A Semi-Charming Kind of Life

by Suzanne Selfors

  Darling remembered all those afternoons when she’d watched from the tower window while her brothers took archery lessons in the garden below. When she asked if she could try, Queen Charming said, “Bows and arrows are too dangerous for a Charming princess. You’ll shoot your foot. Besides, look what happened to that nice girl, Maid Marian. She took up the sport and started robbing from the rich. She became a threat to kingdom security. I won’t let that happen to you.”

  Darling chuckled to herself as she recalled that moment, but she didn’t want to insult Marian by sharing it. She watched as Marian took out a quiver filled with arrows. They used the stump as a target. On the first dozen tries, Darling’s arrows fell limply to the ground. By the thirteenth try, it sprung forward and flew. She didn’t shoot her foot, but she did manage to hit a few nearby trees before she finally made the target. “I did it!” she cried.

  “You learn quickly,” Marian said as she retrieved the arrow. “I’m starting to believe you can do anything if you set your mind to it.”

  They took a break, sitting on a bed of moss, sipping Jack Frost Glacier Water from two bottles that Marian had tucked in her bag. “I have your book,” Darling told her. “I loved reading about your life with the Merry Men, but you don’t talk much about your life before you met Robin Hood.”

  “Oh, I was a damsel, and I was told that my prince would come and I was supposed to wait for that day. And then I’d get married, become a queen, and live happily ever after.”

  “Same with me,” Darling said. “I’m going to be in some sort of dangerous situation, but my prince will whisk me away in time. But what if he doesn’t? I mean, how can I base my whole future on some anonymous dude? What if he has something else to do that day? Or what if he gets hit by a carriage and can’t get to me? Am I supposed to shrug and say ‘oh well, I guess this is my destiny’? I don’t think so. And it’s pretty frustrating that everywhere I go, I have to deal with all these boys trying to win my heart simply because I’m a Charming princess.” She realized she’d been speaking very loudly. She glanced around. “I shouldn’t say those sorts of things.”

  Marian laughed. “Don’t be ashamed if you want to go off script. In my day, no one was called a Rebel. They weren’t out in the open, like you kids are nowadays. But Rebels existed. Rebels have always existed. As long as there have been stories, there have been characters who refuse to stick to the outline.” She replaced the cap on her water bottle, then set it aside. “If not a helpless damsel, then what do you want to be?”

  “I want to be a hero.” Darling had never said those words aloud. Not to anyone, not even Dexter. It was a huge confession. And it felt great. “I want to be the one to come to the rescue. To save the day.”

  “I think that’s a noble goal,” Marian said. She pulled a pair of sneakers from her bag. “But just remember, you’re not really the hero if the person you’re rescuing doesn’t want or need to be rescued.”

  Darling took a long, deep breath of forest air. “You’re right,” she said as she thought of Dexter lying in bed, covered in blue spots. He hadn’t asked for her help. And he certainly didn’t need to be rescued. He had the right to write his own story. And so did she.

  Marian tied her laces, then stood. “Well, how about we go for that run?”

  “Yes!” Darling tossed her cape aside, then pulled her gown off over her head. She zipped up her workout jacket and slipped her feet into her running shoes.

  And she ran.

  Chapter 19

  A Damsel Parade

  Welcome to Parents Weekend.” Headmaster Grimm stood at a podium in the middle of the athletic field. The bleachers were filled with students, faculty, and family. “I have a few announcements to make before we begin the opening ceremony.” He tapped the microphone to make sure it was working. “Regarding parking—I’m sorry to say that the helipad is full, as is the carriage lot. There are a few spaces left behind Mr. Green Thumb’s garden, but please do not park on his beloved squash. And make sure to get your parking pass validated by one of the parking fairies.” He dabbed his forehead with a handker-chief.

  Darling sat in the front row of the bleachers, between Apple White and Briar Beauty. The three girls wore so much taffeta, lace, and sequins that they could have opened their own fabric store. Briar had fallen asleep on Darling’s shoulder, leaving a little patch of drool. Darling nudged her awake. The Hero Training students were dragging their armor into a temporary tent that had been borrowed from Camelot. She spied Daring and Hunter, but where was Dexter? When she’d called him that morning, he’d said he was fine and that she didn’t need to worry. But his voice had still sounded ragged.

