Havoc: Mayhem Series #4

by Jamie Shaw

  His fingers fuck me as he gazes up at me, baiting me with a question he already knows the answer to, but I can’t form coherent words over the sounds of tortured pleasure coming from my mouth.

  “Answer me, Hailey,” he says, lowering his mouth to my heat again, lavishing my bud with his tongue.

  Fireworks explode behind my eyes as my hips buck beneath him, and my body shatters and comes back together, only to shatter again. “Yes,” I scream as my orgasm turns me inside out. Mike removes his finger to lap at me with his tongue, devouring me hungrily as I lose my damn mind. “Yes, yes, yes!” I scream, not caring who might be driving by to hear me. “Fuck, Mike!”

  He lifts me up in an instant, kissing me heatedly as he carries my all-but-naked body across his driveway, up his sidewalk, and into his house. “I want your come on my cock,” he growls as he lies me on his bed and crawls over me, and all I can do is kiss him as I burn alive beneath his body. He kicks his jeans and boxers off, tosses my panties across the room, and lowers himself on top of me.

  “I need you,” he says, and I realize he’s asking for permission. His body is trembling with need for me, but he’s staring down into my eyes, begging for me to welcome him into my body for the second time tonight.

  “I’m yours,” I answer, sliding my fingers up his neck. I hold his jaw in my hands and pull him to my mouth, kissing away the moan that rumbles from his throat as he pushes into me.

  In Mike’s bed, in his arms, the mood is different than it was in the truck. He moves inside me slowly, spoiling my body with kisses that make my back arch and my fingers dig into his back. He whispers that he loves me, and it takes everything in me not to say it back.

  He’s leaving in a few hours—I can’t love him. I can’t.

  The way my heart swells as he makes love to me is a secret I keep to myself, one that exhausts me as I memorize Mike’s body with my fingertips, my lips, my tongue. I lose track of time beneath him, and by the time he releases into my body, I’m not sure if we’ve been in his bed for two hours or two days.

  When he rolls onto his side and pulls me against his chest, I snuggle in even closer. I sigh at the way he molds against me, and I fall asleep in his arms.

  Chapter 35

  The first time I slept in Mike’s bed, I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him. I wanted to slide across his king-sized mattress, curl up next to him, and press my cheek against his chest. And when I wake up Sunday morning, after opening my eyes and remembering everything we did last night, that’s exactly what I do. Since falling asleep, I’ve slipped out of his arms, but I slide across the bed until I’m melting against his body, relishing the way his big arms wrap tightly around me and hug me like he’ll never let me go.

  Mike groans contentedly and presses a kiss against the top of my head, and I can’t help it—I giggle.

  He loosens his hold to gaze down at me, the hint of a smile already playing on his lips. “What?” he asks, and I can’t help laughing again.

  “You’re a dirty talker,” I finally say out loud, and the blush that stains Mike’s cheeks makes my heart flip in my chest. He was a god last night—dominating even as he worshipped me on his knees. And the words that came out of his mouth, the way his voice sounded when he demanded I come on his cock—it was unexpected and so, so, so unbelievably freaking hot.

  “Did you like it?” he asks, and my cheeks flush to match his own.

  “Couldn’t you tell?”

  The corners of Mike’s mouth tug up into an adorably sexy smile, and before I overthink it, I give in to temptation and stretch up to plant a kiss against those irresistible lips. I lower my head back to his biceps, and Mike’s smile brightens as he brushes a lock of curls away from my eyes.

  “I’ve never been like that with anyone else,” he says, tucking the hair behind my ear, and I question him with my gaze. “The uh . . . dirty talk.”

  “You weren’t like that with . . .” I trail off, and Mike shakes his head against his pillow.

  “No. I never even thought those things with anyone else. You have no idea what you do to me, Hailey. You bring it out of me.”

  “Your inner caveman?” I ask with an impish smile, and Mike fists his hand in the back of my hair, applying pressure as he smirks at me. I bite my lip between my teeth, and he releases my hair to sweep his thumb across my mouth, laughing with surprise when I bite down on it.

