t.” Her voice breaking, I try to soothe my girlfriend.

  “Look at me, beautiful.” Shifting down the bed so I’m in her line of sight, those deep brown eyes find mine and she gives me a small smile. “I’m here, okay?”

  “Yeah.” Olivia nods. “Don’t leave me…”

  Our legs tangling together in a mess beneath the sheets, she pulls me in impossibly close and I can feel her heart pounding against the side of my body.

  “Please don’t ever leave…”

  “I won’t.” Running my palm up and down Olivia’s back, she releases a deep sigh and settles down.

  “She left me, Mati.” My girlfriend’s voice void of any emotion, I simply listen. I hear her out. “She made me leave but really…it was my mom who was leaving.”

  “I’m sure she didn’t want to leave you, Liv.”

  “Then why did she make me go?” She asks. “She was so hellbent on me coming here to you and I should’ve seen it. I should’ve realized what was happening. I should’ve demanded to know why she wanted me gone.” I can hear the anger in Olivia’s voice, but that’s okay. Anger is a part of this. “I just…I felt happy. I was happy that she was proud of me. Happy that she wanted me to come back here and be with you, but she had a reason for me leaving. She had a reason to want me out of LA.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true.” I’m trying to reassure Olivia but I’m doing a shitty job of it.

  “It is, though.” She sits up and rests back against the headboard. “She knew she was dying, Mati. I spoke with her doctor. She had known for over eighteen months.”

  My heart breaking at my girlfriend’s admission, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I’m supposed to make any of this better. If my mom did that to me, I’d be angry and bitter, too.

  “Maybe she wanted to protect you. From the truth. From what was inevitably going to happen.”

  “I didn’t need protecting. I should’ve been there for her. I should’ve been at home, but instead, I was standing in an airport excited to see you. I was so freaking excited, and she was dying…alone.”

  I can’t help but feel like some of this blame should lie with me. If we hadn’t separated, if I hadn’t come here to London, none of this would’ve happened. If we’d never dated and fallen in love, she wouldn’t have been at that freaking airport.

  “I’m sorry.” My emotions threaten to spill over. “I’m so sorry.”

  “You have no reason to be sorry.” Olivia gives me a sad smile. “You’ve been amazing, Mati. You really have.”

  “But if you hadn’t missed me. If we hadn’t wanted to spend our lives together…”

  “No, don�
�t say what I think you’re about to say.” She holds up her hand. “Please, don’t.”

  “It’s true, though.” I have to explain my way of thinking. “It’s no surprise you didn’t come back for six months, Olivia. It probably took you that long to get over the fact that you hated me. You should’ve been there, but I was calling and texting and effectively begging you to give us another chance. I should’ve just let you be. If I hadn’t hounded you, if I hadn’t kept on at you-“

  “Stop, Mati.” My girlfriend cuts me off. “Don’t say any more. It is ridiculous to ever think that you are to blame for this. My mom died. She would’ve died whether I was there or not. She had a heart condition.”

  “Still…” I sigh as I climb from my bed. “I shouldn’t have…” Shaking my head, I pull on a robe and move towards the door. “I just need a minute.”

  Leaving the bedroom, I cross the hall and slip off into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, the tears fall as I take a seat on the edge of the bathtub, and my head falls into my hands.

  I can’t believe I stopped her from being with her mom.

  My emotions currently all over the place, I don’t know how to feel about what Olivia has just said to me. I am to blame. I am a part of the problems she is facing. If she had been with her mom, she would’ve had some kind of closure knowing she was by her side as she passed.

  The one thing I struggled with when Scott died was not having the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Not having the opportunity to tell him how much I loved him. Knowing that I wasn’t there to be a friendly or familiar face for him as he left this world absolutely killed me inside but there was no way of rectifying that. He was gone, and I had to deal with that myself. It cut me deep and I’ve taken that from Olivia. I’ve taken it and she can never get it back.