Greyriver Shifters

by Kristina Weaver

  I snort, thinking of another time he was soft, making Hannah gasp with outrage.

  The pig! He got you off and didn’t feel a thing? That’s so, so…

  Humiliating? Embarrassing? Soul destroying? Trust me, I felt all that. It was awful, and then I went and had sex with him last night and I screamed out the “L” word.

  Can you say it like that if you used the whole word? Never mind. Let’s get back to this love…

  Stop laughing, I can hear you.

  Sorry. Just, sorry. How could you make such a rookie mistake? Don’t you know the male is supposed to say it first?

  Says who?

  Says all the females in this world who don’t want to feel the way you do right now.

  I agree fully, but don’t say it because that would make me more of a pathetic fool. To have a male not respond, at all, is like having your vagina amputated, sewn back on and only regaining some function. It hurts and ruins you forever.

  That is one disgusting and powerful comparison.

  Hannah. This isn’t funny.

  Oh I know, trust me. I just get really awkward in these kinds of situations, so I try to lighten the mood.

  I bet Logan was all I love you so much and—

  No. Logan was all like, I don’t want to bond with this female because she’s not what I want but we’re mated so I’m gonna make do and try to love her.

  Ouch.

  Yeah. But you know what, he did and does love me, and he eventually realized it. After I left him.

  You left him.

  Yep. Totally. And released Lync from his cell.

  You are so twisted.

  I am. But Logan loves my twisted ass.

  So you left?

  Yeah, and he came after me because he realized that he loves me just as I am.

  Well, you’re Fated. It just follows that he would.

  Oh sister, that is a crock of shit. Fating is one thing; true love is another. I wanted a male who would love me because he wanted to, not because he had to.

  Well, Brig wants a female he has to love, not me.

  Of course, he doesn’t—

  He told me that, Han. He said he wished he could love me and that he wished we were Fated because then he wouldn’t have to think about it.

  Oh.

  Yeah, ‘oh.’ Anyway, it is what it is. Now we’re going to get Cyrus’s daughter out of the Glenhaven building in Helena, and I’ll come back home with the proof and face the music. Brig will be leaving.

  That sucks, Beebs. That really sucks.

  Swallowing my pain, I totally agree. It sucks, and there is nothing I can do about it.

  Chewing on the tasteless bar he handed me, I ruminate on what I just got out of this conversation, which is almost nothing, and wonder why I even try to see things and talk them out when really, it just is what it is.

  If you let it be.

  Oh God, are you still here?

  Of course, who else is going to talk to you?

  “Stop letting her mess with you. She’s probably bored,” Brig says, cutting into my thoughts with a smirk on his face.

  “She’s like a dog with a bone. And don’t be mean, Brigger. We’re…almost friends.”

  Yes!

  He chuckles at my eyeroll and waits for me to finish my “lunch” before going to his knees and grabbing my leg. When he starts rubbing the calf, his fingers digging into my tight muscles I groan and lean my head back against the tree, comparing this feeling to sex.

  That is so sad. Brigger should definitely change his technique if that’s what sex feels like to you.

  “Shut up, Hannah! Oh Lord, Brig. That feels so good.”

  “I know, baby, I know. You’re pushing too hard again, and I don’t like it. We can’t have you killing yourself over this. Let’s just take our time to get there, and when we do, you’ll be in top form.”

  I snort, cracking one eye open and shake my head at his hopeful tone. Sweet male, oh why couldn’t we be Fated?

  “You know top form for me is like this level, right?”

  “Stop being a baby and downing yourself. We’ve jogged for hours. You know even Mika the Wonder Woman of the pack dropped after a while.”

  “But you’re not even winded,” I whine, hating when he smiles at me and chuckles.

  “I’ve worked a long, hard time to build this type of endurance, Bee. I’m an enforcer, or I was before I decided to leave the pack. Working for Logan Kilter is no walk in the park. That male almost brought me to my knees,” he admits with a smirk, taking hold of my other leg.

