Barbarian of Elysia

by Tom Gallier

  I love it when they wear snug leather pants.

  She also wore over-the-knee boots, but with low heels. Her top looked like a midriff baring leather corset with lots of lacing front, side, and back. It didn’t look easy to put on or get out of to him. As they worked their way up a faint game trail, she started unraveling her long braid.

  “You know why the captain sent you with me?” Qinny asked, green eye afire. “It’s actually because she knows I like my men big, blond, and barbaric.”

  “Perfect!” Alex said. He held up his splayed hand, moved it toward her face. “Because I like my women short, dark, and without depth perception.”

  Both Qinny and Helene squealed. The witch doctor punched Alex in the arm, while giving him an I-want-to-eat-you-up look. Nicanor ignored him, and continued plowing through the night forest until they reached a road.

  Well, his fellow pirates called it a road. It looked like a wider game trail to Alex. A well-worn trail, but he really didn’t see how they could call it a road. The road paralleled the coast, so they turned right, toward the east.

  Alex grinned, feeling a little thrill. “Let’s see what kind of trouble Seura has to offer.”

  Chapter 24

  The city of Seura proved further away than Alex anticipated. The road got wider, and full of cart ruts, after they passed by the first village. The fields were divided between food crops and cotton. Every village dedicated at least half of its field to growing cotton.

  “Seura is known for its cotton and woolen cloth,” Qinny said when asked about it. “They grow the cotton, but import the wool from up north.”

  The villages were just clusters of round huts with conical thatch roofs, surrounded by their fields. Dogs barked at them, but Alex didn’t see any villagers until pre-dawn. Mostly, he saw goats and chickens.

  They didn’t reach the city until after daybreak. Alex stopped to stare. The road they followed was up in the foothills that dropped down into a wide coastal plain. Alex estimated it to be a good fifteen miles of relatively flat land between the Inner Sea and the coastal mountain range. As mountains went, they weren’t all that impressive, but heavily forested.

  Seura sprawled around a jug-shaped bay with an island in the middle. The largest stone buildings were on that island. Twenty foot high stone walls protected the landward sides of the city. Trees were few and far between among the endless farms surrounding Seura. The countryside was dotted with villages, patchwork fields, and the occasional white-washed villa.

  “Beautiful,” Alex said. Then he sniffed the air. A gentle breeze brought a rather obnoxious stench. “What the hell is that?”

  Helene grinned. “Welcome to Seura. That smell is a mixture of tanneries and large scale dye-works. Get used to it.”

  “Every city smells different, and mostly nasty,” Qinny said. “Some aren’t so bad, but the bigger they are, the worse they stink.”

  The outskirts of the city began well before they reached the walls. To Alex it was a shantytown. Few structures looked sturdy enough to enter. Most were single-story huts constructed with scraps. Yet, the people he saw looked clean and happy.

  “Wow,” Alex whispered, coming to a stop.

  A large group of splendidly attired men and women strolled down from the city, followed by a baggage train of horse-drawn wagons. Their wardrobe was filled with every color in the rainbow, and then some. He saw silk and satin in abundance, along with fine leather. They were all tall, slim, and gorgeous.

  “High elves,” Qinny said, face twisted as she stared at them. “Too beautiful. Too full of themselves.”

  Alex looked more closely. Most had long hair covering their ears, but he noticed a few pointed ears. And there was a different cast to their faces. And then he noticed their tilted eyes. A very exotic look.

  Qinny’s right. They’re acting like kings and queens, he thought. His eyes locked with a blonde, blue-eyed elfmaid. Oh, hell yes. She can order me around all night.

  Her eyes lingered for only a bare second, but Alex felt the connection, the electricity. Then a knowing smile spread across her face, before she disregarded him. She just looked through him like he didn’t exist.

  “She’s pretty, but that elfmaid would never sully her elfish glory with a mere human barbarian,” Qinny said, grinding her elbow into his ribs. “Even if you got her on all fours, yanked her hair, and took her from behind, she wouldn’t squeal and beg for more like I would.”

  Alex did a double-take. “You like it rough, too?”

  Nicanor’s head whipped around. Helene looked back, a little pink spreading across her cheeks.

