The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run

by Holly Hood

  Pauly came back into the living room with a beer in hand, he took the spot next to Elle. “Dinner was good.”

  Elle agreed. He came in for a kiss, the smell of beer on his breath as he kissed her.

  She pulled away going for the remote. Anything to steal a moment of air not filled with the smell of alcohol.

  “I know it’s probably not the best thing to bring up right now,” Pauly said. He settled into the cushions, throwing an arm around Elle. “But what were you thinking?”

  Elle gave him a disturbed look. “Your right this isn’t what I wanted to talk about. I thought we were past what happened a couple days ago.” Her night out with Hart had cost her several hours of arguing back and forth with Pauly, another thing for him to hold over her head.

  “You never answered my question.” Pauly took the remote turning on football. “Why haven’t you ever mentioned this guy before?”

  Elle sighed. There were a lot of things she didn’t mention when it came to rehab. There was a lot she didn’t say about so much going on inside her head and in her day to day life to Pauly. He just didn’t understand.

  “Because there was nothing to tell, and because what happens in rehab isn’t worth talking about,” she told him.

  He sat his beer down on one of his fancy coasters and directed all of his attention to her. He knew this wasn’t the case. If it meant nothing she wouldn’t have suddenly shut down her feelings toward him.

  But he wanted to look past that and get to what they did best. He undid the buttons on her shirt slipping his hand past the sheer material to her tank top. And he kissed her collarbone. “If you don’t want to talk about it we can do something else.”

  Elle closed her eyes as Pauly’s mauling continued. She didn’t have to help him out of his clothes he always did it himself. And he always left his socks on which really grated on her nerves. It made her feel like she wasn’t worth the full commitment.

  They had sex like clockwork. And it hardly ever was different. Her head hit the pillow and she turned away from his lips. She just wasn’t in the mood to kiss him tonight. She had said talking about rehab wasn’t worth it. But talking about other things was and she knew it.

  She grabbed Pauly by the hand as he started pulling her jeans off. “I think we need to talk.”

  He ignored her and slid them down. He always ignored her. He always acted like what she wanted to say was futile. “We can talk later. Right now I want to be inside you.”

  This grossed her out. “Pauly, I’m serious. I want to talk now.” She pressed her palm into his chest, his racing heart and erection was ready for the next step but she wasn’t. And she didn’t think she would be ever again.

  “I can’t do this anymore.” She looked away. He brought his hands to the top of his head, cursing all that was holy. “And I don’t want to make up excuses as to why. I just don’t want to do this anymore.”

  Pauly grabbed his designer jeans from the sofa and hopped back into them ignoring his boxers. “It’s that douche bag. The one you don’t want to talk about. Did you fuck him?”

  She shook her head in disbelief. “It has nothing to do with Hart. It has to do with us. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t think I’m what you need.”

  “What I need?” Pauly shook his head, she was being unbelievable. “What I need is for you to stop acting like such a screw up.” He immediately regretted his words even though they felt good coming out.

  She carved a hand through her hair and looked away from him. It hurt, and she wasn’t sure why. She felt Pauly thought she was a screw up for some time now. Why this seemed harsh she didn’t know, maybe because he finally said it.

  She didn’t waste any time collecting her things. She slipped on her shoes, collected her purse and stopped in the doorway before climbing the stairs.

  “Elle, I shouldn’t have said that.” She walks right over to him and presses the necklace into his chest. He covered her hand with his trying to keep her there. “I’m an idiot.”

  She pulled away. The only idiot in the room was her. “Don’t worry about it. We both knew sooner or later this was going to happen.”

  “I want you to keep this. It was a gift.” He offered back the necklace.

  She waved a hand refusing to take it back. She didn’t want it. “It was your grandmother’s give it to a nice girl who deserves it. I don’t deserve it.”

  And she left. Pauly dropped down onto his couch totally dumbfounded that he had been dumped. A little part of him felt relieved not to have to deal with Elle and all her baggage as much as he loved her he hated having to defend her after what she did. So he didn’t bother chasing after her.

  He lifted his beer from the table taking a long swig. For once he didn’t have to feel guilty for drinking.

  Chapter 19

  Hart pulled up to the white house with the white picket fence. He stared at the red and white balloons fluttering from one of those decked out birthday signs planted in the front yard.

  He opened up the back door of his car and pulled out the gift he had picked out. He hadn’t a clue what to get so he hoped it went over well. As he approached the driveway he spotted the bounce house in the backyard it was full of kids and looked like it was ready to burst any minute.

  Just when he was about to turn around and go home his friend spotted him. Jesse patted the guy he was talking to on the shoulder and excused himself.

  “Holy shit. I never thought you would show yourself,” Jesse said. He placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder and looked him over. It had been some time since they met up.

  Hart shrugged. “It wasn’t like I had anything else to do.” He handed over the horribly wrapped gift. “I’m not sure what three year old girls like but I did my best. I picked out the most obnoxious doll with the ugliest dress I could find. And they aren’t cheap.”

