Forever Fredless

by Suzy Turner

  I gave in and slumped back in the chair, letting her take control. Within seconds, she'd untangled the curler from my hair and it looked a mess.

  But before I could get even more hyped up about it, she removed the brush from my fingers and began to calmly and gently brush it through my shoulder-length brown and copper locks, instantly relaxing me.

  I sighed and smiled as she removed the eye make-up from my cheeks with a cotton wool pad and my favourite cleanser.

  'Now,' she said. 'Do you want to reapply it or would you rather I did it?'

  I was so relaxed I asked her to do it. I just sat there and let the stress of the early morning wither away.

  After fifty-eight minutes exactly, I stood by the front door, waving her back to her own apartment across the garden.

  'Thank you so much, Zara, you're a star,' I waved, watching her disappear indoors just as my driver arrived.

  'What do you mean, you can't come and pick me up? My audition's in thirty minutes. Now what am I supposed to do? I can't drive. My car's being re-sprayed... that's why you were going to pick me up!' shrieked a voice from the main entrance of the apartments.

  I was shocked to see a rather distraught looking Tiffany Chantelle. She shoved her mobile phone into her pocket. She looked like she was about to burst into tears.

  'Excuse me,' I walked over to her. 'I couldn't help but overhear. Are you alright?'

  Sniffing, Tiffany took out a tissue and blew her nose loudly.

  'Oh... you're Kate Robinson,' she said matter of factly, making me feel a little silly considering she was the true star.

  'And you're Tiffany Chantelle,' I smiled.

  She looked at me and smiled apologetically. 'I'm sorry. I've just got a really important audition to get to and my ride, who was supposed to be here ten minutes ago, has decided he's not coming. My car is being re-sprayed at the moment and I'm stuck. I could take the Tube but...'

  'Why don't you come with me? I'm heading into Central London.'

  Tiffany's eyes lit up. 'Me too,' she said. 'Thank you. Thank you so much.'

  'Come on, let's go before we're both late,' I offered as the driver got out to open the doors.

  'Oh, it's okay, we can do it,' I said as he nodded curtly and returned to the driver's seat before we set off together.

  'I'm so grateful, Kate. Thank you so much,' Tiffany said quietly as we sat in the back of the hired 4x4.

  'It's no problem at all. I'm just glad I could help. I must admit, I feel quite honoured,' I smiled.

  'You feel honoured? You're the superstar now,' she smiled.

  I laughed. 'A superstar for having done nothing but inherit some money. It's not quite the same, is it?'

  'It's not just the money... it's the romance that's making the papers, isn't it?'

  'The non-existent romance,' I added. 'I'm actually on my way to meet some of the men who got in touch after my first appearance on Good Morning GB.'

  Tiffany cringed. 'Oh... poor you.'

  I was relieved that finally, someone saw it the same way as me: cringe-worthy.

  'I know, right?'

  'God knows what they're going to be like. I bet they sent in other people's photos,' she said cheekily.

  'I hope not, but you're probably right.'

  We both laughed and got to know each other over the next twenty minutes and, when the car finally pulled up outside Tiffany's audition, she turned and handed me her card. 'I'm so glad we got to meet, Kate. I feel like we'll be firm friends from now on. It's nice to have finally met a neighbour I can relate to. I'd love to hear all about your meeting, give me a call if you're free for dinner. Thanks again for the ride. I really appreciate it. See you later.'

  'Thank you, Tiffany. Break a leg,' I shouted out the window as we drove away.

  oOo

  Jasper grabbed me the moment I stepped through the revolving door.

  'Jasper, what's going o...' I shrieked as he pulled me away from the lift doors and around the corner.

  'Shhh,' he whispered, as he sneakily peered around the corner, keeping me pressed against his side.

  'What on Earth are you doing?'

  'It's the men, they're over there. I didn't want them to see you before the... big meet.'

  I shook my head in disbelief as Jasper proceeded to act like James Bond. A very, very camp James Bond.

  'How long have you been waiting down here?'

  'Only... forty-five minutes,' he whispered, peering around the wall again.

