Freeing You Freeing Me

by Kailin Gow

  I blinked in confusion and look questioningly at Tate.

  Tate took a sip of his drink, turned to me and said, “I’m sorry, Sam, I should have told you, but I’m really 18 years old. My father, um, Collins’ and my father had me listed in public records as two years younger so he could go on collecting welfare for another two years for me when I was a kid and in his custody.”

  My mouth dropped open. Unbelievable. No wonder why Tate had the physique of a man. No wonder why Tate seemed so much more experienced. He was the same age as I was. He was clearly not the boy I thought it was.

  “I’ve been two years ‘younger’ for so long,” Tate said, “and it helped that I was younger in jail, that I basically became that age.”

  “So, we’re here to celebrate Tate’s sudden proclamation of adulthood,” Collins said wryly. “It’s time for Tate to come into age, don’t you think, Sam?”

  I could only nod slightly. I was still in shock.

  Meanwhile, I was amazed at how calm Collins took to finding out this news. Collins had spent years trying to get Tate released from jail, and had did so much to prepare for guardianship of Tate.

  “Like I said,” Collins said leaning into me. “Tate is of age. He’s welcome here…like when I first came here at 18. Been coming here regularly since then.”

  My heart jumped, and my whole being filled with dread. Was Collins coming to Club Casablanca this entire time to see the Judge? Or some other woman?

  Collins saw my face fell, and he took out a wad of bills, handing it to Tate. “Tate, I need to be alone with Sam right now. Why don’t you go get yourself a lap dance? I did when I was your age. It’s time for you to experience the pleasures of being a man, if you haven’t been initiated yet.”

  Tate shot Collins an angry glare and said, “I’ve been initiated already…many times over, but I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll go to the bar, and order dinner there.” Tate stole a glance at me, and clenched his jaws when he saw Collins’ fingers traced down my shoulders to the top of the curve of my breasts.

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to join Tate. Collins was acting strangely, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find out why Collins was coming to Club Casablanca regularly.

  When Tate left, Collins turned to me and pulled me roughly on top of his lap where I could feel his arousal. Did being at Club Casablanca change Collins like some trigger? He reached underneath my dress and began rubbing my clit. I involuntarily closed my eyes and moaned. I realized I didn’t have underwear on tonight because Collins dressed me without it. He must’ve planned that as well.

  “I want you all the time. No need to be jealous of anyone, Baby,” Collins said. “I love you, only you.” He continued rubbing me until I was writhing. To stop myself from coming, I stopped his fingers and slid off his lap to face him.

  “But Collins, why do you come here all the time?” I asked.

  Collins swallowed, and I suddenly felt his nervousness, his fears. “I come here for Daggers’ sake,” he said.

  I felt the breath nearly knock out of me. Daggers?

  “Daggers like this environment,” Collins said. “It reminds him of when he was a manwhore to rich, powerful older women. It drove him, fueled him into working harder to prove to those bitches that he was more than a slave to them.”

  I wanted to ask him more, to ask him about Judge Seevers, but Collins went on. “I have a room here, the one I had when I was here to meet those women. Of course they wanted the best one, so the Judge arranged for me to have the most luxurious one.”

  “The Judge,” Collins said, as though I would know which one. “Judge Colleen Seevers, the one who presided over your parents’ child custody case.”

  “Oh,” I said, nodding. “Her.” My shock and dread earlier was now being replaced with anger. Anger towards those women who had Collins service them, anger towards the Judge for apparently prostituting him, and anger towards Collins’ mother for mistreating him, for everything she’s ever done to him.

  “Collins,” I said, snapping back into my indignant self. “I don’t think you should keep coming back here. It’s not healthy to dwell on your past like that. It’s time to move on, like I did. We need to, in order to have a healthy relationship with each other.”

  Collins said, “That’s why we’re here. I want to move on, but I need you and Tate to help me out.”

  I didn’t need to be asked twice. “How can I help you, Collins?” I took his hand and squeezed it. “I’ll do anything so you can move on.”

