BE MY BRAYSHAW

by Meagan Brandy

  He stands, gazing down at me.

  “Sleep, Beauty.” He trails his fingertips as they skim along the expensive comforter. “And when you wake up... show me who you are, so I can forget the rest.”

  A spark of expectation fires within his eyes as they meet mine, a glint of impatience just behind it.

  He’s ready for me.

  And then he’s gone, a heavy twist takes over my stomach in his wake, and I close my eyes, pulling in a full, deep breath.

  Please.

  Whoever listens to the desperate whispers of a lonely girl in the dark...

  Please.

  Let him be my Brayshaw.

  Chapter 20

  Captain

  “The hell you doin’, brother?” Royce comes around the corner, joint in one hand, water bottle in the other.

  I look to the hose in mine and take another step left. “Soil looked a little dry.”

  The joint freezes at his lips, his eyes narrowing. “Soil looked dry.” He laughs, taking a long drag. “Fuck you know about soil?”

  I chuckle, but a sigh quickly follows. “Fuck, dude. Nothing. Looked, I don’t know, like the flowers were dying or some shit.”

  It’s been three days since we found out Victoria is the one who gave me the proof my daughter existed, shared a little about her story with me, and I haven’t been able to think of much else since.

  Haven’t talked to her much since, but my eyes hardly leave her when she’s near.

  Like I told her to, she’s made sure to be around for dinner every night, something that my brothers and I have always done since before I can remember, but she hasn’t jumped right into normalcy and while I appreciate her trying to ease in slowly, it’s also frustrating as fuck.

  Royce bends down, gently brushing across a few of the flower petals, and shakes his head. “Nah, man. Sun’s just not hit ‘em today yet.”

  I hike a brow. “The fuck do you know about flowers and the sun?”

  He laughs, pushing to his feet with a grin. “Hey, I’m right, fucker. Remember when Miss Maybell had us start doing outside chores? Mine was the planters on the porch.” He shrugs.

  I look to the sun, and back to the flowers.

  “Also learned over-watering kills ‘em even faster.”

  “Fuck.” I drop the hose, glaring at the garden.

  The purple garden...

  A part of Zoey.

  A part of Victoria?

  Did she give my daughter a garden as someone gave one to her?

  “You good, man?” Royce eyes me.

  I run my palms down my face. “Yeah, I’m just—”

  “Horny?”

  I laugh, my brows lifting as I nod. “Yeah, actually.” That’s part of it.

  “Won’t be much longer, brother.” He smirks. “By the way, Mac says still no sign of douchebag Mike. Think he got the picture.”

  “He came and asked to see her. You really think he’d go without saying bye?”

  “Yeah, man,” he chuckles. “I think taking your brass to chin might have convinced him to.”

  “Daddy!”

  We turn as Raven and Zoey walk around the house.

  “Fuck.” Royce quickly stomps out his joint and then jumps in front of her.

  She pretends to juke him, spinning around and he lets her pass so she can run to me, fully believing she evaded his hold.

  I pick her up, tossing her in the air and then kiss her cheek. “Did you have fun on your walk?”

  “Uh-hu! We saw five birds.” She holds a hand up. “One was a hawk, RaeRae said.”

  We laugh when she tries to say RaeRae, the nickname Royce uses for Raven, but it comes out as WayWay.

  “That’s awesome, Zo.”

  “Zoey,” Raven calls. “Tell Uncle Bro what the baby needs.”

  “Oh!” Zoey spins in my arms, looking to Royce. “Uncle Bro! Baby needs donuts, okay?”

  Royce laughs, wraps an arm around Raven and kisses her temple. “What baby wants, baby gets, Zoey Bear.”

  I grin from him to her. “Maybell’s got all the food ready, we just gotta grab it from her as we leave. As soon as Maddoc’s out of the shower, we’ll head out.”

  “I had to go and get sick, delay us by an hour,” Raven says, making a face.

  “For real, RaeRae, your uncontrollable morning sickness is gettin’ real inconvenient.” Royce gives a dramatic eye roll and she slaps his stomach, making him laugh. “Careful, or I might puke on you like you puked on Madman earlier.”

