Rank

by D. R. Graham

  “You’ll have to drive it all the way back to Edmonton to return it.”

  “Fine,” I said, too exhausted to fight about it.

  She glanced at me. “All right. Get your truck.” She hopped out of her truck and unhitched the trailer.

  As I was walking to my truck, Shae-Lynn rode up from behind me and slowed down. She didn’t look at me, but she said, “You can take Stella to the ranch. My dad’s there. I’ll train on her this week and decide if I want to ride her in competition.”

  “Really? Thanks, Shae-Lynn.”

  “Shae,” she corrected me and then galloped away. When she was halfway back to the warm-up field, Nate stepped out from the row of campers and waved her over. She turned Harley and stopped in front of Nate. They talked for a while. Nate’s hand rested on her knee the entire time. When the conversation was over, Nate stepped back with a big grin on his face. She turned Harley back around, then glanced briefly in my direction before transitioning into a trot.

  Chapter 12

  It was only three hours from Leduc to the Roberts’ ranch in Calgary, so I got there before lunch. Shae-Lynn must have called her dad to tell him I was coming because he was expecting me. He met me at the truck and shook my hand as I got out.

  “Hey, Mr. Roberts.”

  “Call me Trent.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  He slapped my shoulder and wandered around to the back of the trailer. “I hear you’ve got a fast mare you want Shae to ride.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  He opened the trailer and backed Stella out. “Brody,” he shouted over to a ranch hand who was unloading bales of hay from a flatbed truck. “Come take Stella. You can put her next to Skeeter.”

  Tawnie had written all the information about Stella’s feed and schedule on a piece of paper that I handed to Brody. He led Stella into the barn. Trent walked over to yell at a bunch of guys sitting on the fence around a corral. “Are any of you donkeys planning on getting some work done today?”

  They all looked at him, smiling. “It’s lunch time, Sir,” one of the guys shouted. “Jeremy’s about to have his first go on a bronc. You might want to watch.”

  “Jeremy needs to mend fences this afternoon. If he gets hurt, you all are going to be doing his work for him.” Trent climbed the rails and sat on the top one to watch.

  I climbed up next to him.

  “When was the last time you rode?” Trent asked me.

  “Saddle broncs?”

  “At all.”

  I shrugged. “Ten months ago.”

  “About when your daddy died?”

  I shrugged again, then watched Jeremy ease down onto a horse in the chute. It bucked in the chute and Jeremy jumped off. He took a deep breath and eased himself back in. He took forever to nod and he didn’t even look set when he finally did. The gate swung open and Jeremy flew off before the horse took one step out of the chute. He caught some good air, but the dirt was soft, so he landed fine and crawled to get out of the way. Everyone laughed and his face turned red.

  “Load him up again,” Trent shouted.

  Jeremy raised his hands in surrender. “Once is enough for today, Sir.”

  “It isn’t for you. It’s for Billy.”

  “No thanks, Mr. Roberts,” I said, firm on my decision.

  “Get over there before I whup your ass.”

  My muscles tightened and my blood rushed, but I fought to sound calm. “I’m retired.”

  “Really? Why would one of the best young bull riders out there want to retire?”

  “I’ve got responsibilities. I can’t go around getting myself killed.”

  He chuckled, not buying it. “You could get killed in your truck. Are you going to retire from driving?”

  “I don’t need to ride bulls.”

  “You don’t need to, or you don’t want to?” His tone transitioned from good natured ribbing to a serious lecture.

  “Both. I don’t have it in me anymore.”

  “So, you quit.”

  “No. I retired.”

  He studied my face as if he was deciding the best approach to take with me. Fully aware that if my dad were around, I wouldn’t have been allowed to stop riding because of a wreck, he challenged me, “You ride that horse and prove you’re not scared, then I’ll let you officially retire.” He shoved my shoulder. “Get.”

  “I can’t. My vision still isn’t right from my last injury.”

