Risk

by Marissa Holan

  "I'm serious. I don't come by the house as much as I should, and I certainly never bring girls home to meet them…"

  "But we're just friends." I shook my head, confused. "And I have a kid!" I repeated.

  "They know all of that. I think they think you'll be a good influence on me or something." He gave me a sideways grin. "I haven't always been the most responsible."

  "I think I'm gonna puke." I slid down in my seat.

  "You'll be fine." He squeezed my thigh again. "I promise."

  About twenty minutes later, we pulled into what felt like a mile long driveway. My mouth fell open when I took in the sprawling red brick mansion. I knew Caden's family had money, but I didn't realize they had that kind of money. The driveway looped around into a full circle near the center of the house; Caden parked right in the middle. He helped Jack and I out of the car and handed his keys to a man in a black suit.

  "Thanks, Jerry," Caden said to the man, who nodded a tight smile and took the keys. "You ready?" he whispered.

  "Not remotely," I whispered back. Caden put his hand at the small of my back and led me up the brick stairs to the front door. To my left, Jack was squeezing my hand. At least I wasn't the only one nervous.

  A woman dressed in a blue skirt suit, white pearls and matching earrings greeted us at the front door. Her blue eyes and black hair pulled back in a neat bun at the nape of her neck gave away that she was Caden's mom. "Caden, dear! So lovely of you to join us.""Goodmorning, Mother," he replied, kissing her cheek. "This is my friend Kitrina and her son Jack."

  She gave me a sweet smile and held out her hand. "So wonderful to meet you, Kitrina."

  "Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Tate." I shook her hand.

  "Oh please, dear, call me Margaret." She smiled and turned to Jack. "I believe we have some children about your age in the backyard. Would you like to play with them?" She asked Jack in a pleasant tone, but I could tell she was a little stiff. Margaret didn't appear to be the maternal type. Jack looked up at me wide eyed.

  "It's okay, you can go if you want." I patted his shoulder. Just then another man in a black suit walked up.

  "Follow me, young man," he said robotically then turned on his heel. Jack followed hesitantly, looking back every few seconds to make sure I was still there. Caden and I both smiled at him until he made it to the backyard. In my peripheral I could see Margaret assessing Caden. I was sure she was less than thrilled her twenty-four-year-old son was doting on a four year old.

  "Shall we?" She smiled, gesturing her hand toward the living room. With his hand still at the small of my back, Caden led me to a massive room fitted with plush velvet couches over huge oriental rugs. The crystal chandelier that hung high above the coffee table was intimidating.

  "You have a beautiful home, Margaret," I said as I took a seat near Caden.

  "Thank you, dear. Decorating does keep me busy." She smiled, looking around at her creation. "So, Kitrina," she started, crossing feet at the ankles and clasping her hands together in her lap. "Tell me about yourself. I'm anxious to know all about the girl that has been keeping Caden so…occupied."

  Aaaaaaand there it is.

  "Mom." Caden narrowed his eyes at her, as if sending her some silent warning.

  "Oh I know, I know, dear." She waved a hand, ignoring Caden's icy glare. "You two are just friends." She smiled sweetly. She didn't buy it.

  "Caden has been helping me get acclimated with the University," I answered her question, pretending be oblivious to the tension in the room.

  "Ah, how nice. And Jack? Where will he go while you're in school?" She held her sickly sweet smile.

  "Jack will either be in daycare or with my best friend. His father—my husband—died a year ago, so it's just us." I returned her smile. She swallowed and adjusted her seat. Apparently the fact that I was married was news to her.

  "I'm sorry to hear that," she said sincerely. "I wasn't aware." She shifted her gaze to Caden; another silent communication. She glanced at the dainty gold watch around her wrist and announced it was time to eat. We walked out to the back patio where a massive spread was laid out. There was everything from eggs Benedict and French toast to a meat carving station loaded with whole hams and thick steaks. There must have been at least twenty people.

  "Your parents do this every Sunday?" I whispered to Caden as he led me to a table.

