Fraying at the Edge

by Cindy Woodsmall

  Ariana put her head on his shoulder. “I appreciate that, but I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Nicholas might have ruined our time, cross-examining you about your faith and preaching his beliefs.”

  Rudy lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Oh.”

  “It isn’t you. He’s that way with me too.”

  “He doesn’t sound like such a nice guy.”

  Ariana soaked in seeing Rudy. His curly, rust-colored hair and dark eyes were mesmerizing. “He’s different. At least from the people in our community.”

  He squeezed her hand. “I’ve been worried about you.”

  “That’s very sweet. It’s easier now, and I can’t see it getting unbearable again. But I’m also counting the days until I can go back to Amish life.”

  “That’s really good to hear. I’ve been trying to imagine what you do all day, but I have no idea.”

  “Nicholas makes lists of things I need to do and learn. And I spend time with Brandi and him. I read books and study things on the Internet. I play some video games with my stepbrothers and watch a lot of movies with my stepsister.”

  “Okay, Ariana, be honest. Electric heat and lights at the flip of a switch have to be great.”

  She chuckled, relieved that he took no offense at how she spent her days. “Ya, those are pretty hard to overrate. Oh, and thermostats. If you’re cold, you press a button, and heat not only turns on, but it stays on until the room is the desired temperature.”

  “Don’t make me jealous, Ariana. I’m living in the land of the superconservative. Around this time next month, I’ll be helping to cut and store ice so my community will have it for their iceboxes until next year’s ice cutting.”

  “I’ve never seen anyone cut ice before. Is it done like Kristoff does it in Frozen?”

  He stopped and stared at her. “Did you just ask me if I’ve seen a movie—a princess-type, children’s movie? What are you implying?”

  Ariana laughed. “Sorry.”

  “Sure you are. You couldn’t ask if I’d seen some manly movie?”

  “Like Die Hard and Terminator, right?” Ariana hadn’t seen those yet, but her stepbrothers had rambled on about them during one of their mealtimes.

  “Ya, like…What were the names of those movies again?” His grin was too cute.

  She cupped his face in her hands and kissed his lips again.

  “Denki,” Rudy whispered. “Hey, I’ve talked to Susie a few times, trying to find out how you’ve been doing. I’d hoped to at least send a warm ‘hello, thinking of you, miss you terribly’ message to you. Apparently you’ve had no contact with anyone at home.”

  “None. All of us are trying to follow Nicholas’s demands so no one gets sued.”

  “I have some good news from home. The café is doing great, according to Susie. And she said to tell you that she misses you terribly and that you should be grateful she hasn’t burned it down yet in revolt.”

  “That’s our Susie.” But Ariana wanted to shout with excitement. She’d been concerned about the café and worried about Susie. Buying the café had been her dream, and she’d made a lot of promises to Susie about the work load, ones she hadn’t been able to keep. “She’s not pulling out her hair?”

  “She said the first week was really tough but the second was a little better. This week has been even better, so they didn’t lose as much money as the first two weeks. She said Abram is practically managing it and doing a really good job.”

  “Abram?” Ariana couldn’t picture her brother managing the café. Because of his feelings of insecurity, decision making was very tough, and he was extremely shy.

  “Everyone sends their love and is eager for you to come back.”

  She had to cut the small talk until she told him the truths she had learned about herself. All of them. But she would work her way up to the hardest one. “I have a driver’s license.”

  “You do? Did you drive here?”

  “I did.”

  “By yourself?”

  “Brandi came with me. Nicholas felt I needed more experience before I crossed any state lines alone. She was a lot of help when it came to merging onto highways and teaching me how to read a GPS when it’s showing multiple highways at once.”

  He nodded.

  “Are you okay with me driving?”

  “It feels weird.” He tapped his chest. “But I get it, Ariana. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying to survive while protecting the people in your community. And trying to share Christ with your Englisch family.”

  “Until the last few days, I’ve not been a good witness at all. My plans and will betrayed me, and I pretty much cried my way through the first two weeks.”

  “Me too.” His slight smile said he was teasing. “No real tears, but a lot of irritable howling. Just ask my family.” He winked. “Maybe you haven’t handled things as well as you’d hoped, but I’m proud of—”

  She covered his mouth with her fingers. “Don’t say that. Not yet.” She lowered her hand. “I need you to listen without interrupting because I have to get through a lot of information you need to know.”

  It took her a while to tell him about her hair, the Englisch clothes, and Nicholas’s bucket list. She explained some of the things she’d done to earn the opportunity to see him today.

  Rudy’s brow was heavy with concern. “I’m glad you care that much.”

  “It gets worse.” She choked out the truth about her parents and her illegitimacy.

  He stared at her briefly before exhaling and slowly leaning back. His eyes fell on the children playing nearby. “Good grief, Ariana. I can’t imagine how tough this time has been for you.” He put his arm around her and leaned his head against hers. “I’m so sorry, and to think you’ve been all alone while going through it.”

  Is that all he had to say about it? Maybe he needed some time to think about what she’d said.

  “I…I haven’t been totally alone. I’m allowed to see, text, and call Quill.”

