The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run

by Holly Hood

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah right, are you nuts?”

  “It won’t be anything too crazy,” he said. “And same goes for you. If you get a strike I will do anything you want me to.”

  What were they in high school? She shrugged. He took it as a yes standing up ready to get the game going.

  Elle watched Hart approach the lane. He gripped the ball taking off at a slow pace. The ball hit the floor and seconds later the crash of the pins sent him into a victory dance as he made his way back to her.

  She shook her head at him as he took the spot next to her. “It’s your turn. And since I got a strike I want you to throw the ball with your eyes closed.”

  She scoffed but stood up. “Really? That’s the request?” She grabbed a pretty pink ball and headed for the pins. It wasn’t like he could see if her eyes were shut or not from where she stood.

  Suddenly he was behind her. She struggled to hold onto her ball as Hart’s hand went over her eyes. He wasn’t joking, he was going to have it his way no matter what she wanted.

  “I probably didn’t have a chance anyways,” she said letting him lead her toward the lane.

  “Shut up and bowl,” he said. “Nobody likes a sore loser.” He teased her.

  The ball dropped with a hard thud.

  “Oh no, I guess it paid off. Remind me not to be so cocky next time,” Hart said. He laughed at himself for looking like a fool now.

  “I think that was my first strike ever,” Elle said with a smile. She stared at the score board.

  Hart stood beside her. “So what will it be?” He hoped she was having a good time. So far he hadn’t seen much of a smile or anything on her face.

  “I don’t know.” She looked up at him trying to think of something to make him as uncomfortable as she felt at the moment. “I want to know the real reason you failed at rehab.”

  Hart’s eyes darted away from her.

  Elle smiled. “Remember this game was your idea.”

  He picked up his bowling ball. “I just never imagined this was your sense of fun.”

  “I figure going for the jugular might make me feel less uncomfortable,” she said, not afraid to admit it.

  Hart threw the ball gaining another strike. He returned to the seat next to Elle without a victory dance like the time before.

  “If it will make you more comfortable then I’ll tell you.” He sat back. “I guess I came back for many reasons.”

  Elle was glued to his every move. He had never opened up before. Not even in rehab.

  “Boredom, bad relationships, guilt, you name it.” He shrugged. “Too much partying, too much confidence. There was always something worth taking that trip.”

  Elle crossed her arms. “That’s not much of an answer.”

  Hart gave her a dirty look. “Those are my reasons and you’re saying they aren’t good enough?”

  “Why did you come back the last time?” She stared at him watching how uncomfortable in his own skin he seemed to be all of a sudden.

  He sighed. “Too much partying. I was bored and had nothing better to do with my time. I partied, did a bunch of stupid shit and found myself back in rehab.”

  Elle couldn’t imagine going through rehab more than the one time she had. It was tough enough the first time. She had never been the kind of person to open up to strangers. And being forced to do so didn’t ever sit well with her. She never got used to it. And she found she never completely opened up either.

  “I went back a couple months after you finished,” Hart admitted.

  Elle admittedly was a bit surprised to hear that. “You seem so together. So strong, like you know what you’re doing.”

  “So how about we finish up this game and grab a bite to eat,” Hart said. He stood up handing over her bowling ball. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about himself.

  Elle grabbed the bowling ball. Before she attempted another strike she shot Hart a look over her shoulder. There he stood, tall, looming, handsome even. His eyes on her and only her, she found herself smiling. She swung and let go of the ball, the ball quickly crashed into the pins and as she waited she held her breath as the last pin struggled to stay upright.

  “Yes,” she squealed, clapping her hands in triumph. Two in a row was not bad at all. She spun around, a big smirk on her face. “You’re in trouble.”

  Hart shook his head refusing to believe she was any threat to his chance of winning.

  “Okay. What’s the next thing you want me to do?” Hart asked.