  "Yeah, it gives Mom something to do." I thought I detected bitterness in his tone, but figured I'd ask about it later. Jack and the other kids—the neighbor's grandkids apparently—all bounded up the back patio steps and joined us for what was seriously one of the best meals I'd ever had. I moaned and nodded appreciatively after almost every bite. Caden found it amusing. We chatted with a nice couple who sat at our table, and before I knew it, two hours had passed. Despite the awkwardness of meeting Caden's mother, I was having a good time. We said our goodbyes and headed back to the SUV which was parked right in the front.

  "Was that so terrible?" Caden asked with an adorably hopeful smile.

  "It was very nice, Caden. Thank you," I said as I buckled my seatbelt. "Your mother hates me, but other than that I had fun."

  "She doesn't hate you," he said, putting his hand on my thigh, a gesture I was getting too used to.

  "Yeah. Pretty sure she does." I rested my hand over his. "It's okay, she's just worried I'm trying to trap you. She doesn't want her handsome, rich, young son tangled up with some girl and her kid. I get it." And I did get it. "In twenty years if Jack brings home a girl with a child, I would be extremely concerned. She just loves you." I squeezed his hand.

  "I doubt that's it." He shook his head, his tone flat..

  "What is that?" I tilted my head in his direction.

  "What is what?" he asked, confused.

  "That bitterness in your voice every time you talk about your mom."

  The muscles in his jaw tensed before he said, "We don't need to talk about that now, let's enjoy the rest of the day."

  "If you say so," I conceded, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. I'd just ask him about it later.

  We drove straight from Caden's parents' house to the theatre that was showing the Spider Man play. We sat in the third row from the front; Jack sat between Caden and me. Jack was bouncing in his seat; he was so excited about the play. I sneaked a glance at Caden, who was looking down at Jack adoringly. My insides got warm as I pictured Caden sitting next to Jack all the time. I shook the thought from my mind. I seriously needed a splash in the face with ice water; I couldn't afford to daydream like that.

  After about three hours the play ended. Jack was standing on his seat clapping and hollering in approval. Caden loaded Jack up with all kinds of Spider Man paraphernalia. What a sucker.

  Jack was passed out by the time we pulled up to my apartment. Caden carried Jack into his room and tucked him in, this time with a stuffed spider man.

  "You need to stop doing that," I scolded as he walked back into the living room. He sank into the couch next to me and scooped up the remote.

  "Doing what?"

  "Buying him stuff." I tilted my head to face him. "What is all this for, Caden?"

  He narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

  "Today was amazing. I don't remember the last time Jack was this happy. Hell, I can't remember the last time I was this happy." I let out a sigh. "I just don't know why you're doing it, that's all."

  He eyed me for a moment, mulling something over in his mind. He let out a huff and adjusted us so that I was facing him. "I did some thinking," he started slowly. "I was wondering what it was about you that made me want to get to know you. At first, to be honest I just thought you were hot." He shot me an apologetic smile. "And then when I realized you were a mom, I kinda freaked out. I didn't want to be an ass, but…" He shrugged, not finishing his sentence: but I don't want a kid. "And then we became friends and I got to know you and I saw how you were with Jack, the things you do for him" His eyes met mine and softened. "You asked
about my mom in the car. We don't have the closest relationship. My dad died when I was a kid." he swallowed, taking a moment. This was clearly difficult for him to talk about.

  I cupped his face with my hand. I was a little confused as to why this was news to me, I thought we had gotten pretty close these last few months. "I'm sorry. Caden. I had no idea." My heart hurt picturing a little boy with black hair losing his father.

  "He was my hero. I wanted to grow up to be just like him. My mom didn't cope very well. She remarried a few months later. I hated him. He was a jerk. He bossed me around and hit me when I didn't obey. I told Mom I didn't want her to marry him, she just told me to grow up. I was eight." He looked down at our hands that were now intertwined. "The nannies and the cooks raised me. Mom was too preoccupied with social events and dinner parties." His thumb started caressing the top of my hand. "So when I saw how you were with Jack, how much you loved him…" He trailed off, shrugging. "I don't have a lot of experience with single moms, but I have a lot of experience with women." a sneaky smile slid across his face. "And I've never met one that didn't jump at the chance to hook up with me."

