Shattered Treasure

by Cindy Patterson

  “Working on my senior project.”

  Addison sat on the bed across from Ami. “You don’t get a break for summer?”

  “Yes, just getting a head start on it.”

  “Smart girl.” Addison fiddled with a button on her top. “What’s your topic?”

  Ami stood and crossed the room holding a poster board toward her. “Adoption in America.”

  “That sounds interesting.”

  “I’m showing the entire process from beginning to end. That’s what I’m trying to do, anyway.”

  “What do you have so far?”

  “This is my opening sentence. 'Adoption is a wonderful opportunity for parents who aren’t physically able to raise their own child, and for married women who aren’t able to conceive.’”

  “Great start.”

  “I don’t know.” Ami plopped down on the bed next to her. “Maybe you could help me. You could be my mentor.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, I’m supposed to find one and you would be perfect. You’ve graduated from college, you’re a teacher. What could be better than that?”

  “I don’t really know anything about adoption though.”

  “That doesn’t matter. I’ll just let you read my notes and you can give me suggestions on how to make my paper better. If you want to.”

  “I would be honored.” Before Addison could say more, Ami captured her in an enthusiastic embrace.

  They spent the next two hours researching information for her paper. There were so many options. Different rules applied for different agencies and Ami worked to pull the information together in an informative yet appealing way. Some adoptions could take years to complete an adoption, where others were finalized within a couple of months.

  Ami stretched her arms over her head. “I’m getting hungry. Let’s go find out what Mom’s fixing for lunch.”

  A nervous rush assaulted Addison as they descended the stairs. She’d been helping Ami all morning and hadn’t seen Logan since they’d arrived. Was he still here? Would she see him now?

  Ami bounced into the kitchen, crossing the room toward her mother. “What’s for lunch?”

  “I’m putting together some BLTs for you girls and Logan.”

  Addison turned and came face-to-face with the object of her affliction.

  “You girls having fun?” His cheeks lifted with his smile, and then his gaze fell to her lips.

  “She’s helping me with my project. Addison’s agreed to be my mentor.”

  His smile bound them to each other, in a subtle, yet overpowering way. No one existed in that brief instant, but the two of them.

  Addison walked toward the table, and the smell of bacon grease sifted through the air and into her nose. Bile rose in the back of her throat and she covered her mouth.

  Logan had moved next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I ... I left something in Ami’s room. I’ll be right back.”

  The queasiness intensified and she ran upstairs to Ami’s bathroom, closing the door behind her, making it just in time.

  Ami had followed her, and her panicked voice echoed through the sheetrock wall separating them. “Addison?”

  She couldn’t answer. She couldn’t breathe. The burning sensation was suffocating, and she grasped the toilet, praying for relief. Her body rejected every ounce of breakfast she’d eaten, within the next three seconds.

  Desperate to get Ami’s attention, she kicked at the door with her foot. But Ami didn’t hear her attempt. What if she had already run back downstairs to get help? She wanted no one to know about this.

  After wiping her mouth and rinsing the ends of her hair in the sink, she returned to the bedroom. But she was too late. Ami was already gone. Sitting on the bed and still suffering from the effects of the nausea, she searched for an excuse as she held to her stomach.

  “Addison?” At the sound of Logan’s voice, she stood too quickly. The room slid across her vision and she slowly sat back down. Logan crossed the room and sat next to her, his hand reaching for hers. “What’s wrong?”

  Within a second, Ami was next to her on the bed. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m not feeling well.” Her throat burned, the foreign acid sizzling against the back of her tongue. She coughed, the effort scratching her throat. “I’m so sorry. I should probably go.”

  Ami shifted onto her knees beside her.

  “Of course.” Logan grasped her arm, helping her to her feet, and led her down the stairs and out the front door. All the time never speaking, never even looking at her. Until they were outside.

  “Do you feel any better?”

  When he did speak and their eyes met, something happened. Could he read the desperation in her eyes? He looked worried. Really worried.

  “Not really. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  “Do you think it’s a virus or something?”

  “It has to be. I felt sick earlier, but then it went away.”

  He reached across and grazed his strong fingers against her cheek. Warmth bloomed launching a frisson of excitement at his tender touch. “You feel warm.”

  “I hope it’s not contagious.” She needed this to be a simple virus but knew it wasn’t.

  “Don’t worry about that. You just get some rest, drink plenty of fluids, and call me in the morning.”

  She had no means to protect herself against his charm. Addison was convinced she would never feel this way about another man, ever again. “I wish. I still have a few things to do for school.”

  “Today?”

  “School starts next week.”

  Addison leaned back against the seat and relaxed as Logan started the truck and pulled onto the highway.

  “Do you need help?”

  “No, it’s just a few last-minute details. I’m so excited but so worried about having my own class. Everything has to be perfect.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be great. And I already know your children will love you.”

  “Thank you, Logan.”

  When they arrived at her house, he parked in the driveway and turned to face her. His gaze held hers, unwilling to break its hold.

