This Matter of Marriage

by Debbie Macomber

  She swung back and found herself staring into Todd’s unbelievably intense eyes.

  “This is the way it should’ve been from the first,” he said, almost daring her to contradict him with what surely would have been a lie. “Hallie and Steve should be the ones dating. Not you and Steve or me and Hallie.”

  “I think she’s half in love with him already,” she said.

  “Steve’s already in love with her.”

  Donnalee wanted to believe that. “But I thought Steve was in love with his ex-wife.”

  Todd hesitated before he answered, as if carefully weighing his response. “Yeah, I guess he is. I’ve never understood it. Mary Lynn’s selfish and self-centered. I won’t say any more because it isn’t fair for me to judge someone else’s actions or motives.”

  Donnalee smiled to herself. “I always admired that about you.”

  Todd glanced at her. “Admired what?”

  “How fair you are. And how generous.”

  Her answer left him suspiciously quiet. “I saw you leave the note on my car.”

  Donnalee felt the color explode in her cheeks, and yet she didn’t fear the truth. “I meant what I said then and I mean it now.”

  “I was always sorry I didn’t talk to you in the cafeteria that day,” he said quietly. “I always had a difficult time talking to girls. Still do,” he admitted on a sheepish note. “I wanted you to know that I thought you were nice. The other sophomore girls seemed immature, but not you.”

  “You were my first crush,” she whispered. “I dreamed about you every night that entire year.”

  They stopped outside the ferry terminal, the cooler evening wind dancing around them. “I dreamed of you, too, Donnalee.”

  Unexplained tears crowded her eyes. She wasn’t a woman prone to open displays of emotion; mortified, she turned away, not wanting him to witness the effect of his words.

  “Donnalee.” Todd placed his hand on her shoulder. “I said the wrong thing, didn’t I?”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s not you. I’m… I’m sorry.” Fumbling for a tissue in her purse, she blotted her eyes. “Something… strange is happening.”

  He repositioned himself so that he stood directly in front of her. With one finger he raised her chin so their eyes could meet. “You’re trembling.”

  “It must be a chill from the wind.” She offered the first sane excuse that presented itself.

  His tattered breath struck her face, as if he’d been unconsciously holding it inside and released it all at once. “You’re right. Something very strange is happening. I feel it, too, and damn it all, it frightens me.”

  “I was married and… the divorce nearly killed me,” she said.

  “My marriage didn’t last a year. I vowed I’d never get involved again. I don’t think I could take the pain if something went wrong.”

  “And now?” she dared to ask.

  “And now…” His expression seemed to say he was as shocked, as wary, as she was, and his breathing was ragged.

  “I have a cabin,” he said, his eyes burning into hers. “Come with me tomorrow—we’ll spend the rest of the weekend there.”

  It didn’t take Donnalee two seconds to decide. “Yes.”

  Twenty-Five

  When Todd Met Donnalee

  “Doesn’t that beat all,” Hallie said wonderingly. She walked down the waterfront at a good clip, easily outpacing Steve. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.” She paused and waited for him to catch up. “What is this, When Harry Met Sally?”

  “When who met who?” Steve asked, pretending to be out of breath.

  “That movie—it was out a few years back. Two people arrange dates for each other with their best friends and then the friends fall in love and marry.”

  Steve feigned a look of shock. “Are you saying Todd’s going to marry Donnalee? On such short acquaintance?”

  “Don’t get cute with me, Steve Marris. All I know is that my best friend just stole my blind date.”

  “In case you hadn’t noticed, you aren’t exactly building up my self-esteem here,” Steve remarked pointedly. “First, I lost my blind date to my best friend and then you complain about getting stuck with me.”

  “I’m not complaining.” Steve was taking this all wrong.

  “Well, you don’t look happy.”

  She slid her arm through his and pressed her head to his shoulder. “Oh, you aren’t so bad.”

  Steve snorted. “Your enthusiasm is underwhelming.

  “It’s just that I’m disappointed.”