  “Good,” Collins said, getting up from the booth and then holding out a hand for me to join him. We walked up to the bar where Tate was eating a steak and chatting with a pretty red-head. Collins whispered something into Tate’s ears, and Tate got up immediately, leaving his food behind.

  Then we went into Collins’ VIP suite.

  Chapter 16

  It was luxuriously decorated in copper silk, and black velvet drapes. The sheets of the bed were soft black Egyptian cotton, and the rugs on the floor were plush sheepskin. Stylish black and white leather armchairs decorated the sitting area of the room, along with a leopard print chenille oversized chaise. Mirrors decorated the room like a small version of the Palais de Versaille.

  Tate blew out a whistle. “Nice,” he said.

  “I promised you it would be,” Collins said.

  I looked around. It didn’t look like it was a ‘play’ room like Judge Seevers’ room here, but the penthouse suite of a swanky hotel. Looking around, I couldn’t believe this was the room Collins used to “service” women like the Judge. I wondered why he kept the room, why he needed it still since he no longer serviced them. At least that was what I believed.

  “I have this room,” Collins said, as though he read my mind again. “Because it makes me strong…it motivates me to succeed.” He took my hand and led me to sit with him on the bed. “I see this room, and it reminds me of how powerless I felt, how hopeless I was when I was bound by my debt to the Judge.”

  Again, rage towards the Judge, shot through me. I had to ask, even with Tate in the room. “Have you been back here again after we started dating?”

  Collins nodded. “Yes, and I’m not proud of it. But it isn’t what you think. I needed to get my demons out, and I didn’t want to take it out on you.”

  I gulped. Did he mean he needed some dominatrix to beat him until he came, satisfying his dark desires, because he couldn’t find it with me?

  “Collins,” I said, “Whatever dark desires you have, you can trust me with it. I can handle it. I’ve faced mine head on. I’m stronger than you think.”

  “Then I need you to do something for me. I just need this for closure before I can be fully with you, Sam.” He looked pained. “Unfortunately, I had to bring someone else into this sick need I have…” He looked over at Tate. “But he’s not getting something met from it, as well. Like I said, this is an experiment for me, and hopefully it would accomplish a few things all at once.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Collins looked over at Tate, and Tate was removing his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. Collins got up from the bed and walked over to a panel in the wall. He opened it, revealing an intricate camera system, with one camera pointed at the bed, one from the top of the bed, and another from the side of the room.

  “Now, Tate,” Collins took the camera on the side off its tripod and walked over to him, directing him. “Unbutton the top of your pants, but don’t take it off. Go to Sam, stand in front of her, and make her take off your pants.”

  My eyes flew open, and I got up.

  Lola and Susan’s hand flew to their mouths in shock.

  Collins was by my side, whispering into my ears. “Trust me, Sam, please? I’m filming this so I can use it to help me put to rest this constant rope around my neck…this hold the Judge and those memories of her friends have on me. I need you to play this role, while Tate will be playing me at eighteen when I began servicing them.”

  It hit me then what Co
llins was doing. Oh. My. God. This was far darker than I’d ever thought. He wanted to film me with Tate? “Collins, what are you asking me to do? I don’t understand.”

  “Don’t worry, Susan,” Collins said. “You won’t go all the way. I’m saving that for me. But I want to film some tasteful scenes with you playing Colleen, and Tate playing Daggers. It’s the final piece of my videos, the final scenes needed for my film.”

  Mother of all things fucking kinky, I would never have thought Collins, my Collins was this far gone. I shot a look over at Tate, and he stared back at me, his eyes devouring me. God, no wonder why he agreed to do this. He would happily have the chance to be with me, and this was Collins’ way of allowing him.

  I wanted to tell Collins he was one sick puppy, but I couldn’t. Didn’t I know that already? Wasn’t that the reason why I was so entrenched in him, in helping him? “Collins…I don’t know what you’re trying to do…”

  “Please, Susan,” Collins said, “I need you to do this for me, just this once, and I will be free.”

  “What about Tate?”