  “I don’t want to be the reason this doesn’t work out. I don’t care what happens to me—”

  “But I do. I care that you’re walking in there, even if you can mask your scent a bit. I care that you’ll get hurt. I care that you’re hurting now because it’s the only way for us to get there without rousing suspicion. I care that when this is over you’ll have to go back to the pack and face charges. I care that I can’t do anything about that except offer you a life that will take you away from your family. Most of all I care that if you accept, it won’t change anything. We won’t mate; we won’t have young. We’ll just be lovers living out a life with no meaning.”

  He sighs after saying it, my heart tearing to shreds, even as I appreciate his honesty. In short, he cares, but there isn’t a thing he can do to change it.

  That’s the story of my life, I think. People care, and yet it doesn’t matter because only I can do anything to make things right. For me. Pack. Family.

  Right now, I want to care enough to make it right for Brig, even if I want to slap him and start wailing and tearing at my hair.

  “I love you. Thank you for caring enough about me to feel like shit, but it’s not on you, okay? I can’t right this and then right the rest when it’s done. You deserve peace, Brig. You need to forget about this. Go. Be free for once in your life. Make a difference for you because you’ve done it for others even when they didn’t see it.”

  Oh barf! Can you hear yourselves? You’re sacrificing your love, so he can be happy? What a crock. You can’t be happy apart.

  I shut Hannah down, smiling when Brig helps me up, and for once in my life I do what I need to. Giving him the pack and ceding control, I start running toward reality and not the dreams in my head.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Beebee

  Slumping against the car, I watch as Brig stands near the gas pump and ask myself exactly what it is I see in the male. Not criticism, just an actual moment of appreciation that I find myself having more and more as the hours pass.

  First of all, after reaching Kalispell and renting a car and now filling it with gas, I have to report that I will never be Demi Moore accredited as a real life GI Jane.

  I totally do not do well roughing it. Or walking. Or exercise of any kind. The only reason I made it this far is because Brig promised to let me have steak for dinner if I kept going.

  I wanted to do it for feminism, I really did, but those bra-burning bitches can kiss my ass if they think I’m killing myself for an ideology. It hurts so much, and I need to gain something material just to make myself feel better.

  As for actually getting here under my own steam, let’s just say that Brig got to drag me for a few hundred yards when I fell to the ground and dramatically wailed that he should go on without me and save mankind. God would want it that way.

  He laughed his ass off, grabbed my ankle, and pulled me through so much snow I no longer feel the need to wash my sweaty vagina because it caught enough powder to now be spotless.

  So here we are, and you know what, I hurt. I hurt all over, and I’ve been whining since we stopped for gas just outside the city because this is me and now that the light of moral indignation and self-righteousness has worn off, I fully expect for someone to kiss my booboos and make them better.

  If I thought I smelled decent downstairs, I’d tell Brig my booboo is lower south and made of pubeless skin. Yes, I am now a weird combination of myself,
the crier and whiner, and Hannah, the demented freak who lives in my head.

  Watching Brig fill the tank, I lean back and just pray that we get through this because, and here’s the part hardly anyone will like, including me, my indignation has ebbed into a realistic point of view that includes me ruining this operation.

  I thought about a gazillion miles back that I could sneak in, do the job Tom Cruise style—Ethan Hunt for Mission Impossible fans—but the truth is, I’d be more like a Paulie Shore horror movie.

  What, you say! Paulie Shore didn’t make horror movies? I beg to differ. Every movie he ever made was a horror.

  I just don’t have what it takes to do this. I’ve already proven more than once that I suck at this superspy stuff by not only tipping them off about what I was doing but almost leading them right to the Clayton pack.

  Me, I am my own worst enemy, and that goes double when I’m here, so close I can smell the success and yet far enough away that my mind and body are proving too weak to deal with it.

  The plan we have, or rather the plan Brig has, is for him to go to Glenhaven to talk to the leaders and explain that he is going to live in Greyriver with the pack, but that he’s not going to be a part of it all anymore.

