Kiss Me (Promise Me Book 3)

by Brea Viragh

  I was used to her fast talking and tenacity. Used to settling in for the long haul while she hammered away at my own stubborn walls. “Please stop trying to mother me. I can’t take it anymore.”

  “I am a mother. It’s my job.”

  “You make me out to be helpless.”

  “You are pretty far from helpless. How about you let me hold on to a shred of control? You’ve always been so gung-ho to make your own path. Maybe I tried to hold on too tight.”

  “Tell me you haven’t been pushing me to get married because you’re trying to hold on to your control.” I balked at the thought.

  “It’s a horrible excuse, but it’s the only one I have. Where do you think you got your type-A personality? It’s from me. I wanted you to need me, and I thought if I helped you find your happiness, I’d be needed,” she said.

  “Nonsense.” Because I needed something to do with myself, and because I loved her, I grabbed the kettle and filled it with water to make us a pot of tea. The coffee, I knew, wouldn’t suit her. “I think we both need to cut to the heart of the matter. We need to learn to let go of control.”

  “You’re right.”

  My hands stilled and my gut twisted at her words. “I am?”

  “Sure.” She shrugged a single shoulder as though it took too much effort for both. “I know when to face the music. I have to stop pushing you to be someone you aren’t. I saw Kai and I…I could see how much he loves you. I believed he could make you happy.”

  “I am happy, Mom.” The words didn’t sound right. Or taste right either. They felt dry and dull in my mouth. “I am. I don’t need Kai to love me.”

  Eventually, she nodded, trying to convince herself of my truth. “Then I’ll let you be. No more.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Whatever else you’re going through, I want you to know, you are the person I’ve always wanted you to be. Your decisions, your life. I love you. You’ve grown up to be a wonderful woman and a good human being.”

  I cursed under my breath. It was the one thing I’d waited my entire life to hear. Now I felt undeserving.

  “Everyone makes mistakes,” she added sagely.

  “I don’t want to admit it.”

  “I wasn’t talking about you, Nellie. But I do think you need to give the boy a chance.”

  “Weren’t you turning over a new leaf?” I filled the kettle with cold water from the sink.

  “This has nothing to do with you getting married or not. I’m not sure of the details, and I know it’s a strange and unprecedented situation, but you need to forgive him. Nolan can come on pretty strong, you know.”

  I jolted upright with enough force to knock my head against the rack of pans hanging from the ceiling.

  “What are you talking about? Nolan has nothing to do with this,” I argued.

  “We already talked about cutting the bullshit. I know Nolan is gay. I’m not blind, or stupid.”

  I sighed. “He said he was going to tell you but he was waiting for the right time.”

  “He doesn’t need to tell me anything. He’s my son and I love him no matter what. I’ve been waiting for him to come clean since his tenth birthday. I have to say, he’s made me wait a long time.”

  “But you kept talking about him finding a nice girl and settling down.”

  “I badgered you enough. I didn’t want him to feel left out,” she said.

  “So you know about him and…ugh, God, I can’t say it.”

  “I know certain things happen in the dark, especially when there is alcohol involved. Our past can’t define our present.”

  “I’m not sure I can handle another face-to-face interaction.” I didn’t have any experience with it, but crow could be a hard morsel to swallow.

  “You’re too strong to give up on a good opportunity.”

  “I don’t want my heart to break again, because I don’t think I could recover. Don’t you think it’s better to be alone than risk it?”

  “No,” she answered instantly. “I don’t.”

  It was a simple statement filled with undeniable truth. To move forward, I would have to be willing to let go of my hurt and enter into unfamiliar territory. I’d have to deal with the turbulence, give myself over completely to trust, and risk the madness.

  “The choice is mine to make,” I said instead. “I let him go for a good reason. Nolan will be happier.”

  “Sure, blame your brother. It wouldn’t be the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

  The tea kettle screamed from the stove. Steam rose into the air. “I’m not blaming him. I’m doing this for him. For everyone. Please believe that.”