  'Forty-five minutes? Does Julianne know?'

  He glanced momentarily at me with a cheeky grin. 'She sent me down. She keeps ringing me to find out what they're all like.'

  I tried hard not to laugh while he rushed past me, yanking my arm so I followed him, toward the other set of lifts in the far corner of the lobby.

  'Okay, okay, I'm coming.'

  Once the lift door opened, I stepped inside as Jasper continued to act like some kind of weird alternate reality international spy, peering from left to right, making sure nobody was behind us. When the door finally shut, he let out a deep sigh.

  'I could get used to this,' he said, seriously.

  'Jasper, you don't half crack me up.'

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Unusually, for a cold winter's day, the sun was shining brightly in the sky as I tiptoed onto the roof, eyes squinting as I searched for Julianne. Some of the magazine's assistant fashion editors were busying themselves rifling through rails of clothes, two hairdressers were preparing their gear in a corner whilst the beauty editor stood scouring the proceedings.

  'Kate,' she yelled as she spotted me. 'Are you all set for make-up?'

  'Erm...'

  'There you are,' yelled another voice from around the corner.

  'What's going on, Julianne?'

  'What on Earth do you mean? We're prepping for the shoot.'

  'Shoot?'

  'We want to capture every moment on camera, my dear. And so we're combining it with next month's fashion spread. You are the star of the edition.'

  I groaned and leaned backwards onto the cold bricks.

  'I am?'

  'We talked about it. Have you forgotten already?'

  I shook my head. No, I hadn't forgotten. I'd merely removed all thoughts of such a horrendous nature from my consciousness.

  'Right then, let's get you to hair and make-up,' she practically dragged me along.

  'Jasper!'

  He skipped through the throngs of people, relishing the day's activities.

  'Yes, boss?'

  'I want you to go back downstairs and start prepping the boys. I want them all up here in precisely,' she glanced down at her Gucci watch, 'twenty-three minutes.'

  He grinned and nodded before skipping away.

  An involuntary sigh escaped my lips. Julianne scolded me with her eyes alone before I sat down and let make-up and hair do their worst.

  Closing my eyes, I let myself drift away to a far off place. Recalling the deep blue of the sea and the white washed walls of the villa, I tried to remember the smells from the garden, all those beautiful wild flowers and overgrown lawns. But my mind refused to cooperate and I found myself instead remembering the words to I'm Too Sexy.

  A flash memory invaded my mind. One I'd been trying to forget. What with everything that had been going on, I didn't want to think about him. About the possibility that he might actually be downstairs, right now. I just didn't know what to think. I didn't know how to handle it. To be honest, I was scared.

  'Oh, wow, you look a million dollars,' said a familiar voice as it approached.

  'Jo?'

  I opened my eyes wide and saw her standing there, grinning.

  'What are you doing here?' I hopped off the stool and gave her a hug.

  'I couldn't let you go through all this on your own. I figured you'd need some support.'

  'Thanks. You're so right,' I looked around and pulled her towards the door.

  Laughing, Jo linked arms with me and walked me backwards un
til I was at the make-up stool again.

  'No matter how hard you try, you're not going to get out of it, so you may as well just enjoy the moment. I was serious, by the way. You do look amazing. Like a supermodel, just a short one,' she grinned.

  Relaxing a little, I nodded to Michelle, the girl doing my make-up, and let her carry on as her colleague, Annabelle, continued messing with my hair.

  'So, how are you feeling?'

  'Honestly?'

  Jo nodded.

  'Terrified.'

  Jo dropped her head to the side and pouted before she squeezed my arm.

  'Well, I'm here now. There's no need to be scared. I got your back.'

  oOo

  Taking a number of deep breaths, I looked down at London below, wishing I was down there with all those little people, rushing around getting on with their lives. Yes, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to get on with my life.

  I looked towards the London Eye and smiled. How nice it must be to stand in one of those pods and have nothing to worry about. Just stand and watch the world go by. Glancing across at the Gherkin, I frowned as Julianne suddenly took me out of my day dreams.

  'Earth to Kate,' she said loudly. 'All set?'