  He’s supposed to be the distraction while I lose my scent, sneak into the mated officers’ lodgings and go for Brie.

  Simple. Easy. Not.

  For one thing, I can’t sneak. I don’t do sneaky well, and I can’t mask myself for that long without tipping people off. Another is that I am terrified, and no, I don’t care how cowardly that sounds; I am a coward and not ashamed to admit it.

  “You okay?” Brig asks, replacing the nozzle in the pump and turning to stare at me where I’m leaning indolently.

  “Fine. Just wondering what all will happen. You’re sure you’ll be fine going in there? What if they try to reel you in again, Brig?” I ask, concern lacing my voice. “I don’t think you should go in there. I think I should just sneak into the back where they have the loading docks and go find Brie. I can do this.”

  He walks over to me, caresses a hand over my shoulder and gives me the sweetest kiss I have ever had, the soft touch of his mouth against mine not in any way sexual even as it fires my blood.

  I’m so entranced I smile back up at him when he pulls away and leans his forehead down to mine, staring deeply into my eyes.

  “Baby, I’m going to tell you something that I want you to take to heart. I think you’re beautiful and strange and perfect just the way you are, but you’re a fucking klutz, and there is no way in hell am I leaving this up to you or I’ll be trying to get you out of that building in one piece, never mind Brie Harris and that formula.”

  Sonofa-

  “That’s not very nice, Brig.”

  “Not trying to be nice, Bee. Just keeping it real.”

  I gasp, shoving away and curl my mouth.

  “I can so do this! I am strong and graceful. Graceful! I can sneak in, pretend to be there for an actual reason, and go do the superspy stuff like a pro. I can,” I insist, stomping my foot into the ground beneath me.

  Brig smirks, taking in my stiff body and shaking limbs, the fury I feel making me vibrate all over.

  “You’d get your ass caught! Now stop being a baby and get in the damn car before I paddle your ass and lock you in the trunk. Swear to God, female,” he mutters, chuckling when I huff and obey easily.

  Male. Goddammit-

  “This plan isn’t going to work, is it?” I ask after he pulls out and drives for a ways, his silence and the frown on his face making me stop and smell the roses.

  Brig is the most confident male I have ever met in my life, but this is not him looking confident, and how I didn’t pick up on that before makes me question my eyesight.

  “It’ll be fine. You just do what you gotta do, and remember, Bee, I’m on your side.”

  Sniffing, I fold my arms against my chest and look out of the window, only really paying attention when I notice buildings passing us by and see people.

  We’re here.

  Brig

  The drive through Kalispell and to Helena has been almost silent with Bee staring out the window, probably thinking and worrying about what’s going to happen.

  I’m worried as well, more than worried actually after I caught a scent a few miles out of Kalispell. I didn’t say anything to Bee when I realized she was so intent on keeping up she wasn’t paying attention and didn’t smell it.

  I did though, and as I sit here, driving us closer and closer to danger, I know that nothing we discussed is going to work. Because they’re expecting us.

  I should turn this car around, take her back to Greyriver, and tell Nick to send males in there to get the job done. I don’t. I keep driving, knowing what I’m about to do and hating myself for it.

  It’s the only way though. I’ve worked my ass off and suffered to gain my freedom. I’m not about to lose it all now because I got myself caught up in this situation.

  Shifting in my seat, I feel Bee turn to look at me, her blue eyes filled with worry and no small amount of fear. I feel terrible seeing it and have to shove my wolf down when she sighs loudly and closes her eyes.

  “Do you think Althea will find a way to reverse that pathogen?” she asks, sounding tired, hopeful, and almost accepting of her fate.

  I don’t know. I don’t even understand how they came up with something like this in the first place. If it were up to me and if someone told me this story a few weeks ago, I’d have laughed my ass off and told them to pull the other one.

  I can’t take away her last hope though, not now that I’ve made a decision that will likely make her hate me.

