Endless

by Tawdra Kandle

  Mr. Watson nodded. “Excellent. Well, of course, until you’ve committed to work with us, we can’t share all of our information. But I can tell you that we have people working discreetly in various companies, organizations. . .you name it. And they discern where help is needed, and then we can step in, offer our services. Sometimes that help is declined. I’m sorry to say that there is still a good deal of prejudice and misconception about extraordinary gifts. But of course, you’d understand.”

  I forced a smile as Reverend Pryce’s face flashed in my mind. “Yes, I know a little about that.”

  “Now that I’ve answered some of your questions, I hope you’ll indulge me. We’ve been following you for a little while, since Cathryn learned about your talents last year.” He paused to bestow a huge smile on Cathryn, who managed to look both smug and self-deprecating at the same time. I really did want to slug her.

  “We had always planned to speak with you once you were up here at Perriman. We don’t work with anyone under college age. But we were surprised to find out that you had. . .broadened your repertoire of gifts, as Cathryn reported, and as we’ve seen first-hand this morning.” Mr. Watson gestured to the wall where the goblet had shattered. “Fascinating. Has telekinesis always been one of your powers?”

  I squirmed a little, and Michael rubbed my shoulder. “No,” I answered softly. “That’s been fairly recent.”

  “Ah.” Harley cast a glance at my parents, who I saw were looking unhappy at this turn of conversation. “And I imagine those powers are still a tad volatile, a little out of control, as new gifts often are.”

  “Yes, they are,” my mother answered for me. “And you haven’t even seen the half of it. She can--”

  “Mom!” I interrupted, aghast. “Please.”

  She stopped, her hand still in the air mid-gesture. My father patted her leg. “Tasmyn’s right, Nora. She can fill Harley in on everything when she starts working with them.”

  “Of course,” Mr. Watson agreed. “You don’t have to go into details right now, but you should be aware that we can help you learn to control your new abilities. We can offer you a safe place to explore them and channel those energies into a positive use.”

  I suddenly felt smothered, as though the walls were closing in on me. I turned in my chair to cast a pleading glance to Michael. “Can we go now?”

  He nodded without hesitation. “Yes.” Turning to my parents, he said, “Tas is ready to leave. She’s not feeling very well, and it’s been a long morning. I think we should take her home.”

  Mr. Watson rose at once. “Certainly. I understand completely. This can be a lot to take in, particularly when you’ve been as—as private, shall we say, with your abilities as you have been. We appreciate your time.” He stepped around the table to offer me his hand. “Tasmyn, you have our contact information, and of course, you know Cathryn. We’ll give you some time to think about all of this. We only ask that you keep our discussion within the people who were here today. Our success is dependant on the discretion of those who work with us.”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  I stood awkwardly in the doorway to the dining room as my parents said good-bye to the Landowers and Mr. Watson. Cathryn waited to lead us out, but she avoided looking at both Michael and me. Marly remained to the side, taking in everything.

  I felt the same claustrophobic sensation as before and glanced toward to hallway. As I did, I caught the eye of the server, still standing at the sideboard. She was gazing at me with a mixture of intensity and empathy, and suddenly I caught a few stray thoughts from her.

  . . .careful. . .be careful. . .

  The ride back to Perriman was very quiet. Michael kept his arm around me, and I lay my head against his chest, listening to the reassuring steadiness of his heartbeat. On my other side, Marly kept one hand on my knee as she mentally broadcast her support.

  I had eighteen years of practice in blocking my parents’ thoughts, and it was easy to do it now. That was one positive lesson Marica had taught me; I was more efficient at tuning into specific minds and shutting out the ones I didn’t want to hear. But I could tell even without delving too deeply that my mom and dad had been pleasantly surprised by Carruthers, by Harley Watson and even by Cathryn. The idea that there were people who could help me to control my newer powers was very appealing to them. They’d grown used to the mind hearing over the years, but moving objects around, casting fire, moving the wind and water—those abilities scared the heck out of them.

