The Struggle

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  she loved me in return yesterday. That had not gotten past me unnoticed. Her steps slowed as she entered the hallway and stared at Basil. She seemed to hesitate, obviously unsure of how to handle him.

  I joined her. “We’re going to take a quick tour of the house.”

  Basil nodded. “Your other guests are currently in the kitchen, Kýrios. I explained that we have staff more than willing to make them breakfast, but they insisted on doing so themselves.”

  “That’s fine. They can have free run of the place.”

  He nodded. “Additional clothing for the kyría should be arriving by this afternoon.”

  “Perfect.” I grinned down at Josie.

  She was staring at Basil with wide eyes even as the half bowed and walked off. She turned to me. “That is so weird. Like, really weird. I mean, it’s like having a butler. He’s like always there, just waiting to do stuff for you.”

  “He has to be bored out of his mind. I don’t really have him do much. Same goes for any of the staff here. Using them as servants doesn’t . . . sit well with me even though they seem to want to be here.”

  Her head cocked to the side, causing her long hair to tumble over her shoulder. “But you grew up with servants, didn’t you?”

  I nodded. “This entire house used to be filled with them.” I had to touch her, so I placed my hand on her lower back, urging her to take a step forward. “This is the third floor. There are only a few bedrooms up here,” I explained, ushering her down the hall. “If you go in the other direction you can go out on the balconies. They circle the entire home.”

  “Wow.” Her gaze darted over the closed doors that used to lead to my bedroom and to my mother’s. “Does anyone use these rooms?”

  “No. They are closed off.” Steering her away from those rooms, I led her down the wide hall, toward the spiral staircase that emptied into the atrium on the first floor. “The second floor is mostly guest bedrooms. There’s also a living room that no one used when I was younger and I’m assuming no one uses now.”

  Josie’s gaze was bouncing all over the place as we descended the stairs, bypassing the second floor. She was fascinated with the statues and paintings of the gods. By the time we reached the main level, she appeared thunderstruck. “Okay. Why in the world would you guys need a house this big? I mean, it was just you and your mom, right?”

  “People who have money like to show off the fact they have money.” I led her toward the back of the house, passing several white-clothed staff who’d paused to bow deeply, causing Josie’s face to flush. “My mother would have a lot of parties and the . . . guests would stay for several weeks, months even. That’s the library to your right. Main living room is to your right beyond that. A theater room connects off of it.”

  “A theater room?” she mumbled, shaking her head as we neared the hallway that led to the kitchen and the scent of frying bacon. “When you say ‘guests,’ you say it like they weren’t really guests.”

  I shrugged as we crossed into the sunroom. “They were mostly other pures and . . . lovers.” A wry grin appeared. “Mother got around.”

  Her stare sharpened as she trailed her fingertips over the wide leaf of one of the many potted plants situated among the comfy, oversized chairs and chaise lounges. “So your mom had a lot of lovers?”

  Nodding, I stepped in front of her and opened the door that led out to the shaded patio. “This way leads to the courtyard. Would you like to see it?”

  “Yes.” She followed me out into the balmy breeze. “Your father was one of her lovers.”

  “That’s how I was made.”

  Her eyes rolled. “Well, duh.” She glanced up at the churning ceiling fans. “Did you father stay here?”

  Wondering how we got on the topic of my parents. I didn’t respond as I stepped off the patio and into the bright sunlight. I headed down the marble pathway, making my way into the middle of the courtyard.

  “Seth?”

  Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that Josie had stopped beside one of the many stone benches. “My father was a half.”

  “I know that.” She touched a pink flower. “But did you know him?”

  I turned and walked back to where she stood. Talking about my parents was the last thing I wanted, but if that was what Josie wanted to talk about, that was what I would do. Part of me figured she was focusing on it so she wasn’t thinking about what she had just gone through.

  “My father wasn’t a Sentinel or Guard. He was a servant here.” Taking her hand, I threaded my fingers through hers. “He worked outside, on the grounds. He was never on the elixir. But even if he had been, I doubt it would’ve stopped her.” Disgust filled me. “She didn’t care if someone was of sound mind, but I think she liked the halfs better when they weren’t highly medicated. Messing with them . . . was more fun that way.”

  Her gaze dropped to our joined hands and lingered. “That . . . sounds terrible.”

  “She was pretty terrible.”

  Her shoulders rose with a deep breath and she lifted her gaze to mine. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  Truth was, I’d never honestly answered that question a day in my life. I’d told Alex once that I hadn’t met my father and didn’t know his name. That had been a lie, and looking back I didn’t even know why I had lied about it. Then again, I lied about a lot of things back then. “I used to sit in my bedroom and watch him tend the flowers in the garden every afternoon, after lunch. From there he’d disappear out further on the grounds and I wouldn’t see him again until the next day. I didn’t know he was my father at that point, but maybe on some kind of weird biological level, I did, and that’s why I watched him.”

