As Sick As Our Secrets

by Diane Ezzard

  A hand touched my shoulder, and I jumped. I tried to jerk my body out of the way. Sitting leaning against a concrete rock, I moved to pull myself up.

  “Whoa, whoa, not so fast, Sophie,” came a voice I didn’t recognise. My body shuddered, and I jerked again. I shivered with the cold air. In the gloomy night, the shadow of a hunched figure lurked overhead.

  “Where am I?” I asked. I tried to move.

  “Take your time, Sophie.” The voice sounded gentle in stark contrast to the force of the arm that pushed me back - I frowned.

  “Hello, who’s there?” I asked. The sound of my voice echoed across the disturbed stones. I listened and heard water dripping in the distance. My body tensed.

  “I don’t want you to get alarmed, Sophie.” There was no hint of a Manchester accent when he spoke. This didn’t sound like a local ruffian. His tone was business-like.

  “What do you want?” My lips trembled.

  “Please don’t panic. I’m sorry for bringing you here,” came the deep but tender sounds of a man’s voice.

  What was going on? Where was I? An icy chill swept across my face. I shuddered. I wanted to scream, but no words came out. My legs felt weak. I gulped. Could I make a run for it?

  Adrenalin spikes gripped my body. My stomach felt rock hard as a sense of nausea rose up into my chest. Anger and fear were building up inside me competing for my attention. A light went on. I was blinded for a moment. I shielded my eyes with my arms.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Please don’t be afraid. I don’t want to hurt you,” said the softly spoken voice.

  “Well, stop shining that torch in my face.”

  “I’m sorry,” he replied.

  “Who are you?” I looked down at my hands. They were shaking uncontrollably. My body jerked.

  “Please, you’ve got to promise me you won’t panic.”

  “Look, what’s going on?” At that moment, the dark figure stooping over me shone the torch so that I could see his face. I gasped as I recognised his features. The high cheekbones and wide-set eyes were unmistakeable. His hair appeared somewhat unkempt but this rugged appearance added to his attractiveness.

  “Charlie, what the hell…?” I pressed my weight onto my hands and moved to get up.

  “Please stay there, I want to talk to you.” Charlie pushed me back down. “I’m sorry Sophie. I didn’t want to do this but I’m desperate. I promise you I’m not going to hurt you. I want you to hear me out.”

  “But Charlie, I thought you were in police custody?”

  “Yes well, I jumped police bail. Please, will you listen to what I’ve got to say.”

  “Where am I?”

  “Please, will you listen?”

  “How did I get here?”

  “Look, I’m sorry about bringing you here but I didn’t think you’d listen to me of your own free will.”

  “What do you want with me, Charlie?” I wanted to make a run for it but Charlie was over six feet tall. I wouldn’t stand a chance against him. I knew he was a violent man, so I didn’t want to do anything to antagonise him. Also, my body still felt like a wobbly jelly.

  “Haven’t you done enough damage?”

  “I’m sorry, Sophie. This was the only way I could think of to get your attention.”

  “Is that all you can say, I’m sorry,” I said, mimicking his voice.

  “I was desperate to get someone to believe me and this was the only way I could think of. I didn’t kill Cassie.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I swear to you, Sophie. I didn’t do it and you are the only person I knew might help me clear my name.” Charlie held onto my arms and looked at me with those steely brown eyes. Something flickered inside me.

  “This is no way to go about proving your innocence, Charlie. Where have you brought me?”

  “We’re on Holcombe Moor. I am on the run from the police because there’s a warrant out for my arrest now, so I’ve been staying up here.” He was still holding me and staring into my eyes. I wanted to look away but couldn’t.

  “Why here?”

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s not exactly the Ritz but there aren’t any snooping eyes up here.” I shuddered at those words.

  “Oh Charlie, you’ve got to give yourself in. You can’t live like this.” I inspected all around and noticed a discarded half-opened tin of beans.

  “The police will never believe I’m innocent.”

  “You’re making matters worse for yourself this way.”

  Charlie was crouched down next to me. I think he realised by now I wasn’t going to make a run for it. He bowed his head and put his hands up to his forehead.

  “I don’t want to go to prison for something I didn’t do.” Could he be innocent after all?

  “Charlie, look me in the eye.” I waited until he was looking at me. “Tell me honestly, did you do it?” Charlie began to cry.

  “No, of course not!” He sounded indignant. I sighed heavily and leant back. I couldn’t help myself from rolling my eyes back. Cassie had been coming to me for counselling for months before she died because of Charlie’s violence towards her. The person she had portrayed to me didn’t seem anything like the man now sat next to me. I didn’t know what to make of this.

  “Even if I believed you and offered to help, what do you think I could do?”

  “I thought of you because I hoped you wouldn’t judge me the way the police have done. The media have already cast me as a villain so I was a condemned man from the start.”

  I stared out into space. I couldn’t take in all he was saying. Everyone said Charlie was the murderer right from the offset. If he was telling the truth he needed help but if he was lying, then I was in danger. Right at this moment, I couldn’t contemplate the alternative. If I refused to help him and he turned nasty, goodness knows what he was capable of.

