Discord and the Ponyville Players Dramarama

by G. M. Berrow

  “They didn’t?” Discord wilted. “But I have to be in the show—”

  “Except us,” Fluttershy chimed in with a tiny grin.

  “We stood up for you,” Rarity added, trying to magic her purple mane back to its normal perfect curl. “Though now I’m starting to regret that decision. Look at my mane! It’s all wet!”

  “But…” Discord blasted a gust of air at the ponies, and suddenly they were dry. “Doesn’t everypony like me now? I’ve been reformed by your ‘Magic of Friendship’ and all that other nonsensically hooey-gooey pony stuff that you all live by.” He slumped down into a chair and slurped his cup of tea.

  “While the seven of us know you’ve turned over a new leaf,” Twilight explained, “not everypony in town knows that side of you…yet.”

  “I did notice a few ponies avoiding me today,” Discord admitted.

  “It’s okay!” Spike walked over and chimed in. “The musical will be your chance to prove you don’t need the spotlight!”

  “That’s right,” Applejack said with a nod. “You can show ’em just how much you want to be a part of the Ponyville Players and our town by joinin’ the ensemble.”

  “The ensemble?!” Discord spit out a gulp of tea in disgust. Fortunately, Rarity hopped out of the way just in time to avoid the stream of lukewarm water. “But if I’m in the ensemble…that means I’ll have to stand behind the action with all the other background ponies, completely unnoticed by all in attendance, including Princess Celestia!” He pointed his nose skyward and crossed his arms over his brown chest. “It’s hardly worth the effort at all if she doesn’t watch me perform.”

  “Remember,” Fluttershy said, trotting over to Discord, “there are no small parts, only small ponies.”

  “Or in this case…small draconequuses,” joked Rainbow Dash. “Or is it draconequui?” Rainbow scratched her head. “Are there even any more of you out there?”

  “Wrong!” said Discord. He pointed at Fluttershy’s empty teacup, and suddenly he was sitting inside it, the size of a small garden lizard. “Now I’m a small draconequus.” Fluttershy’s eyes grew wide with surprise. Discord leaned over the rim of the cup and chuckled. “That was hilarious, because I’m physically small now.” None of the ponies laughed.

  “Oh, forget it,” Discord pointed a claw at himself, and he was back to normal, standing next to Rainbow Dash. “I crack myself up, I really do.”

  “Me too!” said Pinkie Pie. “Want to hear my joke about the chicken who won the lottery?”

  “Was it her clucky day?” Discord asked, leaning toward Pinkie Pie with his snaggle-toothed grin.

  “Yeah, it was.” Pinkie giggled.

  “You seem to be feeling better about all this, Discord,” Twilight said as she trotted to the front door. “And I’m glad. But there will be plenty of time for jokes later. We have to get things ready for our first rehearsal tomorrow. Come on, everypony!” She flung the door open and used her magic to unfurl a slide from the floating house back down to the ground. Twilight jumped out, followed by Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Spike.

  “Wheeeee!” Pinkie Pie squealed all the way down.

  “See you tomorroooow!” shouted Spike.

  “Oh no, you won’t,” Discord mumbled to himself. If those ponies thought he was actually going to go along with their casting decision, they were crazy. Discord had much better things to do with his time, like wreaking havoc and causing chaos. Celestia’s little request wasn’t worth this humiliation.

  “I’m proud of you for joining our show, even though you didn’t get the role you wanted,” said Fluttershy with a smile. “I just had to tell you that before I go.” Then she took off flying out of the door and soared toward Ponyville. As Discord watched her disappear into the distance, he got that strange feeling again. It was warm and nice. Friendship. It could make even a draconequus do silly things. Like join an ensemble, when he definitely deserved to be the star.

  Instrumental to the Show

  Though Discord still felt incredibly insulted that the Ponyville Players refused to recognize his talent by awarding him the musical’s lead role, he decided that he would go check out the first rehearsal anyway—just to see what a disaster it was going to be. And if it wasn’t a disaster, he would be sure to spice things up. Maybe that’s why Celestia sent me here, he thought. To stop these ponies from being so dreadfully boring.

  “Whoa! You showed up after all,” Rainbow Dash marveled, flapping her blue wings to catch up to Discord as he floated past town hall. “I was pretty sure you were going to skedaddle as soon as you got that casting news.”

  “Really, Rainbow Dash? Frankly, I am shocked.” Discord scoffed. He twisted his long, snakelike body around and turned toward her. “You make it sound as if I have an ego as fragile as Rarity’s.”

  “I resent that comment very much,” huffed Rarity, who had been trotting behind them alongside Applejack. Rarity stuck her nose in the air, flipped her purple mane, and pushed her way forward.

