Marriage Mayhem

by Samuel L. Hair

  Early one Sunday morning, Jermaine and Karen were arguing because Karen had not checked the oil and water in his Mustang. She had a habit of driving fast, tailgating other vehicles, and strongly applying her brakes at the last minute. The worst thing about it was that she was in denial and never would admit her faults. Before she and the kids pulled off, Jermaine ran out the front door and hurriedly approached his Mustang. Instinct told him to check all the fluids.

  “Unbelievable!” he yelled. “There’s not a drop of water in the radiator, it’s two quarts low on oil, the transmission fluid is low, and to top it off the goddamn brake cylinder is dry! Are you trying to blow up my goddamn engine?”

  “Fuck you, Jermaine! All you care about is what you spent money on! You’re a very selfish muthafucka, do you know that? You don’t give a damn about nobody but yourself!”

  “Like I said over and over; you only say things like that because your money didn’t pay for a damn thing. You have demonstrated that you don’t give a damn about people’s belongings or feelings, and I’m sick and goddamn tired of it!”

  “Well, that’s just too fuckin’ bad, Jermaine. As a matter of fact, we’re married now and that means the cars, the house, and everything inside of the house doesn’t belong to just you anymore; it’s mine, the kids, and yours. Don’t get that twisted. I really wish you would quit tripping on materialistic shit!”

  “Ain’t that a bitch?”

  “Fuck you!” Karen yelled.

  “Double fuck you, you minimum-wage bitch!” Jermaine yelled, furiously. He was overheated and out of control, feeling totally disrespected. This was actually the first time he had cursed in the presence of the kids.

  Karen sat angrily a few moments thinking, and then suddenly she stepped out of the car and composed herself, and then dropped the bomb on him.

  “The bed that you bought and sleep in when you’re home, I just want you to know that I’ve been fucking Tyrone, Lester, and big dick Danny in it while you’re so goddamn busy making money. Umph, as big and long as their dicks are, I’m surprised you couldn’t tell when you called yourself fucking me last night.” She now felt that she’d gotten even for the verbal beating he had given her.

  Before responding, Jermaine stood in a daze. The kids remained seated inside the car.

  “Hand over my keys, Karen,” demanded Jermaine, but she refused to do so.

  “Fuck you! I told you already that this isn’t your fucking car, it’s ours. What’s the matter, Mr. Big Stuff, did I break down your little ego? Are your feelings hurt because I told you I’ve been fucking men with big dicks?” She was in his face, smiling.

  “Give me my fucking keys, Karen.” He was getting angrier.

  “Fuck you!” She stood there, still smiling, holding her hands on her hips.

  She then attempted to get back inside the car, but Jermaine quickly snatched the keys from her. Karen reached underneath the driver’s seat and pulled out a long butcher knife and approached him. She held the point of the knife at his neck.

  “Don’t fuck with me, Jermaine! I’ll kill you, muthafucka! Fuck you, fuck your ugly mama, and fuck your fat, pigeon-toed daughter, and your stupid, conceited sisters! I hate your whole fuckin’ family, fuck all of them!”

  Karen had never met Jermaine’s mother, but had spoken with her over the phone a few times. One thing that irritated the hell out of Karen was when Jermaine confided in his mother about certain issues, or plans, or marital situations he was having. One day Karen went into a frenzy when Jermaine had called his mother and asked her how to make a banana pudding and how to cook lasagna. Karen strongly felt that Jermaine should not ask or confide in his mother for anything.

  Observing what was now happening, Stevie jumped out of the car and ran to his mother. Alexus remained sitting, wide-eyed.

  “No, Mama! Put that knife down, Mama, put it down!” yelled Stevie, trying to wrestle the knife from his mother’s hand. Finally he retrieved it and then took off running.

  Karen then turned around and punched Jermaine in the face, then attempted to grab his testicles, but fortunately Jermaine grabbed ahold of her and pushed her away. He could have easily picked her up and body slammed her, but he was not the type of man who hurt women.

  Karen then pulled herself up and hurriedly grabbed Alexus out of the car, and then took off jogging toward Stevie, who knelt, crying, about thirty yards away. Karen then grabbed Stevie by the arm and began walking toward the main street.

