Endless

by Tawdra Kandle

  Cathryn laughed, and for once it didn’t make me want to scratch her eyes out. “I guess you have a point. And nice work. I can’t hear even one of your thoughts. Keep it up, Tasmyn. You’re off to a good start.”

  I always enjoyed my appointments with Aline. She was so restful and so good at blocking her mind that I could let down my guard. And the idea of being able to talk about everything, every aspect of my life, was especially appealing to someone like me, who had been forced to keep things to myself for so many years.

  I was anxious to speak with her as I pulled into the parking lot of her office on that Friday. So much had happened since our last appointment, and I really wanted her take on everything to do with Carruthers and Cathryn.

  Her office was in an older home on a quiet street a few towns over from Perriman. She had turned the side lot into a small parking area, and the huge foyer was now the reception room. I met with her down the hall in what used to be a sitting room. The rest of the house was decorated in keeping with the historical period to which it belonged, but Aline’s office was all blonde wood and soft colors. She didn’t have a desk, just a simple table that held her laptop, a few piles of brochures and some books. The lavender couch across the room was huge and soft, with so many pillows that I often felt I might be lost among them.

  Aline met me as usual in the reception area. I thought that she had a part-time secretary, since I’d spoken to another woman on the phone when I had to change an appointment, but apparently she didn’t work on Friday afternoons, which was when I always met with Aline.

  “Hello, Tasmyn,” she greeted me, smiling. “How lovely you look today. Would you like to come back to my sitting room?” Aline always invited and left me options. I wondered fleetingly what would happen if I had replied no.

  But I followed her down the hall and into the pretty room. I sank into the couch, slipping off my shoes and curling my legs under me as I always did. Aline sat in the overstuffed chair across from me, smiling benevolently.

  “Tell me how your last few weeks have gone,” she suggested, and I launched into a description of everything that had happened: the party at Dr. Sorrel’s house, my outburst, hearing Michael’s dream. . .my encounter with Cathryn and our subsequent meeting at the Carruthers headquarters.

  Aline listened with her typical reserved “ahs” and “hmms”. When I finished, she cast her eyes up toward the ceiling, and I sat expectantly, counting the ticks of the clock above the door.

  “Tell me, Tasmyn, how did Michael’s dream about Rafe make you feel?” Her question surprised me; I had assumed she would tackle the Carruthers issue first.

  “I don’t really know,” I admitted. “At first I was panicked. I mean, when I thought it was my dream. Because I don’t dream about Rafe.”

  “Don’t you?” Aline’s raised eyebrows added an element of skepticism to her otherwise innocent question. “It would be very odd if you didn’t. He was a huge part of your life for months.”

  “But that’s over,” I insisted. “I don’t have anything to do with him anymore.”

  “Of course you don’t,” Aline agreed. “Not consciously. But the mind works in different ways. I still dream about my mother, even though she’s been dead for nearly ten years. I know that, but my mind is stubborn. Don’t you dream of Marica?”

  I shuddered. “Not for a while. At first, yes. Lots of bad dreams. And I worried that she was doing what Nell had done. You know, coming back to me that way. But it wasn’t. They were just nightmares.”

  “All right. Well, once you realized that Michael was dreaming about you and Rafe, how did you feel?”

  I considered for a moment. “I felt horribly guilty again. And I realized that Michael was assuming some things about my relationship with Rafe. So I guess in a way it was good, because I could tell him that he was wrong about that.”

  “Mm-hmm.” Aline nodded, her fingertips just grazing her lips. “So that opened the door for some honest discussion?”

  “Yes. . .” I thought about it. “Well, I tried to talk to Michael about it. But I think he doesn’t want to re-hash it. He knows it’s over, and he doesn’t think we need to dissect the whole thing.”

  “That’s what he says, perhaps, but his subconscious might be indicating something different,” Aline pointed out. “Don’t worry about that right now. It’s something we can re-visit later. But keep it in mind when you’re talking with Michael. Let’s chat about what happened at Dr. Sorrel’s home and at the Carruthers meeting.”

