Too Much to Lose

by Holt, Samantha

  He points at her then taps a finger to his lips. “I remember you now. Jessie, baby, you’ve changed. What happened to my golden girl?”

  I curl a fist at my side at his familiar reference and Jess grips my arm, giving me a sideways glance that tells me not to do anything stupid.

  “Marky,” she greets, a tentative smile on her face. “How are you?”

  He stands and kisses her cheek. “Haven’t you grown? What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’re looking for work?” He turns and runs his gaze over me “Or perhaps your friend is?”

  “Not likely,” I say through gritted teeth.

  “I was hoping you could help, Marky. I was looking for Lucas.”

  Marcus folds his arms and rocks back slightly on his heels. “Whatever for?”

  “Do you know where he is?” I snap.

  “You’re an aggressive fellow aren’t you?” A smile twitches on his lips. “I don’t know to be honest. He was fired. Tried to force himself on one too many girls, I’m afraid.”

  Marcus’s words rattle in my head. Jess never said the guy had a habit of forcing himself onto women, just that he tried to blackmail them. Did he do the same to her? I concentrate on breathing in pungent air through my nostrils and controlling my churning stomach.

  “Do you have any clue where he went?” Jess presses.

  “He was going to set up his own production company, I believe.” Markus waves a dismissive hand in the air. “I haven’t seen anything from him, so who knows if he succeeded. Still it’s only been a month or so.”

  Jess and I exchange a look. A month or so. Might explain why he turned his attention onto Jess.

  “Does anyone know where he might be?” I ask, voice harsh.

  I’m tired, my head still hurts and fear is inching into every part of me. I can protect Jess, I know that, but from everything? From the memories of this place? With Lucas hanging around in the background, it’s a constant reminder of the world she left behind. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to defeat all her demons, not when I’m carrying a few of my own around.

  I glance at her, study her strong pose and determined chin. Her steady gaze and unclenched hands. The opposite of me at the moment. Admiration makes my heart stretch. Jess has been through more than most people will ever have to suffer and yet she’s here, confronting her problems. Makes my problems pale in comparison.

  “Speak to Cindy. She dated him for a while. She’s just taking a break.” Markus points down the corridor and I conclude the naked woman we passed was Cindy.

  “Thanks, Markus.” Jess offers a smile and Markus shakes his head.

  “You coulda made it big, baby girl. Shame you got old on me.”

  “This world was never for me, you know that.”

  He snorts. “It’s never for any of us at first, baby.”

  A jaded look flickers in his gaze but I can’t feel any sympathy for the man. He makes money off of vulnerable girls. If that haunts him at night, I’m glad. I curl a hand around Jess’s arm. “We need to get moving.”

  “Sure. See you around.”

  “See you, baby girl.” Markus presses a kiss to her cheek and heads back to his computer.

  Heat churns through my veins. I can’t wait to get Jess to bed and replace all the slime ball’s kisses with my own.

  “Come on. Let’s talk to Cindy.”

  “Sure.” I nod distractedly while I quell the urge to smack the back of Markus’s head as he views kinky shots on the screen. I had no idea. This seedy, desperate world is so far removed from my own.

  We head back down the corridor and Jess knocks on the door we saw the woman go into.

  “Come in!”

  Jess takes the lead and we enter the messy room. Underwear, alcohol bottles and cigarette butts litter the place. On the dressing table is a variety of make-up and a couple of tubs of prescription pills. Sat in front of it is a slender blonde woman and she’s still naked. I keep my gaze on the mirror behind her as she gives me the once over.

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m Jess, I used to work here. We were looking for Lucas.”

  Cindy scowls, reaches for a pack of cigarettes on the side and offers them to us. When we shake our heads, she shrugs, lights up and motions to the worn leather couch opposite. I sit, my knees practically touching my chin as the small couch sags under my weight. My gaze drifts back to the woman. In spite of the vast array of make-up behind her, her face is free from it aside from smears of mascara under her eyes. Her skin is red and puffy. Nothing like the glamorous women I’ve seen in porn films. Redness and bruising scuffs her skin. I try to avoid looking at her body. She sits, utterly shameless, with her legs crossed but I have a good view of decent breasts and a slim waist. I am as far from turned on as I could possibly be. Not now I know what she’s been through.

