Tainted by Crazy

by Abby Mccarthy

  Something about the atmosphere in the bar tonight felt off. It was partly because Alex acting like a jerk, but years of experience with that gut feeling told me tonight wasn't going to be an ordinary night. It was passed ten, and I just returned from a bathroom break. Standing next to Rys in a far too intimate position was a beautiful blonde.

  “Crystal, I said stop,” I could hear Rys harsh tone through the bar chatter. As I got closer to the pair, I was both curious and protective.

  “Everything okay, here?” I asked eyeing Crystal. Besides, her long, straight platinum-blonde hair, she had on a light blue dress that fit her body like a glove. She was beautiful and I felt my insecurities rise.

  Rys’ eyes met mine, I could tell he was annoyed. “Maple, this is Crystal, my ex-wife.”

  “Now, now Rys, don't say it like that? You know that’s just a formality,” she said with the biggest Southern drawl as she danced her fingertips up his arm. My gut churned. I wanted to peel her fingers away and break them, but she was his wife.

  “Don’t touch me,” Rys said through gritted teeth.

  “That’s not what you said last May. It was all ‘Crystal get on your knees. Crystal take me.’”

  I was in shock. Rys didn't talk that way to me. He was always the one demanding that he took me.. I didn't know what to say to this, so I stared at them.

  Rys’ eyes flashed to me, “It’s not like that?” The familiar way she was still touching him made me believe it was.

  Rys’ eyes followed mine to her hand touching him. He winced and grabbed her hand in his fist. “I said don’t fucking touch me.”

  “You gonna curse at me, Rys? Put your hands on me like you did before? Does that make you feel good?” She looked genuine, and it shocked the hell out of me. Could Rys really put his hands on a woman? Everything about him told me no, but the way he was gripping her hand made me believe otherwise.

  “Lady, you gonna get me a drink, or what?” A shrill voice asked and I turned and saw one of the girls who had been hanging with Alex tonight. Sasha was at the other end of the bar, and I could see she was slammed.

  “Whatcha need, honey?” I asked still trying to keep my eyes on Rys. She gave me her order. I could see Rys arguing with Crystal. This didn’t sit well with me; at all. I gave the woman in front of me her drink and she moved from the bar. As she stepped away, a man stepped into her place, a man I very much recognized.

  “Bradley,” I was shocked to see him.

  “Hey, Maple. It’s been a long time.” He was dressed in a navy blue polo that I bought him for Christmas last year and jeans. His hair was perfectly styled. I could tell he recently had blonde added to the tips. I looked to Rys to see if he noticed my body language change, but he was still arguing with Crystal.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  He held up his hands in surrender, “I just want to get a drink, and maybe we can talk?” He wasn’t being a jerk, or acting in his normal cocksure way. A seat opened up next to where he was standing, and he grabbed it.

  “I’ll have my usual,” he ordered not waiting to see if I was okay with him being here. I was annoyed and confused. Only four customers down from Bradley was Rys who was arguing louder and louder with his ex-wife; his ex-wife that said she took him in her mouth only months ago. I didn’t like how this felt.

  I poured Bradley a Jim Beam on the rocks, just the way he liked it, and set it down in front of him.

  He handed me a twenty and told me to keep the change. I wanted to say, “Damn right, I'm keeping it you cleared out the bank account,” but I held my tongue.

  Luckily, a customer grabbed my attention and then another. I was distracted from Bradley but felt his eyes on me. Unfortunately, I had so much going on that I was hardly paying attention to Rys and his ex. A glance in his direction had my mouth gaping open. Crystal had her face smashed against his and she was kissing him- my Rys. For a split second, it seemed that he was kissing her back, and then he pushed her away. I couldn't discern if I was seeing things or if he kissed her back. My heart plummeted in my chest. He was pushing her away, but there was that moment.

  Bradley must’ve seen my face fall. “That your Rys? The real man?”

  Rys shouted, “Leave!” at Crystal, but her determined face had me feeling like she wasn’t going anywhere. This was too much.

