True Bastard: A Dark Sparrow Novel

by India Kells

  If his body wasn’t so focused on pain, Liam would have surged in anticipation, even if it was obvious there was nothing remotely sexual about her request. When he hesitated, she insisted.

  “I’ll get a clean towel to put these on. Otherwise, it will take too much time for the ice to work.”

  She turned again, and Liam didn’t know what to do. She returned with a tea towel and stopped, clearly waiting for him to comply. In the most surreal and frustrating situation of his life, he reached for his fly and unfastened his jeans.

  With any other woman, he would’ve grinned and plastered a come-on look on his face, using it as a way to tease and entice. He probably would’ve removed his shirt first. He wasn’t in as good shape as before, but his muscle mass and definition was still respectable.

  However, while sitting in front of the little wannabe nun, he averted his eyes and undid his pants and slid them down past his knees as quickly as possible. He was glad he wasn’t the type of man to go commando, and that pain delayed his erection. Otherwise, he was sure he would’ve blushed.

  “Can you lay down completely on the sofa? Might be better for your knee, and I’ll put a cushion under it for support.”

  Everything she said made sense, but it was bizarre to follow her orders. He twisted, carefully putting his legs up, his bad joint closest to her. He twitched when she touched his leg to slide a cushion underneath.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  He shook his head, just telling himself to let her do her thing so she’d stop touching his bare skin. The more he could feel her warm hands, the more the pain receded to be replaced with something inappropriate.

  Once the towel was on his knee, she placed the bag of frozen vegetables over it. She was right, it wasn’t as comfortable or offered as much coverage as peas, but the cold began to numb the area, providing blessed relief. Inch by inch, his body relaxed and his head cleared.

  A muffled sound by his side made him glance and he saw Catriona on her knees, looking at the long scar that marred his lower thigh. Her fingers hovered over it, hesitating, and for an instant, he smiled, considering making her jump, but quickly discarded the idea. Instead, he looked at her as she observed him, probably unaware too. Her beautiful face showed so many expressions, especially compassion and pain for him.

  “I thought it was your knee that was hurt.”

  “No, the bullet entered just above it, but tore several ligaments, impacting the knee.” His low voice sounded way too intimate, and he searched his mind to find another topic, any other, but his mind blanked when her fingertips touched the raised skin.

  At the contact of her cool fingers, his breath halted. There wasn’t any pain on the scar itself, he barely felt the pressure, but it was the sight of her touching him, so carefully, with a fascination he’d never expected from her, that was intense. He swallowed hard and kept talking, making sure to keep his voice technical. “I had two surgeries to do repairs, but the pain hasn’t gone. The doctors said that it might take a lot of time as they can’t do anything more for me. That’s if it ever returns to normal.”

  His last sentence made her turn her head, her doe eyes on him with evident worry. “You mean that you may limp and suffer like this forever? That’s unfair! You were working and trying to help!”

  Her outrage made him grin. “Tell your boss, little nun. He’s the one who is unfair, or I did some pretty ugly things in my life that required punishment.”

  Back on her haunches, her compassionate worry turned into contained annoyance. “Stop calling me that! I told you, I’m not a nun yet. I’ve only said temporary vows.”

  Liam searched his mind for what he could remember from his religion courses when he was a kid in Ireland, but all he could come up with was the image of the nuns dressed in their habits and teaching at school.

  “Gabrielle said you were a nun, called you Sister.”

  Catriona shook her head with a sigh. “That’s her thing, she’s been teasing me with it since we worked together a couple of years ago when I’d just become a novitiate. When you become a novitiate, they use the name Sister. And I distinctly remember telling you I wasn’t a nun yet.”

  “Novitiate? Isn’t the step just before they shut the door on you?”

  He liked how she looked at him as if he were a wayward child playing tricks on her.

  “There is one step before the perpetual vows, which are the final and definitive ones, and they’re called temporary vows. Temporary vows are when you first profess the vows of obedience, poverty, and chastity.”

