Better Off Dead in Deadwood

by Ann Charles

  Her lips pursed. “You haven’t pushed him away yet. Interesting.”

  Natalie knew my history with men and my tendency to slam on the brakes as soon as I passed the third date mark. Maybe that was why Doc had lasted so long, we had yet to have a real date.

  “Doc doesn’t budge very easily.”

  “I noticed that about him. So, are we talking about a long-term ‘wowing’ between the sheets for you here or is this the real thing?”

  I glanced around to make sure Mona and Jerry weren’t behind me before whispering, “I think I’ve fallen in love with him.” Actually, there was no thinking about it. I loved him, and it scared the holy hell out of me.

  Her eyebrows lifted. “No shit?”

  “No shit.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad things are going well for you in the man department, because I have something to tell you related to another member of the male sex that is going to fuck up your day.”

  Cooper! My gut clenched. Now what? Was he going to come drag me off to jail again?

  “Guess who I just saw up at the Piggly Wiggly?” Natalie asked.

  Zeb the zombie? “I don’t know, who?”

  She held up my other purple boot and let it go. It clunked onto my desktop. “Rex Conner.”

  I gasped, the wind knocked out of me. I clutched the edge of my desk. “No!”

  She pulled out her phone and held it in front of my face, showing me his picture on the screen as proof. “In the stinking, rotten flesh.”

  My blood boiled at the sight of Addy and Layne’s father, still as tall, blond, and handsome as ever. “What’s that son of a bitch doing here?”

  “I don’t know.” She snarled down at Rex’s picture. “But I’m betting it has something to do with the results of his sperm donation ten years ago.”

  “God damn it!” I dropped into my chair. “I’m going to end up in jail again.”

  “You and me both, babe,” Natalie said. “After Cooper pries my fingers from around that piece of shit’s neck, maybe you and I can share a cell.”

  The End … for now

  Speed Dating with Ann Charles

  I asked some of my wonderful friends in my Ann Charles’ Purple Door Saloon group on Facebook to come up with questions for me to answer in one sentence for the end of this book—speed-dating style.

  Will you be going on a book signing tour following the release of this fourth Deadwood book?

  I wish, but no; however, I will be in Deadwood in July 2013 for over a week, bugging my friends there, signing books wherever they’ll let me, eating frybread and steak until I burst, and trying to soak up as much of the Black Hills as I can.

  Is the Historic Homestake Opera House a real place or a fictional building?

  Yes, it’s a real operating Opera House in Lead with a wealth of wonderful history and architecture—and rumors of ghostly inhabitants.

  How much time do you get to spend in the Black Hills/Deadwood doing research and absorbing the atmosphere each year?

  Not nearly enough, but I hope to change that in the future and make some of my Black Hills friends really sick and tired of seeing my face.

  Are any of the crazy antics in Violet’s life taken from your own life (like with her kids)?

  Yes—I’m a sponge for all things wacky in the universe, I’m an A-#1 klutz, I’m a parent of adventurous children, and I thrive on laughter (especially at my own follies). Welcome to my world, aka Violet’s Deadwood!

  Did you always know you wanted to be a writer?

  I actually wanted to race camels when I was younger, which seemed really romantic at the time, but now just sounds hot, dusty, and spit-filled.

  How many books are planned for the Deadwood series?

  I’m a lousy planner, so my answer is: As many as it takes to tell Violet’s story.

  Why did you want to become a writer?

  It was that or a nuclear physicist, and since complex science makes me sleepy, I picked up a pen.

  What would be your dream job if you weren’t a writer?

  A multimillion dollar winning professional lotto player.

  Your books make me laugh aloud while reading—do you laugh while writing/creating your books as much as we do while reading them?

  What? You’re laughing? These are supposed to be dark, serious dramas laced with sadness and melancholy. (Yes, I do laugh, wince, cringe, giggle, steam, and grumble along with Violet and crew; and if I don’t, then I need to work harder on the scene because it’s too “flat.”)

  Do you have a real-life Harvey in your life?