  I release his thumb to smile up at him, loving the way his laughter touches his eyes, the way they crinkle at the corners as he gazes down at me with more love than should be possible after so short a time.

  “What’s on your mind right now?” I ask, and Mike lifts himself up on his elbow to let his eyes rove over my lips, my chin, my cheeks, the tiny freckle on my nose. Finally, his gaze settles on mine.

  “I wish I could wake up with you tomorrow.”

  My throat thickens, and he kisses me softly. It’s not a fiery kiss—it’s a plush blanket that wraps itself around me, that warms me from the inside out. He pulls away and tames another curl that’s tumbled over my forehead.

  “What else?” I ask when a secret smile touches his lips.

  His attention slides from my hair to my eyes, and he holds them when he says, “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  I can’t stop the way the corners of my mouth turn up even as I roll my eyes. “You are such a liar.”

  Mike’s expression sobers, his voice full of sincerity when he says, “I would never lie to you, Hailey.”

  I don’t respond. I just stare up at him.

  “Do you believe me?”

  I give a small nod of my head, but it doesn’t seem to ease his concern. His fingers thread into my hair, and he rubs tender circles over my temple with his thumb. “I want to give us a shot. I want this to work.” He pauses like he wants me to say something, but I don’t know what to say. Danica forbade it. And besides, he’s leaving in a matter of hours, if not less, and I won’t see him again for weeks. Months. We’re not even together yet and he’s already leaving.

  “I’m going to be gone for a long time,” he continues, “and you know there are fans . . . girls.” I feel his fingers tense in my hair like they want to drum against my scalp. “But you only need to know one thing.”

  “And that is?”

  “I don’t want them,” he promises. “I want you. I’ve waited for you for too long to mess this up.”

  “You’ve waited for me?” I ask, incapable of understanding. We just met. He didn’t even know I existed before a few weeks ago.

  “I’ve waited for you my whole life, Hailey,” Mike says, and when a silent breath catches in my throat, he waits for me to release it. “Will you give me a shot?”

  That question is so much more complicated than he knows. If Danica knew I was in his bed right now . . . if she knew all the ways he touched me last night . . .

  I worry the inside of my lip, wondering how Mike and I could ever possibly work. We’d have to keep our relationship a secret from Danica, and if Lifetime movies have taught me anything, it’s that secret relationships are never a good idea.

  And frankly, neither are long-distance relationships. When I was eighteen, I was dating a guy named Tom, and he cheated on me after he went off to state college. Granted, I was kind of relieved, since it meant I didn’t have to keep spending hours on the phone each night listening to how much he missed me, but still . . .

  And Mike is going to have so much more opportunity than a frat house at state college. He’s going to have girls literally lining up. They’ll be in single-file outside of his clubs. They’ll be screaming his name in the front row of his shows. They’ll be standing outside of his bus, in short skirts and skimpy tops.

  “What would giving us a shot entail?” I surprise myself by asking, and even though I haven’t answered yet, Mike is already smiling.

  “Let me date you,” he says. “Don’t date anyone else while I’m gone. Just me.”

  “You’ll be on the
other side of the world,” I point out, and he brushes his fingers over my arm, sending goose bumps dancing over my skin.

  “I could be on the other side of the universe, Hailey, and it wouldn’t keep me from you.”

  Butterflies swarm in my stomach at the sincerity in his words, at the promise in his eyes, and in spite of my dry throat, I nod and manage a tiny “Okay.”

  “Okay?” he asks with hope glinting in his eyes.

  This is probably the wrong decision. I’m probably going to regret it. But I started falling for Mike Madden the moment I made him laugh beside me on his tour bus, and I don’t have the strength to break my own heart. Not today, not with his eyes shining with happiness, not when I’m the one who put it there.

  “Okay,” I say again, and Mike seals the promise with a kiss that wraps itself around my worries and makes them disappear. They’ll matter tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, but for now, this morning, there is only Mike Madden—rock star, gamer, pizza lover, drumstick twirler, beer drinker, sex god.