  Jermaine had mixed emotions. He thought about calling the police to have Karen arrested, but quickly dismissed that thought. Maybe she hasn’t taken her medication. If I have her arrested then she’s going back to jail for violating her probation and an assault charge. The kids will go to a foster home, and—This is fuckin’ mayhem. What have I gotten myself into? She pulled a fuckin’ knife on me, hit me, told me that she’d kill me, and then tried to grab my damn balls. And on top of that she’s been fuckin’ another man in my bed. I should have socked the shit out of her, but then I would go to jail. I have too much to lose to be locked up. Please, Lord, I beg you for strength and guidance to deal with this.

  Needing someone sensible to talk to, Jermaine called his mother. Afterward, he put his pride on a shelf and called his daughter. He told them both what had taken place.

  “I’m going to let you make your own decision, son. Do what you think is best for you and your future,” his mother told him.

  “I told you that she was no good, Daddy, but you wouldn’t listen. With her knowing you won’t hit her, she’s going to do it again if you take her back. You should have called the police on her. If she didn’t think enough to realize that any crime she commits could result in the department of children services taking her kids away, then why should you care?” Denise said.

  Karen led the kids to some shade in front of a church about fifteen miles from Jermaine’s home. As Stevie and Alexus played tag, Karen sat thinking. Damn, I’ve really fucked up now. I regret everything I said and done to him, but I know it’s probably too late for regrets. I should have taken my fuckin’ medication, then I wouldn’t have acted like that. Then suddenly she fell to her knees and began praying. “Lord Jesus, please forgive me for my actions and for what I said to my husband. I only said those things out of anger because I hadn’t taken my medication. Please forgive me, Lord. I do love and appreciate Jermaine, and I know that you blessed me with him, Lord. Please set my marriage back on the right track and forgive me for my sins. Cleanse my mind, Lord, and bless me with more wisdom and understanding. I ask these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

  A couple hours had gone by before Karen pulled herself together and began walking back home.

  Once she arrived at the house, because Jermaine had taken the keys from her, she knocked on the door. Sensing that Jermaine was still angry and disappointed with her, Karen asked Stevie to respond.

  “Who is it?” Jermaine asked from the restroom just inside the front door, where he stood, nursing his wounds.

  “It’s me,” answered Stevie.

  Alexus mimicked him like always. “It’s me.”

  Seconds later Jermaine appeared at the door and let them inside.

  “Daddy, Daddy,” screamed Alexus, excited to see the man she thought was her real father. When Stevie saw the look on Jermaine’s face, he headed to his room, sensing an argument. Karen attempted to kiss Jermaine, but he calmly pulled back.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” Karen said. “I didn’t mean any of that stuff I said, and I do regret pulling a knife on you. I hadn’t taken my medication, and I guess I just turned into an instant devil.” Then she had a seat at the dining room table and began crying. Without saying a word or even looking at her, Jermaine returned to the restroom and continued nursing his reddened eye.

  As if nothing had happened between them, Karen followed him to the restroom and closed the door behind her. Then she approached him and unzipped his pants and then pulled out his penis and began sucking it. At first, Jermaine was
not in the mood, but after a few slurps, licks, and sucks which triggered a super erection, he was all into it. It was all good.

  Later that night after the kids had fallen asleep, Karen lay next to Jermaine naked and continued to try to make up for earlier physical and verbal abuse she had dished out. Sex still was not quite on Jermaine’s mind, but Karen was simply irresistible when it came to sex. She began licking his testicles while stroking his penis. Then she started sucking it slowly and wetly licking it up and down its shaft. It felt so good to him that he suddenly forgotten about the vulgar words, the knife in his neck, and being kicked and slapped earlier. She took his cum in her mouth, and then rode him to sleep.

  The following day things were back to normal between Jermaine and Karen, but Karen’s words continuously tore Jermaine’s mind apart. The bed that you bought and sleep in, I just want you to know that I’ve fucked Tyrone, Lester, and big dick Danny in it . . . He just could not seem to block those words out of his mind.

  Jermaine decided to give Jewell and Bobby a visit, hoping that they could enlighten him a little more about his wife and his feelings about certain issues. With Jewell being Karen’s sister, Jermaine felt that if anyone could shed some light on Karen’s behavior, Jewell could.