  Jesse smirked staring at the gift in his hand. “Look at you. Hart Allen gives a shit about something, nice to see you not in trouble for once.”

  Hart raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t long ago that Jesse and him were both crashing on couches heading for another stint in rehab or the morgue. Jesse just decided to clean up his act and stay that way. Something clicked with him finally and that’s all anyone could hope for.

  Jesse found a job and met a girl. They had a baby and he decided that there were more important things in his life than getting high or drunk. It happened.

  He followed Jesse through the congested back yard of running kids and chattering adults. Jesse scooped up one of the little girls playing in the sand box and brought her over.

  “Isabella, say hello to Hart.” Isabella gave Hart a shy smile before squirming out of her dad’s clutches.

  Hart watched her hop and twirl away in her frilly tutu and plunge herself back into the sand, her golden hair fluttering around her head. She was a cute kid he had to admit but he could never imagine Jesse as a dad. “She looks like her mother thank god.”

  Jesse scratched the back of his neck. “No shit. So how have things been?”

  Before Hart could offer up an answer Jesse’s fiancé found them and came over. She was a tall brunette he met at a diner. She came from a wealthy family and for some reason they all just fell right in love with Jesse even with his past.

  “Nice to see you, Hart,” Angie said. She clutched her red solo cup watching the mayhem as she talked to him. “Jesse and I thought you left town.”

  Hart shook his head. “The usual. But I’m back so I figured I’d show my face for once.”

  Angie nodded and quickly changed the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”

  Hart raised an eyebrow shooting an uneasy look in Jesse direction. He hated being set up.

  “Hon, we haven’t even asked him how he’s doing,” Jesse said. “How you doing, asshole?”

  “I’m good I assure you.” Hart sighed looking at Angie. “And no I am not seeing anyone.”

  She looped an arm through his and guided his attention to the other end of the yar
d.

  “Do you see the blonde with the red dress on?”

  He nodded. Of course he saw her she was cackling and blinding him with all the bracelets and earrings hanging from her body. Not his type. “Her name is Gia and we’ve been friends since college.”

  “Nice.”

  “Maybe you say hello when we cut the cake?” Angie said giving him a nudge. “What would it hurt?”

  Hart forced a smile. “I’m sure nothing.” That was enough to make her leave him alone.

  “She tries dude. She is always asking me how you’re doing. I think she’s afraid you’re going to wind up behind bars or something again,” Jesse told him taking a swig of his punch. “So what changed? What brought you all the way across town to a kid’s birthday party?”

  “Just trying to stay out of trouble and to see an old friend,” he said. And it was the truth. Usually after a few months he would be on his way back to rehab, but for some reason this time he hated the idea of going back again.

  Jesse and Hart were friends since he was just a kid. He knew all about Hart and what made him tick. He knew about his past, his childhood and all the reasons he failed when it came to staying clean. And at that moment he needed someone who knew him. He didn’t have anybody else.

  He watched Angie set up the presents for little Isabella to open. Hart wished he had something normal like a family or a good job or just someone he could trust.

  “Well you look good keep it up,” Jesse said. “I have to help with the presents before Angie is pissed. Why not mingle with the blonde?” Jesse shrugged, smirking. He knew as well as Hart the obnoxious blonde wasn’t Hart’s type. He hated loud girls.

  Hart sat back and watched the festivities. He considered talking to the blonde. What would it hurt? Maybe for a few hours he could have a good time and take his mind off how much of a waste he felt at the moment. He took a deep breath and started moving toward her. She let out another cackle slapping her friend on the arm. He already regretted his decision and he hadn’t even made it over. And just before he did his phone rang and stopped him in his tracks.

  “Hello?” He was a bit shocked that she was calling him.

  “I almost went to the bar but I decided to call you instead.” She laughed and he was at a loss for words.

  “Look at you following the rules,” he said. “What would make you want to do that?”

  ***

  Elle dropped her head back onto her bedroom pillows staring up at the ceiling phone in hand. Talking to Hart on the phone in her childhood bedroom reminded her of when she was a kid talking to her first crush.

  “Because I can’t deal with change.” She told him. “And things are changing.” She was referring to Pauly. Their relationship was now officially over and she didn’t know how to feel about it. But the fact alcohol was the first thought in her mind scared her so she called Hart.

  There was a lot of laughter in the background. She was beginning to feel stupid for calling him. He sounded busy.

  “Did I call at a bad time?”

  “You called at a perfect time. I was about to do something stupid myself.” He looked at the blonde in front of him glad he dodged that bullet. “So what happened?”

  Elle sighed into the phone. “I broke up with my boyfriend. I spent my entire life it feels like dating him and I just ended it. I couldn’t take it anymore. He did nothing but make me feel worse every day. So I ended it.”

  “About fucking time,” Hart blurted. He hated that asshat. “You can do better.”

  There was a pause. “Thanks, Hart. And thanks for talking to me.”

  “No problem,” he said.

  She bit at her lip not sure what to say next. “Well thanks for listening I think I feel better. Maybe I’ll hit up an AA meeting or something later.”