  I had to admit, that killer or not, there was something about Charlie I found endearing. Whether it was his vulnerability or his charm, I wasn’t sure. Cassie had described him as tall dark and handsome and I couldn’t disagree. To say he was too good looking to be a killer was naive of me but that was what my instinct was saying. There was something inside of me that was willing to trust him. I suppose I wanted him to be telling the truth.

  The more he pleaded with me, the more I felt myself caving in. I thought he was being real. It didn’t seem like an act and the longer I was there listening to him the more I was giving in to his reasoning.

  The cold air whistled through my long red hair and I rubbed my shoulders to warm myself up. I couldn’t imagine anyone having to stay out here in these conditions. It seemed barbaric. The wind was biting. I could easily imagine Charlie dying of hyperthermia staying out in this weather.

  The problem is I can be too soft, and I am always taken in by a sad story. I loved helping others. It was in my nature and I found it hard to resist a call for help. When someone had problems, I liked to go to the rescue. It did wonders for my self-esteem.

  I’d been deep in thought for a few minutes. Charlie’s pleas were like background sounds as I pondered what to do.

  “You know Mia, the girl she worked with at the salon?”

  “Yes, I met her at the funeral.”

  “I think if you talk to her you will see why I didn’t kill Cassie.”

  “Okay, Charlie, I’ll think about it.” He’d tapped into my curiosity.

  “Yes?” His eyebrows were raised.

  “It’s a big ask, Charlie.”

  “I know it is, but I need someone to believe me. I’m not the evil man Cassie made me out to be.”

  “Okay, I’ll tell you what I will do.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll contact Mia. If what you’re telling me is true, and she confirms what you’ve said, I will help you.”

  “Really?” He didn’t sound convinced.

  “Not so fast. If I find out you are stringing me along, I will go straight to the police.”


  “I understand.” He looked down at the ground.

  “There’s one condition.”

  “Yes, anything, whatever you say.”

  “I want you to promise me that you’ll be honest with me. I don’t want any bullshit.”

  “No, no, of course, I wouldn’t dream of lying to you.”

  I glanced at his face and searched deep into his eyes. I prided myself on my ability to read people. My instincts told me he was being genuine. I hoped I had reasoned this through. Why else go to the trouble of abducting me and pleading with me to help him if he wasn’t innocent?

  “Don’t you think you’d be better giving yourself up though, Charlie? I mean you can’t live out here. It’s too cold.”

  “I know and I can’t go home or to any of my friends. The police will be watching for me. I’m not going to hand myself in until I find out who killed Cassie.”

  “How do you think you’re going to do better than the police can? They believe you did it.”

  “I was an easy target for them. I was at home with no alibi when it happened. They always automatically think it’s the victim’s partner. They’re probably not even looking anywhere else. I’ve got to do something to clear my name.”

  “Can I make a suggestion?”

  “Yes, what is it?”

  “I’m freezing cold sat here. Let me go home now and get some rest.”

  “I don’t know. I need to know you’ll help me.”

  “Look, Charlie, I want to believe you. I’m not going to turn you in. You can’t keep me here indefinitely.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  “Cassie was a good friend. She didn’t deserve to die.” At the mention of Cassie’s name, a wave of sadness came over me and I wiped a tear from my cheek. Charlie moved forward to hug me. He put his arms around me. I moved my body in to accept the gesture.

  “We both miss Cassie,” he said. I nodded. “Thank you for agreeing to help me. Together we’ll find Cassie’s killer.” I gave a half-hearted laugh. It had been a long time since a man had hugged me.

  “I don’t know as I have yet.”

  “Are you sure you won’t say anything to the police, Sophie?”

  “I’m a sucker for a sob story.”

  Charlie’s expression was serious. “I swear to you I didn’t kill Cassie. If we’re going to work together, you need to believe that.” I wished he wasn’t so handsome. His good looks could be swaying my judgement.

  “You know what, Charlie, if what you say pans out then I do.” The look of relief shone over his face. He went to hug me again.

  “Oh thank you. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much that means,” he said.

  He began to sob again. “I don’t even know if my family believe I’m innocent anymore.”

  I released myself from his arms. I wasn’t used to seeing a grown man behave in this way. “Come on Charlie. You’ve got to trust me now.”

  We walked slowly across the moor. The darkness had descended into almost pitch black. Cloud formation covering the moon meant visibility was poor. I thought about the sensitive nature Charlie had shown. This wasn’t something I had expected.

  “How did you get me up here?” I asked as we trundled along the stony path.

  “I drove your car and carried you to that sheltered area where we were.”

  “Blimey, you must be strong. I wouldn’t fancy carrying a dead weight across the moors.”

  Charlie was walking a few steps in front of me.

  “It’s not that far, only about a quarter of a mile.”

  “Still, you must work out or something.”

  He turned to look at me and nodding said, “Yes and I’m sorry for what I did to you but I couldn’t think of any alternative.”

  “That’s okay. I forgive you. “

  “The sooner we find Cassie’s killer, the sooner I can walk into a police station and hand myself in.”

