Marriage Mayhem

by Samuel L. Hair

  “Did someone page me to electronics?” asked Rodger. Like every day, he had on those skintight pants.

  “Yes, I paged you, Rodger,” Karen replied, smiling. She tried to give him eye contact, but could not keep her eyes off that huge, long imprint in his pants. She suddenly wished she could put her hand inside his pocket to get a quick feel. Boy, would I like to ride that, she thought.

  “How may I help you, Karen?”

  “Actually, I just wanted some advice from you, Rodger. With you being a senior employee and all I felt that you would have more knowledge than other employees here about certain things. I hope you don’t mind me taking a little of your time,” Karen said, smiling, while throwing occasional glances at his crotch.

  “Not at all, Karen. It’s my pleasure to be of assistance to people.”

  “There are a few things inside the employee handbook that I don’t quite understand and if you don’t mind, I’d like for you to clarify some of those things after work. It seems like all the department managers and store managers are always too busy to clarify things to me, so if you don’t mind, I’d like you to.”

  “That would be my pleasure. Anything I can do to help a fellow employee makes my day,” replied Rodger, with a big Target smile.

  He then gave her his home address and agreed to go over the entire employee handbook with her at 6:30 p.m., fully aware of her intentions.

  Chapter 9

  Denise was mad as hell at Karen for taking advantage of her father. During her anger she continuously tried calling Tyrone, but unfortunately he kept hanging up in her face. He was still upset at her for having him make a blank trip. Denise then began calling family members informing them on what had taken place, but each of them had told her to let her father resolve his own issues. They had also advised her to not try and come between her father and his wife. Knowing that her father was the calm type and nonviolent, Denise felt that she had to step up and do something. This had now gotten personal.

  A few hours later, Tyrone finally decided to call Denise back.

  “What’s your problem?” Tyrone asked, with an attitude.

  “Have you forgotten about what that bitch did to you or something? The reason I ask is because I haven’t heard from you. Talk to me, what’s up?” asked Denise.

  Maurice was at work and her son was asleep. She had nothing better to do than to plot revenge.

  “Bitch, you had me and my homeys come all the way out there for some bullshit! Why in the fuck you keep callin’ me? You must think I’m some kinda goddamn toy or something!” Tyrone took a long swig of Olde English 800.

  “I wish you would stop calling me a bitch. Your bitch is the one who sliced your dick and played you like a piano.”

  “What?” He could not believe she was talking to him like this.

  “You heard me.” Her aim was to get him angry enough to come back to Lancaster.

  “I know you didn’t say what I think you said.”

  “Yeah, I said it, now what?” Denise was getting bolder.

  “You betta check yourself!”

  “Anyway, how is that wound of yours?” she asked sarcastically.

  “What the fuck do you want? I ain’t got time for this bullshit! Have you seen Karen or you just need a conversation?”

  “No I haven’t seen her, but I’ll know where to find her within a day or so.”

  “Well holla at me when you got somethin’ solid, and don’t call me with no more bullshit,” Tyrone said, and then hung up.

  She had not been to her father’s house since he’d gotten it remodeled, but today she planned on paying him a lengthy visit. After all, she was Daddy’s little girl, regardless of his wife, his mother, or any other woman that thought she could come before her.

  Later that day Denise treated her father to lunch at Sizzler. To her surprise, she gained much more than she had anticipated. With Jermaine not having any more blood relatives within a couple hundred miles, he gave her a spare set of keys to all of his cars and also to his home, and also gave her the combination to his safe. He was preparing himself for if something was ever to happen. Based on what he found out from Karen’s relatives and from people that had known her for years, he felt that she was definitely capable of physically harming him, especially if she had not taken her psych meds.

  After lunch, Denise followed Jermaine home. Everything was going as planned.

  When entering her father’s home, she could not believe the renovations he’d made.

  “Daddy, your house is beautiful and so immaculate. Where did you get all this good taste?”

  “I guess I got it from my mama,” he replied, smiling.

  “I guess so. I never knew that a man could have such good taste in decorating a home. Now when it comes to cars, I know guys have better taste than women, but furnishing and decorating a house is another story.”

  “I like nice things, and like things to coordinate.”

  Once she stepped inside Jermaine’s front door, the new marble floor immediately caught her eye. Inside the living room there was a beige sectional sofa that had recliners at each end. To the right of the sofa there was a hundred-gallon aquarium filled with exotic saltwater fish. On the wall there were pictures of tigers in the jungle and African art. Also, there was a five-shelf glass stand where he had placed numerous African art pieces that matched perfectly with the pictures. Making her way to the dining room, Denise noticed another beautiful picture of an African American family sitting at the table blessing the food at breakfast time.

  “Ooh, Daddy, I love that picture. How much did it cost?”

  “I think it ran me about four hundred.”

  “Four hundred dollars for a picture?”

  “Sometimes when you really want something you don’t care how much it costs. I call it treating yourself,” Jermaine replied, smiling.

  “I guess,” said Denise.

  Jermaine then showed her the two rooms that had been added on during the time he had moved in with her. He had converted one of the rooms into a family room. The other room that he referred to as his game room had a pool table, an air hockey game, and a chess table, a 42-inch plasma television on the wall, and had even had a wet bar built.

