All I Need

by Jennifer Van Wyk

“Together?”

  “Yeah,” I nod, taking another bite of cheesecake.

  “I’m not really sure. We’re taking things slow, trying to see if there really is something there.” She pauses and sips on her coffee, looking at me over the rim of her cup. “Is this weird for you?”

  “A little,” I tell her honestly. “But probably not any weirder than you knowing that I’m sleeping with your brother.”

  She pulls a look that tells me how gross that is to her and I giggle.

  “We’ll be okay, Willow. Just give me time.”

  “I can see why my brother fell in love with you. You’re way more forgiving and understanding than I think I would be in this situation.”

  “Well, I have to admit, it’s not been easy, but the alternative, not having Walker in my life, it’s just not something I can consider.”

  “I’m so glad he has you.”

  “Me too,” I say, emotion clogging my throat.

  “So when are you moving in? You know, officially?”

  I burst out laughing. “You know he’s asked me that a few times already.”

  “I bet he has. He probably wanted you officially in that big old house of his for a while now.”

  “I’m practically there already but actually, I think I’m going to surprise him and move the rest of my stuff in this weekend.”

  “No shit?”

  “Yeah. He has a few patients on Saturday morning so while he’s busy, I’ll load up the few things I still have at Polly’s and bring them over.”

  “Oh he’s going to be so pissed that you did it on your own.”

  “I know,” I laugh, my body heating up at the thought of how he’ll punish me for it.

  We spend the next hour chatting over coffee before three women come through the door, laughing.

  “Margarita Madness tonight!” one of them shouts.

  Christine groans, “Last time it took me two days to recover.”

  “As long as I don’t have to clean up the puke, I’m okay with it,” Andy says walking up to the group of ladies. He greets them all and I marvel at the fact that they don’t seem affected by his good looks. Not that he has anything on Walker but still… I wasn’t expecting it.

  “That’s Tess, Lauren and Carly. They’re crazy but super nice. Tess is Harper’s mom,” she tells me knowing that I have already met Harper.

  “You two up for margaritas?” Christine shouts in our direction.

  “Don’t corrupt them!” Andy shouts. “Just say no, Ellie. Trust me.”

  The three ladies all turn in our direction and Tess’s face lights up when she sees Willow. “Willow, oh my gosh! I didn’t know you were here. Yes. Join us, please. And your friend, too. Hi, I’m Tess.”

  “Hey, Tess,” Willow says. “This is Ellie. She’s…”

  “Walker’s! Oh yeah. I’ve heard all about her from your boy. Gah, aren’t Harper and Grayson adorable together? I think it’s giving Barrett and the boys an aneurism which makes it even more fun but seriously, they’re so cute together. They make me happy. He’s such a good kid. We just love him,” she gushes then stops her rambling just long enough to introduce the other ladies who are just smiling at us. “This is Lauren and that’s Carly, my sister-in-law. Come with us. Have you been to El Charro yet? I mean, they kind of cringe when they see us coming in but they have the best margaritas and you must join us.”

  “I’ve been,” I tell her, not able to get much more out before she beams at me.

  “Great! Meet us there, okay? Call Walker. Tell him the plan because he’ll need to pick you up. We don’t mess around with drinking and driving.”

  “Um.”

  “Just say yes,” Carly says. “Trust me, it’ll be a lot easier if you just give in.”

  Tess and Lauren are nodding their heads.

  “Okay, yeah. Sounds fun.”

  “Fun,” Andy scoffs. “Mommy’s gonna need the big bucket tonight,” he tells a giggling Hazel.

  “Oh hush. We need to officially welcome Ellie here and what better way to do it?” Christine says.

  “Welcome home, Ellie,” Willow says, eyes shining with happiness.

  Two months later

  “THIS IS THE WEIRDEST THING I think you’ve ever done,” Brett jokes.

  I look at him and grin. “Weird or romantic?”

