Freeing You Freeing Me

by Kailin Gow

  “So he just disappeared?”

  “No, he’s somewhere. He’s had a lot to think about since being released from jail and spending so much time at a place like Sawyer House and even at your father’s church. I doubt he would return to a life of crime, if he could help it.”

  “I should hope so,” I said. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. He’s a good guy. I saw him with Nydia and the boys at church. He needs to continue staying out of trouble…”

  Collins rubbed the stubble growing on his jawline. He looked sexier than usual. “I could help him find a place of his own, get him set up with a job at one of my companies…but I think he’s decided to do it his way.”

  “His way?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Collins, I don’t like the sound of that. What do you mean?”

  “Tate’s gone, but so is your emerald and diamond necklace which you gave back to me after we left Club Casablanca.”

  “I thought you would have returned it, Collins,” I said. “I can’t think of wearing something that could cost as much as a million on my neck.”

  “Like I said, Sam, you are worth that and more to me. You’re priceless to me, and I couldn’t return it. I kept it for safekeeping. I hope you will want to wear it again for me someday soon.”

  I shook my head. Me wearing that necklace with that gorgeous dress and without a stitch of clothing on was already well-documented in Collins’ video.

  I knew my old self before meeting Collins would never have agreed to be filmed. But who I was now, someone who personally had to struggle with demons of a sexual nature and a haunted past of fear and loathing for years, knew traditional psychological methods and treatments did not work for someone like me or Collins. We were not cookie cutouts that had an everything fits all solution to our problems. Each of our histories, past, and influences were unique, so our treatments had to be unique.

  I was a bit worried about the film slipping out into the wrong hands, though. But that concern was gone as soon as Collins showed me the final tape. Like he said, it was tastefully done, with barely there close ups and quick scenes of sensuality. Our faces were blurred, and the only names used in the scenes were “Daggers” and “Susan”. Collins had edited out anything graphic, but he kept the sounds, the voices. If anyone was to see the tapes, they would be viewing something close to a rating of R or NC-17.

  “It’s not the same,” I said, turning to Collins.

  “It’s what I saw in my mind,” Collins said. “It was beautiful, like art is beautiful…two people who loved each other, coming together to express their love in a very natural and human way. I remember all the details, and to me, that is enough.”

  “Why did you make the tapes then?” I asked.

  “As a reminder of the beauty of it. As a reminder that a man and a woman can have a loving, caring relationship full of pleasure, without pain.”

  For the past few days since Collins had shown me the tape, we’ve been gradually building up to the point where he’d let me squeeze and lick him to climaxing, but we still haven’t fully consummated. I was technically a virgin still, and I was desperate to have him finally change that.

  He was so different from Tate in that way. Despite all his successes and talent, Collins still was afraid to let go. But Tate, he was ready from the start to go all the way with me. He would have during filming, if things had followed its course. I saw it in his eyes…how much he wanted it to be for real. But he had the sense to realize what we were doing. For that, I had grown to admire him greatly.

  Tate was so different from Collins. He had no hang ups despite being in jail. He was like Collins in looks, had have a rough childhood, but he wasn’t scarred sexually by it. Tate, despite his more rugged exterior, seemed to be a well-adjusted man.

  Except for his criminal tendencies. If he was the one to have stolen the emerald and diamond necklace, then that was a major crime. The necklace was worth millions.

  For his sake, as well as Collins’ sake and their budding brotherhood, I hope Tate wasn’t the one to steal the necklace.

  But something deep within me told me he did.

  Chapter 18

  Collins

  The tapes were a risky proposition, but I knew I had to try it. With Sam and with Tate. Watching the snippets of videos I had compiled over the years of me with women in loving ways had helped me so far in being able to appreciate vanilla-type of foreplay. You should have seen me before Gail suggested to me about them. It was my own way of dealing with my problem…using my own creative talents and skills to find a way I would most likely respond to treatment.

  Before those tapes, I would jump right into handcuffs, whips, masks, and ropes for foreplay. Then there would be some fisting, some burning with hot wax, me piercing her tongue or nipples with a hot needle without antiseptic, and even the use of razor blades. Yes, I was one hot kinky mess. And I wanted it all the time. It didn’t matter if I cared for them at all, and vice versa. What matter was getting my dark urges instantly satisfied. Total strangers would strip me, chain me up to poles or bedposts, and butt fuck me with a strap-on or slap me, titillate me, degrade me, press their sharp stiletto heel to my face while I laid on the ground.

  It was the only way I could feel something in the world of emotional pain I was in. The harder they slapped me, pull at my dick or kneed me until I collapsed, the more alive I felt.

  For years I existed for this type of connection with people. For years I gladly submitted myself to this torture. Especially after the guilt I felt when the man I used my dagger on, in self-defense even, died at the hospital. My mind could not process what was going on, I had a nervous breakdown, saved only by my mind shutting down all of my senses and emotions.

