Walking the Labyrinth

by Hart, Lois Cloarec

  “Someone else? He’s not my father?” Gaëlle sank into a chair. “My God. I never knew.”

  “You never suspected?”

  Gaëlle shot Lee a wry look. “That my mother would cheat on my father? Did you meet my mother?”

  Lee nodded her understanding. It was hard to imagine the woman doing anything to cross her husband.

  “If you’ll excuse me, I need a few minutes to think. I’ll be back shortly, I promise.”

  Lee watched Gaëlle descend the stairs and walk toward a gate on the east side of the yard. Lee’s gaze never left Gaëlle as she disappeared into the darkness of a grove of trees beyond the yard.

  “Why are you still sitting here?”

  Lee turned back to Janjay. “Pardon?”

  “Why are you sitting here when she’s out there? Go to her.”

  “Um, she said that she wanted some alone time.”

  Janjay made shooing motions. “Phstt. Gaëlle wants time away from this crowd, not from you. Go find her.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Janjay grimaced, and Lee had no trouble deciphering her opinion.

  Lee jumped to her feet. She took two steps before looking back at Janjay. “How will I find her? It’s pretty dark out there.”

  Janjay touched her chest. “But light in here. Listen within, Lee. You won’t get lost if you do.”

  Lee grinned. “You’re as crazy as she is. Okay, call in the search team if we’re not back in an hour. Or you could wait for the ransom note from the gophers and see what their demands are.”

  Janjay burst out laughing. It was a deep, rolling sound that carried Lee like a wave, off the deck and across the yard.

  Lee left the yard behind her and reached the trees. It was difficult to see beyond the edge of the grove, and she had no idea which direction to take. “It’s all well and good to tell me to listen within, but how the hell do I do that?”

  Lee took a deep breath and tried to quiet her mind. She found it impossible to do—Gaëlle filled her thoughts. Finally, exasperated, she said, “I don’t know who I’m asking, I don’t know if there’s even anyone there to ask, but if you are there, please help me find her.”

  She stood still for a moment, then, without thinking, angled to her left and plunged into the copse of trees. She was glad that enough of the tree trunks were light-coloured that she could find a path through them. After a few minutes of walking, she could see the far edge of the grove and the dark prairie stretching out beyond it.

  “Gaëlle? Are you here?”

  A shadow detached itself from a tree ahead of her. “Lee?”

  “Well, I’ll be damned. That works better than a GPS.” Lee quickly joined Gaëlle. “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself. What are you doing out here? You could’ve gotten lost.”

  “Apparently not, at least not according to Janjay. As for what I’m doing here, I was worried about you. Are you all right?”

  “I was just thinking.”

  “About?”

  “Questions and answers.”

  “Okay. That’s a little cryptic. Darn near Wally-speak, in fact. Care to expand? I’d like to know what you’re thinking.”

  Gaëlle held out her hand. “Walk with me?”

  Lee took her hand, and they walked north along the edge of the grove. “I’m sorry I opened my big mouth. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t. In fact, you gave me answers to questions that have plagued me all my life.”

  “Questions such as?”

  “Why didn’t my parents love me like Wally’s parents loved him and his sister? As hard as I would try to please, my dad never seemed to even like me. And for some reason it got much worse after we moved from Donegal. My mom was afraid to love me. If my dad was away on business, things would be great between Mom and me. But the moment he walked back in the door, she would be terrified to show me the least bit of overt affection. Now I know why.”

  “Damn, that’s a hard way to grow up.”

  “It was bearable until we moved away. Wally’s parents were wonderful to me, and Wally gave me unconditional love. I don’t know what I’d have done without him. I’m so grateful that he decided to come back again. He didn’t have to, you know.”

  “You lost me.”

  “About Wally?”

  “Yeah. What do you mean ‘he didn’t have to’? Didn’t have to come back to Donegal? Was he away somewhere?”

