Gabriel

by Melissa Meintjes

  Massimiliano had begun dating Natasha, after she gave him his number after having had eaten in his restaurant the first night she arrived. He had constantly smiled at her while she ate. She fell in love with his sweetness, and felt enthusiastic, to be in the small town of Perugia, partly because of him. She considered him very beautiful in his face, and fashion. He had big brown eyes, a slender nose, flawless skin, a single mole on his cheek, and thick blonde hair. He constantly wore a decorative tie over his white shirt and rolled up his sleeves to show his masculine hairy arms. She would always tell him that his arms were beautiful even though he would laugh it off.

  After meeting him, the small town with its grey stone walls and historic significance seemed intoxicating with romance. They began to date immediately, and began to fornicate soon after that.

  Massimiliano would never go out to dinner because as a waiter he had been too busy. So he only took Natasha out for drinks in bars, and then slept the night in her bed. The apartment in which she had decided to stay, felt small, for it was a tiny room and a bathroom, with a television, a desk and a wardrobe. Massimiliano felt happy there, falling asleep on her breasts, between her arms. He had not had a girlfriend in years. In total he had only had six, and felt prouder to have a seventh. At night he pleased Natasha with oral sex for however long it took to make her orgasm. He would stick his fingers inside of her and make her experience overwhelming jolts of ecstasy. His treatment of her seemed loving, but at the same time he never said “I love you” because he felt the words would commit him forever. He would say that love consisted of more than just a feeling, but rather a lifelong commitment to serve each other in whatever way possible.

  Although Massimiliano worked incessantly, and hardly ever had time for anything except sex, Natasha felt intoxicated with love and happiness. She would talk so much about Massimiliano that her friends would become angry and want to talk about something else. So she began to try to talk less about him. She felt happy because of the void of emptiness that he had filled. He embodied everything different from knowing Juliet; a world of endless happiness and possibility. He seemed to say you are beautiful, and special even though he never said I love you, for he had said it in a million little ways. He said it through his kindness, he said it through his long nights of love making, and by a desire of spending every moment he could with her.

  One night she had forgotten to blow dry her hair and then he decided to blow dry it for her because he felt she might catch a cold. His gesture seemed so sweet. He never killed insects and always gave to the poor, and therefore, although he never told Natasha he loved her, she felt his goodness to indicate that he did in every way that mattered.

  One day he took her to a church, and walked around with her there for hours looking at all the statues of saints and Christianity. The Church had a round appeal with light shining in from tinted windows. One could smell the incense, and through it feel close to God. To Natasha, the excitement was about spending time with Massimiliano, and so she felt happy to be alive because of him.

  On Natasha’s last night, she felt devastated to leave the one man she truly loved behind, and so she decided that she would one day move to Italy. The following day, Natasha felt overwhelmed with grief and began to cry as she said goodbye to the man she loved.

  Chapter 12

  Several weeks passed, as Gabriel Strife accepted his role in life as one of Sarah’s great loves, instead of being her one and only great love. During this time he often felt despair and would take pleasure in the carnal knowledge of pornography stars, and the sweet fantasy caresses of Celia Rose. He would often wish he knew Celia Rose, and wondered if he would date a woman capable of standing nude in front of others. In his opinion, Celia Rose, matched the incredible beauty that Sarah possessed, and he at times felt more tantalized by it because of the play of red on his emotions. At times he felt like the red of her full lips, combined with her red hair seemed to caress his chest, kiss his lips and nipples with the beauty of a real life rose. Her green eyes mesmerized him all the more, because of the red. He sometimes considered her a fairy tale nymph instead of a porn star. He often conceptualized the beauty of nymphs. He imagined them as nude spirits running around in woods or bathing in streams. Years of art had made him do so. For example the painting called Hylas and the nymphs by John William Waterhouse came to life in his memory. He remembered how in English class he saw it in his textbook, and felt a strong love of art and pornography through it. Another picture, called Nymphs by William Bouguereau, also played images of nudity on his memory. Both pictures showed a group of nude women together. In one, bathing in a stream, and in the other playing in the woods. He thought about nudity and how the taboo nature of it only seemed to apply to pornography and the models who played in them, and therefore, felt the hypocrisy of society’s judgment. As he thought about Celia’s nude body, he began to feel enamored with her once again, and realized that he kind of loved her.

