I hear the shocked sounds from the guys behind me, but I can’t pull my eyes away from Kegan’s. The anger is morphing into pain and it’s starting to break me. The door closes behind me and I know they are leaving us to figure this out.
“Your job is to keep our private lives out of the headline, so do it. Fix it, baby, but don’t walk away. Don’t give up on us,” he whispers. It’s a plea for me to stay. He looks so fragile right now. His dark eyes are full of pain. The crease lining his forehead shows his worry. His fingers are digging into me, trying to keep me exactly where I am. He’s scared and it’s destroying me to see him like this.
I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes. My heart is cracking in my chest. “I’m not giving up on us. I’m trying to protect us and my job. I’m not walking away, I promise.”
At my promise, he pulls me against him and holds me so tight it’s hard to breathe. He’s scared and I caused that. I need to try to fix it and hope that there are no more pictures and that my grandfather or the label didn’t see it.
We just need to make it through this tour. There are only a few more concerts and after that we can figure out how to handle this.
He releases me and smiles down at me. “Get to work,” he says, giving me a wink.
I nod and go out to the main part of the bus. I grab my laptop and sit down at the table. I ignore everyone as I get to work.
“You guys good?” Lane asks.
“Fuck yeah,” Kegan says.
“So, love huh?” Everett asks.
Kegan chuckles and as much as I want to look up and see his face, I can’t. If I stop working on hiding this, I will regret it.
“Yep, I love her,” he says.
My heart pounds in my chest and my hands shake as I continue to write and retract and refute everything that was in the headline.
“I’m happy for you guys,” Lane says.
“I am, too, but I’m fucking hungover, so I’ll make a bigger deal later,” Everett says.
They all laugh, and I smile as I continue my job. I know it’s going to be hard since the picture is out there, but I need to try everything I can. Call in all my favors. Beg, plead, and promise things I normally wouldn’t. I know Kegan thinks I’m ashamed of this relationship, but he’s wrong. I hold it in such high esteem that I will do anything to protect it. He doesn’t understand the damage this can cause us. I’m trying to make sure that doesn’t happen.
After spending over an hour on the computer and phone, I feel confident I’ve taken care of the situation. I’m sitting at the table with my hands wrapped around my mug, watching the blur of cars pass as we get closer to the venue. They’ll have sound check when we get there, and I’ll need to make sure everything is exactly how they like it for the meet and greet. It takes hours to get it all done and before I know it, we’ll be getting ready for the show. It’s become so routine at this point; it doesn’t take much thought. I’m going to miss it all when the tour is over. I love the fast pace of it all. The traveling, the fun, and watching my man up on stage.
“Hey.” I look up and smile at Kegan. He sits down and reaches over, linking his fingers with mine. “You alright?”
I shake my head. “Yeah. I’m sorry about this morning. It was a shock, and I obviously didn’t handle it well.”
He chuckles, squeezing my hand. “No, you didn’t, but that’s what I’m here for.”
“I’m not trying to hide us, Kegan.”
“I know, baby. I know you’re just worried about your job,” he says.
I sip my coffee and look out the window before glancing back to him. “I am, but I’m also worried about your job. If it looks like we’ve been hiding, your fans won’t like that and believe me the label won’t either.”
“I don’t give a shit about my fans or the label when it comes to us. Our relationship is our business. It doesn’t affect how we work and that’s what they are worried about. The money. We are making more than we ever have, so they can all fuck off,” he says.
“I wish that’s how it worked, but you know it’s not,” I say, shrugging.
He reaches up and grabs my chin in his fingers. “Do not fucking walk away.”
The fear is clear on his face and my heart aches. “I’m not walking away. I will never walk away from you, Kegan.” I lean over and kiss his strong lips. “I promise,” I breathe out.
That smirk of his crosses his lips and I lean back. “Oh no,” I say, laughing.
“The guys are sleeping,” he says.
“Okay,” I say, confused.