  I shifted on the sofa, trying to tamp down the turmoil. “Okay.”

  “As I understand it, it was this same girl—this Cathryn—who set you off both times. Is that right?”

  “I guess so,” I answered. “At least she was the tipping point. I was already tense both times, about being at the party and then about everything I was hearing at Carruthers. And I felt like my parents were paying more attention to what Cathryn was saying than to my opinion. When Cathryn brought up Rafe—yeah, the tipping point. More, because I knew she did it to make me mad. She wanted me to show what I could do. I’m sure of it.”

  “So she forced you into an impromptu demo of your abilities?”

  I nodded. “I think so. Plus, she always tries to get a rise out of me about Michael. And I fall for it every time.”

  Aline smiled. “Forewarned is forearmed, so maybe if you stop and consider that now, it can make a difference the next time she tries it. What do you think?”

  “I guess. But you know how there are those people who can annoy you just by breathing? That’s Cathryn. There’s nothing really wrong with her, I don’t think. She just irritates me.”

  Aline laughed. “Yes, I get that. But try to remember that you have something she doesn’t.”

  “Michael?” I cocked my head.

  “Exactly. So let’s try to hold onto that. When you have to deal with Cathryn, try to focus instead on how much Michael loves you. Don’t let in any of the insecurity. If you do that, I think it might be easier to control your anger. . .and the power that comes with it.”

  “Okay, I’ll try it,” I agreed. “On a different but related topic, do you know anything about Carruthers? I thought you might, since Mrs. Brooks said that they had approached some King families.”

  “They never talked to me, but yes, I’ve heard of them. You know what the grapevine in King is like. I don’t remember who it was they tried to recruit, but I remember it happening.” Aline knitted her brows together. “I think I agree with Caroline. I would tread cautiously. I understand why your parents find the organization attractive. They think Carruthers can help you control your abilities, and right now, that’s very important to your mom and dad.”

  “That’s what I thought, too,” I said. “It was kind of strange, though, how enthusiastic they were.”

  “And why did you decide to go along with them?” Aline’s eyes were compassionate. I dropped my head onto the back of the couch and sighed.

  “Oh, I know. I know it was the guilt over last spring. I want to do something to make them trust me, to make them proud again. So I’ll go along with this, and who knows—maybe it will help me control my powers. Maybe I won’t shake the walls or throw glass or bring on a windstorm whenever I get a little shaken.”

  Aline regarded me without speaking for several beats. “Tasmyn, we’ve talked a little about your powers and how Marica helped you develop them. Do you remember what I said?”

  I frowned, trying to remember. “You said she exploited my emotions to intensify the abilities.”

  “Right. She tied your feelings to your growing powers, and those cords are still there. You can’t just cut them. You have these gifts. They aren’t returnable, Tasmyn. You can’t make them go away. You need to master them, but it’s not going to be as easy as your parents might think.”

  I threw up my hands. “So are you saying that Carruthers won’t be able to help me? I’m a lost cause?”

  “Never.” Aline shook her head emphatically. “No
, you can do it. But don’t expect it to be simple, and don’t think it’s going to happen overnight. As far as Carruthers, just try to be very careful. Be aware of each decision. Don’t make any choices impulsively.”

  Aline rarely expressed that much opinion, so I understood that she was very serious about this. I smiled in agreement.

  “I promise.”

  “All right then.” She glanced at the clock. “Well, I think that’s good for today, don’t you?”

  We both rose, but as she opened the door, I heard a buzzing across the room and saw her cell phone dancing across the table.

  “Tasmyn, I need to take this. Can you go out to reception and wait for me?” I nodded and closed the door behind me.

  I wandered down the hallway and was startled to see a man in one of the waiting room chairs. He was taller than me, with longish wavy light brown hair. He looked vaguely familiar.

  “Hi,” he greeted me, laying down the magazine that he’d been flipping thorugh.