  “Rubbing salt in the wound?”

  Hallie giggled. “I’m disappointed for you. I was so sure you and Donnalee would hit it off. She’s exactly the type of woman you need, and you’re perfect for her. Who would’ve guessed she’d known Todd in another life?”

  “What makes you say Donnalee’s perfect for me?”

  Hallie sighed loudly. Like every other man she’d ever known, Steve needed help seeing the obvious. “For starters, Donnalee’s beautiful and intelligent. Plus, she’s been through a painful divorce, so she understands what you’ve been through with Mary Lynn. Donnalee’s great with kids, too. I’m sure Meagan and Kenny would like her once they met her. Of course, she’s also got what you said a man’s looking for.”

  “What I said?”

  “You know—her physical… endowments.”

  “I hadn’t noticed.”

  Hallie’d just bet! “And your personalities complement each other.” She gave another dramatic sigh, this time of regret. “Now it’s too late.”

  “Too late?”

  “For you and Donnalee. Because of Todd. I’ve never seen a man fluster Donnalee that way. Not even Sanford, and he was one in a million.” It occurred to Hallie, not for the first time, that she wouldn’t have minded dating Sanford herself. Except for his unwillingness to have children, he was every woman’s dream.

  A dream Donnalee had walked away from, refusing to sacrifice something as important to her as family. She hadn’t done it lightly. Hallie wasn’t sure what she herself would have done in similar circumstances and was grateful she didn’t have to make the decision.

  They paused near the waterfront fire station and the large bronze statue honoring Ivar Haglund, a local restaurateur and philanthropist. Suddenly tired, Hallie slumped down on a park bench, as if waiting for a bus.

  She looked over at the waterfront concessions. “I wonder if any of them sell double-fudge macadamia-nut ice cream.” It was that kind of evening.

  “Wouldn’t vanilla do just as well?” Steve asked.

  “I guess. In a pinch.”

  “Be right back.” He disappeared and returned a couple of minutes later with two hand-dipped chocolate-and-nut-covered ice-cream bars. “It was the best I could do.”

  Hallie gladly accepted the treat. “I’ve underestimated you, Marris.”

  “Hey, I’ve been telling you that for weeks.”

  “You don’t seem very upset about all this.” He wasn’t revealing the slightest regret, while her own ego was scraping bedrock. Hard not to feel that way when your date abandons you without a backward glance—although she certainly didn’t begrudge Donnalee any happiness.

  “Todd going off with Donnalee works for the best as far as I’m concerned,” he muttered, unwrapping his ice-cream bar.

  “Your best friend walks off with your date and you don’t care?”

  Steve shrugged. “Nothing would’ve come of it, anyway.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Easy. Donnalee’s looking for a husband, and frankly, I’m not interested. I tried to tell you that earlier. I’ve been married, and believe me, once was enough.”

  “In other words, the entire evening was a waste of… of my matchmaking efforts.” Irritated, Hallie bit into the ice-cream bar, the cold almost painful against her teeth. Apparently Steve intended to spend the rest of his life mooning after his first and only love. It made Hallie so an
gry she took another bite of ice cream. A big tooth-chilling bite.

  “Why is it we can never have a conversation without talking about Mary Lynn?” she asked, once her teeth had recovered from the shock.

  “Mary Lynn? Who’s talking about her?” He tossed his half-eaten ice-cream bar into a nearby garbage container.

  Hallie sighed. “Look. If you’re never going to get married again, why’d you let me set you up with Donnalee?”

  His expression was the picture of self-sacrifice. “I did it for you.”

  Yeah, right.

  He must have read the skepticism in her eyes. “I thought you and Todd might hit it off. Todd’s a good guy and I wanted to steer you toward somebody decent, instead of those losers you’ve been dating.”

  He sounded sincere, and Hallie felt contrite. Then he said, “If things do work out between her and Todd—great. He needs someone.”

  Hallie couldn’t stop the thought of poor Steve, all alone for the rest of his life. “Are you telling me you plan to live like a hermit?” she asked bluntly.