  “Maybe,” she said, her gaze searching mine.

  “I didn’t look like him. He was dark-haired and fair-skinned. I take after my mother.”

  “She must’ve been beautiful.”

  “She was.” Lifting Josie’s hand, I kissed the tip of her pinky and was pleased when the blue of her eyes deepened. “Most halfs were brought before the Council at a very young age to determine if they would train to be Sentinels or Guards or go into servitude. Not me. Everyone already knew what I would be.”

  “Of course,” she murmured.

  I grinned. “All the previous Apollyons’ eyes turned amber after they awakened. But I was born with them, so we always knew I was the Apollyon. I’d known that my father was a half long before it became common knowledge that was how an Apollyon could be made.” Which was another thing I had withheld from Alex. “I knew for a long time.”

  She stepped closer, her bare feet brushing mine. “How did you find out?”

  “He told me.”

  Her eyes widened with surprise. “Seriously?”

  “I was eleven. My mother had just dragged me out of my bedroom and paraded me through one of her many parties. She was very proud that her bastard son was the Apollyon, so that was quite regular. I was showed off, oohed and awed over, and then sent back to my room. That night was different, though.”

  Josie’s brows knitted. “Why?”

  Shifting, I lowered our hands so they hung between us. “I hadn’t gone straight to my bedroom like I normally did. I’d gone outside into this courtyard. I don’t even know why. Maybe it was fate.” Lifting my gaze to the towering house, I could see the bedroom window I spent the bulk of my time looking out of. “I’d sat on one of these benches, feeling quite miserable and most likely daydreaming about smashing all her precious statues inside when the man I often watched from the window approached me. I wasn’t particularly pleasant with him, but he didn’t seem to mind. He sat beside me, and he told me his name was Kristos.”

  Josie was quiet as she stared up at me.

  Something occurred to me and then I chuckled. “Gods. You know what his name means in Greek? The anointed. Fucking fate. Anyway, he told me the truth—that he was my father. I didn’t want to believe him at first. I liked the idea of my father being this . . . badass Sentinel and not this gardene
r. I know that’s wrong, but I was an ass as a kid.”

  “Do tell,” she murmured.

  My lips quirked. “I said some . . . pretty horrible things, because I was, well, like I said, an ass, and he didn’t seem to hold it against me. He’d been patient, even understanding of my attitude. I guess he’d known how things were in the house. He told me that he was proud of what I would become.” I laughed, and it sounded harsh to my own ears. “But he didn’t want that kind of life for his son.”

  “Wow.” Her eyes were wide. “What else happened?”

  “Well he left, and unbeknownst to us, we’d been spied upon. Mother had eyes and ears everywhere. She was none too pleased about all of it. She sent me to the Covenant in Britain the next day. I never saw him again.”

  Josie slowly shook her head. “Do you know if he’s still around here? If—”

  “He’s dead. Died protecting my heartless bitch of a mother. How cruel is that?”

  “Oh my God,” she whispered, squeezing my hand. “Seth—”

  “Come.” I tugged on her hand, cutting her off as I looked away from the growing pity in her beautiful blue eyes. “There’s something I want to show you.”

  She hesitated a moment, but then let me lead her through the maze of blooming flowers. She sucked in a soft breath as we neared the edge of the courtyard and saw the sweeping marble archways. Walking out from under them, I knew the moment she saw the temple.

  “Holy moly,” Josie whispered, stopping abruptly.

  The temple was quite a sight, all polished marble columns and smooth stone. Large titanium braziers burned at the entrance of the closed doors. Several priests and priestesses stood outside, their amber-colored clothing billowing in the breeze. They all moved in unison, six of them. Three males and three females dropped to their knees and bowed until their foreheads nearly touched the floor.

  Dropping my hand, Josie stepped forward and then stopped again. “This is your temple?”

  “Yep.”

  “And those are some of your priests and priestesses?”

  “Double yep.”

  Josie lifted her hands wordlessly. Sun glinted off her hair, and I knew she had no idea that she looked like a goddess standing before the temple. Several moments passed. “I don’t even know what to say. Have you gone in there?”

  If she asked to go inside, I would for her, but only for her. “I haven’t. Do you want to?”

  Josie was silent for a moment and then she turned to me. “Not yet.” Walking back to where I stood, she glanced over her shoulder. “It’s just a little too weird for me right now.”

  Relieved, I chuckled. “You and me both.”

  “I’m surprised you’re not reveling in all of this.”

  “I don’t need this—any of this,” I admitted, voice low. Her gaze swung to mine. “I just . . .”

  “What?”

  I stepped into her, crowding her space when I knew I probably shouldn’t, but I was unable to help myself. “I only need you, Josie.”

  Her sharp inhale echoed in my ears.

