Love, Rosie

by Cecelia Ahern

  Twice we stood beside each other at the altar, Rosie. Twice. And twice we got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day but I was too stupid to see that I needed you to be the reason for my wedding day. But we got it all wrong.

  I should never have let your lips leave mine all those years ago in Boston. I should never have pulled away. I should never have panicked. I should never have wasted all those years without you. Give me a chance to make them up to you. I love you, Rosie, and I want to be with you and Katie and Josh. Always.

  Please think about it. Don’t waste your time on Greg, this is our opportunity. Let’s stop being afraid and take the chance. I promise I’ll make you happy.

  All my love,

  Alex

  CHAPTER 20

  Ruby:I’ve decided. I’m putting my Gary on a diet.

  Rosie: You’re putting him on a diet? How on earth can you control what your twenty-one-year-old son eats?

  Ruby:Oh it’s easy; I’ll just nail down everything to the floor.

  Rosie: So what kind of diet is it?

  Ruby: I don’t know. I bought a magazine, but there are so many stupid diets out there I don’t know which one to pick. Remember that ridiculous one that you and I did last year? The alphabet one where we had to eat foods beginning with a certain letter every day?

  Rosie: Oh yeah! How long did we do that for?!

  Ruby:Em . . . that would be 26 days of course Rosie

  Rosie: Oh . . . right . . . of course. You put on weight on the third day.

  Ruby: That’s because the third day was the lucky letter “C” . . . Cakes . . . mmmm

  Rosie: Well we made up for it on the last day. I was bloody starving on “Z” day; I was practically chasing zebras with a kitchen knife around the zoo. Could have eaten the zoo I suppose . . .

  Ruby: You should have done what I did, I ate like a queen. I became German for the day and ate “ze cakes” and “ze buns.” Oh I don’t know Rosie. I think I’ll just invent a diet of my own and give those stupid magazines a run for their money

  Rosie: So what’s your idea then?

  Ruby: Hmmm . . . OK you should only eat . . . whatever food you look like.

  Rosie: I bet those magazines are quaking in their boots . . .

  Ruby: No really! I think I’m on to something here! Teddy always reminds me of a tomato with his big ripe fat juicy red face. The two hairs on his head that stick up remind me of the stalk . . . I always feel the urge to stick his head in a blender and mix with vodka and Tabasco. A bloody Teddy. Simon from the office reminds me of a Brussels sprout. He’s smelly and . . .

  Rosie: Green?

  Ruby:No, just smelly.

  Rosie: What do I look like?

  Ruby: Good question . . . Hmmm, I think you’re a bit of an onion.

  Rosie: An onion?! Why, do I stink and make people cry? An onion?! Why, do I stink and make people cry?

  Ruby:Why did you just repeat yourself?

  Rosie: Onions do that don’t they, they repeat on you?

  Ruby: A funny onion too. No I think it’s because there are many layers to you, Rosie Dunne, and as the years go by, another one is peeled away. I think there’s a lot more under there than people think. So what am I?

  Rosie: Hmmm . . . a cake.

  Ruby:A cake??

  Rosie: Sweet as sugar with a cherry on top. Sweet as pie!

  Ruby:And fat and unhealthy.

  Rosie: Look Ruby you invented this diet. If you look like a cake then all you can eat are cakes . . . Think about it . . .

  Ruby: Yes I take your point . . . I always thought secretly that I had a touch of the banoffi pie to me alright. Well this is a stupid idea, it’s not a proper diet at all unless you look like a vegetable or a fruit and my Gary (although he may have the qualities of a vegetable) ain’t no fruit or vegetable.

  Rosie: What do you think Greg looks like?

  Ruby:Ah that’s easy. A cow’s testicle.

  Rosie: HA! Since when did people ever eat cow’s testicles?

  Ruby:It’s a tribal thing . . . OK then a slug. A slimy, disgusting, slow slug.

  Rosie: I don’t think Greg would eat a slug.

  Ruby: Who cares what the cheating bastard eats. What do you think Alex looks like?

  Rosie: A Skye.

  Ruby: You think your six-foot-tall, brown-haired, brown-eyed, white-skinned friend looks like a chocolate bar with nougat inside?

  Rosie: Yes

  Ruby:Now that’s stupid . . .

  Rosie: Well excuse me Ms. I think Teddy has a tomato head . . .

  Ruby: Look, all this talk of dieting is making me hungry, I’m taking an early lunch OK?

  Rosie: OK! You cheered me up Ruby.

  Ruby:Ooops sorry, I wasn’t supposed to do that was I?

  Rosie: No, but you’re forgiven.

  Ruby:Oh good. Bye honey.

  Rosie: Bye . . .

  Ruby has logged off

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:More time?

  Alex here, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you . . . I was hoping you would have been in touch by now. If you need more time, I understand. Please let me no what’s going on.

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Re: More time?

