Better Off Dead in Deadwood

by Ann Charles

  “Hey!” Harvey said from where he stood watching us while his eggs burned. “Some of us only stink part of the time.”

  Addy’s eyes got all watery, her upper lip quivering. “Thanks for only thinking about yourself, Mother.”

  Oof! Talk about sucker punches.

  She ran off in tears. I scowled after her. “Addy!”

  For almost ten years, I’d focused on their needs. I’d worked my ass off to provide for them, raise them in a safe environment, put food in their mouths. Now, when I finally found a man who treated me nicely and didn’t have a prison record—at least not one that I knew of—my kids acted like I was hooking up with that big-nosed child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

  I heard her tromping up the stairs and yelled out through the archway, “You’re welcome! Get your glasses on your face!”

  Only thinking of myself? I shook my hands at the ceiling and growled.

  “Violet,” Aunt Zoe said, coming over to me, enveloping me in a sweet-smelling hug. “You did the right thing. They’ll come around, just give them time. They’ve had you to themselves for all of their lives. The idea of sharing you is probably pretty scary.”

  I rested my head on Aunt Zoe’s shoulder, letting her make it all better just like she always did. “Addy needs to learn that sisters aren’t always a blessing.”

  “I know, honey.” She pushed me back and kissed my forehead. “Now, how are you feeling? Back to your old self?”

  “I think so.” After a full night in Doc’s bed and then two days “sick” off of work, I was ready to take up my sword and go slay some more dragons. Or rather albinos in my case. Which reminded me—I held out the book I’d grabbed from my bedroom. “Doc dropped this by last night while you were at the gallery.”

  He’d been late for a poker game at Cooper’s at the time and my kids were glaring at us out the window, having recently found out about his being my boyfriend, so the exchange had been brief. I’d kept the touching to just a quick peck and a wave goodbye.

  Aunt Zoe took the demon book that I’d “borrowed” from Lila a month ago in the Carhart house—the one with my buddy Kyrkozz in it. “This is the book you told me about?” she asked.

  “Yep. That’s it, creepy illustrations and all.”

  Harvey came over, holding a piece of bacon out for me. He looked over Aunt Zoe’s shoulder. “What is that? Latin?”

  I nodded, grabbing the bacon and stuffing it in my mouth. The smoked meat incited a noisy riot in my stomach for more. “You make some extra eggs for me?” I asked him.

  “Of course. Someone needs to keep you well-fed. With all of this crazy shit goin’ on around here and out at my place, we all need plenty of gumption.”

  I stole another piece of bacon from a plate next to the stove. “What do you mean out at your place? What’s going on out there? Something with your freaky neighbors in Slagton?”

  “Maybe. Or someone else. I thought I saw something hair-raisin’ last week out behind my ol’ barn.”

  And he was just now telling me this? Something clicked in my brain. “Is that why you’ve been camping out on Aunt Zoe’s couch?”

  He grunted in response, looking away.

  Holy crap! What had he seen that spooked him out of his own bed? Something worse than that funeral director’s head in the old outhouse? “And here I thought you were staying each night to protect me. What did you see?”

  “Violet?” Aunt Zoe interrupted us, her nose buried in the book.

  “What?”

  “Where did you say Lila got this book?”

  “I don’t know. She didn’t say.” And she’d fallen on her knife before I’d had a chance to interrogate her further. I wondered if Prudence would know how Lila came to have it.

  Aunt Zoe closed the book and ran her fingers over the cover. When she looked up at me, she had the strangest expression, like I had grown a set of antlers and a red, glowing nose.

  “Do you know what this book is?” she said more than asked.

  “Some kind of book on how to raise demons?”

  “Not raise them. It’s more of a reference guide.”

  I lowered the piece of bacon. “Come again?” She’d figured that out in thirty seconds of perusing it?

  “It’s sort of an encyclopedia mixed with a how-to guide, covering one demon in particular.”

  Kyrkozz.

  “How do you know that by just glancing at it?”

  Aunt Zoe scraped her nails down the cover. “I’ve seen books like it before, only they each have a different cover.”