  “What did you mean by that?” Nicanor demanded.

  Shaking his head woefully, “Nicky boy, you need to simmer down. Every word spoken is not about you.”

  Nicanor started to turn back toward Alex, but Helene stopped him with a hand on his arm. Alex didn’t help by returning his hostile gaze.

  “Come,” Helene said. “It’s time we split up to enter the city. We’ll meet you down on the docks by Wayward Winds. Alex, I need you to behave.”

  “Behave?” Alex cried as Helene led Nicanor away. He looked at Qinny, “What did I do wrong?”

  “You sacked his woman,” Qinny said. “Right there on deck for all the crew to see.”

  Well, Nicanor hadn’t seen it, thanks to Qinny’s magic. Oddly, Nicanor didn’t have a problem bedding Qinny.

  “Word is that you spent a lot of time between Helene’s legs in Kandos before Wraith picked her up. Lucky you.” She looked up the road, but the crowd had swallowed up the other couple. “He’s what my people call a lion. Nicanor thinks every woman is his, and his alone. His women have to be loyal to him alone, but he can spread his seed around at will.”

  Alex thought that described most men, but some were just more aggressive in their attempt to enforce it.

  “You’re right. I’m a very lucky man,” Alex said. “But Captain Tiana’s my woman now.”

  “A man like you needs more than one woman,” Qinny said. “And yes, I am volunteering.”

  His jaw didn’t quite drop. Almost. “You are a very bold woman.”

  “I know what I like,” she said, rising up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “And I get whoever I want. Always.”

  “I bet you do,” he said, and urged her toward the city gate.

  Qinny led the way. She slipped between the much larger men effortlessly, but Alex was forced to plow through them to keep up. He had a feeling she wanted a fight to break out. A few cried out angrily, but calmed down when he didn’t rise to the challenge and just continued onward.

  The gate guards were big and suspicious looking, all armed with seven foot long spears. They wore conical helmets, but no armor. In Alex’s mind, they looked more like barbarian warriors than him. One of them challenged Qinny over her tattoos.

  “What’s your magic, witch?” he demanded.

  “Healing,” she said. Then with a naughty wag of her brow, “Do you have a boo-boo that needs tending?”

  “Be careful,” Alex said, gaining the gate guard’s attention. “She bites. I know.”

  “But I heal it afterwards,” she said. “If I enjoyed myself, that is.”

  The gate guard looked her over hungrily, and then waved them through. They did have to give a clerk their names. And then they were inside the most chaotic scene Alex had ever seen. The plaza just inside the gate was packed with humanity, horses, goats, dogs, and squealing pigs. It was worse than a music festival back home. He mirrored Qinny and wrapped a hand around his purse when laughing urchins swarmed around them.

  The crowd didn’t lighten up for a good block. He breathed a sigh of relief.

  “How many times have you been to Seura?” he asked.

  “First time,” she said.

  “Then why am I following you?”

  She just laughed and continued on. Qinny guided him to the city docks in short order. Ships of all sizes and shapes lay before them, both seagoing and flying. Alex spotted crews of huma
ns of every skin color, including a ship crewed by men with light-purple skin, and even a ship crewed entirely by goblins and orcs.

  “Are those purple elves?” he asked.

  They were tall and slim, with straight black hair and very dark eyes. He thought they dressed like gypsies in lots of bright clothes. A few stood guard with curved swords and bows.

  “Yeah, they do kind of look like purple elves with their pointed ears,” she said. “But they call themselves Maura.” She pointed at a three story wooden structure. “That’s the Wayward Wind.”

  He couldn’t argue the point. Something was written across the front in white paint that he couldn’t read, but apparently Qinny could. Sailors loitered out front, mostly smoking pipes of something that smelled remarkably like marijuana. Merry music drifted out through the open door and windows. Scantily clad women on the second floor, mostly human, called out to passersby, flirting outrageously.

  They made their way inside. The inn’s common room was packed with a happy crowd of sailors and dockworkers. Again, every race of being Alex had seen on Elysia had someone there. He spotted Nicanor in the corner with his head together with three unsavory looking men. And Helene was across the room sitting on the lap of an orcish looking fellow. Maybe half-orc?

