by Valia Lind
As the room bathes in sudden brightness, I fight to keep my eyes open against the glare. Quickly, I let my gaze scan my surroundings, looking for any type of an escape route.
We're in a huge room, almost completely empty, but for a large table in the middle. Brendan is to my right, suspended against a large board about three feet off the floor. I glance down at myself, noticing the same position. There's also a metallic strap across my middle, and leather straps halfway on my arms and legs. We aren't going anywhere.
"I see you're finally awake."
What I assume is the leader says, coming to stand in front of me. I've never understood the need to state the obvious in these kinds of situations, but the way my body quivers at his voice makes me rethink that position. I take a deep breath, as much as my prison allows, throwing mental daggers at the monster standing in front of me.
He isn't exactly your Lord of the Rings kind of a monster. For some reason, that's what I've always pictured of their leader, something out a fantasy book. The ones we've fought were crude, uneven mess of limbs and skin, but he's not like that. He's huge. Probably over seven feet tall, with large square shoulders and hands the size of my arm, from elbow down. His hair is in dreadlocks, hanging down past the middle of his back. He's dressed in robes of heavy, dark material. His eyes are the only thing I can see of his face because it's half covered by the cloth. They're pitch black, full of anger and hatred. It's as if he can see into my very soul, making me shudder all over again.
But I don't back down as I meet that look.
"You're a tough one," he chuckles, making my skin crawl at the sound. A tingle of a memory stirs at his voice, but I bat it away. "I have to give credit where credit is due. It was hard tracking you down. But I think that has more to do with your companion here." He turns to Brendan then, taking a step in his direction and my body slams against the restraints as I try to go to him.
The creature turns to me, laughing outright.
"Someone cares a little too much for this servant."
I growl at his words, wishing with all my might for a way where I can rip his head right off his shoulders. "But we're getting a little bit ahead of ourselves." He continues, coming back to stand in front of me once more. I know what he's going to say the moment he opens his mouth, because I know him.
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cornelius of the High Court of Neruda, Komandir of the Shadowlands. I am tasked with many things, one of which is bringing the relic back to the lands."
He's the man from my memories, the one I met in the woods. Yet, he looks so different. I wouldn't recognize him in a dark alley, but now that I see his eyes, I know it's him. I don’t know if he’s playing some kind of a game, pretending we’re anything but strangers, but I’ll go along with it for now. It takes me a second to recover my voice, but the retort is smart on my lips.
"Wow, that's a mighty long name. I think I'll call you Corny."
The sting of his slap is instantly on my cheek. I hear Brendan cry out as Cornelius's hand connects with my face. My ears are ringing at the impact, but I push through the pain, turning my face to the creature once more.
"Do not disrespect me again."
"Or what? You'll beat the crap out of me? I think you're planning on doing that anyway, so I'll do what I want in the meantime."
I don't stop to think, I spit right into his face. The growl that escapes him shakes the walls around me. The next punch is to the stomach and there are tears in my eyes instantly.
"Stop!" Brendan screams, but Cornelius isn't done. He reaches for my hair, grabbing a handful and yanking my head back.
"You will show respect to royalty, princess. Or the next blow goes to your precious Brendan. And I will not be using just my hands."
He releases me suddenly, my body bouncing in my restraints. I try to keep my mouth shut against the misery of my body breaking, but the tears are there before I can stop them.
"You touch him, I will end you." I ground out between clenched teeth. The pain I'm experiencing is nothing compared to what I will do if Brendan is hurt. That is the determination that takes its rightful place within me as I glare at the Cornelius.
"Pretty words, princess. But I don't think you're in any position to be making threats."
Another growl escapes me, but he only chuckles again. In my head, I can picture all the different ways I will destroy him. And I will destroy him. I promise.
He turns to me, his eyes flashing, before he speaks again.
"Now, let's talk about the relic."
These creatures do not speak with their mouths. They speak with their fists.
"Stop!" I shout as the one closest to Brendan slams his fist into Brendan's left side. He jerks against the restrains, biting down on his lips to keep from crying out. "I don't know anything."
"How can the Protector, Warrior of the High Realm, not know where the relic is?" Cornelius hisses, his patience obviously waning. I'm terrified they're going to hit me again, my face is already a bloody mess from where I've been punched repeatedly. But I'm more terrified that they'll keep hitting Brendan.
Cornelius motions to the one he calls Mead and the creature takes a step toward me, reaching for his knife. He stops right in front of me, then pivots, throwing the knife behind him. Brendan's screams echo through my very soul as the knife imbeds itself in his thigh.
"Stop, just stop," I'm crying, sobbing, begging. "I can't help you. I don't remember anything. Why won't you believe me? I don't remember."
"Stop LYING." Cornelius shouts, once again in my face. He grabs my chin, raising it so I'd meet his eyes. Eyes so full of darkness it makes my head hurt and my vision swim. "I can't penetrate your defenses, which means you are protecting yourself with the majyks. You can't do that if you don't remember. So I'm going to ask you once again, where is Znaniye?"