  As Gabriel Strife contemplated how much he loved Celia. He analyzed how he wanted to be with her and then visited the Dungeon website once again. Underneath the index he noticed other pornography sites. One of them called Feminine Burst caught his attention and he clicked on it. He realized that they were partner sites and that on it he could look at a lot of pictures of nude women in various nature scenes and poses. He felt mesmerized with the beauty of all the different images. Some curvier than others, some darker, and some lighter; all caught his admiration and made him realize that he loved women more than anything. He looked at some blondes who looked like Sarah and wondered how Sarah would feel nude in front of everyone. Some of them looked incredible with their rotund hips and bulbous breasts, and made him think of Sarah, again. He remembered making love to Sarah, and felt a strong urge to call her and stop watching pornography; but then he remembered how she had not said “I love you” back, after he had said it. It made him furious, as he thought about it he became more satiated with the nudity of other women. He wished he could punish Sarah. Then he realized he had, and again felt happy about the photographs he had placed on his Facebook account. Then he realized she was not jealous and therefore he again felt she did not love him the way she should have. He began to cry and then smiled again as he remembered Celia Rose, with her big red lips, and red hair, brushing by his soul. So he decided to masturbate about her and imagined her in a lot of the photographs of nature that he had found. The way her pale skin magnified the pink of her heels, in his mind, made him love her all the more. He imagined playing with her light brown nipples and became erected. He imagined sticking his fingers in to her open vagina, and kiss her feet as she extended her shapely legs up so he could more profoundly penetrate her. He imagined penetrating her until they both had an orgasm. Although he had become excited through his fantasy he did not come to orgasm, and therefore felt hungry for more.

  He decided to look at his computer screen again, and then navigated to the Dungeon website, where he found the name Celia Rose and then clicked bondage; one of the two choices available. The other choice had been spanking. Then he watched a series of photos of her bound and gagged. They had placed a red ball in her beautiful mouth, and tied her up in a position that bent her slightly forward with her legs apart. The ropes pushed out her chest, and her buttocks, and tied her hands on opposing sides of each other. She looked completely vulnerable and subtly humiliated through her sex. The photo series then took an up close and personal photograph of her buttocks, and then of her groin. Then a photograph focused in on her face, which seemed slightly red. He felt sad for her, but at the same time felt more aroused, by her nudity and state of submission. So he continued to look at the photographs that seemed to abase her. The photos then went on to show a masked man wearing black leather straps covering his groin, stick a dildo on a stick inside her vagina, and then in to her anus. Celia could not scream because of the ball gag over her mouth. Gabriel remembered how he had once anally penetrated Sarah and how she screamed and he felt sorry for Celia, for he k
new she must be experiencing pain. Although he felt guilty, the thought of her exposed, made him feel a profound excitement and he began to wish he could anally penetrate her too. So he continued to watch and then began to masturbate. He rubbed as he watched Celia get paddled with a little black paddle in the next photograph. The photographs then focused in on her fleshy buttocks bouncing as a reaction to being beat on, and as he watched his semen began to gush.

  Although he felt released and happy, after his orgasm, Gabriel felt a strange sense of guilt which he washed away with the knowledge that Celia had allowed the photographs to go on. He felt a profound bond with Celia, many would have called love, but as he thought about her choice of nudity, he felt ashamed to have such feelings for a woman he considered equal to a prostitute. He thought about how his mother had taught him to look down on prostitutes and how in his high school, girls routinely had used the word whore as an insult. He felt low, and therefore sad and empty. He washed away his feelings of emptiness with thoughts of Sarah and began to feel a deep desire to spank her also.

  Chapter 13

  Miguel Sanchez, worked excessively, trying hard to create a life for himself in which he would always feel secure. He had no wife, nor children, and as a result developed a crush on his secretary, Joanna Flounder. She was around fifteen years younger than him, and therefore he felt shy to ask her out. He would look at her big brown eyes, red lips, button nose, and flawless complexion covering her high cheek bones, and he would covet her more than anything in the world. He felt too shy to ask her out, and so he only fantasized about having sex with her. At night he would imagine her slightly overweight rounded body on his, and wanted ever so badly to kiss her big red lips. He would begin to rub himself and masturbate until the ejection of his life fluid came.

  Despite the many masturbatory fantasies he indulged in, he felt hungry to possess Joanna, and so he would always look in the mirror and try to not see the mild flaws of age. He focused instead on how they had similar eyes, how his nose seemed perfectly congruous, and how his lips pouted out. He also admired his thick black hair, which unlike that of other men, had continued to grow steadily throughout the years. His weight, although not obese, embodied a man who needed to struggle to lose it, and so he would walk for two hours every morning in order to impress Joanna. His squared jaw would look mildly attractive in the dim morning light, as his dark figure, melted in to the foliage. The eternal green of Miami, suited him, for he appeared Hawaiian in origin and therefore did not seem like a man who could ever be unhappy in a place as tropical as Miami, for he seemed used to it since birth.

  He would walk in the park and often see an array of tropical flowers as he walked. Although he should have felt happy to be alive, the flowers always seemed to somehow remind him of Joanna’s beauty, something he did not feel he could have. He did not know if it was the beauty itself, or the color of her lips, or the speckles of light in her eyes, that reminded him of the flowers, but she did.

  After losing several pounds, Miguel decided to ask Joanna out on a date. The day he asked, he wore his best shirt and his best pants. He could at times hardly feel the breath in his chest.

  Then one afternoon five minutes before going home, he said “Joanna, most fair, how would you like to accompany me on a date.”