  "At least you're not cocky," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

  He laughed. "I know, it sounds bad…but it's true." He shrugged. "They just see good looks and dollar signs when they look at me. Not you though. You didn't give a damn about how I looked or how much money I had; all you cared about was Jack. When I saw that, I knew you weren't like the other girls. Honestly, Kit, you're not like any girl I've ever met."

  My heart ached at his words "I'm sorry, Caden…about your dad, and your mom…everything." I rested my head on his shoulder and snuggled into him.

  I flipped through the channels looking for something to watch and landed on ESPN. Caden raised an eyebrow at me but didn't complain. Jack woke up from his nap and joined us on the couch; I was snuggled into Caden's right side while Jack occupied his left. Caden forfeit his sports news for cartoons and Jack moved to the floor to watch Rocky & Bullwinkle while playing with his new Spider Man toys. Caden and I stayed on the couch and talked in hushed voices. I ran my fingers down his arms while he played with strands of my hair; he told me more about his childhood, I told him about Iowa, we both made jokes and giggled like little kids. Every once in a while we'd catch each others' gaze and hold it for a few seconds too long.

  The front door jiggled and then opened. Caden and I snapped our heads toward the door to find Lizzy standing there. Her narrow eyes went from me to Caden to Jack and back to me. I gave a guilty smile and waved; Caden cleared his throat and started watching cartoons, intensely.

  Lizzy glanced down at Jack. "This kid watches too much TV," she muttered as she walked through the living room and into the kitchen to set grocery bags on the counter.

  "Well…you're not wrong," I said, standing up and adjusting my clothes. I walked into the kitchen to find Lizzy putting a ton of food in the fridge.

  "Did somebody forget to tell me it was Thanksgiving or something?" I asked, peering into my now fully stocked fridge.

  "No. We're making dinner tonight," she said matter-of-factly. "You, me, Caden, and Kevin."

  I ignored that she sneered Caden's name, just happy she included him. "Oh. Ok," I said smiling. Her lips curved, telling me she wasn't really mad.

  "I hope you know how much I love you," she said before squaring her shoulders and strolling into the living room.

  Oh dear.

  "Hello, Caden." Lizzy stood directly in front of Caden with her arms crossed. To Caden's credit, he stayed sitting and gave her his full attention. "Apparently the earth has flipped on its axis and Satan himself is making homemade organic snow cones with Martha Stewart, because my very beautiful and very intelligent best friend has come to the godforsaken conclusion that you are worthy of her time. Consider this me being supportive." She held her hand out to him. He eyed her apprehensively before shaking her hand and nodding.

  "Thanks, Elizabeth. I appreciate it," he said genuinely.

  "Don't patronize me, Tate." She pulled her hand away but her eyes softened. "Call me Lizzy."

  Lizzy turned toward the kitchen then called over her shoulder, "You'd better not have any plans because you're staying for dinner."

  "Yes, ma'am," Caden said with both hands up in surrender.

  When Lizzy sauntered back into the kitchen I was leaning against the counter with a huge smile on my face. I wrapped my arms around her neck in a suffocating hug. "Thanks, Lizzy," I said into her ear.

  "Yeah, yeah. Quit making a scene." She hugged me back.

  The knock at the door made Lizzy all smiles. I asked Caden to answer it and was surprised to see Caden and a tall blonde guy—who I presumed was Kevin—engage is some man-handshake-thing and a one armed man-pat-hug-thing.

  "They know each other?" I asked Lizzy as I was attempting to mash potatoes.

  "They're in the same fraternity," Lizzy said before she shot out of the kitchen and made a running leap into Kevin's arms.

  "Hey, babe," he crooned into her hair. I leaned my head against the wall watching them. It was nice seeing Lizzy dating and happy. I smiled longingly at the display of affection. I glanced up to find Caden watching me, his eyes unreadable. I looked down at my hands that were fiddling with a dishtowel and went back to mashing potatoes.