  Heat invaded my cheeks. Shit. Was I blushing? I cursed under my breath. I wasn’t ashamed to admit what I did. It was the damn truth, but I really didn’t need an audience.

  Aware that the golden guards by the doors were within hearing distance, I took her hand once more and walked her around the temple, out to the cliffs that overlooked the glistening sea. Neither of us spoke for several moments as she took in the view.

  “It’s really beautiful here, Seth.” She gazed out over the ocean, focusing on the white sails off in the distance. “I know this place doesn’t have the best memories for you, but it’s stunning—the house, the island, and even the weird temple.”

  I laughed at the last part. “Yeah. It is beautiful. Even more so now.”

  She glanced up at me and gave a slight smile. “You’re full of charm today.”

  “Just speaking the truth,” I replied. “You getting hungry?”

  She nodded. “I’m always hungry.”

  “Glad to see your appetite is back.”

  “I don’t think anything could permanently affect my appetite.”

  “We can head back. Seems like Alex and Aiden are making breakfast.” The wind was stronger here, tossing her hair across her face. I caught the strands, smoothing them back. “If we make it in time, we can steal their food.”

  Josie’s laugh was hoarse, but it was the most amazing sound to hear. I stared at her a moment and then started to head back but stopped. “Can I . . . can I ask you something?”

  Her hand was still in my other one. “Yeah.”

  My heart started thundering in my chest, and I knew this question could wait. It should wait, but the idea of going another minute or hour not knowing was going to drive me crazy.

  So I took a deep breath and opened myself up in a way I’d never done before. “Do you still love me?”

  Chapter 21

  Josie

  Stark vulnerability churned in Seth’s amber eyes. I couldn’t believe he was asking that kind of question—that he even thought he needed to. A tiny part of me wanted to punch him—punch him with love, of course.

  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wary. Seth had whispered his love to me before and told me everything would be okay, but then he had left. He’d shut me out more than once. None of that had changed the way I felt for him, and maybe that made me a little crazy, but the world I now lived in was insane.

  But I felt so . . . so raw, inside and out.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he said, his gaze searching mine. “And not because I can read your thoughts.”

  “Thank God for that,” I muttered.

  A brief grin appeared and then disappeared. “I’ve let you down.” When I opened my mouth, he raised his hand. “I have, Josie. More than once I’ve . . . I’ve pushed you away. I’ve made the wrong choices. I know I haven’t come even close to being the kind of man you deserve, but I’m going to change that.”

  Oh.

  Oh.

  “You’ll never have to doubt me again,” he said, voice low and determined. “I’d die before that happened again.”

  There was a swelling sensation in my chest like I was an untethered balloon that could lift off the ground and float away. Tears blurred my vision as I drew in a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t be standing here if I didn’t love you, Seth. I wouldn’t have let you sleep in the same bed with me last night if I didn’t,” I said, my breath catching. “There’s a lot I don’t really understand right now, like, for example, the whole ‘you’re a god’ thing. I mean, I get it. You’re a god.” Slipping my hands free, I wiggled my fingers. “Yay! You seem the same—well, you’re more mellow, but I like that, and I love you whether you’re a god or a normal human being. And yeah, there’s a lot we need to still figure out. Like that whole feeding thing, because I am so not okay with you getting all super close with a woman who looks like she could double for Angelina Jolie, and—”

  Seth moved so fast I didn’t even register what he was up to until I felt his lips on mine. I sucked in a startled gasp. It felt like an eternity had passed since the last time he’d kissed me.

  Just the tips of his fingers cradled my cheeks as his mouth gently moved over mine. He appeared fully aware of the split in my bottom lip, and was careful to not injure it further. His kiss was tender and so sweet, bringing a wave of fresh tears to my eyes. My hands went to his chest, and I could feel his heart pounding under my palm. My lips parted, and the kiss deepened, sending my pulse racing as the tip of his tongue touched mine.

  I was immediately lost to him—to the feel of his lips, to the touch of his hands, and to his taste. I was lost and a part of me never wanted to be found.

  He made a raw, hungry sound as his fingers glided down my throat and over my shoulders. “Say it again,” he ordered huskily.

  Dazed with desire, I opened my eyes. I knew what he meant without any further explanation. “I love you, Seth.”

  Seth kissed
me again, and this time if he hadn’t circled his arm around my waist, I probably would’ve fallen right over, because this kiss left me breathless and yearning. If he had tried to tug me down on the sandy grass and strip off my clothes, I probably wouldn’t have stopped him. I would have been tearing at his clothes just as frantically.

  But it was Seth who stopped, lifting his mouth from mine once more. “Sorry,” he said, voice thick and sexy. “I just . . . I just had to kiss you.”

  Leaning in, I rested my head against his chest and sighed. “I’m not complaining.”

  Seth’s deep chuckle sent a warm shiver across my skin. “I hope not.”