  As usual, Bobby was seated, sipping a twenty-four ounce can of Bud. Momentarily, Jewell was changing her baby’s diaper. After seating himself, Jermaine then began articulating what happened.

  “I couldn’t believe it, Jewell. She poked the tip of a butcher knife in my neck, then socked me a couple times in the face, and then kicked me in the ass. Then for no reason at all, she started calling my mother and daughter bitches and whores. Did she act this way toward all of her past boyfriends and husband, or is it because she figured I’m not going to hit her back?”

  “It’s not you, Jermaine, it’s her,” Jewell assured him.

  “Man, that bitch is just crazy as a muthafucka, that’s all,” injected Bobby, after taking a long swallow of Bud.

  “I mean, she was carrying on like a jungle woman or something. After all I do for her and her kids I don’t deserve that kind of treatment,” Jermaine explained animatedly.

  “Ain’t nuttin’ jungle ’bout the bitch, she just ghetto as a muthafucka. Man, you gotta understand that she ain’t neva’ had a good nigga like you. The only kind of niggas she’s ever had was ghetto fabulous muthafuckas, that’s why she’s the way she is. That bitch ain’t neva’ had an educated nigga with a good job that offered to take care of her and her crumb snatchers,” Bobby explained. Then he took another long gulp of beer and continued. “Man, I’m tellin’ you, she’s been through more niggas in two years than the average woman goes through in a lifetime. I’ll bet that her pussy is tore the fuck up and is probably wide as the muthafuckin’ sky,” said Bobby, then burst into laughter.

  Jewell then spoke up. “The thing is that my sister just isn’t used to a man like you, Jermaine. No man has ever bought her kids a damn thing but you. You buy those kids name-brand clothes and shoes, and you’re always buying them whatever they ask you for. You’ve got to understand that she has had bad luck with men since junior high school. Stevie and Jasmine’s daddies are crackheads from way back, Alexus’s daddy is a wannabe gangbanger, but the nigga can’t stop smoking that crack, and Marvin’s daddy, hell, Karen gave him some pussy the first night, moved him in the next day, and a month later she found out that he’d been fucking everything with a pussy in the projects where she lived. After she got on that shit she started selling pussy and dealing with any man that had some dope or a few dollars. So now you should have a clear view of the type of men my sister has been with for the past twenty something years.”

  “The bitch ain’t no good, anyhow,” yelled Bobby. He took a long gulp to finish what was inside the can, and then began talking again. “What woman in her right mind would leave her kids at home alone at two o’clock in the fuckin’ morning to go buy some goddamn crack? What kinda woman would leave her kids with her sister for months and months at a time while she run the streets selling pussy and smoking dope? What kinda woman in her right mind would keep introducing her kids to different men and tell them to call him Daddy? I’ll tell you what kinda woman would do that, man: a woman that doesn’t give a fuck about nuttin’! I hate to say it, man, but how in the hell can that bitch love you and she don’t even care about herself or her own kids?” Bobby then went to the fridge and grabbed another beer.

  “Karen doesn’t appreciate you, Jermaine. She’s used to street niggas. That’s it and that’s all.”

  “’Cause the bitch is retarded, that’s why! She needs a fuckin’ mental tune-up, that’s what she needs!” yelled Bobby, then seated himself.

  With an open mind, Jermaine sat listening to the people who had known Karen for practically all of her life. They expressed things about her that he really did not care to hear, but needed to hear for his own good.

  “Man, you better make sure that bitch take her medication too, because if she doesn’t, man, you’re gonna catch hell. That heffa gets violent, loud, and ignorant as a muthafucka when she don’t take those fuckin’ psych meds. She’s been to prison two times for assault and once for attempted murder. Apparently, nigga, you ain’t done your homework. Your ass got sprung on her pussy and head, and then married the bitch,” Bobby said, then busted into laughter again.

  Having heard enough negativity about Karen, Jermaine excused himself and left for work. When he walked out, Bobby was still laughing.

  On numerous occasions Jermaine had witnessed Karen driving his Mustang fast and recklessly. He was the type of driver that never appeared to be in a hurry. One of the mottos he lived by was “Whatever a person doesn’t take care of, will sooner or later let them down.”