  “You are something else, Daddy.”

  “You only live once, baby, and you’ve got to do it right.”

  After seeing his backyard and upstairs, Denise gave her father a kiss, and then left.

  She wasted no time stopping at the nearest phone booth to call Tyrone.

  “Don’t be bullshittin’, Denise. The homeys are already mad at you for making a blank trip out there the last time,” Tyrone said.

  “Man, I ain’t got time for this. I’m telling you that she lives with my father. If you don’t believe me, then fuck it, stay your black ass in LA. And one other thing: under no circumstances do you harm my father. He doesn’t have anything to do with what Karen did to you and he has nothing to do with any of her bullshit. As a matter of fact, I think he’s on the verge of divorcing her.”

  “Don’t trip, baby girl, I ain’t got no beef with your daddy. It’s all good. I’m on my way.”

  Tyrone then immediately called a couple of his homeboys to go on a mission with him. Like always, they were down for anything and ready to bring on the drama.

  Meanwhile, Karen was sitting next to Rodger on his living room sofa. When she had gotten off work she could not wait to pay him a visit. Make my day, Rodger, make my day, Karen thought.

  “I really enjoy working at Target, but it’s my future that I’m concerned about,” Karen said, while sipping coffee.

  “Well, let me tell you, Karen, if you’re looking for a company that’s going to give you a whole lot of money and benefits, then you’re employed by the wrong place. I’ve been a Target employee for a little over six years now and as far as raises or benefits I have seen no changes. Of course, there’s been talk about it like at any other company, but that’s about it,” Rodger explained.

  Karen’s
mind was elsewhere as he spoke. Her eyes were on the long, fat bulge between his legs. Rodger continued talking about his experience at Target. Realizing she did not have much time to work with, Karen decided to make a move. She sat her coffee cup on the table, and then leaned over and boldly began kissing Rodger, while slowly rubbing his bulge. He started to pull out his dentures to better respond to her kisses, but quickly dismissed the thought. There had been numerous female employees who had spotted Rodger’s penis print. Some had asked him out to lunch, some had asked him to come over to do maintenance around their apartments or homes, and others had asked him to sit with them during breaks. Rodger was overwhelmed by the advances and attention he was getting, but the thing was, he could never get it up. His penis was a dead soldier.

  Seeing that his penis was not responding to her kisses and caressing, Karen then unzipped his pants and whipped it out. Rodger smiled and sat calmly, letting her do her thing even though he knew it was pointless.

  “Damn, it’s so big and long. It feels good in my hand, but I bet it will feel even better inside me,” Karen said, while stroking it.

  “Yeah, that’s what they tell me,” said Rodger, proudly. Her touch felt good to him, but it would have felt even better if he would get hard.

  “Why won’t it get hard? Most men respond to my touch with an instant erection.”

  “Well, it must be you, because I don’t have a problem getting hard for any other woman, so it must be you,” Rodger lied. He knew that his penis was useless as far as sex was concerned, but he enjoyed women caressing it and playing with it in hopes that they would begin sucking it.

  Karen stripped out of her clothes, then she positioned Rodger at the edge of the couch, and then she got on her knees and began licking his fat, long, snake and sucking it nice and slowly. Rodger felt like he was in heaven. He took off his bifocals and relaxed, smiling, enjoying the pleasures of her lips and tongue.

  “Damn, that feels good. This is the best head job I’ve ever had in my life.”

  Karen was not in the mood for flattery. She wanted to ride it. She sucked, licked, slurped, and did everything possible to get it hard, but the damn thing would not budge. She then tried turning on some music, dirty dancing for him, but that did not work either.

  “Damn, Rodger, your dick won’t respond to anything I do.”

  “Then maybe you should try something new.”

  “Let me see if I can get the head in, then slide down on it and ease it in.”

  “Oh, I like the way you talk,” replied Rodger, smiling and grinning.

  She then climbed on top and attempted to put it inside her hoping that her hot, juicy, wet pussy would cause it to stiffen, but still it was no use. The damn thing just would not respond.

  “Damn Rodger, what’s going on?” She was tired, frustrated, getting angry, and now ready to go home and watch a porn movie to get herself off.

  “It’s you, baby. Let’s start over, maybe it’ll be different this time,” Rodger suggested, smiling.

  Karen had already begun getting dressed. Rodger remained on the sofa, wanting her to suck it and play with it some more.

  “I’ve got to get you some Viagra,” Karen said, picking up her purse.

  “If you think that will work, then go ahead and buy some. What I really think you should do is try it again,” Rodger suggested, smiling, stroking his penis.

  “Thanks for inviting me over. You have a good day and I’ll see you tomorrow at work. Oh, and please don’t go running your mouth to the people at work about our business. If you be a good boy, tomorrow I’ll bring you a couple pills of Viagra. It doesn’t make sense for a man to have a dick that damn big and the damn thing won’t even get hard.” Then she walked out and closed the door behind her.