  I have a few, both young and old, and I love the crusty buggers to pieces for each blush and giggle they inspire. (I also hide out in locker rooms and eavesdrop on old men’s conversations with a notepad in hand. Ha! Kidding, of course … maybe.)

  Do you have a sibling that drives you crazy in rage as Violet’s sister does?

  My brother Chuck, who draws my illustrations and cover art, has been nothing but trouble since he “allowed” my parents to put my crib in his room when he was four years old—I’m still in therapy thanks to him. Ha ha!

  Have you ever been thrown in jail for causing trouble?

  That depends—are we being recorded and are my parents going to read this?

  What is your favorite of all Harvey’s hilarious quotes?

  Picking just one of Harvey’s quotes is as hard as choosing just one dessert from a buffet filled with all of my very favorite sweets—fruit pies, tarts, chocolate-covered everything, doughnuts galore, ice cream, MoonPies … yummmm. What was the question again?

  How did you get into writing “Psychic Mystery” genre fiction?

  It’s Violet’s fault—I thought we were just going to tell a fun cozy mystery, but she keeps getting her nose into trouble.

  How do you stay grounded and so humble after all of the high praise, accolades, fame, and fortune?

  Every morning I wake up, stumble into the bathroom, and look in the mirror—enough said.

  What is your favorite place to go in the Black Hills (specifically, not just Deadwood)?

  Pilot Knob off State Route 385 (on the way to Mount Rushmore)—great viewpoint to sit and look out over the hills for hours where I’ve recorded lots of funny family memories.

  Have you ever seen or “experienced” a ghost?

  No, dang it, and I really want to, but I’m a total “dud” like Violet.

  Do you still love writing as much now as you did when you started?

  I love it even more, because my fingers and brain have become drinking pals and actually get along now when forced to work together (in the past, there was a lot of fighting and name-calling going on, which was very stressful for all of us, especially my shoulders, who were always cinched up from being stuck in the middle).

  After developing your basic characters, how do you go about developing their personalities to make them more real?

  Wait a second—do you mean to tell me these people aren’t real? (I don’t have a great answer for this—I just walk up to the character, look them over, and let them start talking, so I’m either a good listener or I have a growing multiple personality disorder.)

  What was your inspiration on the first and last names of every character in all of your books?

  The answer to this is going to require more than a speed date—I’m going to need you to buy me drinks, appetizers, something grilled and covered in BBQ sauce, and several desserts.

  Did you model Cooper on someone you know?

  I would tell you, but Cooper just informed me that the answer is “police business,” and if I open my big mouth, he’ll throw my sorry butt in jail.

  Also by Ann Charles

  Books in the Deadwood Mystery Series

  Nearly Departed in Deadwood (Book 1)

  WINNER of the 2010 Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery/Suspense

  WINNER of the 2011 Romance Writers of America® Golden Heart Award for Best Novel with Strong Romantic Elements
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br />   “Full of thrills and chills, a fun rollercoaster ride of a book!”

  ~Susan Andersen, New York Times Bestselling Author of Burning Up

  “Ann Charles has written an intriguing mystery laced with a wicked sense of humor. Watch out Stephanie Plum, because Violet Parker is coming your way.”

  ~Deborah Schneider, RWA Librarian of the Year 2009 & Author of Beneath a Silver Moon

  Overview…

  “The first time I came to Deadwood, I got shot in the ass.”

  ~Violet Parker

  Little girls are vanishing from Deadwood, South Dakota, and Violet Parker’s daughter could be next. She’s desperate to find the monster behind the abductions. But if she’s not careful, Violet just might end up as one of Deadwood’s dearly departed.

  Optical Delusions in Deadwood (Book 2)

  From the Multiple National Award-winning Author of Nearly Departed in Deadwood!

  “What a voice! Hilarious, original, and genuinely wonderful. This fresh and feisty mystery will instantly win your heart. Loved it!”

  ~Hank Phillippi Ryan, Anthony, Agatha and Macavity-winning Author

  “A smart, sassy, sexy and wonderfully resourceful heroine. Move over Stephanie Plum—Vi Parker is here!”