  “Probably. That female is a genius when it comes to pack genetics. I’d say she’ll have a cure for them in a matter of weeks at most,” I lie, wondering if something like that is even reversible.

  “I hope so. At first, I didn’t believe it, you know. I thought they had some sort of cat mix in them like I do. At least I thought it must be related or something. You know my mama can’t dampen her scent like I do, so I don’t even know if it’s fully a cougar thing or just me. But anyway, I just didn’t believe that what they told me was true. I mean, shouldn’t our biology make it impossible? The shifter blood heals almost immediately and won’t allow so much as a cold to take root. Why did this work?”

  “I don’t know, baby. I can’t answer that never mind answer why people would do this to other people. It just is. All I’m hoping is that they can fix this and that the pack does something about this mess.”

  She mumbles her agreement and sits back again, her eyes staring out at the city as she considers something.

  “If this goes wrong, I want you to leave.”

  “What? Bee—”

  “No really. If this goes all wrong, and they catch me, I want you to save yourself, get out, and tell the pack where I am. Then you go. I don’t want them figuring out you were a part of this at all, Brig. They’d hurt you too, and I can’t have that on my conscience.”

  Grinding my molars down to nubs, I firm my mouth and say nothing, partly because nothing good will come out of my mouth and partly because I feel like an ass for the plans I’ve kept from her.

  Fucking asshole! How can you do this?

  I ignore the question and keep driving, fighting against my wolf who is whining and snarling at me to stop the car and turn around immediately.

  I’m not that noble though, God, not noble by a long shot and though I’ve managed to forget all this shit for the last couple of weeks, now that everything is all here, now, it’s like a flashing red sign of guilt blaring in my vision.

  Liar. Traitor. Cheat.

  I am all those things and more, so much worse than even I will admit and Beebee deserves more than this from me.

  She loves you! Go back. It’s not too late to go back and salvage things. You can go back to the pack, help her plead her case, and stay there, with her.

  You can have love and happiness a
nd young and never have to look back at this time with regret and remorse. You can be better, Brig, so much better than this.

  No, I can’t! I can’t just walk away. I can’t ruin plans that I made months ago just because one little female with blue eyes filled with love has looked into me and pierced a part of me.

  It’s already done. I’ve already done all that needs doing. It’s the home stretch and I can finally leave and be free once this is done. I’ve earned this. She’s…she was the one who wouldn’t stop.

  No amount of excusing myself can make the bitter taste of deceit fade from my mouth though. No amount of looking at the facts logically can change what I am or what I have become in my quest to do this.

  Sure, I tried to run at first. I did. Beebee just fell into my lap so easily though, how could I ignore the opportunity to stop and re-evaluate?

  “What are you snarling about over there? It should be me doing the snarling,” she mumbles, her eyes still closed as she lolls in the seat tiredly.

  “Nothing. You should rest.”

  Beebee snorts and goes back to her place near the door, leaning her head against the window. I am almost there goddammit—

  “Let me drop you off at a motel. Please. Let me do this alone,” I beg again, giving my conscience one last hoorah as I try to fight against myself, shoving the cold bastard away for long, agonizing seconds. “Please. Don’t make me take you in there, Bee.”

  Her rueful smile kills the last hope I have of ever being a decent male, and I grind my teeth, swallowing regret when she smiles and tells me again that she’s made her choice.

  Jesus.

  Don’t do this, Brigger.

  I do though. I ignore my better side and drive on, closing my eyes when Glenhaven comes into view and everything that I’ve been trying to deny and forget clicks into place and the agent in me comes out.

  You should have run, Bee. You should have hopped that electric fence and run, baby, I say silently, looking over at her for the last time, my mind racing as I try to take in this one last picture of her.

  “We’re here.”

  Bee opens her eyes and looks out through the windshield, her throat working when she sees the building and takes in the everyday appearance. It’s an illusion though, a shifter hell that hides in plain view of human everyday life.