  It was until I bumped into Sam that day at her school that I felt a jolt in me, like electricity, that shocked me out of my shell. She was so gorgeous, too, I could not take my eyes off of her. She was sweetness and goodness embodied so unlike the worldly selfish women I’ve known throughout my entire life. She didn’t want anything from me, even refuse my offer to her for a job and scholarship. Her world was so very different from mine. She grew up in a family with parents and a little sister, attended church regularly, was popular and well-liked at school. My heart instantly melted when I saw her first smile through the glass doors of her guidance counselor’s office. I caught sight of her beauty even then.

  Being a skeptic and from the school of hard knocks, I never believed in fairy tales or love at first sight, except when that moment Sam was sprawled out on the ground, her books and backpack thrown everywhere, and her skirt hiked up to her waist, exposing her panties; that was when cupid’s arrows hit me hard. I knew at that instant, this girl and I were going to be seeing a lot more of each other. At that moment, my original plans for her with Tate fell through the floor. I wanted her for myself. I couldn’t picture any man having her. If they did, if they touched her pure sweetness, I’d rip out their balls and stuff it down their throat until they would be shitting it out. So possessive was I over her even before getting together with her, I knew Sam had what it took to drastically change me.

  So we made the video with Tate as Daggers and Sam as Colleen Seevers and even Susan. I had to block out all kinds of feelings to make it possible. I had to try to pretend it didn’t bother me that Tate was all over my woman, and Sam was all over him. I was jealous as hell, but then I remember I was in control.

  It was my film. It was my directions. I had asked them to do what they did. Now I shouldn’t feel any sense of jealousy for what they did.

  From the way Sam act around me, she didn’t appear affected by being with Tate at all. Thank goodness because if I lost her to Tate, I would be consumed with jealousy. I’d lose it. But in a way, because she had been with Tate and saw that he didn’t have any major hang ups like the ones I have, she may prefer him over me.

  I knew Tate had a crush on Sam. For what it’s worth, no matter what I do, I couldn’t change that. But I wanted to see how she was w
ith him. I wanted to test her…the final test of her love to me, her commitment to me before I commit fully to her. I never really noticed her uncanny resemblance to Colleen until that day I saw them both in court for her mother’s case. Did my subconscious actively choose her for me? Was this resemblance the reason why I cannot let her go…like I couldn’t let my past go?

  Again, shooting this video was what I needed to see the truth. The camera doesn’t lie, as I was told. That is why I’d like to see everything through the camera.

  So what did I see?

  A man in love with a woman so desperate to win her love, he would do anything. That was me.

  For Sam, I saw a woman whose heart was so giving, her soul so pure, and her love so complete that she would forego any conventional notions of right and wrong to follow her heart.

  For Tate, on the other hand, I saw myself at his age, struggling with doing what is right versus doing what feels right. I knew it would be cruel to have him do what he did with Sam, yet it was the only chance he’ll get from me, to ever feel and see what he felt for Sam. If he was able to convinced her through this one physical connection to give up me for him, then we would all know it was fate. She would never have to guess, and he would never guess. It would be.

  It was a gamble I had to take, as all things I do in life is a gamble. For a moment I thought I’d lost however when Sam and Tate looked like they were going to actually fuck. He was actually going to enter her, but she hesitated, broke character, and even looked worried for a split second.

  Thank God for that! It reaffirmed her love for me, and that she was only role-playing with Tate. But that whole incidence made me desperate to get to the point where I could make love to her finally without resorting to my dark ways. It forced me to finally make a move.

  So, about one week and one day after making that video, I surprised her at Sawyer House, took her out for a romantic dinner and a stroll along the beach, and brought her back to my place in Newport Coast. The bedroom was filled with scented candles, and I had various sensual objects around like chocolate strawberries, a tub of ice cubes, honey, cubed fresh fruit…not that I think I could take it that slow with her.

  Despite how many women I’ve wooed and dined, I have never been more nervous than with Sam.

  Like doing it for the first time, as if I was the virgin instead of her, I wanted everything to be perfect. All that didn’t matter as we crashed against the walls in the garage, kissing each other hungrily, while we ripped off our clothes. She was so ready for this, as I was, and we wasted no time with foreplay. Our entire time spent together up to now had all been foreplay.

  Before I knew it, Sam had unzipped me, pulled my pants down, and was on me. Her mouth and tongue teased me to the point my dick was so large and hard, I was afraid when I enter her, it would hurt like hell.

  Again, it didn’t matter. Our passion ruled us, and we stopped overthinking it. We just let it happen.

  I pulled Sam’s face up from where she was kneeling and lifted her to wrap her legs around my waist. Then with a quick pull, I ripped off her panties. A black silk one that barely covered her round delectable butt. I dipped my fingers into her, working her, widening her, making her slicker for easier entrance.

  Her wetness nearly made me explode, She was so ready for me.

  I had to carry her back to my bedroom from the garage to prolong myself. It didn’t help that Sam was doing everything to me that made it nearly impossible for me to even take a step towards my bedroom door. Her hand was gripping me tightly, squeezing and massaging me in painfully pleasurable strokes, while her sweet lips was kissing my chest, licking my nipples, licking my neck and then plunging her honey tongue into my mouth to shyly and then vigorously taste me.