  “That’s no excuse. There are legally blind riders out there.” He glanced sideways at me. “Your daddy used to always say that you came out of your mama with your right arm in the air.”

  “Yeah, he told everybody that story. It was a lie and it don’t mean nothing.” The whole ‘make your daddy proud’ angle, wasn’t going to work.

  “You were born to ride.”

  “There’s more to life, Trent.”

  “Seems like a waste of talent.”

  I shrugged and turned my head wanting to spit chew juice. Instead, I just stared down at the dirt.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to prove to yourself that you can get back in the saddle?”

  “I’ve got nothing to prove. I didn’t lose my nerve.”

  He nodded, but knew I was full of shit. “If you say so.”

  I’d had enough, so I climbed down and walked towards my truck.

  Trent shouted at the guys, “Never mind. Get back to work before I fire you all.” His boots hit the ground and the gravel crunched as he followed me. “You want some lunch before you head out?”

  “Are you going to try to have a heart to heart about my dad and how I need to get back in the saddle?”

  “Hell no. I barely even have heart to hearts with the wife.” He slapped my shoulder. “Come on. I make a pretty good grilled cheese.” His phone rang before we got to the porch, so I waited for him. I didn’t hear the first part of the conversation, but when his tone changed, I started to listen. “Where’d they take her?…I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hung up. His expression seemed as if he was angry, scared, and upset all at the same time. “I have to go to Edmonton.” He patted his pockets as if he was looking for his keys. He rushed into the house and then a minute later ran back out towards his truck. “Brody!”

  Brody stepped out of the barn and pushed his hat back. He took one look at Trent and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Shae was in a wreck.”

  “What?” I said. My hand reached for the porch railing. “Is she okay?”

  “I don’t know. I have to meet them at the hospital in Edmonton.” He pointed at Brody. “You need to run things while I’m gone. Call me if you have any problems.” Brody nodded. Trent’s phone rang again. “Okay. Yeah … Okay.” He hung up and looked at me.

  “Get in. I’ll drive,” I said as I ran to my truck.

  He hopped into the passenger side and made more phone calls as I gunned it down the dirt road. I couldn’t see anything behind us because of the cloud of dust the empty trailer was creating.

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know all the details,” he said as he dialled to make another call. “Harley slipped going around the second barrel. Shae was thrown and Harley came down hard on her. The paramedics were treating her as if she had a spinal cord injury.”

  “Jesus,” I mumbled and pushed the accelerator to the floor. My hands started to shake and my lungs felt as if Harley landed on me too.

  Chapter 13

  Trent and I made it to Edmonton in just over two and a half hours because I was driving like a maniac. Lee-Anne and her mom were in the hospital waiting room when we arrived. Trent hugged Mrs. Roberts first and then kissed Lee-Anne on the forehead. Lee-Anne glanced at me and smiled. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

  “What did the doctor say?” Trent asked.

  “They’re still doing tests,” Doreen said and sat down wringing her hands together. “We can see her once they bring her back from having the MRI done.”

  Trent paced around. Lee-
Anne sat down beside her mom. Then Nate came in the room holding three coffees in his giant hands. He gave one each to Lee-Anne and her mom and offered the third one to Trent. Trent declined, but shook Nate’s free hand. They talked about what happened in the ring and how Nate had been the first to reach her. If he hadn’t had medical training and told everyone what to do, someone might have mistakenly tried to move her and made the injury worse. Lee-Anne glanced at me and it felt as if she was checking my reaction to Nate being there. Or, maybe she was just wondering why I was having trouble breathing. I leaned my back up against the wall and blinked a couple times. When that didn’t stop the room from spinning, I left and sat on a bench in the hall. I leaned my elbows on my knees and hung my head trying to force oxygen into my lungs. The door opened, footsteps crossed the hall, and Lee-Anne stopped in front of me.

  “You okay?” she asked.

  I shook my head without looking up at her.

  She sat down beside me.

  “Did you see it happen?” I asked and glanced at her.