  I nodded in return and stood awkwardly for a moment. Aline usually made me her last appointment of the day, so I was surprised that this guy seemed to think he belonged here. I probed gently into his mind and came up with the answer.

  “Aline had to take a phone call,” I offered. “She should be here in a minute.”

  “Oh, that’s cool.” He stood and offered me a hand. “I’m Seth Phillips. A friend of Aline’s.”

  I concentrated on not raising my eyebrows and smirking at him. From what I’d picked up, he was a little more than her friend.

  “I’m Tasmyn,” I answered, shaking his hand. “I’m a patient.”

  Seth grinned. “Yeah, I figured.” He cocked his head, studying me. “Hey, do you go to Perriman by any chance? I feel like I’ve seen you.”

  I smiled. Aline took her patient confidentiality seriously; Seth really had no idea who I was. I hadn’t picked up even the slightest blip in his mind, and I’d been listening.

  “Yes, I’m a freshman,” I answered. “Do you work there?”

  He stuck a thumb at his chest. “History professor.”

  I smiled, an involuntary reflex. “That’s my major! Or at least I hope it will be. It’s my favorite subject.”

  Seth leaned back, sticking his hands in his back pockets. “Yeah? We’ve got a great department at Perriman. Are you taking the 101 now?”

  I shook my head. “I tested out of them, so I’m doing a junior level course this semester. The Reformation.”

  Seth pursed his lips in a silent whistle. “Impressive. Well, listen, when you’re ready to declare, come see me. I’m a pretty decent advisor.” He fished a card out of his pocket and handed it to me.

  I glanced down at it and frowned. “You said you were history. This says student ministries.”

  “Oh, sorry.” He dug into the other pocket and pulled out another card, glanced at it and passed it over. This one had his number at the history department. “I’m in the history department, but I double majored in religious studies and then went to seminary while I was a TA. I lead a group on campus.”

  I remembered now why he seemed familiar, and it wasn’t his face—it was his mind. “Do you have Bible study on the green on Saturdays? I was there with my parents last weekend and I think I heard you—I mean, saw you.”

  “Yeah, that was us. Good group of kids.” A door opened and closed behind me, and Aline came down the hall, heels clicking. Her smile encompassed us both.

  “Seth, hello. I’m sorry I was held up.” She held his eye for a moment longer and then turned to me. “Tasmyn, are we set for Friday in two weeks, same time? And you’ll call me if anything comes up before that?”

  I nodded. These were Aline’s typical parting words, meant, I knew, to remind me that I was not alone and that I should not be afraid to reach out for help. Her mind was veiled to me as it always was, but I was picking up little spikes in her feelings. She didn’t want to rush me out the door, but she was anxious to be alone with Seth. I didn’t blame her.

  “Sure, see you then.” I turned to leave and then realize I still had both of Seth’s cards in my hand. I stopped and held it out to him. “Sorry. I don’t need this one.”

  He made no move to accept it. “Hey, hold onto it. You never know.”

  After the stress of the previous weekend with my parents, I was looking forward to spending a quiet few days with Michael. We drove off campus to see a movie on Friday night after my appointment with Aline, and as we pulled back to the parking lot alongside my dorm, I was blissfully relaxed, snuggled into my familiar groove in the passenger seat of the Mustang.

  Michael turned off the car and reached to tousle my hair affectionately. “Hey, there, sleepyhead. Am I going to have to carry you upstairs?”

  “Mmmm,” I answered. “Maybe.” I twisted my head to smile up at him. “You could take me back to your room and carry me upstairs. Because then there could be a reward for the big, strong man who took such good care of me.”

  He laughed but shook his head. “Not tonight, princess. Not only is Charlie there, but he invited the whole soccer team over to party. So no privacy for us.”

  I made a face. “I thought he was an athlete. Shouldn’t he be in training or something?”

  “They’re celebrating a very rare weekend off, I guess. I’m planning to lock the door to my bedroom and hope they don’t get too wild.”