  “Tell me what it was like growing up with your family?” Everyone had a story. And she was sure his would prove interesting. There had to be a reason he was where he was in life.

  Hart took a seat. He started untying his shoes.

  “What are you doing?” Elle asked, she was shocked he was bailing. She was supposed to be the one doing that not him.

  “I wanted this to be fun. I didn’t think you were going to want to analyze my entire existence,” he said. He dropped the shoe and started on the other one.

  “Are you serious?” Elle said.

  Hart’s expression proved he wasn’t kidding. “I don’t like this. I don’t like talking about my life.”

  Elle took a seat. “Fine.” She took her shoes off and quickly put on her own shoes. She stood up throwing on her jacket.

  Hart slipped into his own jacket. “If you’re so screwed up and not wanting another friend why are you digging?”

  “Because that’s what I do. I ask questions, I try to find similarities in my life with others so I don’t feel so awful all the time ok?” She shook her head angered by him.

  Hart caught up with her just as she slammed her bowling shoes on the counter and was heading for the door.

  “Wait a minute,” he said.

  She buttoned the top of her jacket trying to keep the cold out. “What?”

  “Give me another chance.” He pulled his keys from his coat pocket. “Let’s take a ride. I’ll bring you back to get your car.”

  She followed after Hart a bit reluctant and curious.

  “I don’t like to talk about my family,” he said as he opened her door for her. “It’s nothing worth talking about.”

  He shut her door and hurried around the car to his side. She buckled her seat belt and waited patiently for more.

  “I moved out when I was barely a teen” He started his car.

  “Where?” she asked, she couldn’t imagine leaving her parent’s house at that age.

  “All sorts of places. Anything was better. I was fifteen when I realized I was better off by myself,” he said. He ran a hand down the back of his neck. “And that’s when everything went from shitty to even worse.”

  Elle swallowed. She felt bad having asked anymore. She could only imagine what he went through. She touched his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

  Hart shrugged. “Not your fault.”

  It was all she knew to say. There were never any words to make someone feel better when they had been through so much. She knew this personally.

  “But you’re okay now?” She asked. He looked okay. He looked healthy and full of energy. He seemed in control of his life and anyone with the determination he had to get her to hang out probably wasn’t that bad.

  Hart pulled out of the bowling alley’s parking lot. They made it to the first light before he answered another one of her questions.

  “I can say that right now I feel okay,” he said, he concentrated on the road. “And my advice to you is don’t focus on getting better. Just worry about not screwing up.”

  Elle looked out her window. The trees flew past at a high rate of speed blurring into unrecognizable shapes. “I already did. I screwed up so bad it doesn’t matter if I get better.”

  Hart shot her a disturbed look. “Are you going to blame yourself for the rest of your life for one bad thing you did?” He came to a stop staring up at the light. “We all screw up. What you need to do is stop letting everyone ar
ound you treat you like your screw up is worse than anything they’ve ever done. Or that you’re a bad person, because I don’t think you believe that you are.”

  Elle could feel the tears brewing underneath the surface. His words tugged at her insides making her feel something she wasn’t used to feeling. “No one has ever said that to me.”

  “Why would they? The world is using you as their scapegoat. If they can always tell you how bad you are they don’t have to worry about themselves.” Hart pulled into one of the local diners in town. He put the car into park and undid his seatbelt.

  “It’s not that simple, I really screwed a lot of lives up, in some ways they aren’t wrong for acting the way they do,” Elle said.

  Hart shook his head. “You are going to make more mistakes in your life. What, are you going to compare them all to this one and let all the rest go?”

  Elle sighed. “Why do you care so much?” He was always trying to figure things out, but if he was so screwed up himself why did he bother?

  “Because I know how it feels to have nobody in my corner, nobody to give a shit about me. You’re too nice of a girl to feel abandoned. Now let’s eat, leave all the emotional baggage in my car please,” he said climbing out of the car.

  Elle was blown away by Hart.