  “What do you mean by ‘a different cover’? Are you talking about the color?”

  “No, a different skin.”

  The phone on the kitchen wall rang.

  “I got it,” Harvey said, reaching for it.

  “When you say ‘skin,’ are you talking about the cover design?” Like a template of sorts?

  “No. I mean skin.” She reached out and pinched my arm. “Flesh.”

  I stepped back from her, pointing at the book as if it might grow talons and sharp teeth. “That thing is covered with human flesh?”

  She scratched over it again, half of her face scrunched in thought. “I don’t think it’s human.”

  What?! I squinted at her. “How do you know that?”

  “Like I said, I’ve seen books like this before, handled them.”

  My squint narrowed even further. “Who are you and what have you done with my Aunt Zoe?”

  “Violet,” Harvey said, his voice sounding like it came from far away.

  I looked over at him in slow motion.

  He held up the phone. “Cooper’s on the phone.”

  Cooper’s words echoed in my skull: When I call, you’d better answer it.

  I took the phone from Harvey. “What?” I said into the mouthpiece.

  “Good morning to you, too, Parker. I got the results back on that box of teeth you brought to me. Where did you say you found them?”

  “The Carhart house.” Which was the same place I’d found the book of flesh in Aunt Zoe’s hands. “Why?”

  “The lab says they look like human canines, but they aren’t. They are wondering if I got them from an archeologist, telling me they need the location of the damned dig site.” Even through the phone, I could hear the clipped tone in Cooper’s voice. It snapped me out of my stupor.

  “And you’re mad at me about it?” I asked, my blood pressure shooting skyward.

  Criminy, Cooper needed to get laid and mellow out. I spoke from experience on that one, with an inner head nod to Doc with his very effective hands and mouth. Tiffany must not be doing the job for the tight-assed detective.

  “Yes,” he said. “Yes, I am. You have made a fucked-up mess in this town, and I’m the one left trying to clean it up and smooth everything over with the bigwigs who are so far up my ass that I can’t see straight. So excuse me if I’m a little frustrated with you and your goddamned box of teeth this morning.”

  He was barking at the wrong dog today. I bared my teeth. “Listen, Detective, it’s not my fault I have to keep doing your freaking job for you. Now is there anything else you need from me?” Like my foot up his ass along with those bigwigs he was whining about?

  “Yes.”

  “What? You need me to solve another murder case for you?”

  “Stop fucking up my life, Parker!” he yelled in my ear and hung up on me. The big, fat jerk.

  I hung up the phone and flipped it off for good measure.

  Harvey laughed. “Damn, girl. I think you just might make that boy blow a gasket yet.”

  “He started it.”

  “I’m sure he did, but he’s also gettin’ reamed daily from the chief of police because there ain’t no murderer sittin’ in jail after all of these kooky deaths.”

  I hadn’t thought about Cooper as someone at risk of losing his job. I’d walked in those shoes for months and knew the constant stress that came with worries about the unemployment line. “You think his job
is on the line?” I asked Harvey.

  He shrugged. “He’s not the kind to flap his lips about it, but could be. Or the chief will call in that flannel-mouthed, highfalutin’ detective from Rapid again, which will really get Cooper all fired up.”

  As much as Cooper drove me bugshit, I didn’t want him to lose his job. There was something about knowing he and his guns were nearby that brought a level of comfort, at least when I wasn’t in his crosshairs.

  “Violet,” Aunt Zoe said. “We need to talk about this book you found.”

  I wrinkled my nose at the flesh-covered book, thinking how many times I’d touched it without washing my hands afterward. Did Doc know it was flesh and hadn’t told me?

  “I don’t want to talk about that thing right now. I have to go to work and focus on selling a house or hotel so I don’t lose my job.”

  Harvey held out two more pieces of bacon for me. “I’ll take the kids to school.”

  “Thanks,” I told him. “We’re not done talking about what’s going on at your ranch.”

  He chuckled. “You’re starting to sound like Coop now.” He turned me around and gave me a shove. “Go get all fancied up and get your ass to work. We’ll save the world another day.”