  Hey there Skye! Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I’ve been up to my eyes at work. It’s been really busy around here for some reason. Probably because the sun is beginning to peek its big head up again; the country is so much nicer when the sun shines. What do you mean do I need more time? It doesn’t take very long to accept I’m thirty!

  Thanks for coming over for my birthday, by the way. It was really sweet of Katie and Toby to organize it even if you and Ruby were the only people there. Sorry I was a bit of a sour puss, I suppose I was just down because I turned thirty and most people were away. It just would have been nice if more people had come but never mind, it’s not the end of the world. You were there and that was good enough for me. I was so happy to see you. You are always there for me, Alex, and I appreciate that. You keep me strong when I don’t feel like it.

  Anyway how are things with you? How’s Josh? Give him a big huge sloppy kiss and a hug from me.

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:My letter

  Didn’t you get my letter?

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Letter?

  What’s this about a letter? Maybe it’s just delayed in the post; I’ll probably get it soon. When did you send it?

  Dear Alex,

  Thank you for coming over for Mum’s birthday party and thanks for my present too.

  She was real sad before you came over but I think you made her a bit happier. I have to go because teacher is looking at me.

  From,

  Katie

  Dear Katie,

  Thanks for the letter. I hope you didn’t get into any trouble at school for writing to me. I’m glad you liked your presents. Tell Toby I said hi and that I’ll send over that baseball gear for him soon.

  How is your mum? How is everything at home? Do you no what a Skye is by any chance?!

  Love,

  Alex

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:My letter

  I didn’t post the letter; I left it on the kitchen table in your house just before I left to go to the airport. Didn’t you get it?

  Dear Alex,

  Toby is real excited about the baseball stuff. Things are kinda getting back to normal again. Greg only sleeps in the spare room some nights now. Mum said he’s there because of his snoring. I don’t believe her because Toby and I put a tape recorder in the room and he doesn’t snore. He sleep talks though! He said, “Don’t send the horses to the rainbow!” It’s true, we have it on tape.

  Things are kinda OK but not like before. It was nice when you were here. I prefer to stay in Toby’s house now. By the way, a Skye is a chocolate ba
r. It’s Mum’s favorite. She loves them. She says she would love a diet of Skyes all day. The other day she said she was in love with a Skye then she started kissing it and laughing.

  Why do you want to no? Do you want one too? I can post one over if you want if they don’t sell them in Merica. I did that before when I was in England on my holidays and I sent a chocolate bar in the post to Toby because they didn’t sell them here and when he got it, it was all melted and stuck to the paper. He couldn’t read my letter but I was glad because I missed him when I was away and I wrote some silly things and it was imbarrassing. He is my best friend and I shouldn’t write letters like that.

  So should I get you the chocolate bar? Mum says she can’t live without her Skye. She’s a weirdo.

  Love, Katie

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:My letter

  Hi Rosie. It’s really important that I talk to you right now. It’s about the letter. I wrote some really important things in there and I would really love you to read it if you can. Please try and find it?

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Your letter

  Hi Alex, I searched the house from top to bottom yesterday when I got home from work. No sign of it. Is everything OK? Can you just e-mail me what it said?

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:My letter

  Jesus Christ. Rosie, I’ll call you in five minutes.

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Your letter

  Alex! You can’t call me at work, you’ll get me fired! What is this about?

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:My letter

  So pretend to be talking to a customer, Rosie! I’m serious, answer the phone.

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Your letter

  Oh hold on, Greg is online. Before you have a heart attack, I’ll see if he’s seen the letter.

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:My letter

  Don’t bloody well ask him!

  You have an instant message from: ROSIE

  Rosie: Greg did you see a letter on the kitchen table for me?

  Greg: A letter? No I think there was just your mobile phone bill and the electricity bill.

  Rosie: No I’m not talking about this morning; I’m talking about two weeks ago on the weekend of my birthday.

  Greg: But Rosie you didn’t want me around that weekend. I stayed on the couch in Teddy’s flat, remember?

  Rosie: Oh you poor soul. Of course I fucking remember I thought you might like it seeing as you were sleeping in everybody else’s houses for the past while. I’m not stupid Greg, oh but sorry, I forgot that you thought that I was.

  Greg:Honey I—

  Rosie: Don’t honey me. Did you see the bloody letter or not? You were home on the Monday just after Alex left.

  Greg:No I honestly didn’t see it.

  Rosie: Well there’s a reason not to believe you, Mr. Honesty.

  Greg: Look Rosie we can’t move on if you don’t forgive and learn to trust me again—

  Rosie: Oh go shove your forgiveness up your ass. I don’t have time for another one of these conversations with you. This is very simple. I’ve got Alex online waiting for me. He left a letter for me. He wants to know if any of us found it. So I’m asking you one more time Greg, did you see the letter or not?

  Greg:No I promise you that I didn’t.