  “Fuck off.” She laughs, then slaps her hand over her mouth. “Oh shit.” Her eyes widen, making us laugh.

  “You’re fine,” I tease her.

  Her shoulders fall and she throws Royce’s arm off of her and sludges past us. “I’m literally a lost cause. The worst.”

  “Ah, not the worst but...” Royce grins, dodging her punch and runs ahead of us.

  “Uncle, wait!” Zoey squirms, so I set her down and she chases after him, Raven and myself on their tail.

  We follow them into the house, my steps slowing when we round the entryway to find my dad and Victoria in the kitchen.

  They chat with ease as he hands off the butter, and she begins cutting small pieces into the bowl on the countertop, my eyes falling to her lips as she pulls them in, concentrating on whatever it is she’s making.

  She steps back, grabbing her hair in her hands, lifting and twisting it on top of her head. Untying the bandana from her wrist, she uses it to tie her long locks up.

  “Rora!” Zoey barrels into the kitchen.

  My gut twists, torn between conflicting emotions, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

  My daughter is running for her and while I’m still anxious and unsure, all I’m thinking is goddamn.

  Red lipstick on already rosy lips might be my favorite fuckin’ shade of her.

  Thick black winged liner and deep, dark brown eyes find and hold mine, strings of loose hair framing her face.

  Zoey reaches her then, pulling all her attention.

  Victoria’s eyes leave mine and she dips down, now completely hidden from my sight.

  Her warm words follow.

  “Good morning, Mama,” she says.

  My heart beats double-time.

  I can’t see her face, can’t see Zoey’s, both blocked behind the bar.

  I can see my dad’s, though, and his are zoned in on the hidden moment.

  Soft, yet studying.

  I move forward.

  “Morning, Rora,” Zoey says. “I had a good sleep.”

  My lips twitch, my dad’s doing the same.

  “Girly, I know.” Victoria teases with ease. “You were snoring like crazy.”

  “No!” Zoey laughs, and Victoria’s follows.

  My dad sets his coffee cup down, bending at the knees. “Guess what I talked Rora into making, Zo?”

  Rora?

  “What?” she asks, excited.

  “Cinnamon rolls.”

  “Yay!”

  I walk around the corner right as Zoey throws her arms around Victoria.

  As quick as she celebrates, though, Zoey’s face falls, and with it my stomach bottoms out.

  Her eyes lower to the floor, Victoria’s shoulders dropping with them.

  Zoey reaches out, running her fingers over the image of a half-bitten heart on Victoria’s shirt, mumbling, “One for the tummy...”

  “One for the road,” Victoria responds, her happiness quickly fading as Zoey’s has.

  The road?

  Victoria drops to her ass right there in the middle of our kitchen, and brings herself to my daughter’s level, lifts her hands tight into hers, and looks her straight in the eyes.

  Something pulls beneath my ribs making it hard to breathe.

  “ZoZo.” Victoria’s smile is full of tenderness, but she can’t quite hide the pain my little girl’s sadness causes her. “Rora isn’t hitting the road today.”

  My skin heats, the sorrow in her tone too fucking earnest.

&
nbsp; She means leave her, she doesn’t have to leave her today.

  Zoey doesn’t want her to leave her.

  My eyes find Maddoc’s as he comes around the corner, then slide to Raven’s, Royce now on her other side.

  He gives a curt nod, and I think I nod back.

  I drop to one knee beside Zoey.

  “Hey, Zo,” I say, gently finding her hips, turning her to me. My pulse throbs in my neck. “You wanna help Victoria make cinnamon rolls before we go?”

  “Yes! And eat them?” Her little eyes light up, the green within them a bit brighter today. “Can Rora come, too?”

  I look to the blonde before us, at the promise in her eyes and understanding in her small smile.

  “Yeah, baby girl,” I quickly throw out before my airway closes on me. “She can come.”

  As quickly as she lets me go, I’m on my feet, out of the kitchen, and I don’t stop until I’m inside my room, pen in hand with the next blank page in my journal staring at me, but all I can manage to write is a single, solid word.