  Then she saw him. He was walking slowly, dressed in half his dented armor and carrying the rest. Was he still sick?

  Headmaster Grimm cleared his throat, then continued. “In honor of the visiting parents, Hagatha is preparing tonight’s feast.” The audience groaned. “I am told that it is a woodland stew, and I’m sure it will surprise us with its depth of flavor and interesting textures.”

  “Let’s hope no one breaks a tooth on a twig,” Apple whispered.

  “After today’s opening ceremony, you are welcome to visit the Cooking Class-ic classroom and try some student-made treats. The Science and Sorcery classroom will be open if you would like to see your student’s lab work up close. And a mini-lecture titled “Why Sleep Is Important for a Healthy Student” will be given by Professor Rip Van Winkle in the Charmitorium,” the headmaster said.

  Darling turned and looked up in the bleachers. King and Queen Charming sat in the central box seats, surrounded by a contingent of Charmings—Grandpa Auspicious, Aunt Fairest, and cousins Cherished, Fearless, Breathtaking, and Beloved, to name a few. All those Charming eyes would be watching, judging, and expecting the Charming siblings to be perfect representations of their destinies. Darling broke out in a cold sweat.

  “Oh dear, you’re getting shiny,” Apple said. She reached into her jeweled purse and pulled out a powder puff. “Are you nervous?”

  “A bit,” Darling admitted.

  Apple blotted Darling’s nose. “Don’t worry. You are the perfect princess, and everyone knows it.”

  Trumpets blasted and the crowd stood for the Ever After High anthem. The Pied Piper Band marched across the field, a few stray rats at their heels.

  “Eew,” Briar said as a rat darted out from under their bench to join the others. Once the music stopped, the audience took their seats, and Headmaster Grimm continued speaking. “We shall now have a special parade by our Damsel-In-Distressing class. Then, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, as our very own Ever After High heroes will delight you with their jousting skills!” Everyone applauded.

  Madam Maid Marian stepped onto the field and motioned her students forward. “Here we go,” Duchess said with a roll of her eyes.

  For once, Madam Maid Marian had decided that they’d stick to protocol. The tradition was that the damsels would present themselves to the audience in a parade. Walking down a royal red carpet took minimal effort and required no talent whatsoever. Best of all, there was very little risk involved. The school’s doctor was standing nearby in case a damsel strained her wrist from waving. “I know this seems ridiculous,” Madam Maid Marian whispered to them, “so let’s just get it over with.”

  They were dressed in their utmost finery. Layers of satin and silk. Beaded corsets and brocaded skirts. Holly looked as if she was wearing every single piece of jewelry she owned, and Briar’s tiara was encrusted with too many diamonds to count. Cerise’s red cape was sprinkled with gold dust, and Apple’s velvet sash dragged six feet behind her. Darling kept accidentally stepping on it. “Sorry.” Just then, a few birds swooped in, picking up Apple’s sash and carrying it behind her. I wish I could get out of these heels, Darling thought.

  As the Pied Piper Band played, Sparrow Hood took the microphone, singing a screechy version of “Girl, You Are So Dutiful.” The damsels walked, one at a time, down the re
d carpet. They smiled. They waved. They curtsied. Parents recorded the moment on their MirrorPhones. When it was Darling’s turn, three boys ran onto the field, ready to propose, but they were shooed away by the headmaster.

  When the parade was over, polite applause arose from the bleachers. The damsels returned to their bleacher seats. Apple and the others sighed with relief, but Darling didn’t. She chewed on her lower lip and could think of only one thing—Dexter.

  Headmaster Grimm took to the podium again. “Thank you, young ladies, for that display. We can all rest assured knowing that you will be the next generation of helpless damsels.” Cerise growled softly under her cloak’s hood. “And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Please give a rousing welcome to the heroes of Ever After High!”