  We walked along for a few minutes in silence as we made our way across an area of uneven ground. I breathed in the unmistakeable scent of heather. The path was waterlogged in places. The ground felt firm with rubble one minute and springy like a carpet the next.

  I glanced down at my black patent shoes. The mud was now caked deeply over the sides. I laughed to myself. I wasn’t exactly dressed for hill walking in my dark suit and white tailored blouse.

  Before we parted ways, I turned towards Charlie, whose expression was shadowed by the moonlight.

  “Are you intending sleeping up here tonight?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” He was probably being cagey because he wasn’t one hundred percent sure of my intentions. We were just close to reaching the pavement and civilisation and he grabbed hold of my arm. “Can I ask you how well you knew Cassie?” he asked.

  “Well, she told me something of her family life and her time with you.”

  “Did she tell you about her job?”

  “Yes, she told me she worked at the salon.”

  No, not that job, her other job.”

  “What job?” I frowned.

  Charlie watched me.

  “I don’t know what Cassie confided in you but she didn’t always tell the truth.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What I am trying to say is Cassie was a romancer. She found being truthful very difficult. “

  “I’m not sure I understand,” I frowned, feeling confused at Charlie’s words.

  “What did she say about me?”

  I chose my words carefully but knew I had to be straight with him.

  “She told me you hit her.”

  “Anything else?”

  “I shouldn’t be saying any of this.”

  “What else did she say about me?”

  “Really Charlie, it’s not fair of you to ask me.”

  Charlie spoke in a loud voice. “What did she say?”

  “She said you were controlling.”

  Charlie stamped the ground.

  “The little bitch.” He looked over at my shocked expression and said, “Sorry, sorry for the outburst but that wasn’t true.”

  “I, I, I don’t understand,” I said

  “So Cassie didn’t tell you where she got her money from?”

  “She told me she worked at the salon until you made her give the job up. She said you earned enough to keep you both.”

  “Unbelievable.” Charlie’s voice was raised. He shook his head. “Cassie was always the main breadwinner.” My furrowed brow felt a permanent fixture as I tried to take in what Charlie was saying.

  “Why what was her job, Charlie?”

  Charlie peered at me and said, “She worked as a prostitute.”

  I was staring at Charlie open-mouthed. I couldn’t take in what he had said.

  “A prostitute? I don’t believe you.”

  “Well if you want to gloss it up, an escort but it was the same thing.”

  “I don’t believe you.” I shook my head.

  “I know it might seem hard coming from Miss Prim and Proper but it’s true.”

  “No, it can’t be true.” My hand was over my mouth and I continued shaking my head.

  “Just shows what a great actress she was. You were her therapist, and you didn’t suspect a thing.”

  “No, I never.” I glanced up to my left, recalling past conversations I had with Cassie. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what Charlie had told me.

  “How? Why?” I was still flabbergasted and trying to take in what he had said. Charlie was watching my reaction as we continued walking.

  Chapter 3

  SOPHIE

  As we left the moor, I gazed back at the horizon and saw the silhouetted shape of the slopes, rolling on for miles. What was I doing? Was I going mad? Who in their right mind agrees to help a suspected killer? I knew I liked to live dangerously, but this was ridiculous. I was about to get myself involved in something I shouldn’t.

  I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about what I was doing. They would think I had se
riously lost the plot. I genuinely believed I was going to be all right though. My reasoning was if Charlie had intended harming me, he would have done it up on the moors with no one about.

  “When I first met Cassie, she was working as an exotic dancer in a nightclub,” he said

  “She mentioned to me very briefly that she’d been a dancer,” I said, nodding.

  “She did lap dancing, that kind of thing. I didn’t know about the escort stuff at first. She’d been approached by a black guy at the club, Randy, to make extra money and he became her pimp. He got her the work.” I was listening with intent.

  “I still can’t get my head around this.”

  “She worked out of a hotel room initially but hired an apartment later. Randy was taking a cut of her earnings.”

  “No.” I was still staring open-mouthed.

  “Yes, it’s true. Mia can vouch for it. She did some escort work too but gave up when she fell pregnant.”

  “So when did you find out?”

  “I didn’t know at first, but I got suspicious where the money was coming from. She was going out in the evenings and told me she was seeing extra hairdressing clients. I mean I knew she was a fabulous hairdresser but not that great for the money she was spending. I thought maybe she had a secret sugar daddy so I thought I would follow her one day.”

  “What happened?”

  “I saw her go off with two different men.”

  “Did you challenge her?”

  “Not there and then. I was so angry. If I’d have done anything I’d have probably killed either her or them.” Charlie glanced over at me. “I waited until she came home and we had an almighty bust-up.”

  “So you fought?”

  “Yes, we did. We were at the top of the stairs arguing and she went to push me. I’m sorry to say I pushed her back, more in self-defence because she was lashing out but she lost her footing and fell down the stairs.”

  “Is that the time she ended up in hospital when you were arrested?”

  “Yes, that’s right. The crafty little minx made up a story to take the heat off her. She said that I hit her so no one found out about the prostitution.”

  “But she told me you were violent towards her.”