  One day after seeing her turn a corner doing about thirty miles an hour, he thought, Damn. I’ve got to get her out of my Mustang before she tears it up. I’ll buy her a bucket tomorrow. That way she can screw up her own car rather than mess up mine.

  The following day, two good things happened for Karen while she was working. The first good thing occurred during her lunch break. Jermaine approached her and a few co workers standing in front of Target and handed her a set of keys.

  “Here baby, these fit the ignition to your Honda Accord,” he said, smiling. Then he grabbed her hand and led her to the car. Like Romeo and Juliet, they hugged and kissed all the way to the car. Her coworkers looked at one another in complete jealousy.

  “I wish my man would buy me a damn car. Hell, I have to ride the bus to work every day,” said one coworker.

  “I wish I had a man,” voiced another coworker.

  “Hell, she should appreciate her husband and quit hitting on Rodger. One day while I was showing her where I wanted a new product shelved, hell, she couldn’t keep her eyes off Rodger’s dick imprint. I mean, it’s obvious the man is packing beef, but the way Karen stared at it was shameless and made me turn my head, girl,” said Karen’s department manager.

  “Yeah, you ain’t lying, because she’s damn sure been paging him to electronics an awful lot lately,” said another worker.

  “Rodger? You mean old tired-looking Rodger?” asked Shaquita.

  “Yeah, I mean old tired-ass Rodger,” replied Dot. “I know damn well all of y’all have seen his big dick print in those tight-ass pants he be wearing all the time. Hell, it looks like the man has a damn anaconda between his legs, how can you miss it? I’ll bet that every woman who works here have seen that big, long snake between his legs.”

  “Hell, I see it just about every day, but it doesn’t excite me. Rumor has it that he can’t do a damn thing with it but piss. Mary told me that the damn thing don’t even get hard, girl.”

  They busted in laughter a few moments until another asked a question out of curiousity.

  “What could Karen possibly want with Rodger? Hell, he couldn’t have any money working here at Target with us,” stated Meagan, and then exhaled her cigarette smoke.

  “It’s not al
ways money, girl. Haven’t you ever saw those movies where the woman is filthy rich, but ain’t got a dick in her life. Or that woman whose always home alone because her husband is constantly away on business. Hell, I even heard of a case where a husband couldn’t satisfy his wife so they both agreed to drive to the ghetto and pay a black man with a big dick to satisfy her. I’m telling you, girl, it’s some weird people out there,” explained Dot.

  “But that’s not the case with Karen. Hell, she has a good man that takes care of kids that aren’t even his, he makes damn good money, and from what she tells me he has money invested in real estate, and he wrote a book. The only thing I can think of is that she’s a freak for big dicks,” said Shaquita.

  “Just because she tells you that she’s happy and content doesn’t mean she really is. People will tell you what they want you to know. If she were happy and satisfied with her husband then why in the hell would she be staring at Rodger’s dick? Besides, you guys are missing the whole point! Just because her husband is this and that, does not mean he’s fucking her right! Women like to be fucked, licked, and caressed slowly and gently, and—”

  “Calm down, Dot, before you get wet between the legs,” another worker said.

  It had been years since Dot had a piece of dick. She had to suddenly excuse herself to go to the restroom. Talking about sex caused her to get soaking wet, but she did not want the others to know.

  The one thing Dot had been right about was Karen’s attraction to Rodger. Rodger was sixty-four years old, tall and slender, and dark brown complexioned. Even though it was 2004, Rodger still chose to dress as he did in his forties and fifties, wearing tight clothes and outdated shoes. Most of the Target employees made fun of him whenever they would see him, but not Karen. She smiled whenever she saw him. Regardless of Rodger’s appearance, he possessed something she liked: a long, fat dick.

  An hour prior to Jermaine showing up, Karen had put aside her job responsibilities to go look for Rodger. After searching with no success, she decided to page him over the intercom to her department. Dot had also heard the page and decided to be nosy. Nonchalantly, Dot stood on the next aisle pretending to be stocking product, but was actually waiting for Rodger to show. When Rodger finally showed, unfortunately Dot could not clearly hear their conversation, but heard enough to spread to employees and managers throughout the store.