He winks and lifts his eyebrow. “Slide off your shorts and climb on my lap.”
“What?” I whisper, looking around. “No way.”
“Now, baby. I want you to ride me right now,” he groans, his eyes heavy with lust.
My panties begin to get wet as I bite my lip. He’s made good on being spontaneous. When he wants me, he takes me. Doesn’t matter where we are or who’s around. He made me come the other night while the other three were sitting across from us. It was hot and erotic, but this is more. It’s more intense, more exciting. The idea that any one of them could walk out and see us, has me pulling my shorts off. Kegan has made me discover a side of myself I never knew existed and I like her.
I move onto his bench and realize he has his thick cock in his hand, stroking himself. It’s so hot. I bite my lip when he pulls me on top of him. Still holding himself, he rubs against me, letting my wetness cover his tip.
“Kegan, please,” I beg.
He grins and grabs onto both my hips. “Slide down on me, baby. Take me all the way in.”
I do as he says, and his dick slowly stretches me out. I can’t help but moan as he goes deep inside. When he’s completely in, I lean forward and kiss his neck. He begins to move his hips as I start moving. His fingers dig into my hips and I can feel I am bruised from last night and this is just adding to it. He starts moving me at the pace he wants and when I get there he groans. I’m riding him hard and fast as he moves his hands to my ass. He pushes against my entrance asking without words if I’ll let him in.
“Yes, do it,” I moan.
He doesn’t wait, he slowly pushes one finger into my ass, and I scream. I’m overwhelmed with the feelings he is able to cause my body to feel. My body is begging for release and I know he understands.
He continues to finger fuck my ass as I ride him. Our moans are bouncing off the walls around us. He’s in so deep like this, hitting the right spot over and over.
I toss my head back and try to hold back my screams of pleasure. I need to come, and I don’t want anyone to stop it from happening.
“Fuck, baby,” he hisses, biting on my neck. I begin to shake, and I feel him grin. “Don’t fight it, give yourself to me.”
His words push me over the edge, and I explode around him, loving how my clit is rubbing against him, keeping the feeling going.
“Lorelei,” he groans, as he finds his orgasm.
I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on him. “I love you, Kegan,” I whisper.
His arms tighten around me and he kisses my head. “I love you so fucking much, Lorelei.”
“Everything is set in the VIP room, Miss Seidel.”
I smile thanking him, but my full attention is on Kegan. Watching him from the side stage is something that I will never get tired of. He commands attention when he is on stage. You can’t turn away when he is singing. It’s as though he is singing just for you. The way he moves around the stage, keeping everyone engaged. It is so easy to see that he is having as much fun as the crowd. He does not disappoint. Plus, when he takes his shirt off. I’ll admit, I hate that I need to share that part of him with the world, but damn what a sexy part it is.
I’ve come to love all these guys so much and watching them all out there, having fun and loving every minute, makes my heart happy. Lane never stops smiling. He flirts up there and it makes me laugh. Everett moves to the beat constantly. His head is always moving, even when he poi
nts his drumstick at pretty girls in the crowd. Remi is less obvious about his flirting, but I notice his eyes scanning the crowd as soon as the lights go on. He’s more serious, concentrating on the cords he’s playing.
It’s not surprising they are number one. Together they are unstoppable. Which is how I feel about Kegan. This morning took me off guard, but now that the dust settled, I’m relaxed. We’ll come out as a couple soon, but after I talk to my grandfather and the label. I don’t want to lose this job. It’s not just because I’ve worked so hard to get it, it’s that I don’t want to leave them. I belong here with them. I need them as much as they need me.
“Last song.”
I turn and nod. After this, we have a meet and greet, so I will need to rush the guys to the VIP room. I look down at my clipboard, making sure everything is done. Satisfied, I look up just as Kegan glances my way and winks. My heart pounds in my chest at the simple gesture. This man truly does love me. It couldn’t be clearer, and I love him just as much. He truly rocks my world.