  “Make friends with the drunkest man you can find,” Qinny said. “And talk about sailing. I’ll do the same.”

  With that, she vanished into the crowd. Alex worked his way to the bar. Everyone ignored him, including the bartender. He had to lean over the bar and grab an empty cup before the bartender rushed over and took his order. The wine tasted watered down, but that was fine with him.

  Surveying the room, he found Helene still in the half-orc’s lap, giggling and wiggling sexily. He raised an eyebrow when she kissed him on the corner of the mouth. The half-orc’s hand slid up her side to almost touching her left boob. He glanced over to Nicanor’s table, expecting to find a man on the edge of jealous rage. He discovered the table empty. Nicanor was nowhere to be seen.

  Why did he leave? Alex wondered. He paused to watch Helene’s very “affectionate” behavior a moment. The half-orc copped a feel, and she remained unfazed. Okay, maybe he took himself out of here before he did something stupid.

  His jaw dropped when Helene offered her lips and kissed that bug-ugly half-orc like he was the love of her life. He had to look away when she turned to face the half-orc, straddled his lap, and pulled her top off. Yeah, his libido fired up a little too much.

  Damn, am I a voyeur or something?

  If anything, Qinny proved even more outrageous. He found her in the corner with a trio of unsavory looking dockworkers. They were all hands, while she was topless and giggling. Yet, Alex noticed both women were constantly speaking, wheedling, taunting, flirting.

  Distracting them, he thought. Yeah, I’d be pretty damned distracted if a hot chick was rubbing herself all over me. I might tell her anything she wanted to know.

  It was a dangerous game they played. He understood why Tiana sent him and Nicanor to protect them. Only, Nicanor couldn’t handle it. He left his post. Kind of ticked Alex off. That man got away with too much crap.

  Someone shoved him. Alex’s half cup of wine went all over the sailor drinking next to him. So now he had two sailors angry with him, and he didn’t know what the first guy’s problem was yet.

  “What the hell?” Alex shouted, turning on his assailant.

  His attacker stood half a head shorter, a little stouter, and sloppy drunk. He was a disheveled mess of a man, with an empty cup in one hand and a curved sword on his hip. The drunk thrust his face in close, his onion breath washing over Alex.

  “You ain’t no real sailor,” the attacker snarled, swaying drunkenly. “Just a pretty boy barbarian goat fucker.”

  “No one dumps wine on me and gets away with it, barbarian!” Alex’s neighbor at the bar snarled, reaching for his belt knife.

  Alex kneed the first man in the nuts, shoving him back into the crowd. Turning, he swung his arm down to bash aside the sailor’s knife thrust at his belly. He slammed an elbow into the man’s face, smashing his nose flat. Then he seized his wrist, twisted the knife out of his hand, and noticed the first drunk was charging back in. So Alex brought the knife down through the sailor’s arm and into the bar, nailing the sailor’s arm down with it.

  He blocked a clumsy right cross, shifted behind the man, and threw an arm around his neck. Alex paused, knowing what he planned could go terribly wrong. He’d only seen a sleep hold demo on YouTube. If he did it wrong, the drunk sailor would die.

  The sailor struggled, cursing a blue streak. And then he reached for his belt knife. Alex threw caution to the wind, and squeezed just like the video showed him. The sailor gasped, struggled a few seconds, and then went limp. Alex released him to fall limply to the floor.

  The angry men surrounding him fell silent as they stared down at their friend on the floor. Then they looked at the sailor screaming his head off next to Alex, arm nailed to the bar with his own knife.

  “Boys, I just want to enjoy a cup of wine,” Alex said as casually as he could. “But I like killing idiots, too. I’ll let you decide how I spend the next few minutes.”

  They stared uncertainly at him. But their advantage in numbers started to give them backbone. Alex began to regret his words. Maybe that was the wrong approach.

  “Aww, you’re so cute,” Qinny said as she pushed through the crowd. She dropped to press two fingers into the downed sailor’s temple. “Asleep. He’ll be fine after he sleeps off his cups.” Then she rose up and turned to the other sailor in distress. “Will you just go away if I heal you?”

  “Yes!”