  'Nope, not at all,' I whispered under my breath. 'Yes, absolutely,' I forced a smile.

  'That's more like it. Right, time to bring in the boys.'

  My heart suddenly leaped right out of my chest. Seriously, I could swear I saw it hop over the edge of the building, with me right behind it.

  Palpitations. That's what they were called. Serious palpitations. These photos are going to be disastrous. I'm going to look like a corpse. Taking a gulp, I forced myself to smile as five men were slowly brought outside and paraded towards me. I could hear the camera clicking away as Julianne looked on like a proud momma.

  Glancing away from them for just a moment, I saw Jo give me the thumbs up. My body responded by relaxing - just a little bit - as I caught my first glance of the Freds.

  'Oh.'

  I couldn't help it, the word slipped out of my lips as I watched him strut towards me. He was cute. Very cute and he had dark hair and blue eyes. Forcing my eyes to look away from him, I glanced behind him and my smile dropped a tad as a receding man in his erm, late fifties gave me a wink. And then another, who was clearly wearing a black wig, grinned across at me, giving me a Dr Spock hand gesture. Erm, okay, right then. An ordinary yet nice looking guy my age gingerly smiled and nodded before the final one appeared. He was the right age, I'd give him that, but his fake bronzed and buffed muscular appearance and bright blond hair made him a definite no-Fred contender. So, back to Fred One then.

  They were all positioned around me for a few photos before the introductions actually began. I could feel myself reddening as Mr Universe's muscles rubbed against my arm and gave me goosebumps - the cringe worthy ones, that is. I gulped back and tried to look happy for the camera, but it was a struggle.

  I wondered if the first guy was Fred. He could be. He certainly looked like him, with his slightly high cheekbones and deep blue eyes. The butterflies in my stomach did a quick flight upwards, towards my heart, as we were re-arranged so that Number One and Number Four were standing beside me. They were both cute, for sure. But I doubted Number Four was a real contender. As much as I liked the look of his face - and his physique - he didn't look like my Fred.

  Finally, the camera stopped rolling for a moment; Jasper rushed forward and introduced us all. Mr Universe was actually Austrian, had been living in England for several years and apparently he used to visit Skegness when he was a kid. Yeah, right. If I lived in Austria, I doubted very much that I'd ever nip across the pond and check out a caravan park, would you? Clearly, he was after some coverage in a national magazine. Fair play to him. His body probably deserved some magazine coverage, just not at Liberty.

  Number Two, the ageing Fred, admitted to having sent in a picture he'd scanned from a magazine - for a laugh. I smiled as Jo shook her head with a snigger.

  Number Three, the Star Trekker, was indeed an Englishman who grew up in Skegness. But Fred he certainly was not. Removing the Dr Spock wig to reveal a shiny bald head, he smiled shyly and shrugged his shoulders.

  'I had many a fling with tourist lasses when I was a kid, so I thought I may as well write in. It could have been me,' he shrugged again. 'But I can see from your face that it isn't.'

  I smiled. 'Thanks for writing in...'

  'Jim.'

  'Thanks for writing in, Jim.'

  'Maybe we could get together for a drink later,' he suggested.

  I shook my head. 'Thanks but, erm. I'm not much of a Star Trek fan.'

  He looked outraged. So much so that I took a step backwards, where I was confronted by the other two possibles, Jack and Luigi.

  Luigi? Italian? Huh?

  Luigi was the one who looked the most like my Fred. He was simply gorgeous and I almost melted at the mere sight of him. When Jack realised this, he put his hands in his pockets and relented with a nod, quietly walking away, making me feel pretty bad.

  'Luigi?' I asked.

  The dark haired god nodded. 'That's right, love,' he said with a broad Yorkshire accent.

  'Oh.'

  Laughing, he combed his hair with his strong masculine hand and I swooned.

  'I get that a lot. I'm from Italian descent, but I actually grew up in Rotherham. We went to Skegness a few times when I was about twelve or thirteen. To be honest though, I don't actually remember the story I read about you, but,' he shrugged, 'we don't remember everything that happens to us as kids, do we?'