"I told you, I. Don't. Know." I pull at every possible resolve in my essence, pushing for strength. I wish for that magic to burst free and save us like last time, but nothing. I can feel it, but I can't control it.
"Fine. Then we'll start the draining." Cornelius announces, turning to his goons.
Mead takes a step toward me once again, another knife already in his hands. This time he doesn't throw it, he reaches for my arm. I recoil at the pure rotting smell that surrounds his disfigured body. Brendan shouts something, but I can't hear him over the pain. Mead slashes my bicep in three clean strokes. The blood flow is instantaneous, but slow. A part of me wonders if it's magic keeping it contained to barely a drip, but my mind can't focus long enough on anything.
"We don't want you to die. Just yet." Mead moves over to my other arm, making identical marks there. "Once most of the blood leaves your body, your defenses are going to be down and I will enter your mind. I will get all the answers."
Cornelius doesn't wait for a response. Turning away, he leads the rest of the monsters out of the room with a word. This time they don't turn the light off.
They let us see each other in our misery.
I try to wrap my mind around what's happening, but I can't understand the conflicting events. The Cornelius of my memory was a friend of my fathers, and yet, here he is, slashing me to pieces, as a stranger. As my enemy. What happened to bring us to this state? All I want to do is remember. Then maybe I could save Brendan.
It's so hard to keep my eyes open, the beatings have taken so much out of me. I'm not strong enough to withstand this much longer.
I'm crying again, because that's all I can do. I don't even realize it until Brendan speaks.
"Cal, we're going to be fine. We'll figure something out."
He's trying to be strong for me, but he sounds so broken. His handsome face is covered in blood, spilling down his neck and shoulders. Bruises are forming all over his beautiful body, the marks the size of the creatures hands covering him from waist up. They ripped the knife out of his thigh before leaving, the red is soaking his pants.
"I'm sorry, Brendan. I'm so sorry." I whisper, but I
know he hears me.
"You have nothing to be sorry about."
"Yes, I do. It's my fault we're here. It's my fault you're hurt."
"No, it's not."
"For once, just stop arguing with me and accept the truth." I laugh, but there's no humor in my voice. I take a deep breath, trying to keep the sound from becoming hysterical. "If I only remembered. We wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have to protect me. You would be okay." I'm sobbing—babbling—the tears burning my raw skin, but I don't care. Whatever pain I feel, I deserve it. I caused this. I've caused pain to the people most precious to me. I'm not a Protector.
I'm a Destroyer.
"Cal, don't talk like that," I don't know which part he's referring to, but either way it doesn't matter. I watch the fire that I've grown to love burn itself within Brendan's eyes.
"None of this is your fault. You're a pawn. They used you and now you're paying the price. But there's one thing you need to remember. Calista, I don't want to be anywhere else. I don't want to be anywhere that's not where you are."
His words are like magic itself. It creates springs of hope within my heart, pouring light into the darkest places. Whatever I am, whatever may happen, whatever I believe, this is what magic feels like.
"Brendan—“
"Did you know you have a favorite sword?" His question throws me off, cutting off the words I so long to speak.
"What?"
"You do. It was given to you on your thirteenth birthday. The hilt is the perfect size for your hands, even after all these years." He's struggling to speak, trying to force the words from his bloodied lips. He's breathing hard and I can almost feel the shudders that rake his body ever so often. "The blade is straight, except for the top half. There's an opening in the last quarter of the blade, making sort of a leaf shape. Right above the handle is a row of four jewels. Red, blue, green, light purple."
At his words, something clicks in the dark places of my memory. I know those colors, I've seen them in my dreams, I've carried them in my heart.
"The four elements." I whisper, as Brendan stops speaking, watching me closely. "I don't know how I knew that."
"The four elements," the boy smiles in response. Or tries to. The blood and the bruises are making it hard to see past the pain. I wish I could touch him, soothe the agony, take it all away. Instead, I just study him like my life depends on it.
"You used to carry it with you everywhere," Brendan continues, a far away look is once again in his gaze. "For a time, you slept with it under your pillow. I remember your mother admonishing you for it. More than once actually. You told her it made you stronger. You felt safe."
I know he's trying to make me feel better, trying to distract me from our predicament, trying to stop my tears. Yet, I'm crying harder. He's done so much for me. He's always been there, keeping me safe. Keeping me sane. And he doesn't even know the whole story.
I open my mouth to thank him, but something stops me. A nagging in the back of my mind.
"You." I whisper and his eyes fly up to meet mine. "You gave me that sword."
He tries to smile again, the joy on his face overshadowing the pain for a moment. There are tears in his own eyes, and I'm in pieces. I remember his cute little face when he presented me with his gift. He's been looking for a perfect something to give me for close to a year. Thirteen was an important milestone for all of us and Brendan wanted me to have a piece of him when I crossed it.
I bring my tear-streaked face up to meet his. He's smiling, ever so softly and I wish with all of my heart I could go to him.
"I remember." I say.
And then, the fire comes.
26
Remembered.
27
I plunge right into the memory, once again aware of where I am, but with no control over my actions.