  When we pulled onto campus, my father spoke at last. “Marly, Michael, would you mind if we dropped you off at Michael’s dorm and had a little time with Tasmyn on our own? I’d like to discuss this opportunity with her, just the three of us.”

  “Daddy, no,” I protested. “I don’t have any secrets from Michael, and he’s part of this decision. I want Marly’s input, too.”

  Michael held me a little tighter, comforting, but I heard him clearly thinking. If they want to talk to you on their own, you should do it. It’ll make them feel better, and we can talk later.

  At the same time, my mother said, “Tas, we’re not trying to hide anything, but we’re still your parents, and we want this time. Please. We’re not cutting out Marly or Michael.”

  I heaved a weary sigh. “Okay. Fine.”

  Michael pulled me close when the car stopped in front of his building. He dropped a tender kiss on my forehead and then climbed out with a quick squeeze of my hand. Marly kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Hang in there, kiddo. I’ll see you in a few.”

  As we drove in the direction of Rollins Hall, I spoke up. “We can’t go up to my room. Sophie will be there studying, and unless you want an audience. . .”

  “Where do you suggest?” my father asked. We finally settled on the green, where there was always some empty bench or nook.

  The early afternoon sun was very strong, and I sought out a shady spot, leaving my parents trailing in my wake. I dropped to ground, carefully pulling my skirt around my legs and hugging my knees to my chest.

  My mother sat down on the bench behind me, and after a moment of hesitation, my father joined her.

  We all sat without speaking as the minutes ticked by. I rested my chin on the top of my knees, looking out at all the activity on the green. Two boys were tossing a football back and forth, and under another tree, a group was gathered with books open. Curious, I focused on their minds. . .ah. It was some kind of Bible study. I tuned them out as my dad began talking.

  “Tas, your mom and I were prepared to protest against you being involved with this Carruthers in any way. The idea of it goes against everything we’ve done to protect you. We only agreed to come up this weekend because we didn’t want any chance of you getting in over you head—again.”

  I winced. I had been waiting for that.

  “But then we met Cathryn and Harley and the Landowers. . .and frankly, we were very pleasantly surprised. We asked some very pointed questions, and they answered without hesitating.”

  “Tas, it’s basically your dream come true,” my mother put in. “Isn’t this what you’ve said since we moved to King? That you wanted to use your gifts for good? And here it is, this chance dropped in your lap. It’s pretty amazing, I think.”

  “I don’t know that I trust them.” I said, my voice slightly muffled behind my hands. “I can tell you for sure that I don’t trust Cathryn. Not one bit.”

  My mom shook her head. “Tas, I think she’s a nice girl. She could be a role model for you, how well she’s adapted to her ability. I’m surprised you don’t like her.”

  “I said I don’t trust her,” I corrected. “She wants Michael. That’s what her little comment at breakfast was about. She was baiting me, trying to get me to react--”

  “And so you did,” my dad said wryly. “It’s just that kind of reaction that the people at Carruthers can help you control. It’s a win-win situation, Tasmyn. They’re going to help you, you’ll get to use your mind-hearing, you’ll be
able to help people—and you’re going to make money doing it, all while still going to college. Pretty sweet, I think.”

  I realized then that I wasn’t going to change their minds. Fleetingly I thought of Rafe and his ability to change minds and memories. It would have come in handy right about then, I mused. But then the breeze that had been intermittent suddenly turned into gusting wind, and I was reminded that favors from Rafe were no longer an option for me.

  “Just try it, Tasmyn,” my father urged me. “If you don’t like it, if it doesn’t work out, you can always quit. But give it a chance. What harm can that be?”

  I could think of lots and lots of potential for harm and unhappiness. But then I remembered everything I had put my parents through over the last few years, and I realized I had the chance here to do something that would make them happy, that would let me ease up on the worry. So I took a deep breath and nodded.

  “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  And so it began.