  “Well, this is just rich, Maple. Nothing’s changed for you, huh?” Bradley laughed like the spectacle of Rys and Crystal was entertaining. I wanted to shrink into myself. I felt like the joke. I wanted to stay away from the same type of drama and here it was with Rys, blaring me in the face and in front of Bradley to boot.

  Bradley’s snickering caught Rys’ attention. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

  “Seems you and I are more similar than you’d let on,” Bradley said low, then sipped his drink. Rys must’ve recognized his voice, because he was suddenly in Bradley’s space grabbing him by the collar.

  “Keenan Rys, stop!” I said through gritted teeth. In the background, I heard the bar phone ringing. This was too much. Rys was being too much. Rys let him go, but said in a low deadly voice. “I told you to stay away from Maple. She’s mine. You shouldn't be here.”

  “Really? Because from where I sit, it looks like you have someone else.”

  Crystal had to put her two cents in, “I’m your wife Rys. She’s not yours.”

  “Dammit woman, we got divorced, because you slept with Alex the dipshit.” Rys pointed angrily in Alex’s direction. A small crowd was starting to notice the drama.

  “And you threw me across a room,” she defended. This conversation was making me sick. Could Rys have hurt her?

  “We both know that’s shit. Will you just leave me alone? Please. Alex is back there go to him. Go to this guy. Go anywhere, as long as it’s away from me.” Rys was pleading with her.

  “Maple, I’m so sorry about her. I know this looks bad, but this is exactly the type of drama she lives for.”

  Bradley shook his head, “What are you doing back here in this Podunk town?”

  I wanted to scream at them all. I wanted to yell at Rys and ask him how he could let her kiss him. I wanted to yell at Crystal. I wanted Bradley to leave because right then, I felt like he was right. What on Earth was I doing?

  “Maple, you have a phone call,” Sasha’s voice sounded concerned as she interrupted my thoughts.

  “Tell whoever it is, I’ll call them back,” I said not even thinking that practically everyone I knew was right here in front of me.

  “Sweetie, I think you’re going to want to take this.”

  I took the cordless phone from her hand and answered, “Hello.”

  “Maple, it’s Bob. It’s your Grams.”

  My knees threatened to buckle. “What’s wrong, Bob? What’s happened?”

  His voice sounded choked, “Can you get to Mercy West?”

  “Bob, you’re scaring me. Is she okay?”

  “Maple, she’s breathing. Just get here, I’ll explain everything.”

  The phone disconnected and I stared at it in my hand like it held some answer as to what was happening. The bar was a blur of faces in the sea of glass bottles and amber filled glasses. “Maple, what’s going on?” Bradley asked me, and I didn't see the cheating jerk, I saw the man I was with for five years. He was my support system for so long so when he hopped over the bar and pulled me to his chest, I didn't resist.

  “I need to get to the hospital,” I said with a shaky voice.

  Sasha was also by my side, “I’ll get Iggy here. You go.” She grabbed my purse from under the counter and handed it to Bradley.

  Bradley led me to the part of the bar that could be raised up for us to exit. Rys was close by with that psycho on his heels. I couldn’t deal with his drama; I needed to get to Grams.

  “Maple, honey,” Rys reached for me with his ex was right behind him, she had some other obnoxious thing to say, but it barely registered. “Let me take you, I got you.”

  �
�Really? Just deal with your psycho,” I said defeatedly.

  “Who you calling a psycho, bitch?” Crystal spat and I could see clearly now that she was drunk.

  “You better get your scrawny ass out of here before I call the cops,” Sasha hollered at Rys’ ex.

  “Forget her, Maple,” Rys grabbed my arm, but Bradley was pulling me towards the exit.

  “Something’s going on with Grams, and I can't deal with whatever it is you have going on. I’ll see you later, okay?” I could tell he wanted to argue. It wasn't in his nature to let another man comfort his woman. I just couldn't deal with the hot mess between Rys and his ex and I needed to get to Grams. “I’ll call you, okay?”

  Rys looked pained. I know he wanted to be there for me, but the shrill voice from Crystal had me saying, “Get me out of here Bradley.”

  Bob sat in the hallway outside of Grams’ room with his head hung low. I rushed towards him, the white hallway a blur in my sprint.

  “Bob, what’s happened?”