  Qinny indicated the knife while digging an elbow into Alex’s ribs. He got what she meant, and twisted the knife out of the bar and sailor’s arm. The wounded sailor cradled his mangled arm and dropped to his knees. Qinny knelt facing him, and began chanting. Her tattoos all began writhing. Alex wasn’t the only one to grimace and look away. Looking at those tattoos made his brain itch. Still, he wanted to see what she did more than the magic bothered him.

  The witch doctor dipped her finger in the sailor’s blood, using it to draw arcane symbols on his arm. She then wrapped both hands around his wound. Her head rolled back, eyes closed, and she spoke words that made his hackles rise despite not understanding a single word.

  Smoke rose up through her fingers, the sailor gasped, eyes huge, and then both relaxed. Alex saw smooth, unscarred skin when she pulled her hands away.

  “That arm might be a little weak and tingly for a few hours, but it’s completely healed,” Qinny said. “Now go away before you do something stupid and get hurt worse.”

  Alex helped the witch to her feet, noticing there was no blood on her hands. Magic still amazed him. She turned toward a back door and frowned. Alex followed her line of sight to find Nicanor returning. And then she turned toward Helene, who’d stopped flirting to watch the fight like everyone else.

  Nicanor pushed through the crowd to Qinny, whispering something in her ear. She nodded and smiled.

  Qinny made a sign in the air, and Helene immediately extracted herself from the half-orc’s grasp. She began pulling her clothes back in order as she headed for the door. Nicanor headed for the door as well.

  “I don’t think these boys like you, Alex,” Qinny said, taking his hand and heading for the door. “Time to find a friendlier place to drink.”

  They found Helene and Nicanor off to one side. She was still adjusting her clothes, while he was in her face speaking low and aggressively. Yeah, he looked incensed.

  “How is Nicanor still a crewmate?” Alex asked.

  “Helene likes him,” she said. “No one else does. The captain likes Helene, so Nicanor gets to stay.” She frowned. “It was before my time on Wraith, but Nicanor was the previous captain’s third mate. Tiana was first mate.”

  Qinny headed over to the other couple. Nicanor shut up as they approached. He looked perfectly calm by the time th
ey reached them.

  “I found a ship,” Nicanor said. “The Fair Wind sets sail tomorrow morning for Wattkor, with a cargo of amber, silk, and cotton cloth.”

  “Well done, Nicanor,” Helene said. “Let’s get back to the ship and tell the captain. We’ll all be rich by the end of the day tomorrow.”

  And just like that, they sealed the fate of a ship and her crew. Alex just couldn’t get excited.

  Chapter 25

  Captain Tiana and the crew listened to Nicanor’s description of Fair Wind, her crew, and her cargo. The ship had taken on a cargo of amber, elven silk, and the finest cotton for the King of Wattkor. Fair Wind’s crew consisted of only the captain, three mates, and seven sailors.

  Easy pickings.

  Nicanor basked in the praise from Tiana and the crew. He got to be the hero of the day. Alex, Helene, and Qinny were pretty much ignored. Irritating, but Alex was happy to let the other pirate take all of the credit. He didn’t really want to be responsible for what would befall Fair Wind and her crew.

  The crew prepared Wraith for departure. Alex and his team went over their ballista to ensure it was in perfect working order. Then they all enjoyed a big venison feast, but just a little wine, at sundown. Afterwards, Tiana ordered everyone to go to bed and rest. They’d be lifting off before sunrise.

  “Qinny,” Tiana called to the witch. “Would you like to join us?”

  The ship’s witch doctor nodded eagerly, giving Alex a wicked look. For his part, Alex thanked all of the gods of Earth and Elysia for the bounty he was about to receive.

  “Alex,” Nakato called. He strode up from the forecastle. “Where are you going?”

  “To bed,” he replied. Tiana paused in the door of her cabin, hand-in-hand with Qinny. He grinned at her. “Captain’s orders.”

  “Not yet. You have first watch,” Nakato said. He pointed up to the crow’s nest. “Get up there.”

  Alex craned his neck back to look up at the crow’s nest atop the mainmast. The pirate on duty crawled out as he looked, making his way down the rigging. He grimaced. Alex hated pulling that watch.