  A cacophony of foot stomping, whistling, and cheering arose as the heroes emerged from the tent. Each was on horseback and in full regalia. Professor Knight rode first, his swaybacked horse looking as if it might collapse at any moment. Then came Daring, his blond hair flowing in the breeze, his smile nearly blinding the onlookers. Ashlynn jumped to her feet and waved as Hunter emerged. The audience continued its wild adoration as, one by one, the Hero Training students rode past the bleachers.

  Darling shifted nervously. Where was Dexter?

  Professor Knight rode to the podium. Headmaster Grimm held the microphone up to the professor’s white beard. “Ladies and gentlemen,” the old knight said, waving his hands for silence. The crowd settled, all ears tuned to the proceedings. “I have had the privilege of instructing your squires in the traditional skills of knighthood. The chivalric code is…”

  Darling stopped listening. Something wasn’t right. King Charming had ordered Hunter to escort Dexter to the tournament. Hunter wouldn’t fail. So why was Dexter still in the tent?

  Madam Maid Marian’s voice rang in her ears. You’re not really the hero if the person you’re rescuing doesn’t want or need to be rescued.

  Dexter didn’t want her help in the tournament. But instinct told her that at that moment, he needed her.

  Darling stood and flipped her hair. Professor Knight stopped midsentence. Daring froze midsmile. Even the clouds stopped moving.

  While time nearly came to a standstill, Darling scrambled from the bench. She kicked off her heels, grabbing them with her right hand, and with her left hand she lifted the hem of her dress. Then she ran as fast as she could.

  Chapter 20

  The Knight in Dented Armor

  As soon as Darling slipped into the tent, time returned to normal. Professor Knight’s voice bellowed from the speakers as he rambled on and on about chivalry. He made no mention of the girl who had just streaked across the field. To those who had been suspended in time, Darling would have appeared to be nothing more than a sunbeam, or a glint from one of the jousting shields.

  Dexter was sitting on a bench. He was dressed in everything but his helmet. A black horse stood by his side. “What’s the matter?” Darling asked, sliding onto the bench next to him. “Are you still sick?”

  “No, I actually feel much better.” The blue spots were gone and he didn’t look one bit sleepy. His eyes, however, were not sparkling in their usual manner. They were clouded with sadness. “I’m worried. Not about throwing the match. That’s the easy part. But I’m still stuck with this stupid helmet. How can Dare win if I’m riding in the wrong direction? I won’t even be able to tell where I’m aiming my lance. What if I accidentally hit him?” Darling had been worried about the exact same thing all morning. “And to make matters worse, I don’t even know this horse. But Hunter says it’s the one I’ve been riding all week. I mean, the one you’ve been riding all week.”

  “The horse is the last thing you have to worry about.” She reached over and patted Sir Gallopad’s leg. “You don’t have to guide him. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’ll carry you safely down the field. There’ll be no galloping in the wrong direction.” Sir Gallopad snorted.

  “Well, at least I’ve got that going for me,” Dexter said with a half smile.

  They heard cheers arise outside as Professor Knight announced the first pair of jousters.

  “Are Mom and Dad out there?”

  “Yes,” she said. But she didn’t mention the rest of the Charming clan. Dexter had a tendency to get hives when he was extra nervous, and it was nearly impossible to scratch while wearing armor, as she now knew.

  “And what about…?” He gulped. “Is… is Raven out there?”

  “Yep. She’s in the bleachers.” Darling took Dexter’s hand. “Look, don’t worry for one second about Raven. She told me she’s not impressed by all this knight-in-shining-armor stuff. She likes boys who read.”

  “Really?” He smiled and—bling!—his eyes were sparkling once again, even behind his glasses.

  A trumpet blasted, followed by “Charge!” Darling stood. “You’d better get ready. I’ll help you get on the horse.”

  With a sigh, Dexter took off his glasses and picked up the dented helmet. “I’m sorry you can’t be the one to claim the championship,” he said. “It’s stupid, really, that you’re not allowed. Maybe one day…” He pulled the helmet over his head. “Maybe things will change.”

  “You’re not mad at me for pretending to be you?”

  “Mad at you? Of course not.” He flipped up the visor. “How could I be mad? We promised to come to each other’s rescue, remember?”