  My boyfriend.

  We’ll have to say goodbye soon, but for better or worse, I know this is just the beginning.

  Chapter 36

  Dee: Hailey, please PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD tell us you had mind-blowing sex with Mike last night.

  Rowan: And that you two weren’t axed to death in the woods. . . .

  Dee: Mike’s truck was missing!

  Rowan: Maybe the axe murderer took it.

  A schoolgirl smile consumes my face as I sit alone in Mike’s empty house and type back, I had mind-blowing sex with Mike last night.

  Dee: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

  Rowan: OMG!

  Kit: Why am I in this conversation?

  My face flames hot as I realize it’s more than just me, Dee, and Rowan in this group text.

  Unknown number: YASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

  Me: Who is that?

  Unknown number: HOW CAN I BE A PROPER FAIRY GODFRIEND WHEN NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM?

  Dee: Calm your tits, Leti.

  Rowan: Is your car still in the parking lot back at the woods, Hailey?

  Kit: Hailey, did Mike leave yet?

  I finish plugging “unknown number” into my phone as Leti, and then I rub a line between my eyes and tell Rowan that yes, my car is still back at the woods, and Kit that yes, Mike just left. I know he’s running late, since we dragged our goodbye out longer than we should have, but it hurt to let him go, and I could tell how much he struggled with leaving.

  He gave me a key to his house before he left, insisting that he wanted me to have it just in case Danica kicked me out again. And then he told me that he’d be performing in a time zone two hours behind me tonight, and promised to call me before his show. He offered to make himself even later by taking me to pick up my car, but I insisted I could find someone else to take me, so he left me with a kiss that lingered against my lips, and I stood in his driveway watching his truck disappear down the road.

  Me: Rowan, can you pick me up from Mike’s place?

  Rowan: Already on my way.

  In Mike’s shower, I let the water wash the scent of him from my skin, and my eyes begin to sting. He’s going to be gone a month and a half, and my heart already aches at the thought of it. I remember how hard it was when I avoided him for the week after I realized I’d developed a crush on him, and now I have to multiply that by six.

  At least we’ll be able to talk on the phone . . .

  I close my eyes under the water and see the way he smiled at me this morning as he lay beside me, playing with my hair. I won’t see him again for six weeks. I won’t feel his fingertips on my skin or his mouth on my lips, and after learning how good those things feel, it hurts. He’s only been gone for forty minutes, and my entire body already aches from missing him.

  When I answer Rowan’s knock on the door, my hair is still wet and I’m wearing my borrowed leggings from last night under one of Mike’s smallest T-shirts. I’m swimming in it, but it wraps itself comfortingly around me in spite of the hole in my chest and the stinging in my eyes. Rowan stands on his doorstep, taking in the sight of me before wrapping me in a tight hug.

  Her eyes looked red like she’d been crying on the way here, so I hold her just as tightly. “He’ll be back soon,” I assure her of Adam, and she nods against my cheek.

  “Mike too.”

  When she pulls away, she gives me a sad smile and wipes a tear from my cheek that I hadn’t realized had spilled there.

  “Is it always this hard?” I wonder, and she nods as she finishes drying my skin with her thumb.

  “Every time.”

  “But you make it work?”

  She nods and wipes her fingers under her own damp eyes. “It’s worth it.”

  “How is Dee?”

  Both of the girls are in the same position—left behind while Adam and Joel tour the world. Shawn is the only one who didn’t have to leave someone, since Kit is part of the band.

  Rowan gives another weak smile, her normally dark denim-blue eyes a shade brighter with unshed tears. “She can’t really talk about it. But she’ll be okay.” She picks at my T-shirt, a teasing grin sneaking onto her face. “I’m pretty sure details about last night would be just the distraction she needs.” I blush furiously, and Rowan laughs as she squeezes me in another hug. “I’m so happy for you.”