  “Romantic, definitely. For sure,” Courtney says, hugging Brett around the waist and sighing. I think that’s what swooning looks like but I don’t care if I see it from her. I just need Ellie to see it the same way Courtney is right now.

  They just finished helping me get Camilla out of the back of the cattle trailer. After spending a month getting my land ready and having Grayson help me work on the old barn that was already on the property, it’s ready for some livestock. Camilla is the first to come but I have plans for more.

  So much more.

  “You’re making the rest of us look bad,” Brett grumbles.

  “Sounds like you need to step up your game, then, boy.”

  Courtney laughs and Brett rolls his eyes.

  The weather outside is getting increasingly cold and I’m glad that I was able to get the barn ready. Lord knows that Ellie will probably try bringing her into the house as it is. I’m hoping that having a warm place for her to go at night will alleviate her concerns.

  A brisk wind causes me to shiver when I remove my gloves, tying the bright red bow around Camilla’s neck. She looks at me as if to say “are you freaking serious,” which is exactly the words that come out of Brett’s mouth.

  “Of course I’m serious,” I mumble around the leather glove dangling from my teeth.

  His voice is laced with humor when he says, “It’s like those car commercials where someone is gifted with a brand-new Lexus at Christmas. Only it’s a cow. Boy you really went all out.”

  “Shut up, man. You know as well as I do that she’ll love the shit out of this.”

  I hope, anyway.

  I don’t really have a Plan B and need this to be perfect for her because she deserves nothing less.

  As soon as I get it tied on the way I want, I look to make sure it’s secured tightly, then slide my glove back on.

  Courtney sighs. “I am just so freaking happy.”

  “Let’s hope Ellie is, too.”

  “She is. She will be. This is so amazing,” she squeals and hops over to me, giving me a hug.

  We talk for a little while longer then they shut the door to the now empty trailer and climb in their pickup and leave.

  I make sure that Camilla is set up in the barn and close the door. She’s a lot bigger than she was a few months ago but Ellie still treats her like a baby.

  After learning that Ellie couldn’t have children, I asked her what she wanted to do. I wasn’t going to make the decision for her whether or not she would have surgery or go through IVF. She also opened up a lot about her parents, how they were basically absent most her life. Then her dad left for good and her mom blamed Ellie for it. It was no wonder love and trust were hard for Ellie to freely give.

  “I think I want to adopt,” she says quietly, her cheek resting against my chest as we lie in our bed. “Maybe from fostering. I don’t really know. I’d like to talk to someone, see what our options are. But you were right when you said there are so many kids who need a family. My parents were terrible and the thought of other kids having that same experience breaks my heart. Surgery and IVF is so expensive. Why wouldn’t we put that money toward helping children in need?”

  I squeeze her tightly to me, pleased that’s the route she decided to go. It’s only a mild disappointment to think that we won’t have children of our own which tells me this is the right decision for us.

  “I agree.”

  “You do?”

  “Yup.”

  And that was the end of the discussion. I didn’t need to explain my reasons. She didn’t need to explain hers. It was settled.

  I’m inside the house when I hear Ellie pull up. She parks her car in
the space we made for her in the garage and I shake out the nerves in my body.

  She comes inside carrying a few bags, proof that she’s been to the grocery store. In the last few months, she’s really come to fall in love with cooking. She’s sold a few recipes to Balance and helped out Christine at Dreamin’ Beans on occasion. Not that I don’t love her working at the clinic with me, but having something just for her makes her feel good and she finds so much joy in it.

  “Need help?”

  She smiles at me. “That’s okay, this is all I have.”

  I watch as she puts things away where she wants them, trying my damnedest to keep my hands to myself because I know that if I touch her, I won’t be able to stop and then the rest of the night’s plans will go to shit.

  Her back is to me as she rearranges a few items in the cupboards. “I need to show you something.”

  “Last time you said that, I turned around and you were naked.”

  I smile at the memory. “I promise it’s not that. Well, at least not yet. Maybe later.”