  Rodger sat back, smiling stroking his penis, and then suddenly remembered the video camera was still going. He got up and took the disk out of the camera and then put it inside his computer and began watching it.

  So far, Rodger had videotaped over twenty-five Target employees, naked and in action trying to get him hard. Even though his penis had never gotten hard during any of those events, he enjoyed watching the movies for his personal entertainment. Thinking about the different techniques women used on him kept a smile on his face while working.

  When Karen finally made it home, she walked inside to an infuriated husband.

  “Why are you so late getting home?” Jermaine asked, knowing that she had gotten off work almost two hours ago. He had gotten off early and had already picked up the kids.

  “I had to take care of some business,” Karen lied.

  “Mommy, Mommy,” shouted Stevie and Alexus, running toward their mother. She tried to block Jermaine out and give the kids her attention, but Jermaine was not quite finished with her.

  “I bought you a cell phone to keep in contact with me, Karen. If you had business to take care of then why didn’t you let me know?”

  “I thought I was a grown-ass woman. And why is it that you’re trying to keep tabs on me? If you don’t trust me, you shouldn’t have ever married me,” she said with an attitude.

  “If I knew half the things that I know now, believe me, I wouldn’t have ever said ‘I do’.”

  “Oh well.”

  “And look at this house, it’s a mess! The damn toilet is stopped up, because Alexus dropped something inside it, my keyboard doesn’t work because she spilled milk inside it, the vertical blinds are bent and have black scribbling all over them, there’s Kool-Aid and milk stains all over my new sofa, and my goddamn plasma television has ketchup and scratches on the screen! Will you please discipline and control your kids?” Jermaine was extremely heated.

  “I’ve had about enough of your shit, Jermaine! All you do every day is fuckin’ complain about my kids and I’m tired of it! Kids are going to be kids!” she yelled.

  “I realize that kids are going to be kids, but there is such a thing as disciplining them and teaching them right from wrong. I ask you not to let them eat or drink inside the living room, but you insist on letting them. I ask you to pop Alexus on the hand when she’s messing with my belongings, but you don’t do a damn thing but say, ‘Stop, Alexus, I’m gonna whip you, but you never spank her. All you do is threaten her.”

  Jermaine then suddenly diverted his attention to Stevie.

  “Stevie, take out the trash and go clean up your room!”

  Stevie started crying. Karen felt she needed to speak up.

  “I don’t feel that Stevie should have to take out the trash! You take it out, Jermaine!”

  “What?” He could not believe that she had said that.

  “You heard me, goddammit, I said you should take out the trash, not Stevie. Quit trying to make my son work all the time.” She had always been overprotective of Stevie.

  A few days earlier Jermaine had told Stevie to smash the cans that were scattered about on the patio, but Stevie had run to his mother crying. Like always, she defended him.

  “You’re going to make a sissy out of that boy ! A little work isn’t going to hurt him! All I’m doing is getting him use to responsibility, and get him in the habit of working,” explained Jermaine.

  Jermaine’s parents had started him working around the house at the age of seven. He washed dishes, cut and edged the lawn, took out the trash daily, kept his room clean, raked leaves, and even vacuumed the entire house willingly and dutifully. His earlier plans were to raise Stevie and Alexus with the same morals, principals, and discipline that he was raised with, but from the looks of things Karen was not going to let that happen.

  “Don’t call my son a sissy!” Karen replied, giving Jermaine a hard look.

  “I didn’t call him a sissy; I said that you’re going to make him a sissy.”

  “Fuck you, Jermaine, your daddy’s a sissy, and your mama is a bitch!” She stood there with her hands on her hips.

  “What?”

  “You heard what I said, bitch!”

  Jermaine left her standing th
ere and walked into his office and began thinking. What the hell have I married? Bobby was right, she is crazy. The things she says are uncalled for. I don’t deserve this. All I tried to do is love her and her kids, and this is the thanks I get?

  After a few minutes of hard thinking, Jermaine walked into the bedroom and stood in the doorway. Karen had sent Stevie and Alexus to their room to watch cartoons. She was lying naked under the sheets watching porn, playing with herself, thinking about Tyrone and Rodger’s penis.

  “I think we made a terrible mistake of getting married, Karen. I think that we should have dated for at least a year, then we would have known one another better. We actually did not give ourselves the chance to get to know one another.”

  “I don’t want to hear that bullshit, Jermaine. You’re just mad because things can’t always go your way.” Her focus remained on the porn.

  “I want you out of my house, and I have made the decision to get a restraining order against you. I feel that you are a liability to me. I also feel that you will never respect me or never appreciate me,” Jermaine said honestly.

  “That’s because you’re a scary-ass punk bitch, Jermaine. You’re nothing but a bitch in a man’s body.” She continued fingering herself and being entertained by the X-rated movies.

  “That’s it, I’m calling the police,” Jermaine said, then walked toward the telephone.

  Karen suddenly jumped out of bed and attacked him and then grabbed the phone before he could reach it. She socked him in the head, then kicked him in the butt, and then punched him continuously in the face. Then she picked up the cordless phone and threw it at him, striking him in the head. Being that Jermaine was raised against hitting women, he did not hit her back.