  “God almighty,” I cried, when she slid her sweaty but sweet body down my body to position herself on top of me.

  “Collins, it’s time,” she said between clenched teeth. “I’m going to orgasm, and I’ll be damn this time if I don’t do it with you at the same time.” Without warning, she slid onto me, her warm wet body enclosing on my pulsating hardness.

  We both cried out with the intense connection we felt. I felt a rush like I’ve never had before. It was as though we were made for each other. Then I felt myself thrusting within her, the need for me to fill her, to fulfill her, to take her to a place where all she saw was stars.

  She had the same thought in mind as she met each thrust with her own. She rode me long and hard, as I pounded into her at the same time reaching reaching reaching to the point where we felt our bodies lift with the sensation of weightlessness before I felt her body squeeze me tightly so tightly I couldn’t hold on any longer.

  “Collins!” Sam cried. “Oh my God!” She clenched tightly before clinging to me while an intense shaking overcame her entire body. I pumped into her a few more times before I went still and then I felt the biggest most pleasurable warm rush flow through me.

  I couldn’t stop throbbing afterwards, and when she smiled up at me shyly at first and then with more desire, we continued what we started, all night long.

  Chapter 19

  Collins

  As if my world was not much better because I had Sam in my life and I was now in a loving healthy relationship with her; I received a strange surprise from an old friend or lover.

  Judge Colleen Seevers had sent me a letter, which she signed and dated.

  “Dear Collins McGregor,

  It is with regret that I am leaving my post as Judge after 15 years of service. I have been offered early retirement, which I have decided to take. I will be going on a long deserved trip around the world, which I had planned for retirement and will not be available for any questions. If we have any unfinished business or dealings, consider it finished. I relinquish any claims or authority for any agreement entered into while I was in the service of the courts. So long and take care.

  Yours,

  Judge Colleen Seevers

  *****

  I never believed in love before I met an angel in girl’s school clothing. I never believed in miracles until I was shown love and acceptance; I never thought I was good enough for anything until I realized no one was perfect, and I was already as I should be.

  Because one person believed in me, because a special someone believed in me, I was now the happiest and luckiest man alive.

  And although she was only 18, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, if she would have me.

  Chapter 20

  Sam

  I never knew what happened to Tate, and although we had our moment, I was thoroughly and deeply in love with Collins McGregor.

  After the video was made and Collins was still on the fence, I had to do something since I was feeling an intense itch. Tate was one sexy bundle of bad boy and vulnerability. He had help ignite my intense lust for all things McGregor. But Collins was the one who held my heart.

  The first chance we got to be intimate, I pounced on him. I knew it wasn’t lady like. I knew it wasn’t appropriate for a girl to be that aggressive with a man, but when a girl’s been waiting and waiting, and she has a libido just like any adult human being, she should take action as much as the man.

  I was glad I took the initiative. It made things far more intense and climactic than if I was just there for the ride. I was an active participant in our road to orgasmic revelations. I was the Queen of my ship.

  Like everything I did, I realized, I was not one to wait for destiny to occur. I went out to grab it. So…I paid the good old judge a visit one night at Club Casablanca.

  She was sitting at her usual table, eyeing a handsome young man wearing nothing but jodhpurs and riding boots. His chest rippling with sleek muscles. He was a spectacle to see, and I had to acknowledge his hotness before proceeding to the Judge’s table.

  I was dressed in a kind of riding outfit myself, but more like a huntress. Studded riding boots, sleek leather black pants, a red lace corset top, and a collar necklace. Over my outfit was a sleek b
lack lace duster that fell to the ankles of my spiked and studded riding boots. I carried a studded black leather satchel and approached the Judge’s table confidently.

  She turned from her dreamy eye fucking of the hot rider, and carefully looked me up and down, not at all surprise I was standing in front of her. “So, what brings you here, Kitty?” she asked. “As you probably know, Collins is no longer a member here, checked out a week or so ago, and left nothing behind.”

  “I know,” I said. “I also know we fucked every which way for days without having to resort to me causing him any physical pain.”

  The Judge visibly gasped, and she looked lost for a moment before recovering herself. “Impossible,” she said.

  “Very possible,” I said. “We have a very healthy and positive relationship built on love and trust. You no longer have any emotional and psychological hold on him.”

  “Is that right?” the Judge said, irritation flickered across her lovely face. “We still have some unfinished business between us…Collins knows it.”

  “Consider it finished, Judge,” I said, taking out a tape that was formatted to play at any television station’s news room. “You know everything you’ve ever done to Collins. All those friends of yours whom you pushed onto him so he can fulfill your favors for him…it’s all here.”

  Judge Seevers balked. “Impossible.”

  “I did a little research, Judge. Surveillance cameras at the front entrance of Club Casablanca shows you are a regular. What is a nice judge like you doing at a place like Club Casablanca? And at hundreds of dollars a pop for ‘entertainment’ and for food and drinks at the highest end, how is it possible for you to afford to have a VIP suite here on a government worker’s salary?”