After they finish, Kegan comes rushing off stage. I jump into his awaiting arms and he kisses me. It’s become our routine and I fucking love it.
“You were fucking amazing,” I say, smiling.
“Thanks, baby. You noticed my wink, huh?” he asks, putting me on my feet.
I feel the blush creeping up my neck and nod. “I did.”
He laughs, kissing me again. “How can I still make you blush when my finger was in your ass today?”
I laugh as I cover my face. “Oh my god.”
“Fucking amazing,” Lane yells. “You like that show, boss lady?”
I look up at him and smile. “You all kicked ass, Lane.”
“Damn right we did.”
“Come on, we need to get to the VIP room,” I say.
Kegan wraps his arm around my shoulder, and we make our way to the room. The five of us dodge people and I keep laughing at the high they are on. Every show it’s the same and I love watching it.
I open the door and we walk in laughing.
“Lorelei.”
I stop short as my eyes widen. “Grandpa? Jennifer?”
Fuck.
He looks at me with complete disgust and Jennifer narrows her eyes. I quickly step away from Kegan and I hear him mumble under his breath.
“Well, I was hoping it was some kind of mistake. That the picture was photoshopped, but clearly it was all true,” he says, shaking his head.
“Grandpa.”
He holds up his hand, cutting me off. “I knew that you were the least qualified person for this position.” He glances from me to Kegan and back. “How could you use your body to influence this man?”
“Watch it,” Kegan growls.
My grandfather laughs in disgust and moves closer to me. “You will pack your things and get on the damn plane with me. You’ve left me one hell of a mess to clean up. My company’s reputation is shit now because of you!” he shouts in my face.
“Hey!” Kegan yells, rushing forward.
The guys grab him and pull him back. I hear Lane whispering to him, but I can’t make myself turn to see. I can hardly breathe. The room is closing in on me. I am now facing my greatest fear and I feel utterly defeated. My body is shaking violently. My stomach is turning, my head is spinning, and my heart is shattering. I refuse to meet anyone’s gaze, fearing the disappointment I will see.
“Lorelei, you are fired. I will handle this meet and greet, please go pack and leave,” Jennifer says.
The tears are impossible to stop. My world is crashing around me and I’m defenseless. I have no one to blame but myself. I’m ruined. I’ve never felt such pain and rejection in my life. It’s worse than I ever imagined it would be. My legs feel as if they may buckle under the weight I feel on my shoulders. I’ve let down my grandfather, Jennifer, Kegan, and myself. I have no choice. I nod, keeping my focus on the floor and turn to walk out of the room.
Kegan grabs my arm and I lift my eyes to his. “Don’t walk away,” he hisses. “You promised me.”
I yank out of his hold and wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together. His touch burns my skin, and I don’t deserve to feel anything. I’m about to walk away when I promised I wouldn’t. “Don’t make it harder,” I whisper.
He gives a humorless laugh and runs his hands through his hair. “If you walk out that fucking door, don’t bother trying to walk back in.”
The tears haven’t stopped and flow harder now. In a matter of minutes, I’ve lost everything I love. There’s no coming back from this. I will forever be a shell of the person I was just ten minutes ago. My heart shatters in my chest as I glance at Kegan. He’s breathing heavily, arms crossed over his chest, as his jaw ticks with anger. But it’s the pain and hurt in his eyes that make me sob. I nod, walking to toward the door.
“You’re just gonna go? You’re just gonna let them dictate your life?” he yells, throwing his arms in the air.
“Kegan,” I say.
“Enough! Lorelei, go!”
I look back at my grandfather and shake my head. I’ll take the blame, but I’m tired of being treated like a fucking child by him. Unfortunately, in the moment, I don’t have the fight in me to argue with him. I’ve spent so much of my career doing just that. Feeling completely wrecked, I follow my grandfather out the door.
“You’re making the biggest mistake of your life. If you walk away from me, I won’t come to find you,” Kegan yells.