  “Quill.” Rudy’s voice went flat, and he pulled back his arm. The displeasure in his eyes was obvious.

  Who would’ve thought that was more upsetting than the other information?

  He tapped the back of one hand with the palm of the other. “You have to jump through hoops to see me, but you’re allowed to reach out to him anytime.”

  “I know. It’s wrong. But to Nicholas, Quill is the ideal person for me to be around. He’s former Amish with a life, career, and family outside of the Old Order.”

  “Quill has a family? As in a wife and children?”

  “No. He has four brothers and sisters-in-law and eight nieces and nephews.”

  “Wait, let me guess. He’s single, right?”

  “I wouldn’t like the situation one bit better than you if the tables were turned, but I promise you it’s not like that with Quill and me.”

  “Maybe not today.”

  “Or in a year. And I’m not the only one around singles of the opposite gender. Isn’t there someone your parents are pushing your way, hoping you’ll stay in Indiana rather than move to Summer Grove with the girl whose actual lineage isn’t Amish?”

  “Ya.” He nodded. “They’re doing that. But there was no one for me before I met you, and there will be no one after you. So let’s stick to the only real threat: Quill Schlabach.”

  “He’s not a threat. His goal is to help me cope with the situation and to help me get back to Summer Grove. He wants you and me to marry and have children, because he knows I love you. And then we can be family to his Mamm.”

  Resting his forearms on his thighs, Rudy stared at the ground but said nothing.

  In mid-September they had disagreed over Quill’s helping her purchase the café, and Rudy had lost all control. He’d railed with anger. But this silence was far more disconcerting. His anger she understood. Silence was harder to decipher.

  “That’s great, Ariana. He wants
you to return to Summer Grove.”

  His sarcasm caught her off guard.

  With his forearms still on his legs, he intertwined his hands and never glanced her way. “I’m working really long hours to save for our future, assuring myself that, at the end of our forced separation, we’ll be together for the rest of our lives.” He turned his head, looking at her. “But you’re there with Quill, and I’m in Indiana. And now I’m wondering, at the end of this separation, is it going to be you and me?”

  “Rudy.” What was he thinking? “Ya, of course it is.”

  He studied her as if looking for the truth. “Promise me I’m not waiting for nothing. Promise me this ridiculous hardship your dad has put on us won’t break us.”

  “I promise,” she yelped before looping her arm through his and leaning against his shoulder. “I promise, Rudy,” she whispered. “You don’t need to think twice about that. And I have a few ideas about how I might get home sooner.”

  He kissed her forehead. “I hope they’re rock-solid ideas.”

  “Remember when we discussed what Nicholas wanted, and we agreed that it was God’s will that I obey my parents?”

  “Ya.”

  “I’m rethinking that.”

  He leaned forward so he could look in her eyes. Skepticism covered his face. “You’re rethinking God’s will?”

  He was perfectly serious. But she didn’t think she was wrong. Not in this.

  “No. Goodness, no. I’m rethinking our view of His will. See, last weekend I went to a planetarium, and…” She told him even more than she had shared with Brandi, and he seemed to understand it in the way she needed him to.

  “I can feel some of those things just by listening to you talk about them.” He scooted a few inches away and angled himself so he could face her. “The bottom line is you’re hoping to find a balance between submitting to the scriptures about obedience to parents and following God as you feel He’s leading you. That’s dangerous ground, Ariana.”

  “Ya, I know. But isn’t it also dangerous to blindly obey any individual? Nicholas has given me history books to read, things we brushed over in school. The Word says to obey those in power, and yet Hitler was once in power.”

  “Honoring our parents is a commandment.”

  “But what is meant by the word honor?”

  His eyes grew large. “Seriously?”

  “Shouldn’t we at least pray about it, be sure we’re not letting others use us for their purposes while telling us it’s for God’s purpose?” She didn’t dare confess that Quill had planted that thought in her mind.

  “See, this is why I want to stay under God’s authority in the Amish church. No one there would try to sabotage God’s ways for personal gain.”

  She barely nodded, unsure if he was right. The bishop had dealt severely with the Schlabachs, but none of the brothers had joined the faith. Why be so adamant about the sons not visiting their Mamm? Was that scriptural?

  Ariana toyed with the fringe of the knit scarf. “But my immediate authority right now isn’t the Amish church or my Amish parents. I’m under Nicholas.”

  “Ya, and he’s threatened a lawsuit and prison time for the midwife and your parents.”

  “He has definitely jumbled the Word concerning the need to obey him as a parent and the lawsuit threat together, and they have to be separated and dealt with as very different issues. He was angry and upset at the beginning, offended that his daughter had been raised Amish. Now that we’ve bonded some, I think he may be willing to relent. At least a little. But the question is, do you agree with me about pushing back and even disobeying him at times?”

  She was asking a difficult question, and she was asking him as the future head of their household. Rudy would stand a better chance of knowing his answer if they’d been taught differently. They hadn’t been taught to follow their conscience. The Word and the Ordnung were their conscience, but what did a person do after the Ordnung had been stripped away and the Word was being used for selfish purposes?