  “And I’m going to go upstairs and try to tune out Sophie while she studies. We’re just a bundle of fun, aren’t we?”

  Michael fingered a lock of my hair. “Sophie still thinking loudly when she does homework?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Oh, yeah. Too bad we don’t take the same classes, because I wouldn’t have to crack a book if we did. I could just soak up what she’s thinking and be ready for anything. For someone who’s so quiet in real life, she more than makes up for it in her thoughts.”

  “A shame we can’t talk her into joining the soccer players’ party. Then we’d have your room to ourselves.”

  I laughed at the idea of my quiet and serious roommate partying with Charlie and his raucous friends. “Highly unlikely.”

  “Well, then. . .” Michael reached for the door handle. “I’ll walk you upstairs. We’ll have all day tomorrow.”

  “Wait a second.” I touched his arm. “Kiss me goodnight here. You won’t be able to do it justice in front of Sophie or in the hallway.”

  Michael raised one eyebrow. “Oh, really?” He reached out to caress my face. “I guess you’re right. I’ll have to try to live up to your goodnight kiss standards down here.”

  I giggled, feeling his playful indignation as he pulled me onto his lap, trapping me between him and the steering wheel.

  “I have very high standards,” I whispered, leaning into his ear. “Very high.”

  I felt Michael’s smile against my neck as his lips skimmed my throat and then traveled to return my whisper. “I do aim to please.”

  I shivered and wound my arms around his back, shifting so that I straddled both him and the seat. Michael ran his hands along my sides, up my back and beneath my hair, firmly holding me in place as his mouth plundered mine.

  I leaned in as close as I could get, desperate to touch him everywhere at once. I felt Michael’s thoughts and feelings tumbling over me like a waterfall—a sweep of liquid heat that drove away all rationality.

  He groaned and slid his hands down my back and under my t-shirt. The warmth of his fingers against my bare skin ratcheted everything up another degree. I tore my mouth from his and attacked his neck, moving my lips to the pulse that pounded just above his collarbone.

  Michael’s hands were playing against my back now, and his fingers glided under my bra straps, just toying with them. I felt the faintest bits of his indecision as I made my way back up his throat and covered his mouth again.

  The surge of desire that tore from him when our lips met screamed to something deep and primal within me. And before I knew it, the power, pure, unbridled and sweet, rose o
ut of me and erupted.

  Michael grunted in surprise and jerked away, still breathing heavily. I was dizzy and clung to his shoulders, trying not to sway.

  I heard a shout from outside the car, down the sidewalk. My eyes refocused on one of the sabal palms that lined the walk from the parking lot to the front of my dorm. I couldn’t miss it; it was on fire, flames crackling merrily from the base and up to the fronds.

  “Michael,” I gasped. “Look—I didn’t mean to—look!”

  He shifted, trying to follow the direction of my horrified gaze. I knew when he saw it, because I felt his shock.

  “What do we do?” I whispered, as if someone might overhear us.

  He rubbed my back. “Shhh. It’s okay. We were here in the car. No one can connect it to—to us.”

  I slid my leg up and over him, dropping back into my own seat as gracefully as I could even as I stretched out my mind to hear what was going on. “That guy called emergency services. Someone is coming to put it out. I hope it doesn’t spread to the other palms.”

  Even as I said it, sirens filled the air and disorienting lights of two fire trucks pulled into the lot. Michael opened his door, climbing out, and I followed his lead. I listened to him formulating a plan for dealing with this new mess I’d created.

  We joined the small knot of people standing out of the way, watching the firemen pull out a hose and quickly extinguish the fire. Michael caught the eye of one of the guys next to him.

  “What happened?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just on my way to pick up my girlfriend. I didn’t see anything until I came around the corner, and then it was like—bam! Fire.”

  “Weird.” Michael struck a perfect balance of interest and boredom. “We just got back from the movies. Saw it when we were getting out of the car.”

  One of the firefighters sauntered over to us. I culled through his mind, picking up that they had no idea how the fire had started and that he was pretty tired of dealing with college kids.