  The two of us settled at the table, brought together by the warmth of the tea and the glow of the setting sun.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  I scanned the Tooth, on the hunt for a resolution among the familiar—dirty walls, posters of famous race car drivers, country music blasting on the jukebox. But even my old stool, the one with my name carved beneath its top and bearing years of scratches and scrapes, gave me the silent treatment.

  Years of singlehood and you’re surprised to be alone?

  Fenton clinked glasses together in a way designed to capture my attention. Instead of rising to the bait, I trained my eyes downward and watched the ripples spreading out through the shot of liquor in front of me.

  Tuesday night in the country. There were the usual players with their pool cues. Meatloaf as a specialty for the adventurous types willing to risk dinner.

  And poor little Nell alone at the bar.

  Melancholy took me under its wing and sank in its teeth. I was a mess. What a pity.

  I was in need of yet another pick-me-up, and I’d settled on tequila though my stomach soured at the thought of alcohol. I ended up pushing the glass away, feeling like I’d been run over by a damn truck. With my luck I would end up stumbling home, sicker than a dog and enduring another lonely night without even the benefit of a good drunk.

  “What’s wrong? You’ve been ignoring me for the past fifteen minutes.” Fenton angled toward me, his elbows on the bar. “You brought a nasty mood inside and now you’re avoiding eye contact. Did I do something to piss you off?”

  “Leave me alone. I’m not in the mood.”

  “How can I leave you like this?” he asked, shrugging. “You won’t talk to me.”

  Sitting in these surroundings did nothing to lift my mood. Why had I come out?

  I stared at the scarred bar top and answered with the obvious. “Because I came here to be alone, Fenton.”

  He let out a single, bark-like laugh. “You came to a bar to be alone?”

  “I’ve ruined what could have been the best thing in my life and it took me a millennium to figure it out. I don’t feel like telling you the details.” I sat on the stool I’d once claimed for the sole purpose of reconnoitering the male population. Now I could only think of one.

  “Then go and fix it,” Fenton said. To him the solution was apparent. Which, in a normal world, I suppose it was. At my hard glare, he lifted a brow. “You asked for my opinion.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Take the next step and tell the guy how you feel. Love is a gift that not everyone is given. It’s not something you should regret.”

  I pushed my glare up another notch, hiking a thumb over my shoulder. “Do I need to go?”

  “No, it’s fine. Not like my feelings are hurt or anything.” He whipped a soiled white towel over his shoulder and held two reddened palms in front of him. A defense. “You sure are prickly tonight.”

  “Prickly, snooty, cowardly…I’ve heard enough insults. Soon I might take them to heart.” In a play of strength, I grabbed the shot and slugged it back, my eyes crossing. “There. You happy?”

  Fenton shook his head, shuffling away instead of dealing with me. I didn’t blame him. I’d had enough of myself to be sick of me.

  “Don’t tell me you’re drowning your sorrows. Because that’s not the wom
an I know.”

  The voice was a low croon that should have been outlawed. Smooth and deep and able to freeze me in place. Despite my best efforts, my soul turned over. Goose bumps rose on my skin and nerves went on high alert. I spun around on the stool fast enough to give myself whiplash…and there he was.

  My heart gave one huge slap against my rib cage before it stopped. Stuttered. Started up again with a staccato rhythm. Happiness shot from my brain straight to my abdomen. “You came back.”

  There was Kai, standing with his hands in his pockets. The healing stitches on his forehead stood out in stark relief and brought attention to the roundness of his eyes. The leather bomber jacket covered the thin white shirt he wore, hugging his shoulders and stretched over the breadth of his chest. The shaved head still took me aback.

  But it was Kai.

  He cocked his head to the side to study me. We stared at each other, neither one of us looking away, until he finally smiled.

  My gut lurched and I looked away quickly.