  Mine.

  The minute we climbed from the SUV, Zoey wanted to play with the rocks in the stream. The water hardly runs this time of the year, just barely brushing over the tip of the rocks, enough to darken the shade and nothing more.

  We made shapes with the palm-size rocks, and spelled Zoey’s name out with the little ones, but that’s as much as we got to do before Zoey was hungry, so we head over to rejoin the others.

  Maddoc sees us coming, and stands, moving over to my SUV that’s pulled right into the plush grass. He opens the back, dragging out the ice chest and mini table.

  Royce pops up to grab the table, quickly unfolding it while Maddoc digs out some drinks and starts passing them around.

  “Uncle D, can I have a juice box?”

  “You can have whatever you want, Zo.” He smiles, tossing a juice box in the air and catching it behind his back without taking his eyes off of her.

  She giggles, running over to him to grab it, Raven smiling at the two as she does.

  “Go on, keep trying, dick,” Royce coughs to disguise his cuss word. “I’m still her favorite.”

  Raven laughs, pushing to her feet to check out what Maybell packed for us. “Vee, come eat.”

  “I’m not hungry,” she tells her.

  Raven pauses, a slow smile spreading across her lips. “You actually ate the cinnamon roll, didn’t you?”

  I eye them curiously.

  “Duh.” Victoria chuckles, looking out over the little pond ahead of us.

  I go back to helping Zoey pick out what she wants, and once we begin to eat, Victoria quietly rises, walking a few feet away.

  She sits in a soft spot in the grass, picking at the weeds lining the water.

  It doesn’t take long for Zoey to notice, and then she’s on her feet.

  She dashes across the blanket, but I quickly lean forward, catching the hem of her top and she falls to her butt, looking back at me, mustard smeared across her cheek, strawberry juice on her chin.

  I chuckle, grab a napkin, and quickly wipe her face, but she jumps right back up, ready to take off again.

  “Zoey,” I call her.

  She spins, smile wide, little hand pushing back her loose curls. “I wanna go play.”

  My throat grows thick, eyes snapping to Royce’s when his hand grips my shoulder.

  “We’re right here, brother,” he whispers, and Raven grins up at him.

  I let my hold on Zoey fall.

  She turns and runs for Victoria, her laugh sharp into my soul.

  Zoey gives her no warning, but Victoria’s head snaps this way just in time.

  Her arms fly out, and Zoey dives for her, knocking them over.

  They both roll onto their stomachs, laughing, elbows in the grass as they stare at each other.

  They’re talking, I couldn’t guess what about, and I smile when Zoey drops her head to the grass, her hand coming up to cover her mouth like they’ve just shared a funny secret.

  I study Victoria’s face and I’m struck.

  Once again, it’s not one I’ve seen, not an expression I know her to have.

  She’s smiling and laughing and… free.

  No hidden pain or callous facade.

  It’s as if, with Zoey, she’s someone else.

  Herself, maybe?

  Suddenly Zoey’s head pops up and she stands, tugging on Victoria’s hand excitedly, but Victoria pushes up, a hand lifting to her throat as torment blankets her features, creating the same with mine.

  She licks her lips before they begin to move, and seconds later Zoey is running this way.

  I set my drink down, ready for her to come back to me, but she doesn’t so much as step onto the blanket.

  “Um, I want to make a necklace. Can I?” she asks, a little confusion in her tone, as if she doesn’t understand her own question.

  Can she make a necklace?

  “Dandelions,” Raven says.

  My eyes move to hers, only to jump to Royce when he speaks.

  “They ain’t close, Cap.”

  I canvas the area, spotting a small patch about a hundred feet away.

  I swallow, my eyes moving to Victoria, who stays seated on the grass, waiting.

  Maddoc, he frowns unsure, his hold on Raven tightening.

  “Zoey,” I begin, sliding my gaze to hers, the heavy beat of my pulse ringing in my ears.

  As if she can sense my denial, her shoulders fall, her head slightly tipping to the side.

  It’s too fucking much.

  I swallow. “Don’t run off, okay? Stay beside her, no matter what.”

  She smiles, nods, and takes off.