  ~John Klawitter, Author of the Award-winning Hollywood Havoc Action Thriller Novels

  Overview…

  With her reputation endangered, her bank account on the verge of extinction, and her career at risk of going up in flames, Violet Parker is desperate. When the opportunity to sell another vintage home materializes, she grabs it, even though this “haunted” house was recently the stage for a two-act, murder-suicide tragedy. But someone—or something—in the house wants Violet stopped…dead.

  Dead Case in Deadwood (Book 3)

  Dead Case in Deadwood has been selected as one of Suspense Magazine’s BEST OF 2012 books!

  “Masterful storytelling. Masterful suspense. Masterful humor. You name it, Ms. Charles has mastered it. And to have such tension and mystery in a third book in a series? Like I said … Masterful.”

  ~Carolyn McCray, #1 Kindle Bestselling Author of 30 Pieces of Silver

  “Ann Charles has penned another wickedly funny, smart, unforgettable story. Dead Case in Deadwood is impossible to put down.”

  ~P. J. Alderman, New York Times Bestselling Author

  Overview…

  “Nothing good ever happens at the butt-crack of dawn. No doubt, the headless corpse on the autopsy table in front of me would agree.” ~Violet Parker

  Real estate agent, Violet “Spooky” Parker stumbles upon a body-part theft ring at the local funeral parlor and suspects her caustic coworker has a hand in it—or maybe a foot. Can Violet discover what’s in the crates the crooks are sneaking out of the mortuary in the dark of night? Or will she end up in one of them herself … in pieces?

  Seeing Trouble

  (From the Deadwood Shorts Collection)

  From the Multiple Award-winning, #1 Bestselling Ghost Horror and Women Sleuth Author of the DEADWOOD MYSTERY SERIES!

  A short 39-page collection to entertain and add background story for more Deadwood fun!

  Overview…

  What do you get when you combine a chicken named Elvis, a locked diary, and a secret Violet Parker does not want share with her daughter?

  Seeing Trouble is the first of many short stories involving the characters of the Deadwood Mystery series. (Bonus character interview, illustrations, and short story included.)

  Haven’t read any of the Deadwood Mystery Series books yet? Don’t worry, there aren’t any spoilers in this short story.

  The Jackrabbit Junction Mystery Series

  Dance of the Winnebagos (Book 1)

  Bestseller in Women Sleuth Mystery and Romantic Suspense!

  “Ann Charles delivers laugh-out-loud dialogue, unforgettable characters, and pulse-pounding suspense.”

  ~Vicki Lewis Thompson, New York Times Bestselling Author

  “…two thumbs up and a standing ovation for laughs, sighs, thrills, and an excellently crafted mystery.”

  ~Maxwell Cynn, Thrillers Rock Twitter Reviews and Author of The Collective

  Overview…

  When Claire’s grandfather and his army buddies converge in the Arizona desert to find new wives, it’s her thankless job to keep them out of trouble with the opposite sex.

  But when she finds a human leg bone and partners with a reluctant geotechnician to dig up secrets from the past, trouble finds her. If she doesn’t stop digging, she could end up dead.

  Jackrabbit Junction Jitters (Book 2)

  Top Rated in Women Sleuth Mystery and Romantic Suspense

  “Ann Charles does it again. Jackrabbit Junction Jitters has all my favorite things—sassy, real characters, laugh out loud dialogue, a twisty, compelling mystery, and sizzling romantic chemistry. Can’t wait for the next installment.”

  ~ Terri L. Austin, Author of Diners, Dives and Dead Ends

  “Jackrabbit Junction Jitters had me twisted in laughter and anticipation. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, Ann throws in another hook. Mayhem, Mystery and Mommy Dearest moments—Ann Charles is truly the Mystery Maven of 2012!”

  ~Kriss Morton-Weekley, The Cabin Goddess Reviews

  Overview…

  Claire is back, raining trouble throughout Jackrabbit Junction in another fast-paced, fun, sexy suspense.