  She nodded and started crying. “I felt so helpless, seeing it happen and not being able to do anything about it.” She looked over. “You know.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Unfortunately, I do know.” I sighed and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling. I swallowed down the lump that was swelling in my throat. My eyes burned and I felt tears trying to push forward.

  She touched my arm sympathetically before she hugged her knees into her chest.

  “Is she dating him?” I asked even though it was obvious.

  “Mr. Wonderful? Not officially. They were hanging out together at the bar last night though.”

  “He’s kind of old for her, don’t you think?”

  She shrugged. “Shae skipped being a teenager and fast-forwarded straight from little girl to young woman. She’s already looking for a guy who is serious, stable, and works hard doing admirable things. Nate’s that guy.”

  “Yeah. He’s perfect for her,” I said, although it didn’t feel good to admit it.

  She checked my expression and seemed to be reading into it, but since I didn’t even know what I was feeling, she gave up. We sat without talking for what felt like hours before a doctor walked down the hall and went into the waiting room. We both stood and followed him. He shook hands with Trent and updated them on Shae-Lynn’s condition. Flashbacks to when the doctor came in to tell Cole and me that our dad was dead kept distracting me from what was being said. All I heard at first was the word paralysis. Doreen covered her mouth with her hands as she started sobbing. Then I heard the word temporary and Trent squeezed his arm around her. The doctor stood and said, “You can see her now.”

  The three of them, along with Nate, got up to follow the doctor. I didn’t move. Lee-Anne turned to look over her shoulder. “Are you coming, Billy Ray?”

  “No. You go ahead. I should probably get going.”

  She walked over and wrapped her fingers around my hand. Her expression was incredibly serious when she said, “Billy, she’ll want to see you.”

  I stared at her for a while, considering it, before I looked down at my trembling hands. “I don’t think I can handle seeing her all messed up.”

  She squeezed my hand tighter maybe trying to steady them. “The doctor said she’s going to be okay once the swelling goes down. She’s going to be all right.”

  “I can’t. Sorry.”

  She frowned and it seemed as if she was debating something before she released the grip on my hand. “Okay. I’ll tell her you were here. Thanks for driving Dad.”

  I nodded, then left.

  Tawnie’s house was twenty minutes outside of Edmonton. I headed straight there from the hospital to drop off the horse trailer. It was dusk, so it was hard to see the addresses on the mailboxes. I eventually found hers, pulled up the long dirt driveway, and parked in front of the farmhouse. She stepped out the screen door and onto the front porch as I got out of the truck. “Have you eaten?” she asked.

  “No. I’ll get something on the road.” I unhitched the trailer.

  “I made roasted chicken. It’s almost done if you want to come in.”

  “No thanks. I need to get going,” I said and opened the driver’s door.

  “You’re not going to drive all the way to Saskatoon tonight, are you?”

  I pushed my hat back and leaned on the door. “I might stop somewhere along the way if I get tired.”

  “You can stay here if you want. My grandparents are away on a Caribbean cruise.”

  I shook my head. “I have to work tomorrow.”

  She leaned on the porch railing and smiled. “Sorry about throwing the lamp at you this morning. Stay for dinner. I won’t hurt you. I promise.” She turned and went back into the house.

  I stood staring at her through the window as she moved around in the kitchen. Shae-Lynn’s voice replayed in my ear about how I used girls and that if I didn’t learn how to have a relationship that lasted longer than two nights I was going to end up alone and miserable. My stomach growled. Having dinner didn’t mean anything, except that maybe I had it in me to be a stand-up guy. I closed the truck door and walked over to the porch. The screen door squeaked when I opened it. It was a heritage farmhouse and most of the furniture looked as if it was original to the house. I took my hat off and hung it on the back of the dining chair.

  After we finished eating I helped her with the dishes. She handed me a plate to dry and asked, “Did Stella settle in okay in Calgary?”

  “Yeah. They’ll take good care of her.”