  I want to tell her that Danica is going to kill me, that dating her ex is a terrible idea, and that I’m pretty sure I’ve made a huge mistake. Instead, I force a smile when she pulls away, and I try to stop falling apart.

  In her blue Honda Accord, she doesn’t press me for details about what happened after Mike and I left the party last night. Instead, we talk about the video shoot, we talk about Dee’s dress, we talk about how she met Leti and how Leti ended up dating Kit’s brother. I laugh when she tells me the story of her and Adam—how she, Leti, and Adam were all in the same French class, and how everyone in the world, including Leti, had swooned over Adam Everest. But Rowan and he had history, and when they were forced to spend a weekend on tour together, they both fell and they both fell hard. Their story is one made for books, and I find myself asking how Dee got with Joel, and how Kit got with Shawn. Rowan gives me all the details over strawberry pancakes at IHOP, and when we’re finally on the way to pick up my car, she turns to me and asks, “Hailey, can I be really honest with you?”

  I nod, and Rowan gazes back out at the road.

  “When I went on tour with the band after meeting Adam, Mike was the first one of the guys to really make me feel welcome. I was so out of my element, and I think he could tell, because he went out of his way to make sure I felt comfortable and safe.” She glances over at me, and the serious look in her eyes ensures I pay close attention. “Mike is one of the nicest, most considerate, most hilarious, most selfless guys I know. He’s not like other guys, Hailey. He’s special.”

  I simply stare back at her, silently agreeing with everything she’s saying.

  “Anyway,” she continues, looking back out at the road, “after one of the shows that weekend when I was on tour with them, he and I went to this little pizza shop and got a pizza, and we somehow ended up talking about his ex-girlfriend.”

  I swallow hard, and Rowan asks, “He said her parents owned a pig farm that had a strawberry patch?”

  I nod, confirming that he was talking about Danica.

  “We talked about her for a little bit, and I eventually asked Mike why none of the guys had girlfriends. I wanted to know why Adam didn’t have one, and he told me that Adam, Shawn, and Joel didn’t want one.” I crack an amused smile, since they have all very clearly changed their minds, and Rowan mirrors it before she says, “But do you know what Mike said about himself?”

  I wait for her answer, and she holds my gaze. “He said he hadn’t found the right girl yet.”

  A torrent of emotions whirls in my stomach—I feel proud and incredibly lucky that he thinks I’m the right girl, but worried and pressured th
at I’m not.

  I’m nothing special. I know he thinks I am, but I’m not.

  “It’s been kind of . . . sad isn’t the word I’m looking for . . . but, I mean, Adam, Joel, and Shawn all settled down before Mike, when Mike has been the one open to finding love this whole time.” Rowan looks over at me again, worrying her lip like she’s trying to choose her words carefully. “I love Mike like a brother, Hailey. I want him to be happy.”

  I know what she’s telling me. She’s telling me not to break his heart. I can hear myself having this conversation with Luke’s girlfriend in a few years.

  “Me too,” I say, and I mean it.

  Mike deserves the girl he’s been waiting for . . . I just don’t know how I can be her, when Danica is so determined to make sure I’m not.

  Chapter 37

  Some days at the animal shelter make me not want to live on this planet anymore. Like days when it’s time to evaluate the dogs that were rescued from a dogfighting ring a few days ago, when I have to see just how devastating human cruelty can be. Even though we’re a no-kill shelter, many of the pit bulls are too aggressive to be adopted and have to be put down. And even more are simply injured beyond hope.

  As part of my internship responsibilities, I help evaluate the rescues, and each time one lunges at me or goes ballistic on a plastic hand or stuffed dog, I fight back tears. I know they weren’t born this way—they were made this way—and it’s why my heart shatters every time I have to walk one of them to the back room.

  I go home that night mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I went directly to the animal shelter after Rowan drove me to my car, and it’s been a terrible, long day. In the clothes I arrived at the video shoot in the night before, I sit in my apartment parking lot, wondering if I should just sleep in the backseat of my car.