  Gaëlle chuckled. “You could say that. I meant that Wally’s soul is so evolved that he didn’t have to reincarnate this time. He did it for me, because I still had much to learn. Because I chose such a difficult situation to be born into, Wally chose to be born nearby to love and support me.”

  “Why would you choose such a rotten situation? Why not choose to be born into...I dunno, Wally’s family? Then you could’ve grown up with all the love that he did and have had him as a brother. Seems to me that would’ve been a win-win situation.”

  “Not in a karmic sense.”

  Lee sighed. “No, of course not.”

  “Seriously, contrast what I learned with what I couldn’t have learned as part of Wally’s family.”

  “Definitely lost now.”

  “One of my karmic lessons is to learn self-love and self-reliance. By being part of a family that didn’t give me much love, I was forced to turn to myself to learn those things. It wasn’t fun, and it took a long time, but I finally mastered that lesson. Remember what I was saying about Brian and how difficult it actually is to learn to love yourself?”

  “I still say he loves himself plenty.”

  “No, Lee, he really doesn’t. No matter how frequently he swaggers into a bar or how many women agree to go home with him, come morning when Brian looks in the mirror, he sees someone who has failed repeatedly. He has a broken marriage; he has worked at a series of low paying jobs, and he has trouble making his child support payments. His good looks are beginning to ebb, abetted by years of self-indulgence and far too many nights in the Red Arrow. Soon he won’t even get reassurance from the weekend women who say yes. Yet Brian came from a very loving family. His soul plan was probably to build on that solid foundation, but he strayed off course.”

  “Say you’re right. Why would he be allowed to stray? Why wouldn’t...whoever...keep him on the straight and narrow so he could achieve exactly what he wanted to?”

  “Two answers really. The first is that we all have free will. Brian can choose to work on his growth or slack off for this lifetime and not make much progress. It’s his call. That said, his soul isn’t going to be very happy between lives, because he wasted some great opportunities and he’ll have to plan another set of circumstances to try and learn that same lesson the next time around.”

  “And the second answer?”

  “We don’t value or retain what comes too easily.”

  “You lost me again.”

  “We don’t have to incarnate, Lee. No one forces us to do anything against our will. However, our guides and teachers will certainly try gentle persuasion if they feel it’s in our best spiritual interests. I imagine there are souls who are so gravely damaged by a life’s experiences that they refuse to return for another go-around. That doesn’t mean they have to stop learning and evolving, but they won’t make progress as quickly on the other side.”

  “Why not? If you’re right, and the ‘between lives’ is so wonderful, why the hell would anyone choose to leave?”

  “Because if you never experience the dark, how can you value the light?”

  Lee stopped walking. “Well, damn. That actually makes sense to me. You’re saying that because your parents didn’t love you, which would be the dark part, then when you encountered real love, you didn’t take it lightly.”

  “Exactly. I cherished Wally’s love and, years later, fell so deeply in love with Hugh that being with him did feel like heaven. My dad didn’t stand a chance when he tried to separate us.” Gaëlle stood at Lee’s side, gazing up at the star-filled night sk
y. “You know I can’t help feeling sorry for Dad. He’s accumulated an awful lot of bad karma in this lifetime.”

  “Um, Gaëlle?”

  “Mmmm?”

  “I kind of said some not very nice things to your dad.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I told him he was going to have to answer for all his meanness.”

  “You’re not wrong, though the only one he has to answer to is himself.”

  “Won’t he give himself a pass? He seems pretty sure he’s on the side of the angels.”

  “We can’t lie to ourselves when it comes to reviewing our lives. Dad will have to face up to the consequences of his actions by experiencing the pain he caused others.”

  “Huh. Does that mean he’ll lose brownie points for condemning you and me to lakes of hellfire?”

  Gaëlle chuckled and squeezed Lee’s hand. “He did that, did he?”

  “Yup.”

  “Do I dare imagine what you said in response?”

  “I said I’d much rather be with you swimming amidst the flames than wherever he’s going to end up.”

  “I’m sure that went over well.”