  “Is Shae going to train on her this week?”

  I looked over at her. “Didn’t you hear?”

  “What?”

  “Shae-Lynn was hurt real bad. Harley slipped and landed on her.”

  “Oh my God.” She dropped the plate she was washing into the soapy water. “I didn’t know. Rochelle called a couple times, but I thought she wanted to ask what happened between you and me, so I didn’t call her back. Is Shae going to be okay?”

  I shrugged.

  She watched as I rubbed the spot on my chest that felt as if it was being repeatedly kicked. “Sorry I freaked out when you told me about asking Shae to ride Stella.”

  I exhaled and placed a glass in the cupboard. “It’s understandable that you were upset. I should have given you some warning. It was a dick move.”

  “She’s your horse. You can do whatever you want with her.” She rinsed a pot and placed it upside down in the rack. “I overacted because I was embarrassed by what I did in the bar, and I was jealous about Shae. I shouldn’t have thrown the lamp at you. It was a crazy bitch move.”

  I laughed at her honesty. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the craziest bitch I’ve ever met. A girl tried to stab me once.”

  “Why? What did you do to her?”

  I smiled and stacked another plate in the cupboard. “I slept with her sister, but in my defence, they were twins. I never knew which one was which.”

  She chuckled, but her smile faded a second later and her tone became serious. “I don’t want to be so reactive. I never used to be, but the guy I used to date was really abusive and it messed me up. I act insecure around guys now.”

  “Abusive how?”

  “In every possible way.”

  “How long were you together?”

  “We dated for almost five years and I lived with him for about six months. It was a disaster. He talked me into paying all the bills because he said he was saving his money to buy a house for us to live in when we got married. I was naïve enough to believe him. I was also stupid enough to let him convince me to drop out of my college classes so we could travel.” She laughed. “We never went anywhere. The money disappeared and I couldn’t get a good job because I didn’t have my degree. He was controlling and it got to the point where he would slap me around if I hung out with my friends or bought an outfit he didn’t approve of.”

  “Why did you stay with him?”

  “He was a
sweet talker, and obviously I’m a sucker.”

  “How did you eventually leave?”

  “One night he got rough because I was like twenty minutes late getting home from work. He pushed me down the stairs and I broke my arm, so my grandpa dragged me out of there. Mitch stalked me after I left and I still have a restraining order against him.”

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it.

  “The whole thing really affected my self-esteem. I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t need to apologize.”

  “I don’t want to be insecure and needy.” She ran her hands through her hair and exhaled. “I just haven’t got my confidence back yet.”

  My phone buzzed again and it occurred to me it might be Lee-Anne calling about Shae-Lynn. “Sorry,” I mumbled and took it out of my pocket.

  “Don’t worry about it. Answer it.”

  It was a text from Cole. Where are you? Did you take my camper? Call me. I stuffed my phone back in my pocket and leaned against the counter as she emptied the sink. My phone buzzed again and she looked at me. I pulled it out to turn it off and noticed that it was a text from Blake. Call me, shit head.

  “You have that look on your face again.”

  “Which look?”

  “The one where you get that serious line between your eyebrows. You get it when you’re worrying.”

  “I have a lot on my mind.”

  “Yeah, I can tell. You’ve been clutching at your chest as if you’re about to have a heart attack, and your jaw muscles keep tensing as if you’re chewing tobacco. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “No. Thanks.”

  She opened the freezer. “Ice cream makes everything seem better. Do you want some?”

  I arranged the cutlery in the drawer next to the oven. “Sure.”

  She scooped two bowls of ice cream and then we went outside to eat it on the porch. She sat on a rocking chair and I sat in the porch swing. I finished mine and balanced the bowl on the railing so I could sit back and relax in the swing.

  “It’s nice here,” I said as I stared out at the pasture beyond the barn. The grass appeared silvery in the dusky sky.

  “Yeah, it’s peaceful. I missed the quiet when I was living in the city.”