  “Hardly. The way I figure it, Mary Lynn’s married now and it isn’t likely we’ll get back together. I can accept that. So I don’t see why I can’t start dating again. I may not be interested in marriage, but I do want a… social life.”

  Social life. Uh-huh. The truth was out—his actions hadn’t been entirely altruistic. “Then that’s the real reason you let me set you up with Donnalee?”

  He chuckled. “Bull’s-eye.”

  “Are there any other potential dates lurking close by?” she asked, mildly curious. All right, very curious. She remembered Mrs. Hot and Pink from Kenny’s soft-ball game, and suspected there were others. After all, Steve was a virile, handsome guy. Successful, good-natured, in the prime of life.

  “A couple.”

  This came as no surprise. “Who?” Mrs. Hot and Pink and probably someone from the bowling alley, Hallie guessed.

  “A friend from bowling.”

  She nearly laughed out loud. She was right. Too bad his friend, whoever she was, hadn’t been around when he needed a partner for the tournament last spring. It would have saved Hallie a lot of grief. Well, not grief; she’d had a good time, reluctant though she was to admit it.

  “As it happens,” he said, “we’re stuck with each other’s company for tonight, and you know what? I’m glad.”

  Hallie sat up a bit taller. “Thanks, I needed that.” Was he going to say anything else and ruin the compliment? She braced herself for the insult she was sure would follow. None came. “But…” she prodded, gesturing with her hand for him to finish the thought.

  He cast her an amused glance. “No buts. I meant it.”

  Hallie ate the rest of the ice cream, taking small careful bites. She and Steve were quiet for a while, watching the steady stream of tourists and local visitors. The smells of fresh seafood, the colorful souvenir shops, the trolley cars and street merchants hawking their wares made for a carnival atmosphere.

  “Feel like riding the ferry?” Steve asked. The Walla Walla, a three-deck car and passenger ferry was docked at the terminal.

  “Where to?” It sounded like a good idea, especially if the ferry would take her someplace exotic and wonderful. Like maybe Alaska, which had lots of eligible men and a shortage of women. Or so she’d heard.

  “Bainbridge Island. It’s only a half-hour crossing. We can walk off, have a cup of coffee and walk back on again.”

  It wasn’t Alaska, but what the heck. “Let’s do it.” She placed her hand in his and they walked toward the terminal.

  Steve purchased the tickets, then led the way onto the ferry. As they stood on the outside deck looking out at the water, they listened to the distinctive sound of car after car crossing the metal gangplanks.

  Steve draped one arm casually around her shoulders. Hallie felt comforted; although she’d put on a brave front, she was feeling low. All these months, and she was nowhere near her goal.

  She turned to face Steve, prepared to thank him for his company and cry on his shoulder, but instead, found herself incapable of speaking. The words stopped abruptly in her throat as she realized that Donnalee was the one who’d missed out. Steve was a wonderful man.

  For some reason she found herself remembering the day she’d seen him washing his truck with his shirt unbuttoned—and the almost unwilling attraction she’d felt. She’d been assailed by a host of contradictory feelings, many of which still confused her. She hadn’t wanted to consider him as anything but her friend, her neighbor. And yet…

  “Yes?” he asked, gazing down at her.

  There could be no denying that she enjoyed the warmth of his body close to hers, the sensation of his arm against her back, his hand on her shoulder. “I was… just thinking.”

  “It’s that difficult?”

  “Sometimes.” All at once it was impossible to swallow. She turned to face the water, but was blind to the beauty spread before her.

  She felt the ferry pull away from the dock and heard the horn blast that followed.

  “Excuse me,” Steve said, pounding his fist against his chest as if the sound had come from him.