  “I know I said I wouldn’t, but I can’t seem to stay away from you. I came back for more despite my best intentions,” he said.

  “You left. You left with Nolan.” I leaned toward him involuntarily, every muscle drawn forward. I hated the way my entire being burst into happiness at his nearness. Disgusted, I sighed. “What are you doing here, Kai?”

  Leather creaked when he took the seat next to me. “Sometimes a man needs a drink. I assume that’s why you’re here.”

  I let out a snort of laughter, caught up in a flash of pain. “You caught me. You’re supposed to be back at college with Nolan right now.” I played with the rim of the empty shot glass.

  “Supposed to be, but I’m clearly not. It turns out I have unfinished business in the area. Thought I would stay longer.” He raised a hand toward Fenton in greeting.

  “You’re paying for college courses. Isn’t it kind of juvenile to play hooky?” My pulse fluttered beneath my wrist at his proximity and I caught a whiff of his scent. Fresh, right, virile. God, did the man need to smell so damn good? Whatever cologne he wore should be outlawed.

  “You think you’re funny.” Peanut shells cracked against the bar top. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a pain in the ass?” His voice sounded aggravated. Excited. “A horrible pain who would rather push people away and burn the bridge than apologize?”

  “Every day.”

  It hurt to look at him, I decided, pausing to push the desire to tear off his shirt to the back of my mind. I ignored our reflection in the bar mirror although I knew how it looked. How we looked together.

  “I want to talk to you,” he continued.

  “There’s nothing to talk about. I think we’ve pretty well aired everything.”

  He scoffed. “Not nearly.”

  “Well, I have. You’re out of luck.”

  He used his chin to gesture toward the door. “Come outside with me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “I had a feeling you’d say that. In that case…”

  Before I knew what was happening, Kai stood. His eyes found mine a second before he hauled me off the stool and over his shoulder.

  “You better put me down and stop making a scene.” Instead of screaming, a helpless maiden, I beat against his back and glowered at the patrons turning our way with curious glances. Fenton stared at me from behind the counter, wiping glasses. He made no move to help.

  “I’m not putting you down until you talk to me. Until you admit how you feel about me,” Kai continued.

  Parts inside of me grew small and unwilling. Though my mouth kept moving, the words refused to come, and I kept the lie I’d birthed buried deep. The lie I realized the first moment I met him. The lie I’d struggled against every day of my life since that moment.

  I was totally and completely in love with him.

  And I had a feeling Kai wouldn’t be satisfied until I spilled it across the ground and we were both left with nothing but a mess of truth.

  He strode across the room, pushing open the exterior door and blasting us both with the cold winter air.

  The moment he set me on my feet, I stumbled back, the strength going out of my legs. I nearly buckled and took hold of the building instead of relying on him. “Are you done acting like a Neanderthal?”

  He looked at me. There was amusement in his eyes. And frustration. Hunger. “You weren’t cooperating.”

  “Oh, how tragic,” I snapped, managing to lift my head. “A woman who doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “A woman who doesn’t want to talk about herself. Now I’ve seen it all.”

  “Why are you really here?” I pressed my lips together to keep from saying something I’d regret. To keep from trembling.

  “You think you’ve said it all, but I am far from finished. I’m done being a scared little boy too afraid to admit his feelings.”

  “You’ve admitted enough, trust me.” I breathed in and out.

  Moments after meeting Kai, I’d recognized that he was an impatient kind of man. One who wouldn’t be able to sit still for long. Full of energy, with parts of his body constantly in motion. He fidgeted now, barreling forward with his speech.

  “I was wrong, Nell.”

  “That’s a first. A man admitting he was wrong.”

  “I was wrong to let you out of my sight. To let you walk away without telling you how I feel.”

  “You made it pretty clear how you feel. Especially considering you slept with my brother. Can I say how disgusting that is?”

  “You’re right. I should have come clean from the start. But I didn’t know how to tell you. I have nothing to feel ashamed about. You of all people should know that things happen. Mistakes happen.”