  “I need him to play Daggers, Susan,” Collins said. “I need to distance myself from it so I could see Daggers for who he is. Tate will be Daggers for me.”

  “What do you need me to do?” I asked.

  “Go along with my directions, Sam,” he said, switching back to Collins, the man in control, the media mogul. “Every direction I give you, you have the choice to say ‘no’. I just need some scenes. It won’t be bad, I promise you, and if you feel you couldn’t act out those directions, we can try something else.” Collins kissed my cheeks and wrapped his arms around me. “Please, Sam. After today, I will never return to Club Casablanca. I will close my VIP account. I’m hoping I would never have to return back. Because I will be truly free to be with you…physically, psychologically, and mentally.”

  I looked over at Tate. “What about Tate?”

  “He knows what this is about. I told him. He’s gotten really perceptive since working at Sawyer House, and he wants to help. He knows it’s all acting. He knows it’s role-playing. Trust me, Sam, I know this sounds bizarre, but even Gail thought it might be worth trying.”

  I nodded and said, “Gail thought it would be alright?”

  “It’s unconventional therapy, but if we can find a way to cure me, then it’s worth the try.” Collins faltered. “I need to be able to control myself. I need to be able to put Daggers to rest. He’s my demon…my past…if I don’t move past Daggers, he will forever haunt me. Colleen and all those who abused me in the past will continue to have control over me, will continue to keep me trapped in time, as Daggers. If I don’t do this, I will never be able to be free of Colleen, her friends who not only used me and abused me, told me lies about myself, how I was not good enough, how I must always remain submissive to them…”

  Collins had tears in his eyes, and they flowed down his cheeks freely. My heart broke at the immense pain he was feeling, the utter feeling of worthlessness he had felt from birth…how everyone had failed him. He was a brilliant man, who was kept back from finding love, kept back by his past, stunted in growth, trapped in time. Daggers. I’ve seen him, I’ve heard him. Now it was time to set Daggers free.

  I closed my eyes and nodded. As nervous as I was about the whole thing, I had to do it for Collins. Afterwards, I hope to feel the same.

  “Good,” Collins said, gesturing to Tate, “Stand in front of Sam and reach out to grab her shoulders.” Collins began filming while Tate stood in front of me while I sat at the edge of the bed. His smooth bare chest covered in tattoos and muscles filled my view as they tapered down into a V hidden halfway by his pants. God, he was beautiful, in another way than Collins. He was wilder and smelled like sweat and earth.”

  “Sam,” Collins said, “Reach out and unzip his pants, pull it down and off of him.”

  My hands were already tugging and pulling on Tate’s pants. In my mind, Tate was Daggers. He was my Daggers, and I was eager to show him how much I cared for him. How much I loved him. How he was a worthwhile human being, and not just a body meant for abusers like Colleen to use. Before I knew it, his pants and boxers were off, and I was caressing his fullness with my hands. Cherishing him, loving him.

  “Oh God!” Daggers was moaning while I pleasured him with my hands. He reached down a shaky hand to my shoulders to steady himself. I was about to put my mouth on him when Collins shifted Tate away from me. “That’s enough,” he said. “For that scene.”

  “Now, Daggers, I want you to sit where Sam was sitting, while you pleasure yourself. Sam, I want you to slowly strip in front of him.”

  Tate and I switched places, and while he sat back watching me with hunger, I reached for the zipper in back of my dress and tried to unzip it. It was stuck so I turned around, lifting my hair to the side so Tate could unzip me. He stood up, standing close against my back, his hardness press to me, while he pulled the zipper down. His breath became ragged as he slowly slipped the dress off of me, with his hands brushing against my breasts, my nipples, my stomach and the curve of my hips. He bent down to help me step out of the dress, and placed it aside. Then his lips were kissing my hips, my waist, my breasts, and my neck. His fingers reached down to touch and stroke me gently at first, then more vigorously when a soft moan escaped my mouth.

  “Oh God,” Tate said hoarsely against my shoulders. “I fucking want you.”

  He laid me down on the bed, while Collins continued filming. Then his mouth was on me. I reared my back up writhing with pleasure as Collins captured the ecstasy on my face on film.