  “Maybe?”

  “Okay so most assuredly.” As much as I miss Grayson not living here part time now that Mick’s here, I love having Ellie to myself. And even though we aren’t trying to get pregnant, it doesn’t stop us from practicing. A lot.

  “So what did you need to show me?” she asks, folding up the canvas grocery bags and putting them away in the closet by the door. She goes to remove her coat but I stop her.

  “Keep your coat on. It’s outside.”

  “Oooh. Are you finally going to show me that project you and Grayson have been working on?”

  “Yup.”

  “Yes! Oh yay! I’m so excited. It’s been killing me.”

  I chuckle at her exuberance. She’s not lying, either. She’s been beyond curious about what we’ve been doing but she’s never once peeked.

  “Ready?” Taking her hand in mine, Brutus is on our heels as we trudge outside. As soon as the barn comes into view, she looks at me in astonishment.

  “How did I not know this was here?”

  “Hidden gem.”

  “You’ve been hiding an entire barn from me?”

  “I just was strategic in the property I showed you.”

  She rolls her eyes but she’s also smiling. “I had no idea this was here. Ohmygosh, Walker, baby goats,” she says in awe and spins around. “We can have baby goats now!”

  “We can. Want to see inside?”

  “Yes.”

  I open the barn door for her and she inhales deeply. “It’s almost nostalgic for me,” she gushes. “When Camilla was born, remember that? That’s what it reminds me of in here.”

  Just then Camilla makes her presence known and Ellie spins around, rushing toward the direction of the sound.

  “Camilla! Oh and look at you, you’re so pretty, baby! My…” her words die off and her hands freeze in their place around Camilla’s neck.

  “Ellie girl.” I say and she slowly turns back around.

  When she sees me down on one knee, her hand covers her mouth and her eyes well in tears. “Walker,” she breathes out, looking at Camilla and back to me.

  “I love you so much, Ellie. You’re my everything I never knew I wanted or needed. I can’t imagine a day that doesn’t start and end with you in it and wouldn’t want to. You are one of the strongest women I know, and I only say one of because Miss Polly would kick my ass if I didn’t call her strong. The most loving, kind, so beyond what I deserve but if you find it in your heart to slum for the rest of your life, I’d be honored if you’d do that with me.

  “Marry me, Ellie. Please. Be mine forever.”

  “I already am yours.”

  “Officially, then.”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “Of course!”

  “I’m kind of regretting tying the ring to Camilla’s bow right now. I guess I didn’t think this all the way through.”

  She drops to her knees in front of me, cradling my face in her hands, the same as I’ve done for her often. “This is perfect. The man and my girl, Camilla. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

  I kiss her with the forever kind of kiss that changes our lives then I remove the ring from the ribbon around Camilla’s neck. Ellie doesn’t even look at it when I slide it on her finger.

  “Perfect fit,” she says.

  “If you don’t like it…”

  “It’s perfect,” she says, glancing down at the intricate antique rose gold ring then gasps again.

  “It was Polly’s,” I tell her. “I had a new diamond put in and the gold cleaned up and sized but she wanted you to have it.”

  “I couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect.”

  Two years later

  JOSTLING ELLIE, I TELL HER, “It’s time.”

  Her eyes flutter open, a frightened look on her face that I try to wipe away with a brush of my lips to her forehead. “I’m… I don’t think I’m ready.”

  “We are, though.”

  A single tear leaks from her eye and she grips my arms braced beside her. “Together?”

  I nod, elbows bending as I swoop down to kiss her lips. “Forever.”

  I slowly wake from the dream I’ve been having for months now. It started just a few times a week but the closer and closer we get, the more frequent the dreams come. Every time the phone rings, I jump, wondering if this is the moment that Lily Cole, our social worker, is calling to tell us that we have a child waiting for us.

