Too Much to Lose

by Holt, Samantha

  I press my fingers into her heat, taking the time to explore her thoroughly. She bucks while I take a hot nipple in my mouth. I nip at it and suck, relishing the feel of its tautness against my tongue. The little aroused noises she releases rattle through my brain and make me so hard. But the need to prove myself drives me forward. As selfish as I might be, I have to make the most of this and demonstrate to her I can be giving. The thought that if I make this the best fuck of her life, she might not leave me when she finds out plays through my mind.

  “Hunter,” she begs, the sound twisting my insides.

  I curl my fingers inside her and play over her sensitive nub with my thumb, all the time scattering kisses over her breasts. She begins to squirm so I slide up a little to claim her mouth and hold her down as I move my hand harder and faster. It doesn’t take long. Soon she’s splintering around me and I swallow her sounds of pleasure while her nails dig into my back.

  Aware I have a satisfied smirk on my face, I draw back to eye her damp skin and glazed eyes. Poor girl has no idea what I’ve got in store for her. Moving from on top of her, I press a hard kiss to her mouth and roll her boneless body over so she’s on her front. I grip her ass fiercely with both hands and relish being able to touch her without the frustrating barrier of clothing. She squeaks—in protest or with excitement, I’m not sure but I don’t care. Jess is going to take everything I’ve got to give until she can’t take any more.

  I run my hands up and down her back, following the curve of her spine to the dimples above her bottom. The gently vibrating skin of her rear begs for my touch again and I massage it before following the curves down to her thighs. I keep skimming my fingers under each cheek and between them. She’s hot and damp and ready for me but I avoid touching her directly. Arousal and perfume mingle in the air, and even her skin gives off some kind of unique scent that is totally addicting. Needing to taste it, I pepper kisses down her spine to her rear. I continue to caress and mould her body, teasing the juncture of her thighs with brief touches.

  “Hunter,” she says tightly—a plea.

  Whether it’s a plea for more or for it to end, I don’t know. I’m just enjoying every rippling reaction of her hot body and the sounds she keeps making. Lying beside her, I rest on one elbow and she turns her face toward me. I kiss along her nose and press a finger into her.

  Jess gasps. “I can’t—”

  “Yeah, you can and you will.”

  Her eyelids flutter closed and she lifts into my hand when I work deeper and harder. Like some kind of penance, I’m determined to pleasure her until my fingers stop working. And by the ache in my hand that might not be far away but her parted lips and rocking movements are so worth it. Already, she flutters against my fingers, a climax not far off. I find her g-spot and rub vigorously against it. When it hits her, it’s so powerful, I feel her clamp around me and her eyes fly wide. Jess trembles and I draw out my hand to stoke up and down her in a soothing motion.

  It’s hard to believe how rewarding seeing her pleasure is. I realize there was nothing selfless in doing that for her. I gained just as much from it. When have I ever felt like that about a woman? I meant what I said to her earlier—that this was it for me—but I didn’t appreciate quite how deep I was until now. I think, given time, I could fall head over heels for her.

  That’s if I’m not there already.

  When her breathing calms, I coax her onto her side and skim a finger down her profile. She smiles, her lips stretching into a cat-like grin of satisfaction. Then a sneaky hand slides down my stomach and begins to stroke me. I groan.

  “You’re going to kill me.”

  “That’s not my intention. But I owe you.”

  “You owe me nothing.” My voice comes out kinda harsh and I move to cover her body with my own before she can protest.

  Spreading her thighs with my legs, I grip her hips and move her just enough so I can press into her. We both suck in sharp breaths as I bury myself to the hilt.

  I’m lost.

  ***

  I wake exhausted, satisfied, content and guilt-riddled. With a stretch, I glance down at Jess, all curled up in a tiny ball against my side. She’s not wrapped around me like I’d expected but sort of nestled into me. The remnants of dark make-up is smeared across her eyelids and her pale lips are slightly pursed in sleep. Sunlight drifts over her as it seeps through the curtains while dust particles dance in the air. It surrounds her in this bizarre halo that makes her even more beautiful.