  Something balled in his stomach. “And you haven’t said those final vows yet. Why?” As soon as the question crossed his lips, it was clear he’d no right to ask, but having her so close, with his body tiring from the pain, he couldn’t help himself.

  Just as he was about to tell her that he was being a jerk, and not to answer him, she started to speak.

  “It’s the only life I’ve ever known, or more accurately, the only family I ever had. I know it sounds stupid, especially in this day and age, but I grew up surrounded by wonderful women who happened to be nuns. They cared for me, brought me up as a family didn’t adopt me. They encouraged me to pursue my studies and education, supporting me all the way. I always straddled the line, one foot in the religious world, and one in the secular one, especially since I finished university and was asked to consult on so many projects and investigations. The Vatican was quick to ask me for help. I traveled a lot, although I always considered the convent as my one and only home. They did so much for me, how could I consider having any other life apart from them?”

  It was the first time he sensed any real struggle inside her. From the very first moment he’d seen her, he’d only seen peace and a naive certainty on her face that was both refreshing and attractive. Maybe too much so.

  “It’s one thing to be loyal, another completely to follow the route you’re supposed to. Even if part of me loathed her, my loyalty remains with the woman who gave me birth, even if she hated the very sight of me. But I knew being taken from her and brought here was my true calling. I’m at peace with that. If nothing else pulls you away from that world, if you find peace with that calling of yours, you do not need to doubt your decision.”

  Her golden honey irises flicked to him. “And if I’m starting to have doubts? Is it a test from God, or Him opening a door and showing me another way?”

  Even if his mind went blank, unable to guess where she was going, although he wanted to offer her advice, Liam swallowed hard, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’ve never asked myself such profound questions. My only guide is my gut feeling, and the hope it’s where He might be guiding me.”

  Solemn, Catriona nodded at him. “It makes sense. Thank you, Liam.”

  As if he’d held his breath for an eternity, Liam exhaled and relaxed. His mind was playing tricks on him, or maybe it was his body going too easily into overdrive where that woman was concerned.

  He had a filthy mind that had no place dirtying Catriona’s, even in imagination. Working very hard at being a decent man, all his honorable thoughts were smashed to dust when Catriona pushed up and put her lips upon his.

  Chapter Ten

  Catriona didn’t know if it was the contact or the taste of Liam’s lips that stormed through her like a wildfire. As the man had said, she had to follow her gut, but it wasn’t that part of her anatomy that pushed her to act, to take a risk and do something that had never really crossed her mind in her entire existence. Her body may have been wound tight, but it didn’t mean she knew how to react to this new information.

  When she’d met Liam Harker, back there in that diner, something shivered at the back of her brain, before insinuating itself deep in her belly.

  Unfortunately, the kiss coalesced into that nagging thought. Or was it doubt? The ball of fire pulsed between her legs, her logic immediately recognizing desire. Catriona knew human nature, had read about it countless times, but it was the first time she’d ever experienced it. T
he absence of desire throughout her life had been her sign that remaining within the convent and becoming one of them was the obvious choice. Until now.

  Peaceful contentment wasn’t enough anymore, and that’s why she decided to kiss him, to take control this time and see for herself.

  Everything was so sudden, Catriona’s mind went blank, but every cell of her body sparked to life, the explicit recognition between a man and a woman.

  Fear and anticipation mingled as she fisted his shirt in her hands. Liam groaned and opened his mouth to hers. Disappointed that the kiss was to end, she gasped in surprise when she felt his tongue tracing her lips. Her mind whirled, flipping to what it meant and remembered a movie she’d seen where the couple kissed with their tongue; a French kiss.

  Not willing to risk breaking the moment, she shook off her shyness and mimicked his caress, and was rewarded by one of his hands cupping her face and the other circling her waist, bringing her flush against him. The fire intensified, and Catriona wasn’t ready to protect herself from the burn.