  He turned around, finding a quiet patch of land in the backyard. “How about we meet up? AA meetings are for quitters.”

  She smiled into the phone. “And do what?”

  “Complain about life. Eat another sundae. Whatever you want, I don’t fucking care.” He just wanted someone to talk to before he went off the deep end and did the one thing he didn’t want to do.

  “Maybe see a movie or you can teach me to sound as cool as you when I say fuck,” she teased.

  Hart smirked. “I highly doubt you’ll ever be this cool but I’ll give it my best shot if you want.”

  “Okay, so what time should I be ready?”

  He looked down at his watch. “Give me an hour.”

  “Sounds good. See you in a little bit.”

  Chapter 20

  Elle loaded the last dish in the dishwasher closing it up and locking it. She dried her hands on the hand towel and caught a glimpse of herself in the toaster. Hart was coming soon to pick her up and she was in a hurry to help her parent’s out so she could take off without a bunch of questions.

  She took the seat at the island in their kitchen and started rifling through a fashion magazine. Her mother was busy with one of her floral arrangements and her dad was at the dining room table going over bills of some sort.

  “Do you have plans?” her mother asked after the fifth glimpse in her toaster.

  Elle nodded. “A friend of mine was coming by to take me out for a bit. It’s nothing big.”

  Her dad’s head shot up. “What’s this I hear you and Pauly are on a break?”

  She pushed her hair behind her ear. “It’s not a break. We broke up…for good.”

  Her mother put down her scissors and looked at her speechless.

  “And you’re already running around with someone else?” Her dad never worried about his harshness. He was an honest man to all involved. And sometimes Elle hated that about him.

  “I’ve known Hart for a while. He’s a friend.” She shrugged dropping down from the stool. She crossed the room and opened the refrigerator taking out a bottled water. “If it’s any consolation Dad I feel better now that Pauly and I ended things.”

  It wasn’t. Her dad’s eyebrows met in the middle like they always did when he didn’t agree. “When I was your age I was working on my first kid and married to your mother. I had a house, I was almost done with college and I was on my way to my next degree.”

  Her mom sighed. “She’s got plenty of time to make decisions about her future love life. Let the girl breathe. She was tied down to that boy for much too long. And frankly I don’t like the way he treated her.”

  Her dad lifted a bill and looked it over before he said anything. “This Hart, isn’t he the one from rehab?”

  Her mother nodded.

  “The one with a drug problem who never had a single visitor?” Her dad pointed out. “This is the kind of guy you want to involve yourself with?”

  Elle squeezed her water bottle. She hated how awful he made her feel. “This is the kind of thing Pauly always did to me. He made me feel bad for where I’ve been.” She hit the pedal on the trash can opening the lid and chucked the water bottle in the trash.

  “I’m not attacking you. I just don’t think I would be a good parent if I was okay with you running around with some drug addict.”

  Hart knocked on the door silencing her dad. Her mom opened the door and welcomed him in. She looked him over a small smile on her face, but Elle could see just how nervous she was.

  “I’m Nicole, Elle’s mother,” she said introducing herself. She hurried around the island going back to her flowers. She knew how her husband felt about the boy she wasn’t going to waste her time trying to get to know him.

  Elle noticed Hart look over at her dad. “Let me just grab my purse.” She headed out of the room leaving Hart alone with her parent’s. She was too upset to think about how awkward he might feel.

  Hart cleared his throat searching the room for something to mention. He settled on the golf clubs in the corner. “I hear they are opening up a new golf course next year not too far from here.”

  Her dad stopped writing long enough to lay eyes on him. He could tell he wasn’t imp
ressed. He could also tell the man did not want to talk to him about anything. He dropped back in the chair. “Those are my son’s. I hate the sport.”

  Hart carved a hand through his hair shifting uncomfortably where he was. He wished Elle would hurry back because he was starting to feel really awkward.

  Elle came back in the room with a little black purse in her hand. “I’ll be back later don’t wait up. I’ll be out making bad decisions.”

  Hart nodded politely at them before making a break for it. He released a breath once he was on the porch. “Fuck me. Talk about uncomfortable. Your father hates me.”

  Elle opened up the door to Hart’s truck. “He doesn’t hate you. He hates what I’ve done with my life.”

  Hart watched her buckle up and started the engine.

  Chapter 21

  “A bar?” Elle asked, staring at the brick establishment. She had never seen it before.

  “A sober lounge,” Hart explained. “I know the guy who owns the place.”

  She bit at her lip. What recovering addict wanted to come anywhere near a bar? She knew she was being stupid, she went in bars all the time. But she was still questioning it. But she got out anyways.

  “So how do you know the guy?” she asked Hart.

  Hart opened the door of the sober lounge and let her go in first. “We’ve been friends for a long time. He also had some demons. He got over his and opened up this place for people like us.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Like us?”

  Hart nodded. “People who still want to enjoy life just without being thrown into another rehab.”

  She was plunged into music and laughter. She hoped it wasn’t a mistake.

  Hart sensed her apprehension so he put an arm around her and lead her to the counter in the center. Jesse was there waiting.