Cornelius and I are still in the forest and I'm on my knees. Tears pour freely over my cheeks, as I try to hold the pain inside.
I murdered a man. I took his majyk—his life essence—right out of him. And I didn't want to stop.
"I'm good," I whisper it this time, but it doesn't sound true to my own ears anymore. Cornelius kneels in front of me, raising my face up to his.
"What you are is power. Nothing can stop you, Calista. You are the darkest volshebnitsya to be born out of light. You are the one who will finally be able to balance the scales of our land, once and for all. You," Cornelius takes a step closer, pinning me with his gaze. "Are pure evil and the most powerful creature in all the land of Skazka and beyond. You can lead the Glava and overthrow the crown."
"No!" I shout, stumbling to my feet and away from him. "I won't do it. I won't become—that!"
"Stop running from yourself, child. Haven't you noticed yet how your father watches you? How your mother makes sure you wear light dresses and puts flowers in your hair?"
I'm moving away from him, but I stop at his words. I have noticed. I remember the talk with my papa about William, how he wanted me to follow my heart above my duty. He's always seen the best in me and he wanted me to know that he always will. Maybe he knew this was coming. Maybe he knew I'd betray him.
"So what am I supposed to do now?" I'm terrified of the answer, but the question must be asked.
"You do exactly as it's been planned. You take the relic and you go into the Human Realm. Once you're there, the relic can be used to unlock the last of the doors between our realms and we will have a fighting chance against the monarchy."
"Why are they so bad?" I whisper, knowing what I know, I still want to hear him say it.
"Because they use the majyk of Skazka for their own profits. Because they deprive their own people of the life they all could live. Don't tell me you're so naive as to not have noticed! The queen's heart beats closer and closer to the selfish darkness—“
"But she's always been so good—“
"At playing the whole realm!" Cornelius shouts, the sound thundering around us, making the trees and the plants shrink even further back.
I know what he's saying is true. It's what I found out for myself, it's what made my majyk flare up and take a life. It's why I've been running. I shut my eyes against the pain that knowledge brings. My parents knew who I was, knew who I would become, and they've done their best to protect me from it. I can't let them down, no matter how much my dark heart beats to rain hell on the royalty that keeps us oppressed.
Now that the film of majyk has been lifted I can see all the ways my home has been manipulated over the years. All the things we've done to protect Skazka is just another way to keep it under the thumb of selfishness and greed.
I think about Brendan and what he'll do when he finds out who I really am. He'll be so disappointed in me. I have to save him, but in order to do so, I'll have to push him away.
All of these thoughts race through my mind, cementing my resolve. If embracing the darkness means I can save my home from destruction, then so be it. But whatever Cornelius has planned, I will have my own plan in the background. I won't ever let anyone manipulate me again. Never again.
"You're right," I say out loud and am rewarded by a satisfied smile. "The barriers must be broken, so the whole of Skazka can see what is truly happening to their home. I'll take Znaniye as planned."
"Perfect, Calista. I knew the darkness inside of you wouldn't let you make any other decision, but the right one. Especially not after what you've done."
Maybe he's right. I can never go back, I can never be myself again. But I won't be the darkness either. I didn't feel anything but fulfillment while taking that man's majyk, but I won’t succumb to that forever. I'll embrace my darkness long enough to do what needs to be done.
Then, I'll destroy them all.
I come back into my body with a snap.
Gasping, I try to push my beating heart back into my chest. The intensity of the memories is making my body throb in agony.
I'm weak.
I'm exhausted.
But, I remember.
"Cali? Cal
i, are you alright? Calista?"
I don't know how long he's been saying my name, but Brendan's voice is tight with panic. I must've of been out longer than I realize. But even as I know that he needs my reassurance, I don't answer him right away. Too many images continue to assault me from every side. I shut my eyes against the whirlwind, trying to ground the emotions.
I remember the darkness. I remember the thrill I felt when I killed one of the guards at the border. I remember the talk with Cornelius and finding out the truth about myself. I remember sneaking out to leave for the human realm, deciding to do whatever it took to save my people. I remember being chased through the woods after crossing over, of hiding myself from Cornelius and the anger he felt shaking the woods around us. I remember finding Elizabeth and collapsing inside her front door.
I remember the talk with my Papa.
I remember the truth of our inheritance that he shared with me.
I remember what I did.
I remember the truth behind Znaniye.
"Cal?"
"I'm fine."
My voice comes out strong, abrupt, halting Brendan's. I open my eyes to meet his concerned gaze and I know the moment he realizes something has changed. A hood comes over his mangled face, and he pulls himself a little bit straighter. I can see it's taking all of his strength to stay awake, to keep focused and my heart squeezes once again at the torment he's going through on my account. I want to tell him what I know, but this is a secret I cannot let him bare.
I know what the mark on my hip means now, who I am because of it. He can't know, or he will never trust me again.
"Cal, what did you see?"
I want to tell him.
I need to keep it to myself.
But Brendan is the only one who knows me through and through. He has been there my whole life, training with me, protecting me. The feelings I've discovered for him without my memory are nothing compared to how I truly feel about him.