  A battle raged within her to give in, to allow him to embrace her. But reality slammed its way to the core of her heart, its razor-sharp edge ripping through her consciousness. A reality she’d been trying to ignore for days. She was late. And she was never late.

  Turning her face from him, she slipped her clammy hands from beneath her legs. “I better go.”

  “Okay,” he said, staring at her, his expression too intense. “Don’t forget to call me if you need anything.”

  She wouldn’t make the mistake of looking at him again. His eyes confused her, making her believe that everything could be as it was before.

  It wasn’t real, it was a delusion.

  “Thank you for everything, Logan. Tell Ami I’ll call her later.”

  Addison hurried into the house and through the living room, unable to get to the bedroom fast enough. Reaching under her bed, she grabbed the hidden box that would give her the results that could change the rest of her life.

  After following the directions, she paced the bathroom, squeezing her upper arms. Please be negative. Please, God, I’m begging you.

  Gasping for breath in uneven rhythms and with sweaty palms, she lifted the strip from the counter.

  36

  The bathroom felt too warm, too small. The cinnamon spice scent swirling from the wax melt churned her stomach. Keeping her eyes shut tight, Addison twisted around, grasping the counter as she slowly sank to the floor.

  Positive. How can this be happening? What am I going to do?

  Her first instinct was to run to Aunt Brenda. She’d know what to do. But what would she tell her? Philip took advantage of her? He raped her? She wasn’t even sure herself what to call it. How could it be rape, when she’d dated him for so many years? She screamed no at him, over and over, but he wouldn’t li
sten. Still somehow, she should have been able to stop him. She should’ve been stronger.

  Memories of that night came rushing back and a wave of nausea caused tiny beads of sweat to gather across her forehead. Because of her weakness, she was pregnant.

  Pulling herself up, she took the box, the results, and pushed them into the bottom of the trash, burying the proof.

  She couldn’t think about this right now, there was too much to do.

  The first day of school came and went at an accelerated pace. It hadn’t been a perfect day but instead had been filled with a few tears and a minor bathroom accident. Still, she enjoyed getting to know her students, discovering the many different personalities, and getting a small grasp on what to expect in the days to follow.

  By the end of the first week, Addison had her class settled into a smoother routine and was able to call each child by name effortlessly. The last few heartbroken tears of being separated from mommas had finally dwindled. Addison had also managed to keep her hands and mind busy until she could no longer hold her eyes open every night.

  But now the weekend had arrived, and she couldn’t put off verifying the results any longer.

  Addison walked into the downtown women’s clinic first thing Saturday morning. Over-the-counter tests were sometimes wrong, weren’t they? Plus, she hadn’t taken it at the recommended time, first thing in the morning. But she already knew that a false result wouldn’t be the case.

  Walking up to the building, her insides churned as if she were contemplating a morbid crime.

  “Hi, welcome to our clinic. May I help you?”

  “Yes, I um ... I need a pregnancy test.”

  “Of course.” The girl behind the desk handed her a clipboard with a form. “Fill this out for me. It shouldn’t take too long.”

  After filling out the one-page form and returning it to the front desk, Addison grabbed a brochure from the rack. The first thing that caught her attention was the no surgery abortion option. She didn’t have time to finish reading before someone called her name.

  A numbing sensation encased Addison as she went through the motions of collecting and giving the nurse her sample for the test.

  While she waited, she scanned the brochure almost heaving at the words, the large numbers she was seeing.

  This clinic alone had provided abortion care to over 100,000 patients over the last 20 years. The statistic made her physically ill. She held her breath, not even realizing that she did so until the nurse approached her.

  “It’s positive.”

  The outcome didn’t come as a shock, it was the result she’d been expecting. And that small fact alone gave her the strength to ask a question.

  “Can you give me more information about the pill?”

  Logan hadn’t seen Addison all week determined to keep some distance as he worked out the best way to remain friends. Between working his regular hours and still taking on part-time hours, there was little time for anything else. Even though he longed to stop by on his lunch breaks, he didn’t. It was always too late, and he didn’t want to be responsible for keeping her up late her first week of school. Especially with her fainting spell and then getting that virus.

  By Saturday morning, he could wait no longer. After spending two extra hours at the station for paperwork for a shots fired call, he left the station by 10:00 and drove straight to her house. Her car wasn’t parked in its usual spot in her driveway. Ignoring his disappointment, he pulled out his phone to text her, but then Addison pulled in behind him and parked to the side of his truck. He squinted against the morning sunlight as he climbed from the truck.

  “Hey, I just got off work. I just wanted to stop by to see you for a minute.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He left no room … no excuse to spend time with her later today.

  It wasn’t until he walked closer, that he saw dried tear streaks across her face. He pretended not to notice, but he ached for her. Her lips curved, but the smile she tried forcing, didn’t reach her eyes. He had never seen her so disheartened.

  Not wanting to waste time and disregarding his better judgment, he gently took her hand, slipping her keys into his pocket, and led her down the narrow path leading to the beach. She never spoke but stared straight ahead. The moment they hit the wooden bridge, she stiffened. He turned to find her staring at a spot near where they stood, surrounded by overgrown grass.

