The Trouble with Rock Stars: Jackson's Story (Access All Areas, #3)

by Starr, Candy J

  He saw me look and turned his head away.

  “It’s okay,” I said, softly.

  He pressed his fingers deep inside me as if to compensate, while his thumb worked against my clit. I rose up, crying out with pleasure, thrusting myself against his hand until I came so hard, I sobbed.

  Every part of me buzzed. Every part of me felt complete.

  I collapsed on his chest with his fingers still inside me. I needed him to keep them there for a while, as my muscles clenched tight around them.

  Finally, I released him.

  “Wow,” was all he said.

  “Wow?”

  “The look on your face when you come is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Yeah, well you better make sure you see it a lot!”

  I wanted to tell him I loved him but I was scared he’d freak. He stroked my hair as I ran my fingers over his body.

  I crawled down the bed, I took hold of his cock and ran my tongue around the head. His fingers threaded through my hair. I licked his hard cock all over, lapping at the beads of pre-cum and then circling the base.

  He twitched and the pressure inside me got stronger. I grabbed my mouth around his cock and looked into his eyes. The pleasure I saw in them made me melt. I wanted to take him into my mouth all the way. I kept my gaze on his face, watching his eyes close in pleasure as I ran my lips down the length of him.

  “Stop,” he said.

  He turned and fumbled for his jeans that were next to the bed. He couldn’t quite reach them and I passed them to him. He got a condom from his wallet.

  “I’ve only got one, sorry,” he said.

  I nuzzled against his chest. “I’ve got some in the bathroom.”

  He looked at me in surprise. Did he think I was a virgin?

  “Hopefully, they aren’t past their expiry date.”

  He tried to tear open the condom wrapper but he couldn’t grasp it in his hand. I wondered how much he couldn’t do. I’d never noticed so much when we were at the bar but then maybe he made it like that, wanting to hide his weakness.

  I took the condom from him and tore it open, then rolled it onto his cock.

  “Sorry, I’m not much of a man,” he said. “Can’t even open a bloody condom wrapper”

  I ran my fingers along his thick, hard cock. “You’ll do,” I said with a cheeky grin.

  Chapter 21 Gina

  JACKSON WAS SILENT the next morning. Not in an awkward way but in the way that he was when he had something on his mind. I made him coffee but he didn’t want any food.

  “Are you going to have the surgery?” I asked.

  He shrugged and I left it at that.

  I had a million other questions I wanted to ask about what this had all meant. It wasn’t just a casual fling or a one-night stand. It couldn’t be like that.

  After we had coffee, I tried to work out what was going on in his head. He didn’t look at me, though. His expression was unreadable.

  He walked around my apartment, looking at the books on my shelves. I had so much stuff around the place I didn’t want him to see. Parts of me I’d have hidden if I’d thought last night would’ve ended like this.

  “I’m not snooping,” he said as if he read my thoughts. “I just wanted to check out your books. They say a lot about a person.”

  I wondered what my bookshelves said. I read all kinds of things from romance to business books and anything that caught my fancy.

  “That’s okay,” I said. Although my nerves were on edge, wondering what he’d find and what he was thinking.

  He picked up the teddy bear that Drew gave me and looked at it as though it held the answers he was looking for. Seeing him hold it like that just reinforced what Drew had said: the bear really did look like Jackson.

  “No work today?”

  “It’s Saturday.” I guess when you didn’t work Monday to Friday, the days blurred into one. You didn’t have weekends to hold out for.

  “How’s it going?”

  “Just the usual.”

  I didn’t want to talk about work but Jackson was working up to something. He just needed time.

  He took a book off the shelf and flicked through the pages.

  “We can’t keep doing this,” he said. “Not as a regular thing.”

  That struck me in the belly. Those were the last words I wanted him to say.

  “Not that it wasn’t good and not that I don’t want to do it again. I mean, I’m not using you just for sex. For a bootie call, as the kids say. I want something more than that and I know you do too. If it’s going to be anything between us, I need to sort my shit out first. It might take a while. Will you wait?”

  I nodded. If that’s what he wanted, I’d wait forever.

  His mind ticked over with something. I didn’t want to interfere with that or push him. He’d make the decision on his own, he had to do that.

  “Because I will do it, Gina. I’ll make everything right for us.”

  Before he left, he kissed me goodbye. If I’d had any doubt about his words, his kiss left nothing unsaid. It wasn’t a brush-off but a promise.

  Chapter 22 Jackson

  I’D NOT WANTED TO MAKE a big deal about my decision. I didn’t want fuss and support and everybody being rah-rah about it. I walked into the hospital and the smell made me feel sick. It took me back to the last time I’d been there. I’d never thought then that I’d walk through those doors again.

  The appointment with the doctor went well. He did a lot of poking and prodding, asked a ton of questions then explained the surgery to me. He talked about the technical stuff that I didn’t care about so, instead of listening, I checked out the plastic person with all their innards on display. All those bits inside, they were frightening really.