  When I pulled into the parking lot, Doc’s Camaro wasn’t there. He’d had to go back to Rapid City for work yesterday. Maybe he’d driven down there again this morning. I’d try calling him later on the new cell phone he’d bought for me while he’d been there. I needed to warn him about Addy and Layne. I had a feeling dinner tonight was not going to be all fun and laughs.

  Maybe he’d put up with us until Christmas time. I’d always been a sucker for those romance books with mistletoe, red satin lingerie with white fur, and sex in front of a crackling fire.

  Doc had a nice fireplace.

  I smelled Mona’s jasmine perfume as soon as I stepped inside the back door of Calamity Jane Realty. Good! The office could use a solid dose of estrogen today. Much more testosterone and sports chatter and I’d need to grow me a pair of balls to scratch just to fit in.

  “Violet,” Jerry called out as I passed his office doorway.

  I backed up and looked inside. Mona stood over his shoulder, her cheeks seeming a bit flushed. Her peach sweater molded to her nicely, enhancing her figure. I needed to take her shopping with me to help pick out clothes that would make Doc putty in my hands.

  “Did you hear about what happened at the opera house up in Lead?” Jerry asked.

  I needed to step carefully, uncertain what Cooper had shared and if I’d get another foul for my part in the whole mess. “Yeah. It’s too bad.”

  Mona was watching me closely, her lips pressed together. I avoided eye contact. The woman was too good at seeing through my smoke screens, just like Aunt Zoe.

  “Detective Cooper was in here yesterday,” Jerry said.

  “Oh, yeah?” Crap. Cooper could have told me that this morning. Instead he’d been too busy chewing my ass.

  “He told me they had a solid lead on Jane’s murderer.”

  No shit. Did that mean Cooper actually believed my story about Caly being the killer? “Good. Her murderer needs to be found and dealt with.”

  I was ninety-nine-percent sure I hadn’t seen the last of Caly, and I was one hundred percent sure just the sight of her would scare the holy hell out of me.

  “Zelda Britton called for you this morning,” Mona told me. “I left her number on your desk.”

  “Thanks.” I needed to see if the Brittons were still interested in Wanda’s place. The idea of having a reunion with Prudence made me all fidgety inside, but the need to make money and keep my job left me little choice. However, I wasn’t touching anyone under any circumstances while under that roof.

  “Your friend, Doc Nyce, stopped by earlier, too.” Mona winked at me. “He left you something on your desk.”

  “Cool,” I said, figuring he’d forgotten some attachment for my fancy new phone. “Did you have anything else to tell me, Jerry?”

  “Yeah. Get out there and sell that hotel. Oh, and close my door behind you.”

  “Will do, coach,” I said, holding my hand up for an air high-five. With his arms at his sides, Jerry just frowned at me, so I shut him and Mona in his office and headed for my desk, feeling like I’d won the Idiot-of-the-Day award.

  I dropped my purse on the floor next to my desk with a sigh. So much for being one of the boys this morning. Lucky for me, selling the hotel was once again a possibility after yesterday’s call from Tiffany. Her client had agreed to the extension, so she’d met me at the hotel in the afternoon to collect Cornelius’s check and sign off on the extension.

  I glanced at Ray and Benjamin’s empty chairs. Where were they? Off making a multimillion dollar sale to some big name actor who was looking for a summer log mansion to use as a “cabin”?

  A small black box tied with a purple ribbon sat on my desktop. It was too big for a ring, more like a bracelet box. What had Doc given me? I untied the ribbon and pulled off the lid, laughing aloud when I saw the fancy-wrapped soap in the bottom. I picked it up and sniffed. It smelled like chocolate and peanut butter. Yum.

  A card was in the bottom of the box. I picked it up and read:

  Boots,

  Look what I found—edible soap. Feeling dirty?

  My bed’s too dry without you.

  Doc

  I pocketed the card and put the soap back in the box while my heart picked petals from a daisy, playing the he-loves-me game.

  My desk phone rang. I picked it up. “Calamity Jane Realty, this is Violet.”

  “Hi, Violet, it’s Zelda Britton.”