  Did she really take that money? To look at her now, you wouldn’t think it. Do I even care? Wincing, I try to ease out of bed but she stirs so I freeze. I’d wanted to make a phone call or two without her listening in, and also check out that note once more. I shouldn’t have let myself get distracted but I couldn’t resist. The bed creaks while I try to shuffle out from under the covers and Jess mumbles, coming fully awake. The cutest sleepy smile comes across her face and makes my heart flex.

  “Morning.”

  Just like I couldn’t resist making love to her, I’m powerless to stop myself sliding down next to her and kissing her nose. “Morning. Sleep well?”

  “I did.” She stretches but wariness sits in her eyes.

  “No nightmares?”

  “Nuh-uh.”

  “Do you get them often?”

  She lifts a shoulder and I draw her fully into me. Like liquid, she moulds to me. Warm soft skin against mine makes my breathing stilt.

  “Not too often. Less recently.”

  “I wish you’d told me.”

  Jess shakes her head. “Hunter, no one wants to know about my sordid past. I was an idiot. I made a stupid mistake. I’m glad you know now but all I’ve ever wanted to do is put it behind me.”

  “Princess, you’re not an idiot. You’ve been through so much and you’re so brave. I think you’re amazing. How many people would be brave enough to start from scratch like you did? But I do understand the need to forget.”

  A crease appears between her brows. “How did you find out anyway? Did you…” I see her throat work. “Did you see me?”

  I draw in a breath through my nose. This is my opening. But I can’t do it. I can’t risk her kicking me out of her life and leaving her open to danger. And now I know just how vulnerable she really is. The bad girl act is a complete façade. I already knew that but I didn’t understand how deep it went.

  First I need to get rid of this psycho who’s sent her another letter. Then I’ll worry about the truth. No way in hell am I letting anyone harm Jess ever again.

  “I saw a bit,” I admit.

  “Oh God.”

  “You’ve done well to keep yourself hidden, sweets.”

  “Not well enough. Whoever is sending me letters knows who I am too.”

  “And this is the first all week?”

  Jess draws in an audible breath. “There was one more yesterday. Telling me they know who I am.”

  I rake a hand through my hair and draw back from her, just to keep control of my body. It’s hard to think when little bits of naked flesh keep touching me. I could just peel away that duvet, spread her thighs and lose myself again. But I need to focus. “It’s escalating.”

  She chews on the end of her thumb and nods. “I thought about running again, but I convinced myself nothing more would happen—that I could cope with a few letters.”

  “This isn’t going to stop at letters.”

  “You’re scaring me.”

  “Good. I want you to be scared. I don’t want anything to happen to you and if you’re scared, you won’t take risks.”

  “So what am I meant to do? Just wait around until something happens?”

  “I think you should come stay with me again.” It’s hard to believe that less than twelve hours ago I was anticipating a life without her and now I’m asking her to move in once more.

  Permanently though? Actually that’s not a bad idea. Waking up to Jess every day certainly wouldn’t be a hardship. That’s if I even manage to k
eep hold of the house.

  Her tongue swipes along her bottom lip while she considers this. “Stay with you? I don’t know… this is all a bit—”

  “Sudden?” I swipe a thumb over that damp lip. “Yeah, it is. I was a dick. And I don’t doubt if things were different we would be moving at a slower pace and I’d be doing my best to make things up to you.” Then I recall her soft flesh pressed against me and grab her ass. “Then again, maybe not.” She laughs, the sound swirling through me and setting warmth alight in my chest. “Look, I’m not asking you to make any decisions. I know you’ve been alone for a long time. Just let me keep you safe and when this is over we can talk about us.”

  “And what? Have a normal relationship?” Sadness dims those green eyes. “I don’t think things will ever be normal with me. What if your friends find out? Or what if we have kids and they find out or their friend’s find out?”

  I silence her with a swift kiss before drawing back. “Slow down. First, my friends will accept you no matter what, because if they don’t, they’re no friends of mine. Anyway, you know they’re good guys and if you make me happy—”

  “Do I?”