  Cindy takes a drag on the cigarette. “You know he was fired right?”

  Jess nods. “Yeah.”

  “So what do you want with him?”

  “Markus said you were seeing him?” I interject, keen to get out of the stifling room, acrid with the scent of sex and cigarette smoke.

  “Yeah, bastard. Said he’d make me big. Guess he says that to all the girls. He promised me a lot.”

  Jess nods sympathetically.

  “Not that us dating stopped him from fucking other girls.” Cindy shrugs. “But I was meant to be special. I did everything for that man.”

  I don’t realize my fist is curled at my side until Jess grabs it and wraps her slender fingers around it.

  “Did he say what he was going to do?” Jess prompts.

  “He wanted to set up his own company. Lone Star Productions or something. Don’t know if he did. Wanted me to be his star but once he left, that was it, I never heard from him again.”

  “He didn’t tell you anything else?” I ask.

  “He didn’t tell me anything,” Cindy confirms. “Used me and threw me away. Not that I expected anything different.” She taps her cigarette against an ash tray behind us and nods toward Jess. “You’d know about that.”

  I swipe a hand across my face. “Do you have any way of contacting him?”

  “’Fraid not. His mobile number stopped working almost as soon as he left. What’s this about anyway? He screw you over too?”

  “Something like that,” Jess responds calmly.

  “Least you’ve got yourself a sexy protector, eh?”

  Jess smiles. “Yes, at least I’ve got that.”

  I stand and hand a card to Cindy. “If you hear anything, give me a call.” Hand held out, I motion to Jess. “Let’s get going.”

  Nodding, Jess takes my hand. “See you, Cindy.”

  Cindy has turned back to the dressing table and is busy pouring herself a glass of whisky. She mutters a goodbye and throws the drink back. I catch her eye in the mirror and see everything there I once saw in Jess’s eyes. But when I glance at Jess, I realize it’s gone. Somewhere in this shitty process of investigations and lies and danger, that’s changed.

  I draw in a great gulp of air when we step outside and don’t stop to speak to Jess until we’re in the car.

  “I need a shower,” I grumble.

  “I know.” Her voice is quiet.

  “I had no idea.”

  “I know.” A delicate hand curls into mine.

  I grip her fingers and pull her hand to my lips. My lips flat against her palm, I relish her tiny intake of breath and feel my sanity returning. No haze of despair or demons haunt her expression. Only love and lust light her face. The coldness this visit created around my heart splinters.

  “Princess, I’ve got to ask… did Lucas force himself on you?” I urge my voice to remain steady.

  Colour stains her cheeks. “He did but—” she holds up a hand before I can express my anger “—he didn’t succeed. It’s what made me leave. He used his position to sleep with the girls. Most did as he asked because they were scared of losing their jobs. When I refused, he tried to hurt me but we w
ere interrupted and I left. In a way, I was glad. It woke me up to the world I was in. Gave me the incentive to leave. I spent a while drifting after that, living on the streets and in hostels but I never regretted leaving.”

  An aching chasm sits in my chest for the young Jess. I want to rage and fight and tear down the world that makes a woman feel she has no other choice but sell herself. However, her placid expression and gentle touch to my cheek calms the heat boiling inside. Whatever doubts I had about the money are gone. Maybe she’ll tell me about it one day. I don’t care. All that matters now is me and Jess—and her safety.

  “I hate that you went through all that,” I say gruffly.

  “Me too. But it’s in the past now.”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “Yeah, it is. I’m your future now.”