  Caden and Kevin sat in the living room talking and laughing about I dunno, guy stuff I guess, while Lizzy and I finished dinner. An hour later we had a perfectly cooked London Broil, Caesar salad, garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli.

  "Time to eat, boys!" Lizzy sang into the living room. Both guys stood up mumbling about starving and how everything looked good. Kevin wrapped his arms around Lizzy's waist and nuzzled into her ear while she made him a plate.

  Caden ran a hand down my back and rested it on my hip. "This looks great, Kit." He smiled down at me. I wanted him closer, to put his head in the crook of my neck and wrap his arms around me. I needed to stop torturing myself already. After making a little plate for Jack, we all headed into the living room to eat around the coffee table because the dining table was too small. The food was actually really good; Lizzy winked at me as if reading my mind. She and I made a good team. We ate and laughed and ate some more. I really liked Kevin, and he seemed to really like Lizzy, which made me happy.

  Lizzy cleared the coffee table and put the dishes in the kitchen while I tucked Jack into bed.

  "Drop the sponge and back away from the sink," I ordered as I walked into the kitchen and found Lizzy doing dishes.

  "I'm not going to leave you with this mess." She rolled her eyes.

  "Yes you are because you're going to go out with your man and have some fun." I snatched the sponge and dish she was holding from her hands. I could see her forming an argument in her mind. "Out!" I nudged her with my hip. She laughed and kissed me on the cheek.

  "You're the best, ya know that?" She smiled as she bounded into the living room, pulling Kevin off the couch. I waved goodbye to Kevin and Lizzy as they chatted about what movie to see on the way to his car.

  "You should go out tonight," I said to Caden as I headed back to the kitchen. He furrowed his eyebrows like I insulted him.

  "Why?"

  "Cause you've spent all day hanging out with a four-year-old. Don't you miss your friends?"

  I turned on the water, grabbed a dish and started scrubbing. Without a word, Caden walked to the other side of the sink, picked up a towel and started drying. "I like hanging out with you guys," he said defensively.

  I let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you see what just happened here?" I raised my eyebrows, challenging him. "Lizzy and Kevin wanted to go see a movie, so they got up and went."

  Caden looked confused. "What's your point?"

  "My point is that I don't have that luxury. I don't have the freedom to just up and go wherever I want and do whatever I want. If I want to see a movie it's a huge production of finding a sitter and constantly watching the clock to make sure I get home in time." I turned to face him. "B
ut that's my life. Not yours. You have your whole life ahead of you to deal with this kind of stuff; you should go out and have fun while you can." I turned back to the dishes.

  "I am having fun," he replied quietly.

  We finished up the dishes side by side in silence. I slipped into my room to change into a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. I yawned as I walked back into the living room and slumped on the couch. Caden sat next to me and pulled me to his side.

  "Would you mind if I stayed here tonight?" he whispered into my hair.

  My head shot up and I gaped at him.

  "Not like that, Kit." He rolled his eyes like that was the most ridiculous thought in the world.

  "Like what then?" I asked, still a little skeptical and slightly peeved at his dismissal.

  He raked his hand through his hair. "I feel like…" he paused, searching for words. "You've become one of my best friends, and I just don't want to lose you"

  "What makes you think you're going to lose me?" I asked.

  "All that talk." He gestured toward the kitchen. "It's like you're trying to push me away or something." Hmm…he was more observant than I gave him credit for.

  "I'm not trying to push you away," I said. "I just feel bad that you spend all of your free time with me. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss having more freedom, and I just don't want to take that away from you," I explained. I left out the part that he was totally right and I was trying not to get attached to him.

  He let out a frustrated sigh and started to shake his head. I didn't want to fight with him—especially after he opened up to me about his family—and I didn't want to admit he was right. Before I could over think it and change my mind, I twined my hand in his, stood up, and lead him down the hall to my bedroom. He followed silently.

  I tucked myself into my bed. Caden laid on top of the covers with one of my extra blankets draped over him. He pulled me to his chest and I wrapped my arm around his torso. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. My stomach tightened as chills ran through my entire body. Being this close to him made it hard to deny the depths my feelings for him had become.