  It’d be months before I knew if the operation was a success. The doctor explained it to me. The nerve had been severed and needed to be sewn back together. If the two bits recognized each other, then the nerve would repair itself across the bridge that the surgeons built. If not, then there were other options. I wasn’t sure about their other options.

  “It’s a clean cut,” the doctor had said. “Like someone’s cut it with a knife.”

  “Yeah, just like that,” I said. I didn’t explain further. He was there for doctoring not for talking.

  I really wanted to reach out and remove some of those organs. Make that plastic man into a hollow shell.

  The doctor got out some paperwork for me to take home. It’d be a couple of days in hospital with a long recovery time afterward.

  He went through what I needed and he got to the bit about next of kin. I’d not planned on telling anyone about the operation. I figured I could disappear for a few days without anyone knowing.

  “Is that necessary?” I asked.

  He looked at me as though that was the most fool question he’d ever heard.

  “Of course. If anything happens during the surgery, we need someone to inform. Also, you might need a friend to help you out. You might need assistance dressing and getting around for a while.”

  “I’ve been living my life with one functioning hand for a while.”

  “But you do have some function in your right hand now. After the surgery, it will be in a splint.”

  I nodded.

  “I’m serious,” he said. “Surely you have someone who can help? If not, there are some services the hospital can provide.”

  I had someone, but asking for that kind of help was not a thing I wanted to do. Having a stranger help out would be even worse, though.

  He scheduled me in and I left the hospital, heading straight for Trouble.

  I sat at the bar, drinking. The papers the doctor had given me were folded up in the pocket of my jacket. I’d have to swallow my pride.

  Carlie came over and grabbed my glass, putting a full one in front of me. She handed Holden a beer.

  “I feel like this album is missing something,” Holden said to me. “Something is not quite right.
”

  Before I could answer, Carlie butted in.

  “What you need to do is get rid of Shun. That guy makes my flesh crawl. He’s a jerk. He’s just bringing the band down. You’d be better off without him.”

  Holden looked at me and rolled his eyes.

  “Hey,” said Carlie. “Did you just roll your eyes? Lay off that shit. Don’t even think about rolling your eyes when I’m talking. You know I’m right, you’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

  “He’s a good muso.” Holden sipped his drink.

  “So? There are a million good musos in this world. You need someone who fits with the rest of the band. If he’s pushing in one direction while the rest of you are pushing in another, it’s just making you stay in the same place. That’s science.”

  “Yeah,” added Drew. “I don’t like him either. He has cold, dead fish eyes. Like there is no soul in them.”

  Holden laughed. “Shun’s staying but thanks for the evaluation, guys.”

  “Anytime,” said Carlie. “And don’t come crying to me when Shun fucks things up for you guys and you find out I’m right. Because it will happen. And I will say ‘I told you so’.”

  Carlie’s words usually meant nothing. She liked to lay down the law but her comments about Shun made me shudder. It was like she knew more than she was letting on. But that crack had been aimed at Holden, not me, and there was no way she’d know anything about things that had gone on before I even came to the bar.

  “You don’t need to be best mates with your band,” I said. “If they do their job well and stick out of your private life, that’s probably best all round.”

  “Like Alex, you mean?” Holden said. He gave a little laugh. It was well known that Alex treated his bandmates like they were his staff. Well looked after staff but Alex’s band was all about him.

  “Maybe not taking it that far. You can be friends but, when you’re on the road, you need space from each other too.”

  “Space that’s him on one side of the country and us on the other, that’s the kind of space I want to give him,” Carlie wiped the bar like she was scrubbing Shun out of their lives.

  She moved off to serve someone.

  Eventually, Gina came into the bar. She down beside me and talked to me about her job. I’d told her so many times she needed to stand up for herself and, finally, she’d begun doing something about it. I didn’t want to interrupt her to talk about myself.

  When she finished talking, I wasn’t sure what to say. I got the papers out of my pocket and put them on the bar, sliding them along to her.

  She picked them up and read through them.

  I twirled my glass in my hand while I waited for her to finish reading.

  “You’re doing this?”

  I nodded as the smile blossomed on her face.

  “Don’t say anything,” I said. “I just need someone to be with me after the surgery.”

  “Of course,” she said. She didn’t need to add any more and had the sense to know it wasn’t needed. Instead, she just nodded and made me feel better by just being beside me.

  Chapter 23 Gina

  JACKSON WENT INTO SURGERY. We wouldn’t find out if it was successful for months, but I still paced his room. I wanted to be at the hospital when he came out. I’d taken a few days off work so I could spend the time with him. When he’d asked me to be with him through the surgery, I’d almost jumped for joy.

  He’d agreed to have the surgery done. It was the best thing for him, I just knew it. He wasn’t happy at how things stood. He needed to go after that happiness, to make those changes in his life.

  Maybe I should do the same. I hated my job. It wasn’t the kind of work I’d ever wanted to do but, when I left school, I was willing to take anything just to get out of the town where I lived. I had to get away from my mother before I smothered her in her sleep. I had to get away from everyone knowing everyone else’s business.

  “You’ll never survive in the city,” Mum had said when I left. “Give it a couple of weeks and you’ll be back.”