  A grin breaks across her face. “Yes, you are.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Hunter

  Car parked outside the house, I hurry around the side and open the door for Jess. She climbs out and offers me a smile. While I might have work to do now I’ve got a lead on this production company of Lucas’s, the small touches of her hand on my thigh and the sideways glances she kept giving me have got me so worked up, I can’t think straight. I eye her ass as she unlatches the front gate. I lock the car and scowl when she stills, a look of frozen horror on her face.

  Hastening to her side, my heart shrinks when I spot what has caused such a reaction.

  “Hunter!” Carl barks and swivels from my front doorstep to stomp down the path.

  Jess shrinks back from her uncle and I step in front of her. She tucks herself into my side.

  “What do you want?” I demand, blood rushing in my ears. If I glance down, I suspect I’ll see the world crumbling from beneath me. Whatever Carl wants, nothing good will come of Jess having to face her abuser.

  “My money.” He stops at the other side of the gate and we face off like a Western show down. “I want to know where the little bitch has hidden my money.”

  “Get off my property and stay the hell away from her.”

  Carl laughs. “I should have known not to hire a man but they said you were the best. Guess she got under your skin too, huh?”

  Behind me, Jess whimpers. “What’s going on?”

  He peers around my shoulder and laughs again. “Don’t rely on this guy for protection, Jessica. He’s easily bought. Just give me my money and I’ll leave you be.”

  “I don’t have any money!” She inches out from behind me.

  “You took my money when you left, you little bitch.” Carl’s heavily lined face reddens with rage and I press Jess back a little, fearful of what the man might try to do to her. I’d rather die than let her get hurt but it might be too late for that.

  “Carl.” I give a warning growl. “Get off my property. She doesn’t have your money. If you want to keep all your teeth, I suggest you leave.”

  “Not until I have my fifty thousand. I paid you decent money to track it down and instead I find you’ve fucking moved her in with you. Perhaps you decided to go halves with her, eh?”

  “What?” Jess squeaks.

  A chuckle rumbles from Carl. “Didn’t you know? This guy was trying to track down my money. Probably thought sleeping with you would get you to tell him everything. I was going to give him a nice big chunk of it as a reward too…”

  Jess comes out fully from behind me and swings her gaze from Carl to me. “Hunter?”

  I scrape a hand through my hair. “I quit, Jess. Before… the other night. I quit.”

  Time stills as she stares at me. Pain shatters my heart. Distrust enters her gaze, the quiet agony of betrayal leeches into her features.

  “Enough!” Carl interrupts and shoves open the gate to step through. “Where’s my fucking money?” He snatches her arm and I curl a fist, ready to slam it into his face.

  “I don’t have it!” she cries. “I never took your money! Why would I still be in London if I had stolen from you? I didn’t even know you had some money.”

  “It went missing when you left. It was in the house for safekeeping and suddenly I’m down fifty K.”

  She shakes her head vehemently. “I don’t have it, I swear. If I did I’d give it back, but I don’t.”

  The redness seeps from Carl’s face and he studies her. “You always were crap at lying. That’s why I never trusted you to keep—” He glances at me and falls quiet.

  “Motherfucker,” I hiss before slamming my ready-curled fist into his jaw. He stumbles back and releases Jess. She presses herself flat against the car as if it will offer some kind of protection. From Carl or from me?

  Carl cradles his jaw and draws himself to standing. “I want all my fucking money back from you.” He thrusts a finger at me.

  “You’re not getting anything from me, you sick fuck. You should be in jail.”

  He smirks. “Don’t think her bitch of an aunt didn’t try before she left.”

  The guy is just asking for it. I throw another punch and strike his gut this time. He doubles over but the throb in my fist does nothing to soothe the anger burning inside. I press him to the ground with my foot and consider kicking his head in until Jess screams at me.

  Startled, I step back and she snatches my arm. “He’s not worth it. Hunter, you’ll go to jail. Don’t do it.”

  I consider the wheezing man. “Come near Jess again and I will kill you. Touch anyone again and I will kill you. Jail will be an easy price to pay.”