  “He’s my brother!” So much for responding with grace.

  “He’s a good man who doesn’t belong here with us. Right now, it’s you and me. A man and a woman who love each other. Nell, you’re smart and passionate, creative and kind, and as messy as I am.”

  In the quiet dark we stood facing each other. Both of us still, waiting and listening for the other to speak first. There was nothing except the sound of my own breathing and the cars passing by on the road.

  I hadn’t expected him to make it easy for me. It was part of his character. His charm. Over this past week and a half, I’d come to realize that I already knew everything I needed to know about him. The man I’d come to respect.

  The man I’d come to love.

  Ugh, I hated myself. I tried not to focus on his mouth, that smile and those slightly crooked teeth. I glanced over at the wall when he laughed.

  “I see it on your face,” Kai remarked. “You know that I know, and you hate it.”

  “Well, yeah!” I exploded, feeling testy. “I wasn’t supposed to love you. I was supposed to run away, far and fast, because you are the last person I should love.” I used my hands to make my point. “You charmed my mother, schmoozed my father. Got injured on purpose. You made out with my brother!”

  “People make mistakes. And I’ll point out that I did not injure myself on purpose. It really was an accident.”

  “You are arrogant and overly confident and…” Hot tears sprang up but felt like ice in my eyes.

  “And?”

  I didn’t waste any more time hesitating with indecision. I sprang forward and threw my arms around his neck. Held him tight when he wrapped me up and drew me closer.

  It was a beautiful night. Clear and cold. Perfect. “No more ands. Or ifs. Or buts,” I said to his neck. “No more.”

  His answered was muffled against my hair. “You have no clue how glad I am to hear it.”

  I eased back, pleased when he kept his arms around my waist. “You knew I would welcome you back.”

  “I came here hoping. Nothing more.” He kissed my forehead and held on, refusing to let go.

  “You came even after I told you to leave,” I said, resting my cheek against his chest. “You must think I’m a horri
ble person.”

  “I care about you, Nell. You have to see that I’ll always be here, and I’m going to make you happy. When you think I’m being stubborn. Or when you annoy the hell out of me.”

  I almost giggled. “That may happen. Often.” Those tears sprang free when Kai lifted my hands to his mouth, placing a tender kiss on each knuckle. “I’m lucky to be loved by someone as kind as you.” Those damn tears clogged my throat and streaked my cheeks on their way down.

  “Love. You finally said it.” Kai waited a beat. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted you to just be honest? It was a constant battle.”

  “You wanted it badly, I know,” I said with a rush. “And I’m sorry. Pretty far from your dream woman, huh?”

  “Haven’t you heard? Reality is much better than a dream.”

  I buried my sarcasm in his chest and drew his scent into my lungs. “So you say.”

  “Did you think if I learned about the real you, it would change how I feel?” His response was something like a chuckle, rumbling deep in his chest and sending shimmering vibrations through me. “I see you: your worth, your kindness, the secrets you keep.”

  “I don’t know, Kai. I spent so long determined not to fall for someone that I didn’t stop to think about what would happen if I actually did.” I rubbed my nose on his shirt. “It scared the shit out of me.”

  “Let me tell you one thing. Nothing will ever change between us. I want you to know that I love you for you. For who we can be together.”

  The power of his statement was incredible. Huge, staggering for a woman who prided herself on being alone. For staying strong. I’d had no clue my idea of strong was so lonely. To be honest, I’d been miserable for a long time. It had started long before Peter—this feeling of my life passing me by, of being discontented, pent-up, stagnant. I’d blamed it on my mother and my bad relationships.

  Did I have the courage to accept that the blame was really mine?

  “I’ll let you know now. I may forget to tell you how I feel. I may take you for granted from time to time. But know how much I appreciate you, and how lucky I am that you came back for me and forced me to take a good look at my future. I want to be with you, Kai. I want us. And…ugh, I’m such a sap.”