  “Oopsie.”

  The female voice behind them didn’t sound sorry at all, more like highly amused. As if seized in an electric shock, Liam jerked away from her, his eyes wide, as if he’d just realized what he’d done. Catriona sat on the ground by the sofa, trying to steady her errant thoughts and come to terms at want she intended to do.

  With a barely contained smirk, Deva was at the door, eying them both as if they were buck naked. Catriona felt herself blush and licked her lips, immediately reminded of Liam’s taste as the man himself had only one thought: getting away from her as quickly as possible. He stepped away, pulling his pants up as the bag of frozen vegetables fell to the floor.

  Deva didn’t utter a word, and it was Liam who snarled at her. “You did come here for a reason, right?”

  Undeterred by his snapping question, Deva stepped inside. “Don’t bite my head off, Harker. I just came to invite you to dinner at our place. I’m making spaghetti, which is my best dish according to my picky boyfriend, but also to say that we just got back from the hospital.”

  At the reference, Liam’s snarl turned into worry. “Lazarus?”

  Deva nodded. “Out of danger. Sasha said that his lungs are clearing, and the fever is down. Not conscious yet, but out of trouble.”

  Catriona sent a quick thanksgiving prayer on behalf of Liam’s brother. Liam exhaled as if the weight of the world had finally slipped off his shoulders. Her entire being wanted to take him in her arms and tell him everything would be all right, but from the way he pushed her aside as if she was cursed stopped her impulse.

  “Fucking good news, at last. We needed that.” With that, Liam checked his phone and grabbed his coat after checking his gun. “Thanks for the offer but I need to go out.”

  If she were hesitant on what to do next, his statement made her jump to her feet. “What? Out? You can’t, it’s unsafe, you said so yourself.”

  When he ignored her, she grabbed his arm. “Why do you have to go?”

  The silver iris warm only a moment ago were now cold as ice when they finally looked at her. “You have work to do, little nun. Do it quick so we can all go home.”

  Shrugging from her grasp, the man patted Chewy’s head and limped out, only telling Deva to take care of his dog as he passed her.

  Catriona gasped and finally looked at Deva who shook her head. “That’s the first time I’ve seen a man so angry after making out with a woman.”

  It would have been comical if Catriona hadn’t been so baffled by his reaction and hurt. “I guess it isn’t making out that’s the problem but who he was making out with.”

  Why was she so affected by Liam’s sudden shift? Why did she care about a man she barely knew? Or care about what he thought?

  Deva approached with a compassionate expression and put a hand on her shoulder. “Finch’s sons aren’t ordinary men. If you expect them to react the way normal human beings do, you’ll get one hell of a headache.”

  “What do you mean?”

  With a sign, Deva shook her head. “The man didn’t raise them, but from what I can gather, none of them had easy childhoods, including Liam. All that violence, all that pain transformed them somehow, built high walls around them. They understand sacrifice, treason, and power, but when confronted with other emotions, they’re ill-prepared. Don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong. It’s deeper than a single kiss, Catriona.”

  “That wasn’t what made him leave?”

  Deva hesitated. “You being a nun must have seemed like a bad joke to Liam. I can see that he’s attracted to you, but his past is messing with his head.”

  “First, I’m not a nun yet, I haven’t taken my final vows. I found it amusing at first that people got it wrong and teased me about it, but I’m only a novitiate. Second, how is my walking that path such a negative to Liam?”

  “I have said too much. It isn’t my story to tell.”

  “Please.” The answer seemed closer than it appeared, and Catriona wasn’t letting it slip through her fingers.

  Deva looked back at the door, as if Liam would materialize mid confession. “I’m speaking out of turn here, but if it shakes that thick-headed Irishman and sets him straight, I’ll do it. He was deeply traumatized by his mother from what I gathered.”

  Catriona nodded. “Yes, he’s hinted about it several times.