  Chapter 17

  Elle twisted a bit of her hair between her fingers. It was something she had done since she was a little girl whenever she was nervous.

  She poked at the sundae that sat between her and Hart in the middle of the table. She had refused to order her own and so they shared. But she hadn’t taken a single bite. She watched Hart scoop melting vanilla ice cream and caramel on his spoon and to his mouth.

  “Don’t tell me your one of those girls that counts calories,” Hart said.

  “No, I don’t count calories,” she said with an eye roll. She took a spoonful of ice cream for herself. “Now do you believe me?

  “So you really never bowl?” Hart asked changing the subject.

  Elle looked down at her phone; there were several missed calls from Pauly. And it was already past midnight.

  “Not since I was a teenager,” she admitted. “It was fun.” She pocketed her phone, refusing to deal with Pauly.

  “Do you have a curfew?” Hart asked her, referring to her phone.

  They held each other’s gaze. She always wanted to win with him. Because he was playful and when he spoke to her it was as if he enjoyed it.

  “Maybe not a curfew but a boyfriend,” she informed him. As if he didn’t already know.

  Hart fought back the smirk but failed. It was a telling kind.

  “You’re awful,” she told him. She shook her head and took another bite of ice cream. “I’m beginning to believe you’re a trouble maker.”

  Hart feigned innocence. “I just don’t know what you see in him.”

  “And rude, you’re really rude.” She pointed her spoon at him, scolding him playfully. “I’ll have you know I have known him since elementary school.” As if that made it any better.

  “Is that a good thing?” Hart surveyed his hand for ice cream or caramel. He balled his napkin and toyed with the paper between his fingers.

  “It’s comfortable. It’s something I’ve always known,” she pushed away the dessert.

  Admitting such a thing seemed pitiful.

  “What about you?” She said recovering. She hated when she started to doubt herself because it pushed her back into sadness. “Have you ever been in love?”

  Hart’s fingers stopped toying with the napkin. He raised an eyebrow, the idea she was asking him about love was a bit out of the norm for her. “It’s just a feeling like everything else.”

  Elle’s phone vibrated. She hit ignore and leaned in. “Of course it’s a feeling. One of the best ones they say.” Than how come she had never felt it she wondered.

  Yes she loved Pauly, but it wasn’t that heart stopping love like in the movies. But like many girls she knew and grew up with it didn’t matter. They all were destined to go down the same road as their parent’s. They were going to marry the first boy from high school they felt feelings for. The boy that grew up in the same town, it was all anyone around her ever did. And it made sense, it was safe. It kept things easy and simple.

  “I have to disagree.” Hart shook his head. “The best feelings are moments. That moment when you see her, you know you’re dying to kiss her, when you’re so fixated on her mouth you just want to grab her, to feel it against yours.”

  Elle swallowed. Her heart thudded in her chest reminding her just how uncomfortable she had become sitting there with Hart. She didn’t know what to say.

  “The first time you touch her it’s better than love.” He leaned back in the booth. “Sorry, you asked. I was just being honest.”

  “Maybe it’s so great because that’s what love is. Intense feelings.” She looked away feeling a bit bashful. “Maybe there’s only one person that makes you feel that way when you touch them because you’re in love with them. Maybe that’s how you know you’re in love.”

  She wasn’t sure if Hart believed her theory.

  “If love was so real people wouldn’t treat each other the way that they do,” he told her. His attention left her as soon as the diner door opened and the bell sounded. “Isn’t that your boyfriend?”

  Elle twisted around in the booth. There Pauly was along with Monty, his best friend. And she knew they weren’t there for the peach cobbler. They were there because she avoided his phone calls.

  She hurried out of the booth.

  “This is why you’re not answering your phone?” Pauly asked.

  She was face to face with him now and unsure what to say. “How did you know where I was?” Was there a tracking device on her phone or something?