  Then she smirked and responded “I am sorry. You are my boss. We could only be friends.”

  Miguel then said “ok, friend, how would you like to come over for a movie tonight.”

  Then she responded “I can’t tonight, but how about Wednesday night?” He then nodded, smiled and walked away.

  Joanna felt concerned that he did not speak. She wished she could help him and wished she had lied and claimed she was in a relationship, but her parents had raised her not to lie, and she herself had always believed the truth to be the best policy. So she felt proud that she had at least offered friendship.

  Miguel, felt overwhelmed with sadness. The humiliation drove him to want to hit something, and so he punched the car seat next to him. He looked in the mirror and realized that she only saw his flaws and felt tears welling up in his eyes. Then he thought about how she might learn to love his personality, and then decided to try to be more optimistic.

  Once he arrived home, Miguel ate dinner thinking with enthusiasm that he would soon cook for Joanna, and while he ate, planned what he would cook. He imagined cooking chicken for her, with vegetables. Then he imagined future dates on which he would cook for her turkey sandwiches and French fries. He decided to cook lasagna for her; because he thought that it would impress her the most.

  The following morning Miguel did not feel like walking, but instead felt depressed and complacent about his appearance. He felt powerless against the struggle to be attractive, and so he decided to instead watch television. He started gaining weight, and then thought, who cares.

  Then days passed and it was eventually the day for Joanna’s arrival to his apartment home. He anticipated her arrival by eight in the evening, and she arrived only five minutes past the hour. They ate the lasagna, and then watched television for two hours. She then left.

  After her departure he felt sad, and decided he could not continue in the shadow of such an oppressive humiliation and so decided to fire her. Then he realized that he could not do that, for the board of directors of the Twin Towers, the building where he worked, decided who would get fired and who would not. So he thought he would complain about her instead.

  On his way to work, Miguel constantly thought about Joanna, and the possible lies he could concoct to push her menacing presence out of his life. He thought about her work, and realized it had been almost flawless. Then he thought about her attitude towards the residents and how he had never heard a complaint about her. So he decided, he had to lie. He thought about claiming she was lazy, but then realized she might find out and then became filled with shame, and therefore, decided that life must go on as a hell of humiliation instead.

  During work, Joanna was annoyingly pleasant as always, and filled his life with her angelic smiles.

  After work Miguel realized he felt more love for her than before, and so decided that he should be happy to work with such a beautiful woman, who always embodied sweetness and compassion. At night before he fell asleep he felt overwhelmed with pain, and decided to imagine her nude. As he imagined her nude he thought about how she only seemed to call out his name without ever taking it as her own, and so he became filled with despair. His sex only seemed sore instead of pleasurable, because he did not possess her, and so he developed fantasies about kidnapping her and locking her in a basement. He imagined a big prison cell, in which only a toilette stood, and a mattress on the floor in the corner. He imagined her nude body vulnerable before him, and he began to desperately desire her captivity, with her beautiful face always at his disposal.

  During the fantasies of Joanna’s captivity, Miguel felt happy for the first time since he found out he had not been great enough to date her. Her captivity felt right because then he felt no jealousy, and part of him hoped and believed that in her vulnerable state she would love him. So he decided that he somehow would entrap her.

  Chapter 14

  Natasha felt overwhelmed with sadness over losing Massimiliano, and although she should have immediately gotten an HIV exam, she instead chose to live in uncertainty, and therefore, secretly committed herself to him. She wrote him many letters but never got any response.

  She eventually got a response after writing a letter to him about the dreams she had with him, in which he told her that he had moved on and so should she.

  In one of her dreams she stood in a little room with him fornicating, and everything in the room had been painted black, while outside a wedding of another couple presided. In another dream, she went in a gondola in a stream around a bunch of islands. She finally came to an island where there were only books. On that island he stood reading, and ignored her as she spoke to him. Although all her dreams seemed to foretell a terrible future, she felt
overwhelmed, with love and desire for Massimiliano. She lived for the next summer, when she would meet him again, and feel his warm smile beaming on her. She studied Italian emphatically so that she would one day be able to speak it for him. She also thought about him ardently believing that one day he would love her the way she felt he should have always.

  She remembered their sex together with cold dread over having potentially contracted a disease and found out a year later that she had not contracted any, when she decided to find out if she had been infected with anything. She at first, had gone in to the cold gynecology office, and opened up her legs for the blonde woman sitting in a chair between them. Then the blonde woman asked, if she wanted an HIV test. Natasha said yes. The HIV test came back negative.

  After the divorce between Juliet and Fredrick. Fredrick bought a little beige cottage, that consisted of one floor, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a living room, a big television room, a kitchen and a dining room. Although the house was small, in comparison to the house in which they had lived in before, it consisted of a wide variety of foliage and various plant growth. For example, in the main drive way grew a big mango tree, from which mangoes often fell. In the back yard, there grew many tropical multicolored plants around the swimming pool and plants embraced the windows, making it look like a tropical paradise.