  “Now Sam, get on top of him. Straddle him.”

  I placed my hands on Tate’s long silky blonde hair pulling him closer while he continued licking and sucking on my core, sending me to shuddering. I wanted to follow Collins’ directions, but I didn’t want Tate to stop. Finally, he did, and he groaned loudly, while flipping me over so I was on top of him, sitting on his waist.

  “I want you to kiss his entire body, Sam, while saying loving words about him, about each part of him that you kiss.” Collins directed.

  I looked down at Tate’s beautiful almost angelic face, which looked back at me in awe. He was Daggers. He was my Daggers. I could finally tell him what I feel for him. How much I wanted him to feel loved. How worthy he was as a human being, as a person. I bent down and gently kissed his lips, telling him, he was one of the most amazing person I knew. I kissed his chest and licked his tattoo, telling him how artistic and creative he was. How he was capable of giving and receiving so much love. I kissed his rock hard torso, relishing in the taste of his salty skin and told him how delicious he was.

  I worked my way all the way down to his toes and back up again until I was kissing him on his full lips. This time, Daggers opened his mouth to capture mine and his tongue swirled against mine, causing me to press my naked body harder against his. I felt his need brush against my core, and I shuddered. I could feel how strained he was, how much he wanted to enter me. For a moment, I broke character.

  Then I was suddenly aware I was with Tate instead of with Collins, whom I was imagining myself to be with.

  Tate was getting so into it, into his role, that he now had his hands and mouth all over me, including in me. His fingers dipped into me, and began stroking me.

  I looked over at Collins, and saw that he was aroused, too. He was filming, but there was a faraway look on his face.

  “Make Daggers come,” Collins said. “I want him to experience what it is like to come in a loving way, from a woman who loves him.”

  I hesitated, but Tate pulled my face to his waist, and I was using my mouth, my hands, and my body to pleasure him to the point he cried out, “Fuck. Mother fucking goddess, I love you.” He froze for a second before he exploded.

  I couldn’t help myself. I was beyond moved with how Daggers had broken through his need for a rough beating from his lovers in order to climax. I kissed him hard on the mouth and said, “I love you so much, too, yo
u beautiful man,” I said. “You are forgiven; you have nothing to feel guilty about. And everything between you and me. As Judge Seevers and my friends will be forgotten. I no longer have any claim or hold over you, Daggers. You are free to go.”

  Collins stopped filming, and came over to pull me off of Tate and told Tate to go take a shower in the bathroom. While Tate was showering, Collins took out some wipes and wiped me clean. Then he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight, his face against mine. I felt something wet against my cheeks, and knew Collins was crying. “I’m so sorry to put you through this,” he said. “I love you so much, and if I hurt you in any way. If Tate had hurt you in any way…you don’t know how much this means to me, Sam. To us.” He kissed me.”

  When Tate came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, I couldn’t help blushing. I knew it was just acting, that I was playing a role, and Tate was pretending to be Daggers, but I still remembered the feel and taste of him.

  He shot me a quick look too before looking away.

  I was back to Sam again, not a younger version of Judge Seevers. Lola was fanning herself, while Susan was nowhere to be found.

  Collins began packing up all his camera equipment and extra clothing, toiletries, and even some kind of instruments into a suitcase he took out of the closet. He avoided looking at Tate for a while until he said, “Let’s get out of here. I want to see the last of this place for good.”

  Fully dressed as though none of this ever happened, we walked out of the room and Club Casablanca never glancing back.

  Chapter 17

  It had been about a week after what happened at Club Casablanca. I haven’t seen Tate at Sawyer House the entire week, but Collins had come by everyday to be with me.

  “Where’s Tate?” I asked, after hearing he had taken some time off from Sawyer House. “Where did he go?”

  Collins’ face was unreadable. “Since being declared independent by the Courts, Tate was free to go anywhere. I was no longer in charge of him so he moved out of my place. He’s an adult, Sam. Just like you. He no longer need my permission or the Court’s permission to live anywhere.”