This Matter of Marriage

by Debbie Macomber

“Starved. I’ll be down in two shakes.” Her overnight bag sat next to the bed, and she quickly found a fresh T-shirt. Pulling on her jeans, she raced down the stairs barefoot.

  She arrived just as Todd was dishing up the fried eggs. “I can’t remember when I’ve slept better,” she told him, smiling.

  “There’s something about the country air,” he said, his gaze approving as she sat down at the table. “I sleep like the dead out here at the cabin. It’s one of the great mysteries of the universe.”

  He carried two glasses of orange juice to the table, and Donnalee found herself watching him. Watching him and loving him. The realization caught her unawares. Love. She was falling in love.

  As a teenager she’d been infatuated with him. When they’d met again over dinner on Friday, the flame had sparked back to life. But spending all day Saturday together had set it ablaze.

  “My grandparents always talked about how coming here restored them,” Todd said, looking at her. “They were the ones who bought this place nearly fifty years ago. It was their private getaway. When the pressures of job and family became too much, they stole away for a weekend.”

  “It’s kind of romantic, isn’t it?”

  He seemed not to have heard her. “After my divorce, Gramps sent me here and said I should stay a week. I stayed two months. The first month I worked on the place and was up until all hours of the night. I did hard physical work, anything that would keep me from thinking.”

  “And the second month?”

  “I read and slept and healed as much as I could. When I returned to my family, I’d made some basic decisions about my life. First and foremost, I announced I wasn’t returning to college—which really disappointed my father.”

  “You’re good with your hands. It makes perfect sense for you to work with them.”

  “I’m content, but to my parents, having a son choose a blue-collar trade was a step backward. They had big dreams for me as an attorney. It’s taken them a long time to accept that I love what I do and I’m good at it.”

  “It was a wise choice for you.”

  “I believe so.” He stared down at his food. “For the first time in fifteen years I’m questioning the second decision I made that summer,” he said. “After the failure of my marriage I decided I’d never love any woman again. I know it sounds pretty melodramatic, but I meant it, and not once in all the years since have I been tempted to change my mind.” He paused, his eyes on her. “Until now.”

  The words were spoken without any telltale inflection, as if he were discussing something as mundane as television listings or the weather.

  Donnalee hadn’t taken even one bite of her breakfast and realized she couldn’t eat to save her life. Emotion clogged her throat. She set the fork aside and pushed herself away from the table, then walked outside. She stood on the porch, head bent, staring at the cedar planks.

  “Donnalee.” He’d followed her out. His voice was rough, almost sorrowful. “I apologize. I should never have said that.”

  “Did you mean it?” she asked, her own voice barely above a whisper.

  “Yes.”

  They’d spent an entire day together and he hadn’t so much as kissed her. When they’d headed into the house for bed, he’d escorted her to the loft, wished her good-night and promptly left.

  “Does that bother you?” he asked. “What I said?”

  “No. It makes my heart… glad.”

  Todd slid his arms around her and brought her close. For the longest time they did nothing but stand in the sun, locked in each other’s embrace. Then Donnalee kissed him.

  That first kiss was soft, tentative, yet full of raw hungry need. Her whole body began to tremble. She gripped his collar, crushing the material, holding on to it as if this was all that kept her from being swept away in a raging storm. Her moan was wanton. She hardly recognized the sound of her own voice.

  Todd bunched the material of her T-shirt at the small of her back. “Do you know what you’re starting?” he asked. Then, not giving her time to respond, he asked another question. “Are you sure this is what you want?” She felt his muscles tense with restraint.

  “Yes… I know. I’m sure.”

  His tongue stroked her lips before dipping into her mouth, creating an electricity that arced through her, heating her blood. When he did fully claim her lips, she nearly fainted.

  One kiss, one deep kiss, and she was hot and restless. So very restless.

  She wasn’t alone. Donnalee could feel his need. It shuddered through his body and hers. This urgency was far too potent so early in their relationship. Things were moving too fast. She’d never been a woman who leapt from bed to bed. She’d watched others, friends, moving from one partner to another, from one desperate relationship to the next, without thought, without regret. Without their hearts ever being involved.

  Well, if anyone’s heart was involved, it was hers.

  They kissed until Donnalee felt she’d die if he didn’t make love to her. When he wrenched his mouth from hers, she whimpered, begging him without words to go on.

  “Either we stop now,” he whispered, his voice heavy with need, “or… or we continue.”

  She pulled back until her eyes found his. What he was really asking was permission to make love to her. He could have carried her into his bedroom, her head clouded with passion, and taken her right then and there. Instead, he’d stopped, giving her the opportunity to end their passion now if she had any hesitations. Making sure she wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

  She smiled and kissed him softly and slowly. Thoroughly. “Don’t stop. I want you. So very much…”

  That was apparently all the reassurance he needed. He swung her into his arms, carried her into the house and made straight for his bedroom, where he gently placed her on the mattress.

  They spent the day there. All day. When they weren’t making love, they napped or shared desultory conversation. Donnalee woke late in the afternoon and knew it was time to return to the city. She had to be at her office early Monday morning to meet with clients. For two glorious days, she’d escaped from her world into one that was simpler. Happier. And incredibly sensual.