  “Hell, yeah. Too happy.” She wriggles against me and I hiss. “I can’t think straight around you and I need to think straight.”

  “What about your job? Won’t it affect your reputation, dating a porn star?”

  “My personal life has nothing to do with my job.”

  “Am I going to get in the way?”

  I don’t know if she means now or later on in my life. I squeeze her. “Never.”

  Soft fingers trace swirls over my chest. “I really don’t think you know what you’re letting yourself in for.”

  “I know that you’re cute,” I kiss her nose, “and sexy,” then her chin, “and funny,” now her cheek, “and you drive me insane and you work too hard and you’re stubborn and independent.” Finally I kiss her lips and her tongue darts out to meet mine. I surrender briefly to the kiss. “I know you’re a whole host of trouble, but I also know you’re worth it. But maybe you don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for with me.”

  “Maybe I don’t.” Jess’s lips tilt. “But I’d like to find out.”

  It’s obvious where this is going. I’m hard, she’s hot and willing. If my libido had its way, I’d lock her in a room and do nothing but make love to her but I need to gain back my focus. If I’m going to protect her, I can’t be wanting to fuck her every two minutes.

  I force myself away and slide out of the bed, ignoring her pouty expression. “Get your stuff packed and we’ll head back to mine.”

  Her gaze tracks me as I dress. It takes every ounce of control not to jump back in bed with her. But not only do I need to protect her, I have to show her it’s not just about sex. Do the honourable thing and all that.

  I bend to give her a quick kiss on the lips. “Now, get dressed and packed.” Before she can tempt me further, I leave the bedroom.

  The DVD that triggered it all still sits on the side. She won’t want me looking at it and I sure as hell don’t even want to think about the content but something caught my eye yesterday. It didn’t look like a normal DVD you’d pick up in a shop. The cover isn’t professional and when I turn it over there’s no barcode on the back.

  “What are you doing?”

  I turn to see her in a robe, clutching her arms around her waist. “Jess…”

  “Hunter, please throw that away.” Her eyes glimmer.

  It seems I haven’t assured her enough that her past doesn’t matter. I close the gap and fold her into my embrace. The coconut smell of her makes my knees judder. “It’s okay. Look, I wanted to see if it could tell us anything.”

  She stares up at me. “Other than the fact I was a porn star?”

  “The cover is strange. Do you know why?”

  Jess glances at the DVD and winces at the sight before snapping her gaze back to me. “It’s a studio only copy. It was never meant to be distributed. The stuff I did would only ever have been online. Not worth making DVDs of girls who aren’t well known.”

  “So how did someone get a hold of it?”

  Her mouth drops open slightly and her brows knit. “I don’t know.” She puts a hand to her mouth, steps back. “Only someone from the production company could have got hold of this.”

  “That explains how they know about your past.”

  “But how did they find me?”

  “Coincidence? I realize you’ve tried to hide yourself but there’s no mistaking your face, Jess. If someone knew you, I’m sure they’d recognize you.” Unfortunately, I know that for sure, but I’m not going to tell her that now.

  “It’s someone at the studio doing this. It must be.”

  “Can you think of anyone who might want to do this?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m not sure. I met lots of people. Some of them were nice, many weren’t but I didn’t think I’d made any enemies. Unless…”

  “Yeah?”

  “One of the producers—he was the reason I got out. He wanted—” colour fills her cheeks “—to sleep with me but I said no. He told me I’d lose my job, but I wasn’t going to let myself be blackmailed into sleeping with him.”

  I shake my head and scuff my hand over my jaw. “Jesus. Fuck, I’m glad you got out of there. Do you think he would hold a grudge?”

  She nods. “Yes, actually, I think he would. Lucas was very controlling. He expected all the girls to do as he asked.”

  Lucas. I crunch a fist as his name repeats in my head. “I think we need to pay this Lucas a visit, Jess.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Hunter

  I turn off the car and face Jess. She’s been silent the entire journey. I can only imagine what’s going through her mind. I don’t want to face her past, not really, so how does she feel?