  She laughed at his childish joke and shook her head. It was best to leave their relationship as it was. Friends. She could laugh at his jokes, freely tease him. They would continue to help each other. He’d start her lawn mower and she’d watch his kids. It was a fair exchange, she’d always thought. Neighborly. Everything would change if they became lovers. The terms of their relationship would shift and they might risk losing what they had now—an uncomplicated, mutually supportive friendship. Not only that, a romantic and even sexual involvement with Steve wouldn’t lead to marriage, given his feelings for Mary Lynn. And marriage was what Hallie wanted.

  With the wind beating against her upturned face, she forced herself to think of Arnold. Dear, sweet, perfect Arnold. No. She couldn’t do it. She’d rather swallow cod-liver oil. Hmm, maybe that was what she needed. Medicine.

  What made being with Steve different from being with any of the men she’d recently dated was a lack of tension, Hallie reflected. An ability to find pleasure in each other’s company, regardless of the circumstances. She’d discovered that she and Steve didn’t need to talk in order to have fun together. Right now seemed to be one of those easy, silent times. They stood side by side, gazing out at the beautiful green waters of Puget Sound.

  When the ferry docked at Winslow, they walked off and found an outdoor cafe, where Hallie ordered an espresso and Steve a latte.

  “Did Todd remember that you drove?” It occurred to Hallie that Todd and Donnalee were stuck downtown without a car.

  “He remembered.”

  “Then how’s he going to get home?”

  “I gave him the keys to my car.”

  “You what?”

  “We can take the bus easily enough.”

  “The bus.”

  “If you’re worried abut it, I’ll get us a taxi.”

  “Are you nuts, Steve? First you let Todd steal your date and then you give him your car.” She shook her head in mock disgust. Really, though, she was impressed—once again—by Steve’s generosity.

  It was dark by the time they boarded the ferry for the return trip to Seattle. The city lights blazed in the distance, and the stars shone in the clear night sky above. The sight was breathtakingly lovely, and just as she had earlier, Hallie made her way to the front of the ferry, with Steve following. The wind, chillier now, buffeted her.

  Closing her eyes, she gripped the boat’s railing, her hands wide apart. Steve moved behind her and stretched his arms out on either side of hers. His warmth seeped through her clothes and deeper, much deeper. A small tremor ran through her.

  “You’re cold.” He folded his arms around her middle. Resting her head against his shoulder, she could feel Steve’s heart beating in rhythm with hers. Their chests rose and fell as if each drew the same breath. How long had it been like this, she wondered, this closeness they sha
red?

  They might have remained just as they were forever. Despite the wind, Hallie had no inclination to move, and apparently Steve didn’t, either. She was utterly content to stand there, staring at the approaching harbor, wrapped in the protective warmth of his embrace.

  All too soon the ferry had docked and they were filing out. Hallie felt a little awkward and wondered if Steve did, too. Their intimate companionable mood had vanished.

  “I had a wonderful time,” she confessed as they strolled toward the bus tunnel.

  “Even if you were stuck with me for the evening.”

  “That’s just fine, since Todd dumped me on you.”

  “You aren’t so bad, McCarthy.” He reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers.

  “Neither are you, Marris. Neither are you.”

  Twenty-Six

  Second Chance At Love

  Donnalee awoke to the scent of sizzling bacon. A slow easy smile crossed her face as she rolled onto her back, stretching her arms high above her head.

  A glance at the clock told her it was after ten. That couldn’t be right. Tossing aside the covers, she climbed out of the narrow bed, reached for her robe and looked over the balcony of the A-frame loft.

  Todd stood in front of the stove, humming softly while he turned the bacon, looking masculine and wonderful. Her heart swelled at the sight of him. They’d spent Saturday trout-fishing from the canoe. He’d insisted on cooking dinner, treating her like company. She’d never known fish could taste so good. Later they’d sat under the stars, talking, and there was no subject they didn’t discuss. Donnalee had never spent a day she’d enjoyed more. She’d loved every single second.

  “Good morning,” she called down to him now.

  Todd looked up and grinned. “I wondered when you were going to get up.”

  From the look of him, he’d been awake for hours. “Is it really ten?” she asked, tying the sash of her robe.

  “Yup. Hungry?”