  Todd lay on his back, his hands behind his head. “Now that I think about it, I’ll bet this is how my grandparents spent their time here.”

  “Making love?”

  “I wouldn’t put it past Gramps. They were married more than sixty years, and to the best of my memory, I never heard them say a cross word to each other.”

  “What a wonderful legacy.”

  “My divorce was the first in the family,” he said.

  Even now, years later, Donnalee could hear his guilt. She pressed her head to his shoulder and slipped her arm around his neck. “I don’t want to leave,” she whispered. She feared that once they were back in the city, everything they’d discovered this weekend would be lost. Todd would return to his life; she’d return to hers. She was afraid these brief hours shared in each other’s arms would be forgotten, reduced to a pleasant interlude without any further meaning.

  Silently they dressed and loaded his car. On the long drive back to Seattle, they exchanged snippets of conversation, but no subject held their attention long.

  By the time Todd pulled up in front of her house, Donnalee was convinced he’d experienced a change of heart and regretted everything he’d said and done—the confidences, the lovemaking, the implied promises.

  “I had a wonderful weekend,” she said, unable to meet his gaze. “I can’t thank you enough.”

  Todd carried in her suitcase and left shortly afterward. He didn’t even kiss her before he walked out the door.

  Hardly aware of what she was doing, Donnalee unpacked, then sat on the sofa and started to sob. Soon she was crying so hard she could barely breathe. When she’d managed to control her breathing enough to speak, she reached for the phone and punched in her best friend’s number.

  “Hello,” Hallie said cheerfully.

  “I did some
thing so stupid!” Donnalee wailed.

  “Donnalee? Is that you? What’s wrong? Do you need me to come over?”

  This was what Donnalee loved about Hallie. Close friend and staunch ally, she was always ready to drop whatever she was doing and rush to her aid. “No. I’ll be fine in a little bit.” Another lifetime was more accurate, but there was no reason to alarm her friend.

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” Donnalee said. Then, with a sob, she added, “Everything.”

  Hallie was suspiciously quiet. “What do you mean, everything? You went away for the weekend with Todd to his family’s summer cabin and…” She hesitated. “You didn’t…?”

  “We did.”

  Donnalee could hear Hallie’s soft gasp. “You and Todd slept together?”

  “We went to bed, but let me assure you, there was very little sleeping.”

  Hallie gave a snort of disgust. “If you’re calling for sympathy, you’re plumb out of luck. I’m so jealous I could scream. Why is everyone in the world having sex but me?”

  “It was so beautiful,” Donnalee whispered, and started crying again. She’d practically emptied the box of tissues, and still the tears showed no sign of letting up.

  “Why in the name of heaven are you crying?”

  Hallie’s question was perfectly logical, but Donnalee didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know. Because it was good—more than good. Oh, Hallie, I can’t even begin to tell you how good it was.”

  “My sympathy level is sinking fast.”

  Donnalee laughed and wept at the same time. “It’s just that I’m so afraid.”

  “Of what?”

  She took a deep shuddering breath. “I love him. Don’t laugh, Hallie, please. I couldn’t bear it if my best friend told me what a fool I am.”

  “I wouldn’t laugh at you, Donnalee.”

  “I guess I knew that.” She didn’t say anything for a moment; Hallie didn’t speak, either. “I love him,” she said again. “It makes no sense that I’d be so sure of it when we’ve spent hardly any time together—but I am. Now I think I’ve ruined everything.”

  “By sleeping with him?”

  “Yes. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I’m afraid I’m going to lose him.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “He hardly spoke to me on the drive back.” They’d both made an effort to avoid the one subject they should have discussed—how they felt about each other. Donnalee had no idea where their relationship would go from this point. If it was going anywhere at all. Thinking about it terrified her.

  “You’ve got absolutely no reason to worry,” Hallie said.

  “How can you say that?” Donnalee challenged. She wanted to believe it so badly but didn’t dare.

  “I saw the way he looked at you during dinner,” Hallie muttered. “Him being my date and all.”

  “Oh, Hallie, I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I was joking—I’m not interested in Todd. Just calm down. Things have a way of working out for the best.”

  “You sound so sure.”

  “I am sure.”

  “Now I know why I didn’t marry Sanford…” Donnalee said, clenching the damp tissue in her fist. The pain of that separation crept into her consciousness like a bad dream, one she struggled to forget.

  Hallie completed the thought for her. “You didn’t marry Sanford because of Todd. Your heart must have known there was someone else for you. Someone who wants the same things you do. And what’s even better,” Hallie went on excitedly, “it was someone you already knew!”

  “That’s what I want to think, but I can’t be sure—especially now.” Donnalee could only imagine what Todd thought of her, falling into bed with him like that. Until Todd, she never would’ve believed herself capable of such a thing.

  “Well, my friend, marriage and family are about to be yours.” Hallie sounded downright gleeful. “One look at Todd, and I could tell he’s got a high sperm count.”

  “Hallie!”

  “You want children, don’t you?” Hallie’s voice had become serious again.