  “You okay?”

  She offers me a quavery smile. “Yeah.” Her hand curls over the top of mine. “This world… the porn world… my world—”

  “Not anymore.”

  “It’s not pleasant. It looks glamorous from the outside—the awards and the famous stars—but it’s not. For the rich, well known ones, it might be.” She shrugs. “I don’t know, but for me and for the other girls, it wasn’t. We were a commodity. Another body in a long line.”

  “You don’t have to tell me this.”

  “You might see things…” She draws in a breath. “I doubt I’ll ever forget it as hard as I try. I used to take strong painkillers, you know? So it wouldn’t hurt and to help me get through it. We all did.”

  Jealousy and bitter rage curdles my stomach. How could anyone put an eighteen year old through that? I’m no angel. I’ve watched porn, but the women always looked so hot and eager for it. It never occurred to me the woman might be desperate for cash and willing to put herself through anything.

  “Maybe you should wait in the car.”

  The anger must have shown in my expression. I shake my head. “No way. For one, the guy who’s been stalking you might be in there and two, I’m not letting you do this alone.”

  Jess stuffs the end of her thumb between her teeth and nibbles. “I’m scared, Hunter.”

  “I know you are.”

  “Not of this guy… well, yes, of this guy, but I’m scared you’ll change your mind about me after you see this side of things.”

  “Nothing could make me change my mind about you. I know it won’t be easy, I know I’ll probably hate everything I see, but I won’t hate you. It makes me sick to my stomach that you went through that, that you felt you had no other choice, but it doesn’t make me feel any different about you.”

  Her shoulders soften. “Okay. Let’s get this over and done with.”

  We climb out the car and, hand in hand, enter the studio. The reception is bright and airy—professional really. Nothing like the seedy setting I’d imagined. An attractive woman with bright pink hair in a retro style sits behind the elongated white reception desk.

 
“Hi, how can I help?”

  Jess leans against the counter. “Is Lucas Delgado here?”

  “Did you have an appointment?”

  Jess’s cheeks colour and I squeeze her hand. “No. I… uh… used to work with him.”

  “I’m sorry, Lucas doesn’t work here anymore.” The woman grins, the first genuine one I’ve seen from her.

  I release Jess’s hand and step forward. “Do you know where he works now?”

  “Nuh-uh.” The woman cracks the gum in her mouth.

  “An address for him then? Anything?”

  The receptionist shakes her head. “Sorry, babes, I can’t give that out.”

  “Does Marcus Ranulph still work here?” Jess asks.

  “Marky? Yeah, sure does.”

  “Can we see him?” Exasperation tinges Jess’s voice.

  “He’s probably filming now.” She swings her gaze between me and Jess before sighing. “Let me call through. What’s your name?”

  “Jess Callahan…” I see Jess’s throat work. “He… he might remember me as Trinity Sparks.”

  I put a hand to the base of her back and feel the tension in her spine. I wish we didn’t have to go through this. The need to bundle her up and take her away from it all is so strong that I have to concentrate on keeping my feet glued to this one spot while the receptionist makes a call. She keeps her voice low, mutters Jess’s name and finally nods toward us.

  “You can go on through. Do you remember your way around?”

  Jess nods. We step through the door partially hidden behind a large fern and Jess puts a hand to my arm. “Hunter…”

  “It will be okay.”

  The glitz of the reception doesn’t continue behind the scenes. The corridor is dimly lit and the smell of sex hangs in the air. A filthy scuffed carpet feels gritty underfoot. I blink as a naked woman strolls past me into one of the side rooms. Jess leads the way, not even registering the woman. She couldn’t have been more than nineteen. Not far off how old Jess was. Barely a woman to my mind. Fuck, give me crooks and missing people any day.

  The corridor opens up into an office area. A thin wall separates the desks from what looks to be the main studio. I can only see a little bit of it—bright lights and a couple of cameras—but the cries of a woman are enough to fill the picture. A reedy, bleached blond guy spins in his chair and narrows his eyes as he spots Jess.