  That’d never happen, though. I’d die in the streets before I went back there. I’d started the job with my law firm the first week I’d hit town and figured it’d be okay for a while. It paid me enough that I could afford my apartment and my books. I never cared about much else. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life but I sure as hell didn’t want to spend it typing up legal briefs.

  A nurse popped her head in.

  “He won’t be back for a few hours, love. You should go get something to eat.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. Really.”

  “They always say that but it’s not fine. If you stay in this room, stressing about it all, when he comes back, you’ll be all strung out and vague from lack of food. Get a sandwich or something to keep your energy up. Do it for his sake as much as your own.”

  She smiled. I saw the sense in what she said, even though I doubted I could eat much. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs.

  “Good decision. It’s bad when the visitors are the ones fainting.”

  The hospital cafe wasn’t pleasant. They’d made an effort to make it look like an actual cafe and not part of the hospital, with brightly colored tables and lots of greenery, but you could still smell that hospital smell and hear the announcements over the PA. I went outside to a small courtyard. At least I had fresh air.

  A family sat at a table near me with a little boy about eight years old. He was in a wheelchair and had a drip in his arm. He was so thin but he smiled and laughed.

  I should settle the hell down. Jackson’s surgery was routine and he wasn’t exactly in a life-threatening situation. It wasn’t like I had a sick child. So many people in this place had it worse than me. Jackson would come out of the surgery fine and, whether he healed or not, he’d still have his health. The hand thing worried him, and I’d love him to have the ability to play guitar again, but for me, it wasn’t something I needed. If he had use of his hand or not, my feelings for him wouldn’t change. I just hated seeing him miserable.

  But it wasn’t terminal or even that huge a deal in the overall scheme of things. Not like the family beside me.

  I nibbled at the edges of my sandwich. It wasn’t very tasty. The bread was stale. But the nurse had told me to eat, so I’d eat. I sipped on my coffee to wash it down.

  I could only finish half of it, so I packed up the rest and put it in my bag, then went back to the room.

  It was a pretty decent room as far as hospitals go. I had no idea what Jackson did for money but he must have a bit if he could afford a private room like this. It was more like a hotel room than a hospital ward, with a comfy looking bed and views over the city. I sat in the chair and waited, wishing I’d brought a book with me. I must’ve dozed off though because, next thing I knew, they were wheeling Jackson back in.

  He was still groggy and not really aware of anything around him. The nurse told me he’d be like that for a while.

  I decided to stay. The chair was comfortable and, if he woke up during the night, he might want someone with him.

  “Hello,” Jackson said, looking at me, although I wasn’t sure how focused his eyes were.

  I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. He had the beginnings of a smile on his face and seemed pleased to see me. I took hold of his hand, his good hand, and squeezed it between both of mine. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t pull it away. I held it like it was a fragile and precious thing. He had the drip in that arm and I didn’t want to do anything to disturb that.

  Soon, he drifted off to sleep. I watched him. The worry lines and fierceness of his face disappeared. He became that younger guy I’d seen in the YouTube clip.

  Since he was sleeping, I reached out and stroked his face, running my fingers softly over the outline of his lips.

  He stirred in his sleep and I jolted. I hadn’t meant to wake him.

  “Give us a drink, will you?”

  I poured some water into the pape
r cup on the bedside table.

  “No, not that. A real drink.”

  “I don’t have anything,” I replied. I wasn’t sure if he realized he was talking to me or if he was just talking in general.

  He groaned and rolled to face me. “Why would you visit a man in hospital and not bring him booze? That’s not how it goes.”

  “I’m pretty sure it’s not allowed. I’ll ring the nurse and find out.”

  His hand reached out to stop me as I went to press the buzzer.

  “The nurse doesn’t have to know,” he said. “I say it’s allowed.”

  He kept his hand on my mine and I wanted to answer him but the talking part of me got disconnected. All I could focus on was the touching between us. I lowered his hand but didn’t let go.

  He smiled, a proper smile that made my insides mushy. Jackson was a difficult man and he sure never smiled much but, when he did, it was amazing. A rare thing that was only for me.

  Chapter 24 Jackson

  WHEN I WOKE UP FROM the operation and saw Gina in my room, I knew I needed her. I’d been in denial but I couldn’t do that any longer. She was the one that made this all worthwhile. I had to stop pissing around and make myself worthy of her. She smiled and that made everything alright.

  The operation was just stage one of the plan. There’d be months of tedious rehabilitation and hospital visits and the works.

  I drifted off to sleep and woke with her beside me, holding my hand. It was comforting but I had a mighty thirst. I’d always thought I could live without booze but I had never wanted to try it. Why would you?

  There was no booze in this hospital, that’s for sure. And I found it harder than I ever believed.

  Maybe Gina would bring me some, although she seemed pretty stern about following the hospital rules. I could ring the nurse for some meds to quell the need for booze but I wanted to stay awake so Gina wouldn’t leave me. That might’ve been selfish of me, she probably had a bunch of stuff to do that was more interesting than watching me lay about in a hospital bed but I’d be lost without her.