  “See what I mean?” Discord said. “So touchy.” Discord and Rainbow Dash filed inside the theater and took their seats in the auditorium. The ponies who were already sitting nearby saw Discord and scurried off. It was the same old story. Nopony wanted to be near him.

  “All right, Twilight. Everypony’s here now,” Torch Song said. She held up a scroll filled with names. Her little magenta mane braid kept swinging into her face as she spoke. “Is it time to start practicing our first scene?” She trotted over to Twilight, who was up onstage ready to give her first rehearsal pep talk.

  “Thank you, Torch Song. And yes!” Twilight replied, shielding her eyes from the stage lights and looking out into the audience to greet her cast. “But…where is everypony?” Just a moment before, the entire cast and crew of The Singing Stallion had been awaiting instructions from their director. Now the theater was empty, except for Rainbow Dash and Discord. The big beast lounged back across several seats with his feet kicked up, nonchalantly flipping through a songbook and humming a tune. Everypony else was cowering in the shadows on either side of the room, whispering to one another in fear.

  Discord sighed and closed his songbook. “The cheese stands alone, it appears.”

  “Cheese Sandwich?!” shouted Pinkie Pie. “Where is he? You don’t have to stand alone, Cheese! I’ll stand with you.” She began to bounce around, searching high and low for her buddy.

  “Discord.” Twilight groaned. “What did you do?” Discord floated up to the stage with his claw and paw up in surrender. “Nothing at all, except help.” He held up the songbook and pointed to a page. “This song in the show called for ‘fifty-six trombones in the huge parade’, so I thought I would start getting the props ready and conjure some up. That’s all.” He put on his most innocent face. But a subtle, wicked smile still found its way there, curling up the corners of his mouth.

  Suddenly, a resounding honk blared through the audience. It was a giant, red trombone with a green apple on it. Twilight Sparkle narrowed her eyes. It looked familiar, somehow. “Oh my Celestia! Is that…Big Mac?!” Twilight gritted her teeth. “Did you just transform our lead actor into an instrument?!”

  “Whoopsies!” Discord smiled sheepishly.

  “My brother!” cried Apple Bloom, bounding over with her little bow bouncing in her mane.

  “I assure you he’s fine, Apple Boot.” Discord giggled with glee. “But doesn’t he look delightfully silly?”

  “It’s you who looks silly!” Apple Bloom ran over to Discord and stomped her hooves on the ground. “Change him back into a pony! RIGHT. NOW.”

  “Oh, fine,” Discord pointed his claw at the trombone. With a zap, Big Mac was back to normal, scratching his orange mane in confusion. The rest of the ponies ran over to him to make sure he was okay. “But can I be honest with you? As your friend? You all really need to lighten up. We’re entertainers; we’re here to entertain.”

  “You promised that if we let him join our show, he wouldn’t mess
with us, Twilight!” shouted Minuette. She pointed her hoof at Discord. “And he’s already causing trouble.”

  “He’s going to ruin our musical!” cried Flitter.

  The ponies nodded in agreement, and a buzz of activity broke out. Fluttershy and Applejack rushed onstage to help Twilight calm down the group. “All right now, everypony,” said Applejack. “Let’s stop overreactin’. Big Mac is jus’ fine. Right?”

  “Eeeeyup,” Big Mac said with a cool nod.

  “Discord’s just nervous, is all,” Fluttershy replied, her voice soft. “He’s still new to Ponyville, and you’re all being very hard on him. Please give him another chance.” She shot a serious look at Discord. He cowered. “I think you should apologize now, Discord. That was a very mean thing to do.”

  “I’m so very sorry, Large Macintosh,” Discord said, bowing deep and draping his lion’s arm across his body. “Please accept this trombone as recompense for my thoughtless actions.” Discord passed Big Mac a shiny yellow trombone.

  Apple Bloom’s jaw dropped. “Who is that?!”

  “Nopony, that one’s actually just a trombone. But you should have seen your face. Priceless!” Discord held his stomach and laughed hysterically.

  “That’s quite enough playing around,” Twilight chided. “We’ve got an actual play to do, remember? Rehearsal was supposed to start three minutes ago.”

  Discord yawned, pointed to his watch, and looked around. “Well, what’s been taking so long? Let’s put on a musical!”

  Bursting Discord’s Bubble

  Once things got rolling with the show, Discord felt himself nicely settling into his new life in Ponyville. He would visit Fluttershy’s house for tea, shop for groceries at the Ponyville market, and once he even went to Twilight Sparkle’s castle to borrow a book on Bridleway musicals. He often saw Martingale shuffling about town, having heated conversations with other ponies or giving Discord the side-eye.