  A burglar is on the loose! Claire wastes no time forming suspicions, but she’s sidetracked by a treasure hunt.

  Even with help from her boyfriend, Claire is swirling in a whirlpool of chaos. Throw her crazy sister into the torrent, along with an angst-ridden teen, a jittery bride, and some randy old men, and Claire struggles just to keep a toehold in the current.

  Then her mother arrives…

  Also by Corvallis Press

  First Destroy All Giant Monsters

  (The World Wide Witches Research Association)

  From the Author of Ridiculous and The Use (Changing Magic-Book 1)

  “…Miss Carter really has some talent that just draws me right in and keeps me there til the end. I really recommend this book and I really hope she’s going to write more in this universe.”

  ~Emily, Amazon Reviewer

  “What I will say is that this is the kind of book that had me thinking about the story and characters even when I wasn’t reading it. You know, the kind of book you find yourself daydreaming about at work because you can’t wait to get home and read some more. I highly recommend this book and all of D.L. Carter’s work!”

  ~Lark, Amazon Reviewer

  Overview…

  Amber Kemp is summoned to investigate the disappearance of her favorite aunt, the head of the World Wide Witches Research Association (and Pinochle club).

  Before she can figure out where to begin her search, she receives cryptic instructions stating she has to “First Destroy All Giant Monsters.” In over her head from the start, Amber could use a little help on defining who, what, where, and most importantly … how GIANT are we talking, exactly!!?

  Acknowledgments

  This fourth book in the Deadwood Mystery series took a lot of help. In addition to my usual critique partners, advance readers, and editors, I had over two hundred fantastic beta readers who volunteered their time and knowledge to help polish this book to its final shine. In addition to all of these generous readers I want to mention:

  My husband and kids and mouthy cat

  Mimi “The Grammar Chick” (editor)

  My brother, Charles (C.S) Kunkle (cover artist and illustrator) and Sharon Benton (cover graphic artist)

  My publicists and sales help—Margo Taylor (and Dave), Janelle Andis, Judy Routt, and Wendy Gildersleeve

  First and second draft crew: Beth Harris, Wendy Delaney, Marcia Britton, Mary Ida Kunkle, Paul Franklin, Jody Sherin, Renelle Wilson, Sue Stone-Douglas, Marguerite Phipps, Sharon Benton, Margo Taylor, and Cammie Hall

  Terri Reid, Mary Buckham, and Kriss Morton

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sp; Jacquie Rogers, Amber Scott, Gerri Russell, and Joleen James

  My coworkers at my day job

  Neil McNeill

  My family

  Dr. Steven Fox

  The fun and amazingly supportive people of the Black Hills of South Dakota and the surrounding towns and cities, including Kim Rupp from Executive Lodging of the Black Hills, the Adams Bros. Bookstore, the Homestake Visitor Center, the Lead Chamber of Commerce, Karen Everett from the Lead-Deadwood Arts Council, the Deadwood Chamber of Commerce, the Pack Horse Liquor & Convenience Store and crew, the congregation of the Nemo Church, Janelle Andis from Custer Crossing Store and Campground, and Mary Abell.

  Corvallis Press, my publisher

  Finally, my brother, Clint Taylor (For the Black Hills dirt-bike memories—nobody crashes and burns on those dirt roads like you.)

  About Ann

  Ann Charles is an award-winning author who writes romantic mysteries that are splashed with humor and whatever else she feels like throwing into the mix. When she is not dabbling in fiction, arm-wrestling with her children, attempting to seduce her husband, or arguing with her sassy cat, she is daydreaming of lounging poolside at a fancy resort with a blended margarita in one hand and a great book in the other.

  Contact Information

  Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ann.charles.author

  Twitter: @DeadwoodViolet and @AnnWCharles

  My Main Website: http://www.anncharles.com

  My Deadwood Website: http://www.anncharles.com/deadwood

  Copyright

  BETTER OFF DEAD IN DEADWOOD

  Copyright © 2013 by Ann Charles

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means now known or hereafter invented, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, Corvallis Press.