  He nods and tries to utter something but only a rasp comes out. I let Jess drag me to the house and I unlock the door, push her in and slam it shut. There, in the shadowy hallway, she props her hands on her hips and faces me. She’s shaking from head to toe.

  “You thought I was a thief?”

  I sigh and a knot of dread tangles my windpipe, making my words hoarse. “I did.”

  “And you were paid to find this money I had supposedly taken?”

  “Yes.”

  “It was all a lie?” She doesn’t cry but her voice is hushed as if she’s struggling to breathe almost as much as me.

  “Dammit, no. Princess, it wasn’t a lie. I needed the money. My business is sinking. It was meant to be a simple job.” I can’t resist a twisted smile. “Turns out it wasn’t so simple.”

  “So you were using me?”

  “It wasn’t meant to be like that. I just wanted to get close enough to find the money. I never intended to fall for you. I know I’ve fucked up but I wouldn’t do anything different ‘cause I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.” I reach for her and she leaps back.

  “Don’t!” She draws in an audible breath. “Don’t touch me,” she whispers. “Do you love me?”

  My heart slams in painful thuds against my ribs. “Yes.”

  Jess thrusts both hands into her hair. “But you continued to lie to me.”

  “You’re in danger, Jessie, I couldn’t let you be angry with me. I knew you’d try to send me away. Clean start remember? That’s what we said. Can’t we have a clean start now?”

  “Clean start!” she splutters. “Yeah a clean start from my end. I told you everything and you told me nothing!”

  “Princess—”

  “Don’t call me that!” Her gaze keeps flitting to the door as if looking for an escape.

  I cross my arms and step fully in front of it. “You know I’m not letting you go anywhere, not when you’re in danger.”

  “As far as I’m concerned you’re the only one who is a danger to me.”

  I take a risk. I step forward and press a finger under her chin. She lets me. I don’t know if that’s good though. I think it’s because I’ve made her so weak with pain that she can’t do anything else.

  “I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry. You were too much for me to resist. But I’m not going to lose you over this.” She closes her eyes and I skim my mouth across hers. She jerks against my touch. “I won’t lose you,” I assure her.

  “I need to think.”

  As s
he steps back, I note the tremble in her body. I’m not sure I could hate myself any more right now, but what else could I have done? I wrack my brains to figure out what I should have done differently.

  “Think if you want. Nothing will change. I love you.”

  As I say the words again, I realise how true they are. I love her with an ache so deep that I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it. I can’t lose her over this. Somehow I’ll have to convince her she loves me too.

  “I don’t know.” A shaky hand goes to her lips and she presses them. “You used me, you know. Just like all those other men.”

  “I never meant to…”

  “I’m going to bed.” She presses past me and storms upstairs. The spare room door closes and my heart sinks. My legs judder and I have to get to the couch quickly before I collapse. The only woman I loved and I treated her no better than any other man in her life has. I pray to God I haven’t lost her. I can’t. She’s too much for me to lose.

  ***

  Jess

  For a moment, the floral wallpaper above my head disorientates me. I automatically look to the side of me but the bed is empty. An ache pounds through my skull and my eyes feel gritty. I don’t recall falling asleep. I kept skipping between fits of tears and a weird empty kind of anguish.

  It was all a lie. Why did I think I deserved anything more? The only reason Hunter was interested in me was because he thought I’d stolen some money. I rub my eyes and sit. The spare room is no different to the rest of the house. Full of lace and flowers and tiny ornaments but it doesn’t have Hunter in it. Strange how such a dated house can feel so different when Hunter is with me.

  He loves me.

  Does he? I’m not sure why I even asked. I’d been wondering. Why else be so determined to protect me and take care of me? It could have been for the sex I suppose but a guy doesn’t normally ask you to stay with him just for sex. Of course, these circumstances are exceptional.

  I push back the covers and force myself out of bed. So what if my world feels like it’s come crashing down around me? I’ve still got a job to go to. I might have lost Hunter but I refuse to lose my job, not after I worked so hard for it.