  'I guess not,' I replied, my heart sinking. All these years, I thought Fred must have felt the same as me. That 'our' moment was etched in his head for eternity, too.

  'So we might have met,' he smiled and my knees went weak.

  'Do you have a picture? Of when you were younger?'

  His face fell slightly but he smiled warmly and shook his head.

  'Afraid not, love. We had a fire when I was seventeen... everything was burned. We lost everything. Even my little brother.'

  'Oh God, that's horrendous. I'm so sorry, Luigi.'

  My insides squeezed and my stomach suddenly felt like it was going to propel that morning’s contents all over him. I turned away and noticed Jo smiling at us. She motioned me over. I excused myself from the great hunk of a man and rushed to her side. Julianne was scanning through some of the photos while Jasper handed out coffee.

  'Ten minutes, people. Ten minutes,' Julianne shouted out without looking up.

  'You like him, I can tell.'

  'No,' I said completely unconvincing.

  'You ought to. He's cute and he's got that whole Fred look down to a tee. Do you think it's him?'

  I shrugged my shoulders as the redness crept up my neck and piqued on top of my cheeks.

  'I'd like to think so, but he,' I took a breath before continuing, 'he doesn't remember.'

  'Oh, honey,' Jo whispered. 'That's a bit of a shit.'

  She totally got me.

  'What about photographs?'

  I shook my head. 'They burned in a fire - along with his little brother.'

  She gasped and we both looked across at him, watching him as he stood gazing out across London, occasionally taking a gulp of his coffee. Jasper stood fairly close by, clearly eager to either chat to him or get his pants off.

  'Go and talk to him some more, Kate. That guy could be the man of your dreams - in every way possible. Go.'

  I was about to walk up to him when Annabelle appeared with several combs, hairbrushes and a spray. I couldn't get away so I stood, cursing under my breath.

  'Okay, you're good to go,' she said a few minutes later.

  I bounded across the rooftop and was promptly stopped by Michelle, with her powder, lip gloss and eye liner on hand.

  'Won't take a moment. You're just looking a little shiny, here and there. Right, that's better. Okay off you go.'

  Just as I approached Luigi, Julianne en
ded the break and I was forced back with the other crazies… erm, Freds.

  Screaming inside, I did exactly as I was told, posing in between them as Julianne and the photographer directed us - occasionally stopping so I could go and change into the latest fashions, some of which looked hideous on me. Well, I thought so, anyway.

  'Right, just chat amongst yourselves and we'll take some casual shots of you getting to know everyone a bit better, Kate.'

  So, there I stood, like a complete melon, cherry, or whatever it is you call it these days, wondering what to do. I mean, I was surrounded by guys I didn't really know, and there was only one I really wanted to talk to. Could I just talk to Luigi? Was that rude? Yes, it was, really. So I put on a brave face and turned around and let them ask me questions. Occasionally, I'd interrupt and ask something back, so I looked at least a little bit interested. And then Julianne called time and before I got the chance to do anything for myself, she'd sent them all away and I was left wondering what the hell had just happened?

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  I tossed my jacket onto the chair and flopped face down onto the bed, where I lay, dead still, for at least twenty minutes. My head was all over the place. I couldn't focus. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted the bed to suck me in and take me away from the world. Maybe it could spit me out into an alternate universe? One with no Freds.

  The phone rang. I ignored it. Eventually it rang off and I sighed loudly as my mobile immediately began to buzz. Turning onto my back, I looked up at the ceiling and watched a little spider scuttle across it towards a web it had created in the corner. Maybe it was time I gave the place a spring clean. Or perhaps I should hire a cleaner?

  A cleaner? What was I thinking? It was only a small house, I wasn't exactly working at the moment. Surely I could do a bit of cleaning myself.

  Jumping up, I took off my nice clothes and swapped them for a pair of pyjamas. Armed with the hoover, I hopped back onto the bed and began stretching as high as I possibly could, trying to rid the room of the cobwebs. As the poor little spider was sucked up into the tube, I was racked by guilt. I'd killed it. Switching off the vacuum cleaner, I flopped back down onto the bed and looked around. What now?