  “Not exactly, but it did shut him up. I just...if you wanted to reconcile some day, I hope I didn’t ruin things for you.”

  Even in the scant moonlight, Lee could see the open affection on Gaëlle’s face.

  “Don’t give it another thought. I’m very sorry for my mom, though. I spent a lot of years wishing I could rescue her until I finally understood that she, too, chose her circumstances for a particular reason. As for my dad, I don’t think there’s any going back, but then, there was very little to go back to. And I’m okay with that. I just—”

  When Gaëlle hesitated, Lee pulled her closer. “You just what?”

  “I wonder who my real father is, that’s all. Not that it matters now. I’m only curious.”

  “Oh, I can answer that. Your dad said it was some guy named Adam Woodson.” As soon as she said the name aloud, it struck Lee. “Oh, my God. Woodson. Is that—?”

  “Wally’s dad.”

  They stared at each other. “Wally’s your brother?”

  “Wally’s my brother. Wow! The Woodsons were our neighbours the whole time we lived in Donegal. But I just can’t imagine Mr. Woodson and my mom...”

  “I can’t imagine your father continuing to live next to the man who cuckolded him.”

  Gaëlle shook her head. “There’s no way his pride would’ve allowed that. He must not have known until after they moved away.”

  “Do you think Wally knows?”

  “If he does, he’s never said anything to me.”

  “That you understood, anyway.”

  “True. My comprehension isn’t one hundred per cent. Wally...my brother. Wow!”

  “Are you happy...sad...confused?”

  “Happy, I guess. Not that it would be possible to feel closer to him than I already do. But it’s kind of reassuring, actually.”

  “How so?”

  “Because if I am his sister, then I have legal standing to help him on more than an ad hoc basis. I’ve always worried that Wally might get to a state where the authorities would step in and confine him somewhere. That would kill him quicker than a bullet to the brain.”

  “So you’re going to follow up, take whatever steps are needed to prove kinship?”

  “I am, but I’ll wait until after Janjay and Dechontee go home.”

  “Are Dale and Dechontee getting married here or in Guinea?”

  “Both places. We’re going to have a family wedding here as quickly as we can arrange it, then Dale will return to Guinea with Dechontee and Janjay. Jill and I will fly over later for their local celebration.”

  “With Eli getting married too, it’s a summer to celebrate.”

  “It certainly is. And speaking of Janjay and Dechontee, they’ve been staying with my nephew Matty and his wife so as not to spoil my birthday surprise, but I’d like to bring them back to the house tonight.”

  Lee understood immediately. “Of course. If you’ve got an air mattress, I’ll sleep down in the library so they can have my room. Or I can just crash on the living room couch. We’ll be done with the labyrinth in a few days anyway, and then I’ll get out of your hair.”

  Gaëlle shook her head. “No, that’s not what I had in mind.” She gently pulled her hands from Lee’s grasp and slipped them around Lee’s waist.

  Lee’s breath shortened as she felt the warmth of Gaëlle’s body against hers. She rested her hands lightly on Gaëlle’s back. “What did you have in mind?”

  “I want you to share my room...my bed.”

  “Are you asking...do you know what you’re asking?”

  Gaëlle answered wordlessly.

  Lee lost herself in Gaëlle’s kiss, in desire for the body pressed so firmly against her own. She tightened their embrace fiercely, setting fire to what had smouldered between them for weeks.

  Finally, Gaëlle eased away. “If we don’t stop, I’m going to fall down. I feel as shaky as a newborn calf.”

  “And this is a bad thing?”

  “Definitely not. I’d really like to collect our guests, go home, and pick up where we’re leaving off.”

  Home. Yes. “Mmm, you’re right. We should go back.” But Lee couldn’t make her arms let go, and Gaëlle didn’t seem to mind. After another longer bout of kissing, they drew slightly apart.

  Lee couldn’t believe she was going to say it, but she had to ask. “Are you sure about this? I didn’t get the sense that you’ve ever been interested in another woman.”