  Victoria stands before she meets her and the two race across the grass, both falling to their knees.

  They waste no time and begin pulling the small weed-like flowers from the ground.

  Without climbing to my feet, I reach across the blanket, grab the garbage bag and start filling it for something to focus on, trying for a deep inhale, but all it does is create more pressure.

  This shit isn’t fucking easy.

  Sharing Zoey, trying to trust Victoria, forgiving.

  “You know...”

  My head snaps toward Raven.

  Slowly, her eyes peel from where I’m trying not to look.

  She grips Maddoc’s shoulder, using it as leverage to push herself to her feet as she eyes me. “Victoria hates cinnamon rolls.”

  My brows crash together, and I watch as she makes her way to the girls.

  For almost an hour, my brothers and I sit in the same exact spot, not once removing our eyes from them, not a single word spoken.

  Once each of them has a flower crown and necklace on, they head back and we snap out of it, hopping to our feet and quickly pack up our things.

  “I say we play a game of hide and go seek before we go, loser cooks all week,” Royce suggests, clapping his hands and then Zoey is in his arms. “Zoey Bear will be my buddy. Not it!”

  They run off, making us laugh.

  Maddoc grips Raven’s hands, tugging her in with a hard jerk. “You wanna hide behind a tree with me, baby?” His intentions are clear in his growl.

  Raven, though, she laughs and shoves him away. “And risk Zoey walking up on Uncle D giving D, I don’t think so.” She quickens her steps as she walks away to hide. “You’re it, Big Man. Let’s see if you can find me wherever I go.”

  “I’ll find you across the fuckin’ world, Mama.”

  Her steps falter a moment, and if I didn’t know Raven better, I’d swear she blushes, but she quickly turns away, disappearing into the brush around us.

  I look over and Victoria shrugs, rushing off just the same.

  “Should we say you lost? You’ll get the kitchen and be able to control the menu a whole week.” Maddoc laughs.

  “Yeah, Royce didn’t think that through.” I chuckle.

  “No cheating, asshole!”

  “Oh, Uncle!”

  “My bad!”


  I shrug and take off to hide.

  I head across the pond, ready to slip between the small bush and rocks when a wall catches my eye a few feet down.

  I move straight for it.

  I push a few branches to the side, stepping past the outer lined ferns, and there she is.

  Eyes closed, back at the white petaled ivy, palms flat against it.

  As soon as my feet crunch against the fallen leaves, her eyes pop open.

  While she doesn’t move, a cutting laugh escapes. “The irony, right? I didn’t even notice it, slid behind a bush and here it was. Like fate. Like I needed a reminder of what I’d never forget.”

  I can’t focus on what she’s saying, all I see is Victoria, buried in a bed of ivy, white flower tips framing her in, like a fucking gift for a god.

  Before I can stop myself, I’m against her, the opening of her flannel between my knuckles. I drag my hand down until I can’t reach anymore, quickly moving my grip to her waist.

  When I squeeze, her head falls farther into the pillow of leaves.

  All the things I could give you, Beauty...

  “Maybe it’s a good thing to be reminded.” My chest rises with a heavy inhale. “You can’t run from your past.”

  “How about my future?”

  “What’s your future look like?”

  “You tell me,” she dares.

  “I’ve got an idea.” I trace the curve of her body with the pads of my fingers. “But I’d be lying if I said I knew for sure.”

  Victoria doesn’t close herself off at my words. She’s not a needy girl who wants promises, likely doesn’t even believe in them anyway.

  Instead she finds my belt loops and tugs me closer.

  She leans in, the rise and fall of her chest mixing with mine as she pushes to her toes, her lips now on my neck.

  She tastes me, and her body quakes, causing my groin to tighten.

  Remembering my rule, she swallows her moans, eyes glossed over and begging.

  Heat runs up my veins, and before I can stop it, my hand is sliding into her jeans, past her underwear.

  “Warm and wet,” I groan, my forehead falling to her shoulders. “Just the way I like you.”

  “So.” A harsh breath comes from her nostrils as she fights away her whimpers, pushing into my hand. “You like me, huh?”