  Making the decision to foster a baby was a risky one. We knew there would be a chance that the baby wouldn’t stay in our home if the birth parents decided they wanted to keep him or her. But that’s what was laid on our hearts and there was no denying that we felt strongly we were being led in this direction.

  And then one day the phone call we’d been waiting for all that time was not what we expected.

  When Lily first told us about Amber, a nineteen-year-old mom who’d gotten pregnant with twins but was unsure of her next steps, we weren’t sure it was meant to be. Fostering had been the only thing on our minds since we first started talking about expanding our family of fourteen.

  Six goats.

  Two dogs.

  Three cows.

  One cat.

  But Lily was insistent that we needed to talk to Amber.

  So we did.

  We walked out of Dreamin’ Beans, tears in both our eyes, hope blooming in our chests. That hope was squashed, though. Amber went back and forth for the next few months, not knowing if she was ready to give up her babies. The baby’s father wasn’t in the picture, said he was too young and wasn’t ready to be a father so he signed away his rights. It was an emotional time. The not knowing was the worst but we both felt sure that those babies were meant to be ours so we rallied, supported Amber how we could and demonstrated patience neither of us knew we had.

  We understood that. Offered an open adoption. A way for her to stay involved in the twins’ lives. We let her know that we were still considering fostering for the future. It would never be off the table. There were too many children who needed love.

  She was good with that. I think it’s what helped her make her final decision, actually. She grew up in the system and knows how hard it is on a child.

  The phone rings, waking me up from my restless sleep.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s time,” Lily’s voice is urgent through the phone line.

  “We’re on our way,” I tell her, quickly hitting the red button on the phone and tossing it back on the nightstand.

  “It’s time?” Ellie asks, and I’m so damn grateful that her face is full of excitement rather than the trepidation I had been dreaming of.

  “It is.”

  “Holy crap, Walker. We’re gonna be parents!”

  “We are. Together.”

  “Forever.”

  “God I love you so fucking much,” I say, kissing her square on the mouth.

  “I’ll remind
you of that when I’m covered in spit up and poo, hair greasy from never showering and I have bags under my eyes because we’re way too old for this shit,” she teases.

  It’s something we’ve both worried a little about. We’re not exactly going to be young parents. In fact, in reality, we could be Amber’s parents. These babies’ grandparents. That’s not something that’s particularly enjoyable to think about.

  But we’re healthy, determined, and we have each other. Not to mention a bevy of other friends and family who plan to smother us with love and help.

  Rushing around, we throw on some clothes and grab the bags we’ve had packed for three weeks now. With a quick glance into the bedroom we remodeled, I do my best to tamp down the desire to throw up. Nervousness over the changes to come.

  We climb into our newer SUV and rush to the hospital, not wanting to miss a single moment of watching our babies come into the world.

  “We’re here for Amber. We’re the…”

  “Parents. We’re the babies’ parents,” Ellie says, elation in her voice. The adrenaline is hitting her, she can barely stand still.

  “She’s right this way, she let us know to expect you.”

  The door is closed and the nurse knocks softly.

  “Come in,” Amber says, her voice strained. “Oh thank God. I thought you guys were going to miss…” she grunts as a contraction hits her. “This. Holy crap, Ellie, this hurts!”

  Ellie rushes to her side, gripping her hand tightly. “I’m so sorry. I would take the pain away if I could.”

  Amber smiles, though it’s weak. “I know. Worth it, but dang, these two are fighting their way out.”

  I move to the other side of her, careful not to get a look down below. I’m anxious to see our babies come into the world but there are some things a man just doesn’t need to witness from a woman who isn’t his wife.

  “We’re right here for you. Squeeze our hands,” I say when I’m by her side.

  Ellie has a cold, wet cloth pressed to Amber’s forehead and between the nurse, doctor, and Ellie, it’s like Amber has her own cheerleading squad. I stay mostly quiet, overwhelmed. I meet Ellie’s eyes over Amber and it brings an instant wave of comfort. We’ve got this. Together.