  It was an awkward hug, what with the plates of armor and Darling’s taffeta sleeve getting caught on Dexter’s gauntlet, but the hug represented words that did not need to be said. Darling and Dexter were a team. They would always have each other’s backs.

  While the trumpet sounded again, followed by another “Charge!” Darling grabbed the footstool and helped guide her brother onto the horse. Just as Dexter was settled into the saddle, Daring and his steed stuck their heads into the tent.

  “Hey, Dex, what’s taking you so long? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

  “Look, I know this is stressful. You’re not used to championships. But don’t worry about getting hurt. I promise to be very careful. I’m not going to send my brother flying out of his saddle. You have my word.”

  “Thanks, Dare.”

  “Let’s go. It’s almost our turn.” Daring and his steed turned around and disappeared from view.

  “Take this,” Darling said, holding up the shield. Because Dexter could barely see, it took a few moments for him to grab it. “No, that’s the wrong hand.” Then she picked up the lance. “Close your visor, then take this.” He did.

  “This thing is heavy!” He wobbled as he tried to find his balance.

  “I know you missed a few classes, but this thing is called a lance,” she teased.

  “Dare promised not to hurt me, but what if I hurt him? How am I going to aim this thing if I can’t see?”

  “Actually, I think I’ve figured that out,” she said as she lifted the tent’s flap. “Do you still trust me?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Whatever you’ve got up your sleeve, do it.”

  As Sir Gallopad carried Dexter to the end of the field, Darling slipped back into her shoes, then left the tent. “And now the moment we’ve been waiting for,” Professor Knight announced. “The championship round.” The cheering, whistling, and stomping reached epic proportions as Daring and his steed rode in front of the bleachers. Dexter, however, waited quietly on his end of the field. After his solo parade, Daring took his place on the opposite end.

  Darling gripped the sides of her heavy skirt. How she longed to be in that saddle. To feel that moment just before the charge, adrenaline coursing through her veins, heart pounding with anticipation. Would she ever get to play the shining knight again?

  The trumpet sounded. “Charge!” Daring yelled. Dexter forgot to holler and almost toppled backward as Sir Gallopad took off. The horses galloped down the field. Daring looked the expert, sure and graceful, his polished armor gleami
ng in the afternoon sun. Dexter did his best to hold steady in the saddle. The sun was not so kind to him, as it highlighted the dents in his armor. But it didn’t matter what he looked like, for at that moment, Dexter was showing great courage. To face such a task, without being able to see two feet in front of him, was truly brave. She smiled with pride.

  Then she started chewing on her lip again. Because the next few seconds would prove critical.

  Sir Gallopad and Daring’s steed made their way along the fence, closing the distance between the two riders. The crowd fell silent. Horse hooves beat the earth. Darling’s heart pounded in her ears. She didn’t dare look at the bleachers to watch her parents’ reactions. If she took her eyes off her brothers, she might miss the exact moment when she’d need to enact her plan.

  Closer and closer the riders came. Daring aimed his lance. Dexter didn’t. Closer, closer… this was it. Darling flipped her hair.

  While the world hung in suspension, Darling grabbed the step stool and set it next to Sir Gallopad. It was odd to see her beloved horse frozen midstride. She gave him a quick pat, then climbed up to inspect the situation. From the looks of it, Daring’s lance was perfectly positioned to hit Dexter’s shield. But Dexter’s lance was way off target. It would certainly hit the other horse’s left flank. Standing on tiptoe, Darling adjusted Dexter’s arms and his grip, repositioning his lance so that it was aiming at the edge of Daring’s shield. It would be a hit, but not a winning one. And hopefully, no one would get hurt. “Good luck,” she said. Then, stool in hand, she ran back to the edge of the field and waited. Time moved forward.

  Whack!

  As Dexter’s lance grazed Daring’s shield, Daring’s lance hit Dexter’s shield pinpoint center. The tip broke off and flew toward the bleachers. A girl screamed with delight as she caught it. The crowd cheered. King Charming and the entire Charming clan leaped to their feet. Daring was the champion, once again, and Dexter was second best. For the first time in her life, Darling truly felt as if she might faint. She sank onto the stool.