  FROM:Bill Lake

  TO:Rosie

  SUBJECT:Personal e-mails

  I hope they’re business e-mails you’ve been sending for the last half hour Rosie. We’ve got a group of eighty arriving in the next few minutes for the weekend business conference in the De Valera Suite. Lots to do, Rosie.

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Your letter

  Alex, Greg didn’t see the letter. Maybe you can just write me another one or ring me later when I’m at home and not when Big Brother is watching me on this stupid bloody security camera pointed right at me. Now both of you men leave me alone before I get fired.

  FROM:Greg

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Your letter?

  I was told you were online so I hope I caught you on time. I happened to have stumbled across something I believe you’re looking for. I would appreciate it if you would stop sending my wife love letters. Something tells me you seem to have forgotten that she’s a married woman. Married to me, Alex.

  Rosie and I have had our troubles like all marriages do but we are willing to put all that behind us now and give it another chance. You need to understand that none of your letters are going to change that. You said it yourself; you had your chance and you blew it. The moment has passed you by, Alex.

  Let’s be realistic here for a minute, Alex. You and Rosie are both thirty. You’ve known each other since you were five. Don’t you think that in all that time, that if something was supposed to happen with you two, if it was so meant to be, that it would have happened by now? Think about it. She is not interested.

  I want no further contact with you again; if you set foot in my house I will be only too glad to show how unwelcome you are. To save you the embarrassment, I won’t speak of the contents of your letter again and you’re wrong by the way, I do fully appreciate the fact that Rosie is my wife. She is a wonderful woman, loving, warm, and caring and I am so glad she is the woman that chose to spend the rest of her life with me. So you can keep on watching her back walk from you at the altar because she won’t be turning around.

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Greg

  SUBJECT:Rosie

  Do you think your ridiculous attempt to scare me off is going to work? You are a pathetic sad little man. Rosie has a mind of her own and she doesn’t need you making those decisions for her.

  FROM:Greg

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Re: Rosie

  So what are you going to do if she says yes, Alex? What are you going to do? Move to Dublin? Leave Josh behind? Expect Rosie to uproot Katie, leave the job she loves and move to Boston? Think, Alex.

  You have an instant message from: ALEX

  Alex: She didn’t get the letter Phil.

  Phil: Oh bloody hell, Alex. I told you not to put it in one of those damn letters. You should have just told her. I don’t know why you can’t just use your mouth like the rest of us.

  Alex: Greg found the letter.

  Phil:The idiot husband? I thought they were finished.

  Alex: Evidently not. But it doesn’t change anything, Phil, I still love her.

  Phil: Yeah but she’s still married isn’t she? You’re not going to like what I say, and this is just my opinion Alex, and hell knows you never take any advice anyway but I wouldn’t touch another man’s wife. That’s just me.

  Alex: But he’s an asshole Phil!

  Phil:And so are you but you’re my brother and I love you.

  Alex: I’m serious, the guy cheated on her. He’s all wrong for her.

  Phil: Yeah but the difference between now and before is that now Rosie knows he cheated on her. She knows he’s an asshole. But she’s still with him. She must really love him Alex. I’d say back off. Just my opinion but I’d say back off.

  Alex: I don’t agree with that Phil.

  Phil: Fine! You’re your own man, do as you wish. I know you want the best for Rosie but you’re being a bit selfish here. Look at it from Rosie’s perspective. She’s just found out that her asshole husband cheated on her, it must have been hard, and for whatever reason she has decided to work it out and stay with him. Then just as she’s getting used to that idea, in waltzes you, the best friend in shining armor, proclaiming your love for her. Do you want to confuse the poor woman even more? Look, if the marriage is a disaster, then it’s a disaster and in a few months it’ll end and Rosie will come to you. Just don’t be the prick that tries to break up her mar
riage. She’ll never forgive you for that.

  Alex: So you think I should let it happen naturally. Let her come to me when she’s ready?

  Phil: Something like that. I’m thinking of starting one of those shows that they have on telly. You know one of those advice ones?

  Alex: You’d have me on it every week Phil. Thanks.

  Phil: No probs, now while you go give someone a new heart, I’ll go give a car a new engine. Off with you. Do what you have to do.

  Alex has logged off

  CHAPTER 21

  FROM:Rosie

  TO:Alex

  SUBJECT:Letter?

  Alex I searched high and low in the kitchen for your letter, I left no stone unturned and Greg and Katie swear they didn’t lay a finger on it so I don’t know where else it could be. Are you sure you left it there? We were in such a rush to get you to the airport that morning, maybe you forgot. I checked the spare room you were sleeping in. All I found was a T-shirt you left behind, but it’s mine now so you’re not getting it back!

  So what was in the letter? You didn’t call me when I got home from work yesterday. You’re really keeping me in suspense, Alex!

  FROM:Alex

  TO:Rosie