  Gaëlle nibbled at Lee’s neck, then reluctantly pulled back enough to look Lee in the eyes. “You’re right, I haven’t. But then you hadn’t come along yet, so why would I? I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.”

  “You have? For me...for a woman?”

  “I had no idea what body you’d show up in. I was a little surprised the night you arrived with Britten, not that it mattered; it was still you. Wally was right about that.”

  “You confuse the hell out of me sometimes, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve fallen in love with you, Gaëlle.” Lee shook her head in amazement. Teach me never to say never.

  Gaëlle took Lee’s face in her hands. “Is that so bad? To have fallen in love with me? You have to know I love you, too.”

  Lee kissed Gaëlle softly before answering, “Not bad at all. I just...I never thought after Dana’s death...I never planned to fall in love again.”

  “Actually you did. You just didn’t remember it.”

  “So you’re saying if my soul had shown up wearing a hulking, hairy, rotund old man’s body, you’d still have fallen for me?”

  “Your soul knew I’d fall for exactly the body you came in.” Gaëlle trailed her hands lightly over Lee’s chest. “It’s a very sensible soul, when all is said and done.”

  Lee grinned. “You know, I’m having a hard time picturing Britten as Cupid.”

  Gaëlle chuckled and took Lee’s hand to lead them back to the house. “She did love to dress up as fairy princesses for Halloween.”

  “Close enough.”

  It took twice as long for them to get back to the house because they kept stopping to kiss and touch each other. Finally, though, they could see the lights through the trees.

  Lee let go of Gaëlle’s hand.

  Gaëlle immediately took Lee’s hand back.

  “Are you sure? Your family—”

  Gaëlle gave her a reassuring squeeze. “Will accept us or they won’t. I’m not going to lie to them or pretend that I’m not madly in love with you. But I also have a lot of faith in them. I’m making this lifetime’s journey with an amazing group of souls. I’m not worried.”

  Lee pulled Gaëlle in for one more embrace and murmured into her hair, “Is there any way to send my soul flowers for having the remarkable good sense to choose you?”

  They returned to the deck and found a cleanup underway. People were bustling around, picki
ng up dishes, filling trash bags, and breaking down tables.

  Dale smiled at them as they passed him and Dechontee carrying tables to stack against the side of the house.

  Jill, in full command of the clean-up operations, didn’t bat an eye as her mother and Lee mounted the steps to the deck, hand-in-hand.

  Janjay waved to them, a big grin on her face.

  “Why don’t we help out, then we can get going.”

  Jill overheard and shook her head. “No way, Mom. You’re the guest of honour tonight; you’re not lifting a finger to clean up. But when Dale and Dechontee get married, be prepared to work, because that party’s going to be twice as radical as this one.”

  Lee steered a mildly protesting Gaëlle to Janjay’s side. “Go, sit, and do what your daughter tells you. I’m going to make a quick pit stop, and then we can leave.”

  As Lee walked to the kitchen door, she could hear Janjay happily pressing Gaëlle for information. She grinned to herself. She knew her friends and family would be just as eager for details when she told them about Gaëlle.

  Gaëlle. A shiver of delight and anticipation ran through Lee’s body. She greeted the ladies in the kitchen, who were washing, drying, and stacking dishes, but her mind was far away.

  While a part of her was shocked at what had happened so rapidly between her and Gaëlle, a much deeper part acknowledged that it felt destined.

  When Lee emerged from the washroom, Jill was trying to open a hutch to put away a large stack of serving dishes. Lee hastened to help, taking the dishes from Jill so she could put them away a few at a time.

  “Thanks. We may have to consider a caterer for the wedding. Preparation is fun; cleanup is not.”

  Lee scanned the family photos on the hutch while Jill re-ordered stacks to work the dishes back into place. She smiled as she saw one of Gaëlle and Emmy G laughing together on the lawn. It had clearly been taken a few years ago, as Emmy G was a toddler in the picture. “Your daughter sure is a cutie.”

  Jill followed Lee’s gaze and smiled. “That’s one of my favourite photos.”