  “The doctors are in with her now. Dammit, I pled with her to tell you. I don't want to be the one to have to tell you this.”

  “Tell me what, Bob?” My voice came out wobbly and I knew that whatever he was about to say was going to change my life forever. Antiseptic permeated the air and a family cried close by.

  “About six months ago, Alice was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. It’s a cancer in her blood.”

  “I know what it is from working in the nursing home. How bad is it?” I swallowed the lump in the back of my throat.

  “When she found out, it was already too far advanced. They gave her some treatment options, but Maple honey, she didn't want that.”

  Tears streamed down my face and I clutched my center so I wouldn't double in on myself. “What happened tonight?” I asked in between grief filled hiccups. Bradley’s hand was on my back and I vaguely recalled that Bradley was there giving me comfort. It was inconsequential to me. All I needed was to hear that Grams was going to be okay; but that news would never come.

  “She’d been in a lot of pain lately so we’d been staying in the condo. She went to the kitchen to pour some tea and she collapsed. I’ve never been more scared.” Bob put his head back into his hands and started to sob. This grown man who was once a Marine, was sobbing over my Grams.

  “What have the doctors told you?”

  “Not much. She regained consciousness for a minute. Long enough to ask for you.”

  “Oh, God!” I threw my hand over my mouth and stifled my sob. Bradley pulled me to his chest but it felt wrong. His arms weren’t the ones I needed to be held by. I needed my Grams. I needed Rys. I pushed away from Bradley. “Bob, all these months I’ve been here and she’s been avoiding me, this was why, wasn't it? God, why would she do that? I could’ve prepared. I could’ve…”

  Bob put his hand on my shoulder, “Maple, that’s exactly why she didn't tell you. I can’t say I agreed with her keeping this from you, but I can promise you that she didn’t do this to hurt you.”

  “Why would she push me away, when she knew she was dying?” I winced because saying my Grams was dying was the last thing I ever wanted to say. It felt wrong as soon as it left my lips.

  “Let’s give her a chance to respond. I have faith she’s going to wake up and she can tell you. I’m not giving up. She can’t be leaving us already.” Bob began quietly crying again unabashedly with the tears streaming down his face.

  Bradley was sitting next to me rubbing my back, while I tried to make sense of what was happening. Sometimes in crisis mode, you are aware, but everything feels surreal. Even though you know it’s happening, it’s hard to comprehend the reality. My heart ached in a way that was familiar. I hated the familiarity, reminding me of how it felt when I lost Momma. She wasn’t gone, yet I reminded myself, but she would be.

  “Maple,” Rys crouched in front of me and grabbed my hands.

  “Dude, what the hell are you doing here?” Bradley asked. I didn’t have time for the drama.

  “Keenan,” A muffled sob broke from my lips.

  “I got you, honey. Sorry, it took me so long.” Rys pulled me from the seat, cradled me in his arms and sat back down. He was holding me and giving me the strength I needed. I thought I could do this without him. I thought I wanted to push him away, but I couldn’t be more grateful that he ignored me and showed up anyway. Bradley wanted to say something I could tell.

  Rys ignored the glares he was getting from Bradley. “What’s happened, Maple?”

  I wanted to tell him, but as soon as I opened my mouth a sob broke free.

  “It’s cancer,” Bradley explained, “and it’s bad.”

  Rys shot him a glare for answering for me. The two men, even at my darkest gave off too much testosterone. My stomach clenched. I didn’t want this, any of it.

  “Honey,” Rys soothed me with long strokes along my back. I could tell it hurt him to hear me sob, but my heart was shattering.

  Time passed, the ticking of the hallway clock reverberated through the corridor. I didn’t know if no news was good news, but I was barely hanging on by a thread.

  Bradley cleared his throat and I looked up at him from Rys’ arms. “I brought you coffee.” He extended his hand to hand me a Styrofoam cup. I didn’t even noticed that he’d gotten up.

  “Bradley?”

  “Yeah, Mapes?”

  “What are you doing here?” I didn't want the drama of my ex with Rys surrounding me. “I mean, I appreciate you bringing me to the hospital, but what are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to talk? We’ve got a lot of years together, Maple.”