I can’t take it. I’m completely broken. So, I walk away, after I promised I wouldn’t. He’s screaming my name and my knees buckle. It’s over. It’s all over.
I’m sorry big guy.
Chapter Eighteen
Kegan
“Kegan, stop brother,” Lane says, grabbing my shoulder.
I snap my head back to look at him, but he doesn’t flinch. He stares back at me with pity in his eyes. Fucking pity.
I drop the mug I was going to smash, and it shatters at my feet. How fitting.
I run my hands through my hair and lean against the wall. She left. She fucking walked away. She promised she wouldn’t, but first sign of trouble and she took off. Watching her walk away ripped my heart open, and it continues to bleed in my chest. She destroyed me.
“You need to talk to her,” Everett says, picking up some of the broken glass on the floor.
I shake my head as a hollow laugh escapes me. “She walked away, not me.”
“You gave her no option,” he replies.
I grab him by the shirt and get right in his face. Lane and Remi grab my arms, but my adrenaline is too high. “I gave her the option to stay, to fucking fight. She left. I didn’t make her do shit!” I yell.
He grabs my shirt and rests his forehead on mine. “You’re in pain, your world is falling apart. You're pissed and you’re sad. You’re not seeing shit straight right now. You are Kegan fucking Donovan. You fight for what you love.”
I close my eyes and for the first time in my life a tear runs down my cheek. “I need alcohol.”
The guys clean up the mess I’ve made while I drink straight out of the bottle of Titos. I need something to numb the pain, to make me forget. I let her in, and she walked away with my fucking soul.
“Kegan.” I lift my reddened eyes to Lane. “You’re my brother, my best fucking friend. We’ll figure this shit out. You need to trust that.”
I take a long pull of the vodka and wipe my mouth with my hand. “I trust nothing.” The three of them look at each other and I shake my head, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. “Stop! Either drink with me or leave me the fuck alone.”
They each grab a shot glass and I pour it for them. I sit in silence, drinking and wondering how I’m still alive when my heart no longer beats.
I wake up on the couch and groan as my head pounds. “Fuck.”
I sit up and see Lane asleep at the table. I stand up to get a water and realize I’m still drunk.
“You alright?”
I ope
n the water and look at Lane. “No, I’m not.”
He nods as he stretches. “This fucking table sucks for sleeping.” I nod as he stands up and sits next to me on the couch I fall back on.
“How much did I drink?”
“Enough to give you alcohol poisoning,” he says.
I rest my head in my hands and groan. “Yeah, I fucking believe it.”
“You did a lot of talking last night,” he says.
I can’t even lift my head to look at him, so I keep it buried in my hands. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, you told us that she’s the love of your life. That you are nothing without her. That you would walk away from the band if that’s what it took.”
This time I do look up and the sadness in his eyes tells me he’s not lying. “Lane.”
“No, don’t. I get it, I do. I know that you would walk away today if it meant you could have her. I also know that you’ll never really do it. You’ll take the misery, the heartache, and the pain. You’ll go back to your drinking and fucking any chick that looks at you. You’ll live a loveless life, because you’ll never leave us. You’ll never let this band fail,” he says, rubbing his hands together.
“You’re right.”
He grins as he slaps my back. “Go get a little more sleep.”
I sigh and head for the bedroom, grateful they let me use the big one. I fall onto the bed and blue eyes haunt me.
I wake up to the sound of music and groan as I roll over. I check my phone and see it’s almost eleven. Damn. I sit up and scrub my face before looking around. How the fuck can things change completely in twenty-four hours? I woke up with her in my arms yesterday and today I have no idea where she is.
I’ve never felt this kind of pain before, and I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to get on stage tonight. I don’t even feel like I can breathe without her. How am I going to sing?
“Kegan?”
“Yeah,” I say, climbing off the bed.
Loyalty: A Salvation Society Novel Page 16