  “Yes, but—”

  “Oh, Donnalee, don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  Donnalee found herself smiling for the first time since she’d arrived home. She did feel better. They chatted for a few more minutes and then rang off.

  Keeping busy would help, Donnalee felt certain. If she just kept moving, kept doing routine tasks, sooner or later everything would fall back into place and she could get on with living. She put a load of clothes in the wash. She reorganized her refrigerator. She was plugging in the vacuum when she looked out the window—and her heart stopped. Todd’s car was parked in front of her condo. Paralyzed, she watched as he climbed out, walked halfway to her front door, paused and then turned back.

  The paralysis snapped. She rushed to the door and threw it open to find him standing on her doorstep, hand raised to knock.

  Speechless they stared at each other.

  Todd shoved his hands in his back pockets and refused to meet her eyes.

  It was over, Donnalee told herself bleakly. He’d come to tell her he didn’t want to see her again. A darkness had descended on her when her marriage ended, and it had taken her years to fight her way back into the light. Donnalee thought it might kill her if Todd walked away from her now.

  “Walk away from you?” he said.

  Good heavens, she’d said it aloud! Mortified to the very marrow of her bones, Donnalee wanted to bury her face in her hands.

  “I didn’t come back to tell you I don’t want to see you again,” he said. “I was trying to figure out a way to ask if you’d be willing to see me again after what happened this weekend. I didn’t mean for things to get so intense so quickly. I was afraid I’d rushed you and ruined any chance I had with you.”

  “You didn’t ruin your chances with me. If anything… Oh, Todd, I’m so glad you’re here!” She leapt off the step and into his embrace.

  Todd locked his arms around her. She didn’t let him speak, but spread kisses, one after another, all over his face. “I want to see you again. I need to see you again and again and again.”

  “I’m not sure I’m any real bargain,” Todd murmured between kisses.

  “I’m sure.” She directed his mouth to hers and kissed him with a thoroughness that left them both breathless.

  “The first thing you’ll need to learn is that it’s useless to argue with me,” she told him, knowing he could see the happiness radiating from her eyes.

  “But maybe it’s too soon…” He continued to hold her, continued to stroke her hair.

  “As far as I’m concerned, it’s about fourteen years too late.”

  “Oh, Donnalee, this is all so crazy.” He released her and took two steps away from her, as if he wanted to turn tail and run.

  “But it’s a wonderful kind of crazy! I found you again and I’m not about to let you go. Let’s both accept that we were meant to be together and leave it at that.” She reached for his hand and led him into her home. Without pausing she closed the door and pushed him down on the sofa, then promptly sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “It looks like you need to be convinced. How long do you think it’ll take?” she asked.

  Todd grinned. “How about forty or fifty years?”

  Twenty-Seven

  Large Women Wearing Helmets With Horns

  Steve was astonished how quiet the house was after the kids returned to Mary Lynn. He’d moped around yesterday—Sunday—fighting off a sense of loneliness, but that passed soon enough.

  He loved his children to distraction, and he’d enjoyed the two weeks they’d spent with him, yet in the past year he’d learned to appreciate solitude, too. He was comfortable with silence now. In the early days of his separation, it had damn near driven him crazy. But over time he’d managed to accept the traumatic changes in his life; he’d adjusted to strange new schedules, such as seeing his kids o
nly on weekends.

  He was grateful Meagan and Kenny had adapted so well to their new circumstances, and grateful that he and Mary Lynn had been able to maintain civility in their dealings.

  If he was making a list of things to be grateful for, Steve figured he should include Hallie. She’d come to his aid more times than he could count, especially during the past couple of weeks. Thinking back, he realized that Meagan and Kenny had spent nearly as much time at her place as they had at his.

  The blind dinner date they’d arranged for each other hadn’t gone as planned, but these things happened, and he didn’t take it personally. Hallie had seemed a little upset in the beginning, but she’d been a good sport about it since. And she seemed genuinely pleased that the date had worked out so well for her friend.

  Standing in front of his refrigerator, Steve surveyed the contents, wondering what he could rustle up for dinner. Cooking for one didn’t excite him. Briefly he wondered what Hallie was eating. More often than not these past two weeks she’d either cooked or joined him and the kids for dinner, and he’d come to rely on her suggestions.

  Steve glanced out the window to see if she was home. He strained to catch a glimpse of her car, and his spirits lifted when he saw it. So far, so good. Then, feeling a bit like a Peeping Tom, he focused on her kitchen window. Ah, yes, there she was, talking on the phone. She had the cord wrapped about her wrist, and from the way she leaned against the wall, he could tell she was annoyed about something. After a moment she hung up, then immediately reached for the phone again.

  His own phone rang and he jerked around. “Hello, Hallie,” he answered, thinking himself rather clever.

  “Guess what?” she said furiously. “Arnold just called to break our date tonight. That’s the third time he’s canceled out on me at the last minute, the low-down dirty rat.”

  Steve didn’t understand why Hallie continued to see the guy. She’d never been keen on him, yet she insisted on beating the relationship to death. Although Steve had never been introduced to Arnold, he could tell it was a lost cause just from the few glimpses he’d caught when he was out jogging or—let’s be honest, Marris—watching him through the window.