  Pauly drew in a breath his jaw tightening as he stared her down. “That’s what you want to ask me?”

  She flinched. Never had she seen him so angry. Sure he was angry before in all the years that she knew him, but this was different. Suddenly Hart was standing next to her.

  “Let’s take it easy. I asked her to come hang out. Actually I pretty much forced her to hang out. I just thought she needed to relax and have a good time.”

  She knew he was trying to help the situation, but it was obvious he was doing no such thing.

  “Is this what you do?” Pauly asked Hart, he stared up at him. Hart had a few inches on him. “You run around town picking up other guys girlfriends?”

  Monty cut into the conversation cutting Pauly off. “Who is this tool?”

  Elle raised an eyebrow, angry with Monty for taking Pauly’s side and not trying to help her get out of the situation before it got worse.

  “He’s a friend,” she told him, she stepped in between the two of them. “Pauly I’ll call you when I get home if you want to talk about this.”

  Monty scoffed. “She’s on a date with another guy. What’s there to talk about?”

  Pauly pulled her close looking into her eyes, pushing her hair from her shoulders. “Are you drinking?”

  She pulled away. “No, I’m not drinking. Why would you even ask me that?”

  “Why else would you be running around with this guy from rehab?” he asked.

  “What does that mean?” She crossed her arms glaring at him.

  “This is not you. You don’t talk to those people anymore,” He eyed Hart who was still standing behind them taking the whole situation in.

  “Those people, I am those people. Are you forgetting I was in the same place that he was?” She could feel herself coming undone. She turned away from Pauly, twisting out of his attempts to grab a hold of her and she headed outside for some air.

  Hart came outside before Pauly. “If you want to go home with him just say so and I’ll leave. But I’m not going to leave you here if you don’t want to be here with him.” He took a seat on the curb.

  “I don’t know what I want. I know I want to get as far away from him as possible,” she admitte
d, starting to sob.

  That’s all it took to bring Hart to his feet. He wrapped a comforting arm around her. “Don’t let him upset you. He’s not worth it at all, I promise you that,” he said walking through the parking lot with her.

  “Where you going, Elle?” Pauly said coming out of the diner as soon as he saw that she was leaving and not staying to deal with him. “You’re not leaving with this guy are you?”

  Hart opened her door for her. “She wants to be left alone right now. I’ll make sure she gets home.”

  “Oh, this is funny. The addict wants to tell me what my girlfriend is going to do,” Pauly said moving toward Hart.

  Hart slammed the car door and moved around to his side ignoring Pauly and his attempts at getting under his skin.

  “You’re not worth the argument my friend. You take it easy now,” Hart told him, shaking his head in amusement.

  “What, are you going to hit me? Are you better with your fist than your words?” Pauly egged him on, doing his best to get Hart to throw the first punch.

  “Maybe a year ago I wouldn’t have hesitated to beat the shit out of you, but not now. You might want to catch me when I’m on a drinking binge, or a drug binge.” Hart watched him closely.

  “She doesn’t need drama in her life,” Pauly said. “She’s been through enough.”

  “That’s why I’m taking her home,” he said, sliding in the front seat.

  Elle lifted her head from her hands as soon as Hart was safely in the car. “Thank you for dealing with him.”

  Chapter 18

  Dinner was over and she was glad. Elle followed Pauly inside and shut the door behind her. She pulled off her jacket and put it on the hook by the door. The same spot she always hung it when she was at his parent’s house.

  Pauly unlocked the door to the basement. It was his own private apartment and he was just fine with that. Elle lived with her parents she wasn’t one to judge, but she also realized there was a difference. She took up one room of the house, while Pauly inhabited an entire apartment built just for him in their basement.

  She sat down on the sofa taking off her shoes. Wednesday nights were dinner and movie nights for them. And afterwards they came back to his place. She always stayed the night on Wednesday and went from Pauly’s straight to school. It was ritual—a very old ritual that had lasted for years.