  Michael and Marly didn’t try to talk me out of working for Carruthers when I showed up at Michael’s room after leaving my parents. They listened to me without comment, and I could hear only their normal loving, supportive thoughts. When I finished explaining my justification, Marly stood up and gave me a hug.

  “Honey, you know what I think. Literally.” She winked. “You have to do what you feel is right for you. I can’t make the decision, and neither can Michael. But please, keep your eyes open. Don’t let them make you into what you’re not, okay?” She held my chin and looked into my eyes searchingly. I nodded, and she hugged me again, harder.

  Michael grabbed my hand and held it tight. “You know I’m cool with whatever you decide, as long as I get to be there with you. But I’m with Mom—be careful. That place. I know it was beautiful and historic and all, but it kind of creeped me out.”

  I shuddered in agreement. “I know. Cathryn fits right in there, doesn’t she?”

  “And those servers. They reminded me of robots or something.” Marly made a face.

  I frowned. “The one who told Michael how to get the veranda—she was okay. I think she was trying to tell me something when we left.” I shook my head. “But maybe I was imagining it.”

  I called Cathryn on Monday after class. To my vast relief, I got her voicemail and left a message, just letting her know that after talking with my parents and Michael (I might have given his name just a little extra emphasis), I had decided to accept the offer from Carruthers.

  I didn’t have to wait long to hear back from her. My phone rang as I walked to dinner late that afternoon.

  “Hello, Tasmyn. I was happy to hear you’ve made the right decision.”

  “Thanks.” I lost the attempt to the keep the bleakness out of my voice.

  Cathryn laughed, the tinkling brightness of it irritating me even across the phone. “You know, Tasmyn, this is actually a good thing. You’re going to thank me eventually, I promise.”

  “Hmm,” I responded. “I guess.”

  “Well, your lack of enthusiasm aside, are you ready to begin right away? I’ve been looking at your class schedule, and I see that Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are short days for you.”

  “Wait—you’ve been what? How do you have my class schedule?”

  “I work in the alumni office, remember. I have access to just about everything I need. I was trying to work out a schedule that wouldn’t be too arduous for you, since this is your first semester of college. We don’t want to over-tax you.”

  “Oh, thanks so much. I appreciate that.”

  Cathryn ignored me. “So should we say Wednesday and Friday this week? I’ll work on that schedule and give you a copy when I see you. Some days we’ll work on campus, and others we’ll need to drive up to Harper Creek. And eventually we’ll be going on calls, but that will wait a few weeks.”

  “Fine. Only this week, I can’t do Friday. I have an appointment already.”

  “Oh, right, with your witch shrink?”

  My mouth dropped open, and I felt like I’d been sucker punched yet again. How on earth could Cathryn know about Aline?

  “Who told you about her?” I hissed into the phone. “And don’t call her that. She’s not. A witch, I mean.”

  “I told you, we do extensive research before we ever reach out to a potential asset. And then I picked it up in Michael’s mind. He thinks about you, and everything to do with you, so much that it’s really annoying. Oh, and your mother mentioned the shrink on Saturday when she was talking with Harley and the Landowers. So don’t blame me.”

  I gritted my teeth. When had my parents become so loose-lipped? “Whatever. Anyway, I can only work Wednesday this week. Where do I go?”

  “I’ll pick you up at your dorm. We have papers for you to sign and some forms to complete. We can do that at the same café where we ate lunch last week. I’ll give you the schedule, we’ll go over some rules. Nothing too stressful for you.”

  I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue. I had reached the dining hall and stood outside, waiting in the spot where Michael and I always met. He rounded the corner just in time to see the face I was making at the phone and gave me a quizzical glance.

  “Cathryn,” I mouthed, pointing at the phone. Aloud, I answered her. “That’s fine. I’ve got to go now, Cathryn. Michael is waiting to go to dinner. See you Wednesday.” I hung up without waiting for her response.

  Michael shook his head. “How are you going to do this if you can’t even stand to talk on the phone with her?”

  I sighed. “Not sure. I try, I really do, but she always says something that just makes me want to scream.” I told him about our conversation and Cathryn’s comments about Aline.