  “Zelda, I was just going to give you a call. We’ve been playing phone tag lately.”

  “I’m sorry about that. I’ve been at a librarian’s conference for the last week and haven’t had much of a chance to talk to Zeke about the house until yesterday.”

  “Librarian’s conference?” I fell into my chair.

  “Yeah, it was a blast. There were lots of great workshops with some of my favorite authors, and the parties each night rocked. We librarians aren’t as prim and proper as most people think.”

  Librarian! It all clicked in place. Prudence wanted me to bring her “the librarian.” Zelda had been in the Carhart house when it was up for sale the first time.

  I tuned back in as Zelda said something about Zeke’s uncle passing away. “I’m sorry,” I said, wondering how to switch from a family member’s death to selling her a house.

  “Thanks. He was a wonderful man. That’s why I’m calling. He left Zeke some money, and we’ve decided we’re still very interested in the Carhart house.”

  “In spite of its history?” I asked, wanting to be totally on the level with Zelda, whose friendly smile and kind eyes I’d liked right out of the gate.

  “Even more so with its history. I think I told you that I’m really into ghosts, didn’t I?”

  Good, because I had one who I suspected was asking for Zelda specifically. “You may have mentioned it,” I said. “When can you two come to town and take a look at the place again?”

  “We were thinking about driving up there next week.”

  “Perfect. Let’s get something on the calendar.”

  Five minutes later, I hung up and gnawed on my knuckles. Was taking Zelda to Prudence a good idea? What did Prudence want with the librarian? What if Prudence hurt her? Could a ghost inflict pain? I’d have to ask Doc what he thought, see if he wanted to be around when I took Zelda there.

  The bell over the front door dinged. I looked up and did a double take. Natalie limped toward me, wearing a Deadwood Rocks long-sleeve T-shirt and blue jeans, her cast gone. In one hand, she held my other purple cowboy boot. She looked as stunning as ever with her long brown hair curling around her face. Her eyes gave away nothing, her cards held close to her vest.

  I stood, feeling my heart beating in my fingertips.

  When she stopped in front of my desk, I opened my mouth to beg h
er not to beat me up with my own boot, but she held up her hand, silencing me.

  “You should have told me from the start, Violet.”

  My eyes watered. “I know. I’m so sorry, Nat. I was such a dipshit.”

  She nodded once. I wasn’t sure if that was an acceptance of my apology or acknowledgment that I was indeed a dipshit. “You haven’t texted me for a few days.”

  So she was getting my texts. The knot in my chest loosened, freed by a thread of hope. “I dropped my phone in a toilet Monday night.”

  “I heard. I also heard you had some more fun with an albino.”

  Who told her that? Only Doc, Cooper, Aunt Zoe, and I knew that I thought Caly was an albino. Oh, wait, Harvey knew. He must have talked to her.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Mostly.” I wasn’t sure I’d ever be okay again, not after all of the bizarre crap I’d experienced since moving to Deadwood.

  “Good, because I still love your crazy ass and don’t want to see you hurt.” She gave me a crooked smile. “And as pissed as I was that after all of these years you didn’t trust in my love for you enough to come clean about Doc right away, I need you in my world.”

  As pissed as I was … Did that mean she wasn’t pissed anymore? “I’ve missed you so much, Natalie,” I whispered, blinking away tears. “I’m really sorry.”

  “Enough with the sorry shit. You’re forgiven, but I reserve the right to punch you in the arm a few times just for the hell of it.”

  “Deal.”

  “And at the risk of sounding super corny, let me add that no man will ever come between us, Violet Lynn Parker. Not after all we’ve been through over the last three decades.”

  “I love you, Nat.”

  Her smile widened. “All right, that’s enough of this soap opera shit. Now, are you and Doc still …” she let it trail off.

  I grimaced, not wanting to hurt her, but there’d be no more hiding Doc from her, from anyone … well, except for Tiffany, at least until Cornelius owned that damned hotel. I didn’t want any jealousy about my sleeping with her ex-boyfriend to screw up the sale. “Yes,” I told Natalie. “We’re still together.”