  Rudy sighed. “Let me think about that for a bit. I want you back in Summer Grove, but I’m really uncomfortable with your idea of rethinking God’s will. Your Daed agreed to you coming here. It wasn’t just Nicholas.”

  “But there are times when God tells people to leave their families, like when God called Abraham to leave his family, despite what his father may have wanted. Jesus told a man to leave his father and follow Him.”

  “Ya, but every instance I can think of is God telling a man to come away. Do you know of a time when God told a woman to leave her father or husband?”

  His line of thinking didn’t seem right to her. “So if two boys had been born and swapped at the Amish center that night, and if I was Abram, I could challenge Nicholas, and whatever my decision was, it would be accepted as God’s leading? But since I’m me, a woman, I’m stuck keeping my mouth shut? That’s a little convenient for the men, don’t you think?”

  “When you put it that way, it just sounds wrong, doesn’t it?” He drew her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Let’s put all this talk away for now and enjoy our time.”

  “Ya, I would like that.” She was ready to think about other things and have some fun.

  “Maybe the answer will come to us before we part.” With her hand in his, he stood. “My driver said there’s a really cool café inside a place called the Popcorn Palace. Hot drinks, deli sandwiches, scones. Care to check it out?”

  “I’d like that.”

  He tugged on her hand, and in the blink of an eye, they were toe-to-toe. He lifted her chin, gazed into her eyes, and kissed her again, making her feel beautiful and protected, just as it did each time their lips met.

  And she prayed God would protect their relationship.

  Abram stood behind the register and glanced at the clock. Three minutes before two on a Monday. It’d been their best day yet, and business picked up on Fridays and Saturdays. Almost closing time and no one was in line, but there were still several people at various tables, finishing their lunch. Jackson had picked up a bag of wheat berries for Susie and brought it by, and he was eating the special she’d made for him as a way to say thanks.

  He counted the money again, trying to get the drawer to balance with the orders they’d filled today. Sometimes it took several tries to balance the drawer. Even so, he was pleased with how well the café was doing. They were gaining customers every day, and many were becoming regulars.

  A loud crash jolted everyone.

  “Sorry.” Skylar knelt. Her dyed swath of black hair was growing out, leaving dirty blond roots. She kept it in a ponytail while at work, but the moment she walked out of the café, she removed the band.

  Abram came out from behind the counter and saw that she’d dropped a tray of clean flatware. Jackson was getting up too.

  She held up her hand. “I got it. Both of you. I’m fine.” Her hand and arm were shaking, but she lifted her eyes, and they were steely cold. “Just back off.”

  Abram drew a breath and returned to the register. Man, he missed Ariana. Susie glanced out of the pass-through window from her cooking station. Their eyes met, and he saw her concern. This was the third time today Skylar had dropped something and then snapped at whoever was closest. Earlier a half-full coffeepot had slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor and spattering coffee.

  Cilla and Martha were in the kitchen with Susie, cleaning and getting the place ready so everyone could go home shortly after closing. Cilla came out with an empty tray to help Skylar gather the flatware.

  Abram caught her by the arm and shook his head. He nodded toward the register. “I can’t get the drawer to balance. Would you mind trying?”

  “Not at all.” Cilla handed him the tray and went behind the register.

  He walked over to a table far away from Skylar. He had a few clues about what was going on with her. He and Susie had talked about it. Whoever Skylar was watching for had apparently not dropped by.

  Abram began gathering the
dirty dishes. Nearby a small group of customers rose and laughed as they headed for the door. “Great food as always.” An older man put his hand on Abram’s shoulder as he passed by.

  “Glad you enjoyed it.” Abram waved as the man went out the door. “Thanks for coming in.”

  Where were those familiar awkward feelings? The ones that made it hard to talk to people? The café seemed to have changed everything.

  Brennemans’ Perks.

  If Ariana had known she wasn’t a Brenneman before naming the café, would she have called it something else? How would she feel about the name when she returned? He looked at the coffee makers, a timer, a scale, a grinder, a toaster, a waffle maker, and a blender for frappes and smoothies. From the coffees to the menu to the electric appliances, Brennemans’ Perks hardly looked like the place Ariana had set up. How would she feel about that? He pushed those thoughts aside. There was nothing he could do about Ariana right now. But there was plenty he could do to help the café be successful.

  Skylar was still on her knees, gathering the scattered flatware. When her hands were full, she dropped a load on the largest table, and then she ambled over to gather the rest.

  The remaining customers, three separate tables of women, glanced at her. Some whispered. Others began collecting their things.

  Abram slid his tray of dirty dishes onto a table and went to Skylar, turning his back to the customers. “You need a minute? Maybe some air?”

  “No. It’s just stupid flatware. I got this, okay?”

  “It’s not just about you, Skylar. You’ve rattled the customers.”

  She peered around him, nodded, and drew a breath. “Hi, ladies. Sorry to be so noisy. Nothing personal. Well, not to you. I’d personally like to drop my ex-boyfriend like he’s apparently dropped me. Two weeks ago we were good, and he said, ‘See you in a few days.’ Now? Nothing. Nada. Zip. He hasn’t called and won’t even pick up when I call. I’d like to scatter his emotions across the floor like I did the flatware.”