  “I just want to keep some things to myself, you know?” I complained as we came through the line, choosing food for our trays. Michael glanced at the salad I’d put together, but he kept his comments to himself. I could ignore his rather loud thoughts about my rabbit food dinner.

  “Yeah, I understand.” We threaded our way through to our usual small table in the corner. “I’m sorry I gave anything away about Aline. It’s hard for me to remember that she can hear me think, too.”

  I shrugged. “You didn’t know yet when she heard you, so don’t worry. Plus, apparently she found out about my ‘witch shrink’ in her research on me.”

  Michael finished his taco and started in on the chips and guacamole. “Tas, are you sure about this? I know your parents are excited, but is all the stress worth it?”

  I shook my head. “I really don’t know. But I did promise them I would at least give it a try. So that’s the best I can do. Try.”

  I worked hard to hold onto that thought when Cathryn picked me up on Wednesday. Her little blue convertible purred to a stop at the curb in front of Rollins Hall. I climbed in without saying a word.

  “One of the first things I’m going to teach you is how to block your thoughts.” Cathryn plunged in without any preliminaries. “Believe me, it’s for my benefit as much as yours.”

  I smothered a smirk at that. So she didn’t like being privy to my mind? Oh, I could make it even more uncomfortable.

  If she heard me—and I was sure she had—Cathryn didn’t respond. Instead she went right on talking.

  “I can’t believe that Romanian witch didn’t teach you how to do it. It’s pretty basic.”

  There I had to agree with her. I had even asked Marica, but she had exercised her typical evasive ways.

  “I think Marica didn’t want me to have the ability to block her,” I said slowly. “Everything always came down to her wants and needs, so that would make sense.”

  Cathryn nodded thoughtfully. “Well, Tasmyn, as reluctant as you are to trust all of us at Carruthers, I can tell you that we do take your needs into consideration at every turn. I won’t pretend we are completely altruistic, but I promise, you’ll be consulted all along the way. You will always have input.”

  At the café, we sat at the same table and I ordered the soup and sa
ndwich again, as Cathryn pulled out a sheaf of papers and a pile of folders. We spent the next hour reviewing documents that I had to sign—things like non-disclosure and confidentiality agreements—and filling out forms for mundane needs, like tax withholding and insurance.

  “Now,” Cathryn said when we’d finished eating and the last of the papers was returned to her briefcase, “let’s get to work on our other priority. Close your eyes, Tasmyn. I want you to picture the energy that allows you to hear thoughts. Visualize it. Got it?”

  I had had some experience with this and so it was easy. I saw the power, my most familiar ability, a swirling purple mist. “I’ve got it.”

  “All right. Now take that same energy that flows out so easily, and make it solid. It might take a few tries. Take your time.”

  As soon as I heard her words, the mist began to take a more opaque form, spreading out into a sort of wall. “I can see it. It’s like a solid plank. . .a wall maybe.”

  “Excellent. Spread it all around your mind. Picture it protecting your thoughts.”

  “I’ve done it. Now what?”

  “Now I’m going to try to get through your wall. And you try to keep me out.”

  I felt Cathryn’s assault right away. I envisioned the purple veil repelling each attack. After a few moments, Cathryn said, “Good. Very good for a first try, actually. I want you to keep working on it. Remember that you never know who around you might have the same talent, and you could put yourself—and Carruthers—at risk if you don’t guard your mind very carefully. Understand?”

  I nodded. I hadn’t thought it before, but this whole operation was beginning to feel like a covert mission.

  “I heard that,” Cathryn said dryly. “You’re not entirely wrong, but have you ever realized how often you jump to dramatic conclusions, Tasmyn? I’m a vampire, Carruthers is a black ops organization. . .really, maybe you should write fiction.”

  I concentrated on pulling the veil back over my mind before I replied. “If you had been attacked by not one but two deranged witches and almost drowned by an overzealous minister, all over the course of less than two years, none of those would sound so crazy.”