  Ignoring his impulse to ask her what was wrong, he led her down the stairs, caressing her hand with tender strokes. It no longer mattered that he’d promised he wouldn’t do this; he couldn’t stop now. His actions came as natural as his next breath. Here with Addison was where he belonged, where he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life.

  Her tension seemed to disappear, and she walked closer to him, their bodies brushing against each other with each step. They walked slower, almost mechanically, as if they were the only couple in the world at this very moment.

  An ember of awareness burned within him, intensifying when he glanced at her. She watched him, her eyes awestruck, her mouth enticing. Her lips parted and he thought she would speak, but instead she licked them slowly, her eyes softening. An invigorating force stopped him from moving another step and he pulled her closer until their lips melded into each other.

  “I love you, Addison.” He breathed the words against her mouth.

  A flicker of yearning danced across her eyes and within a fraction of a second, part laugh, part cry escaped her lips as she collapsed against him. “I love you.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and expectancy filled him.

  Addison held her breath, afraid if she exhaled, Logan would disappear. He led her back to the house and sat next to her on the wooden swing. Flowers surrounded the base of the porch, the bright yellows and pinks bursting with a sweet fragrance making everything brighter. Logan leaned against her, pushing her playfully. Her gaze fell to her hand still tucked inside his.

  “I like this,” he said, his words soothing her like a lullaby taking away all her fears, lulling her into a fantasy where happily-ever-afters were real.

  He wrapped his other arm around her shoulder, and she leaned into him, drinking in the magnificence of this moment.

  When he lifted his head and rested his gaze on her lips, she slowly leaned in, fusing the space between them until nothing separated them. His mouth was warm, tasting of mint and sweat. Secure in his grip, she relaxed savoring the passion swirling through every ounce of her. His declaration rang in her ears, the sweet melody playing over and over again through the deepest trenches of her soul. She wanted to hold onto him forever, to never let go. She couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life without him by her side.

  How would she ever survive letting him go?

  The nurse had given her the answer this morning to her most feared question. She was going to have Philip’s baby.

  How could she be sitting here next to Logan as if nothing had changed? But she only wanted this one last moment with him. One last chance to pretend she was free to love him for the rest of her life.

  The nurse at the abortion clinic gave her several options this morning, and her thoughts were on nothing else the entire drive home.

  Sitting here with Logan gave her a new perspective on everything. If she had an abortion, no one would ever have to find out and she and Logan could be together. It didn’t change the fact that abortion was wrong. She’d grown up believing that. But now that she was in this situation, the lines blurred. After all, it was against her will. Philip had forced her.

  Had God sent Logan this morning to keep her from saying anything to Aunt Brenda? He had come just in time. She’d planned to tell Aunt Brenda as soon as she arrived home. But God wouldn’t want her to get an abortion. That went against everything she’d been taught.

  A faithful neighbor who’d seen two young girls who needed the Lord had taken her and her sister to church every time the doors were open. And it had made a huge difference in her life. Addiso
n couldn’t imagine a life without those countless lessons of Jesus, lessons that had become more than just stories, lessons of a Father who loved her, a Father she leaned on when she had nothing else.

  Logan squeezed her fingers softly between his, breaking her thoughts, and a shudder of anticipation flowed through her.

  She leaned back, hope filling her heart. Hope that must have shown on her face, because Logan smiled. That soft, tender, smile of his that never failed to melt her from the inside out.

  If only hope could erase all her doubt and fears.

  She licked her dry lips and kept her smile even in an effort to redirect the unwanted thoughts. She had to make a decision; it just wouldn’t be today.

  37

  Two weeks later on Friday afternoon, Addison stood in her classroom facing her children standing in a crooked line, waiting patiently for the last bell. She touched each one as they walked past, giving them best wishes for the weekend. Her children. All twenty-three of them were precious in their own special way.

  Her baby, the one she carried right now, would be special too. One day, he or she would be starting kindergarten just like these little ones. How could she consider destroying the baby’s life? But this child she carried wasn’t conceived out of love—but from something repulsive, horrid.

  Philip had hurt her.

  No matter how many times she tried to convince herself he couldn’t have done something like that. He had. And she carried the proof of that horrific night inside her.

  She followed her class to the buses and helped each bus rider to their line and then led the car riders to the parking lot.

  A beautiful, dark-haired, brown-eyed girl, with two perfectly braided strands hanging down her back, was the last to be picked up.

  The girl’s mother, when she reached them, lowered as she leaned toward the opened passenger window. “Hey there, baby girl,” she told her child as Addison held the back door open for her. “Sorry I’m late. I got stuck at the train again.”

  Addison wanted to say, you aren’t late. Because she wasn’t. Her daughter was just the last child of her class to be picked up. All her parents always arrived early. But being the last one would make a parent feel late, she imagined. Though she had a hard time with that too. It was something her parents would never have worried about.