  “Had. We had a lot of years. Years that weren’t going anywhere.” I could feel Rys stiffen underneath me, but he was, smartly, keeping his mouth closed.

  “Maple,” Bradley ran his hand through his hair in annoyance.

  “Not the time or place. You feel me?” Rys growled out through gritted teeth.

  Bradley put his hands up in a, ‘I mean no harm’ sort of way. “Don’t want to add to the pain you already have going on, Mapes.” He leaned down and while I sat in Rys’ lap, he kissed the top of my head. “I’ll be in touch, Maple. For what it’s worth, I love you and I hope everything’s okay with your Grams.” Rys’ entire body was stiff but he didn’t say anything to Bradley. I could tell he wanted too, but it wasn't the time and I appreciated his silence.

  I’m not sure how much more time passed, but before long the doctor found us. “You’re Maple, I presume?” Rys sat me up straight.

  “How is she?”

  “She’s alert. It’s an infection. We’ve started her on a strong course of antibiotics, but this cancer has really destroyed her immune system. I'm sorry, but it’s too far advanced. All we can really do is do our best to make her comfortable.”

  I wiped my tears, “Can I see her?”

  “Yes, she was asking for you.”

  I stood and Rys grabbed my hand, “Do you want me to come?”

  My chin wobbled, and tears threatened to fall again. “Will you?”

  Bob’s head was still hung low, “I’ll tell her you’re here, Bob.”

  When we walked into the room, I wanted to gasp, but I held it in. As much as my heart was breaking, I needed to be strong for Grams. Grams laid in the hospital bed with the white blankets pulled tight around her. The hint of a paisley print hospital gown peeked out. An IV drip hung to her side and a low beeping from a machine filled the silence. In the quiet room, I could hear her blood pressure cuff automatically tighten on her arm.

  “Grams,” I whispered and then bent low and kissed her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and my name escaped her lips on the sweetest breath. “Maple.”

  Rys grabbed a chair. It scraped slightly against the ground as he brought it over for me to sit on. I held Grams’ hand, “How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Can I get you anything?”

  “Pretty sure that’s morphine in that drip, so I’m fine.”

  Rys stood close
and put his hand on my shoulder while we talked. “Why didn't you say anything? All this time I’ve been here, and we’ve wasted it? We should have been spending more time together. I need answers.” I hated badgering her, but I had to know why. It hurt and I felt rejected.

  “When you called me to come home, that was the call I’d been waiting for. All these years you’ve stayed away just like her, and I’m not saying I don’t understand why you did, but I’ve missed you like crazy.”

  “I visited.”

  “Three times in thirteen years is hardly visiting. Honey, something's been happening to you since you’ve been home. I’m not even sure you noticed it, but Maple I can see you healing. I can see you finally dealing with things and if I told you I was sick, I wouldn't get to see that. Instead, you have a nice young man at your side; a real man not like that pussy.”

  Rys started chuckling and I shot him a look. He shrugged his shoulders, his body said, “Well, can you blame me?”

  “I wanted you to stand on your own two feet, and that’s exactly what I’ve been able to see you do. Don't be mad at me.”

  “Oh Grams, I could never be mad at you. I love you. I don't want you to die. What can they do? I want you to fight. What are our options?”

  A tear leaked out of the corner of Grams’ eye and over each wrinkle on her face, then trailed down her neck. “It’s my choice, honey. The last few months I’ve been able to live. I didn't want to die from chemo in a hospital. I wanted to be out and living.”

  I held back the tears that burned the back of my throat, and I did that for Grams. Grams started to cough and I could see she was getting tired. “Bob’s been out there for a long time, I’m going to send him in, but I’ll be back. He’s a good man, Grams. He loves you.”

  “I know he does. I would’ve married him, if we had more time,” she smiled and her eyes drifted close.

  Bob was alone. I was grateful Bradley had left. Rys held my hand as we told Bob to go in. Once we were finally alone, well as alone as one could be in a hospital, I let it out. Rys gripped me in his arms and I cried. It wasn't just tears because she was dying, it was tears because even though she was dying, she denied us our time together, so that she could see me living. The ache was so great in my chest, I felt like I couldn't breathe.