  Deva blinked in surprise. “Well, Liam must trust you a lot to even mention his mother. As I said, from what I could gather, they all had terrible childhoods, but I think Liam’s was the worst of them all, being a child of rape. But I believe that Liam’s mother’s reaction is what destroyed his soul.”

  The information felt like a slap, and Catriona’s heart squeezed, remembering the emotions in Liam’s voice. “I feel for the kid he was, but I can imagine how his mother could survive it, forced to carry a child of abuse. All of her dreams of love and family destroyed because of Finch.”

  “You could say that. However, her happily-ever-after isn’t the one you’d expect. Miss Harker was raped a week before taking her final vows in a convent.”

  This time, it was as if she’d been sucker-punched, and in a twisted, evil way, Catriona now understood some of Liam’s reactions toward her. Did he see his own mother when he looked at her? Did he feel guilt touching her because of that tragic memory?

  After the initial shock, she felt cold and lost, like a ship without a rudder at sea under a clouded sky. Where did she go from here?

  Deva squeezed her arm one last time before stepping back. “Sorry to have bombarded you with dark information.”

  “No, no... I needed to know. And there’s so much to consider.”

  “To think or to pray about?”

  The question made her smile. “Maybe a little bit of both.”

  “Aleksei told me that he doesn’t mind going to church with you if you need him to.” As she went for the door, Deva paused before asking her a question. “I didn’t know there was a chapel so close to our home. What’s its name?”

  “St. Philomena, if I remember well.”

  “I heard that each saint is the patron of something. What’s hers?”

  Catriona raked her brain. “If I’m not mistaken it’s prisoners, virgins, and desperate causes.”

  Another smile bloomed on Deva’s face. “Well, I think that sums up your relationship with Liam, don’t you think?”

  And on that note, the fascinating woman closed the door on Catriona’s stunned face.

  Time passed like sand through her fingers as Catriona poured over columns and columns of numbers. Apart from praying, it was the only thing that brought her this deep steadiness, a certainty that everything would be all right if she accomplished her task to the best of her ability.

  It had been a challenge to keep her mind empty of anything else but the numbers, especially when her eyes went to the door countless times, and Liam was nowhere to be seen.

  And yet again, the man had insinuated himself once mo
re in her thoughts.

  The papers were now in neat piles on the kitchen table of the small apartment. Although there was still a lot of work to be done, it was clear that a pattern emerged. The money moved around a lot, way too much, even for an investor. Most accounts, the official ones at least, had been seized by the police. It was evident that they only acted as fronts, or most probably as a place where the “clean” money showed. Jamieson Finch had several official sources of revenue; building, funds, companies... but it didn’t take a genius to see that it was only the tip of the iceberg. Catriona had seen Finch’s file, including the several upscale homes he owned around the world, and that income was far from enough to keep everything afloat.

  That kind of money she searched for was like a virus; not visible to human eyes, or so intricately woven, it may never be possible to find. Deep down, there was that possibility, but she wouldn’t be satisfied until she got to the bottom of it. It was clear that the brothers had suffered too much to fail. Would that cloud over Liam’s heart be lifted at that moment?

  Once more, his face filled her mind and she winced, pushing the image aside and pouring over the data again, but her memory slid toward Finch. How could a man be so evil, want so much power he destroyed women and cursed his own children? And even more surprising, how had that evil not seeped into those broken boys.

  With that lingering thought in her mind and with an ear for the door, she reexamined every scrap of information looking for any hint that would tell her she had a lead.

  Eyes gritty, but her body pumping with an increasing dose of adrenaline, every cell of her brain saw each little thread like a faint pulsing light in the dark, a twinkling light.

  Through all the opened files, account numbers appeared again and again, partly hidden through a mashup of names and hordes of banks and her skin tingled.

  It took a trained eye to see that kind of pattern, but once it started, it was the hook she was looking for, the very clue and why she’d agreed to Gabrielle’s request to help the brothers.