  When there was only a week left until Princess Celestia would be visiting to watch the Ponyville Players production of The Singing Stallion, Discord was feeling confident in his secret plan to steal the show. Predictably, Princess Twilight Sparkle was a bundle of nerves, eager to show her superiors how well the community in Ponyville was flourishing under the flag of friendship. She didn’t suspect a thing.

  Luckily, everypony else was too busy to notice as well. On top of learning their parts in the show, many of the ponies also helped with the logistics. Applejack had delivered some beautiful wooden sets, not unlike the ones she had once built for a Manehattan community play. Rarity had measured, sewn, and trimmed everypony’s costumes to perfection. Rainbow Dash did her part by enlisting Flitter and Cloudchaser to help her create some trick weather effects that would enhance the show but wouldn’t ruin the theater. Pinkie Pie kept busy designing posters and balloons that advertised the show all over town and beyond. And Fluttershy took charge of the accompaniment—recruiting all the best musicians to become their very own Ponyville Players orchestra for the run of the production.

  One afternoon, the lights were up and the whole cast was onstage. It had taken many long rehearsals to place everypony in their spots, blocking all the scenes one by one, so it was very important that the cast members not make any mistakes. Twilight sat in the audience next to Applejack and Spike, calling out all the cues, marks, and cutie marks.

  “Everypony ready?” she projected out to the stage. “Let’s take it from the ensemble chorus of the song ‘Bubbles’ in Act One. The part right after Professor Hayloft Shill has shown the town of Glimmer City how much fun the bubbles can be. Then we’ll go straight into my favorite scene—the library romance with Mare-ion Pear.”

  Davenport stomped a beat with his back left hoof and began the song, hitting the large keys of his pony piano. Plink-plonk, plinkity-plonk. Plink, plonk.

  “Bubbles! Oh, we got bubbles, right here in Glimmer City!” the ensemble sang. “With a capital B that rhymes with C and that stands for COOL!” Discord swayed back and forth to the music with the rest of the cast. He didn’t really blend in. It was nearly impossible to do so, since he was three times taller than the tallest pony in the ensemble, Senior Mint. But as Discord sang with the ponies, he stepped in time, tapped, and twirled. Pinkie Pie stood in the wings and blew rainbow-colored bubbles into the air onto the dancers. Downstage, Big Mac paced across the stage and began singing.

  “Yes, that stands for cool!” sang Big Mac in his deep baritone voice. “We’ve got—”

  Discord had been practicing the role of Hayloft Shill in secret, and suddenly he found himself unable to resist the urge to perform. He twirled into the center of the scene, singing the next verse with Big Mac. “We’ve got all these bubbles! All around in Glimmer City, all around! Gotta come up with a way, to keep those bubbles at play—because they rule! Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles!”

  The music came to a halt, and everypony looked at Discord, annoyed.

  “What are you doing, Discord?” Cheerilee asked in her gentlest tone, usually reserved for teaching the colts and fillies at school. She looked concerned. “Are you okay?”

  “I simply felt the song could be improved upon,” Discord replied, throwing his paw and claw into the air in surrender. “Oopsies.”

  “You’re always holding us up,” muttered a big, blue stallion named Noteworthy. “We can’t even run through a whole number without you adding your own flair one way or another.” Noteworthy trotted over to Discord and puffed out his chest. “If you ask me, I think you’re trying to sabotage this show!”

  A flurry of whispers broke out at the accusation. Discord rolled his yellow eyes. “Don’t insult me, pony. If I wanted to do that, I could do a lot more than sing a few extra parts. I’m the king of chaos, remember?” Discord began to cackle at the absurdity of the situation. Everypony took a few steps back, suddenly fearful.

  Noteworthy narrowed his eyes. “Then what are you doing here? Why would somepony as powerful as you want to be in a small-town musical?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” Discord whipped out a display filled with a giant line graph. He procured a wooden pointing stick and tapped it on the bottom. “Ever since I learned about friendship from Fluttershy and her pals, my approval rating has been rising at a healthy rate. If I portray myself in a positive light with the ponies of Ponyville through the power of song and dance, then it will only continue to grow!”

  “Oh,” said Pinkie Pie, tilting her head to the side. “I just thought you really liked show tunes.”

  “That, too,” giggled Discord. He turned to the stage full of his castmates. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to get so carried away. I won’t do it again, I promise.” Discord shrunk himself down to Spike’s size for effect. “I’ll stay back here in my little spot.” Everypony trotted back to their original places to run through the number again.

  Applejack gave Davenport a nod, and the piano began.

  “Oh, we got bubbles!” sang the chorus, just as before. “Right here in Glimmer City!” Big Mac shuffled out to the front to sing his line, but Discord stayed put. He danced in the back, minding his own business and doing his choreography. That’s why it came as such a surprise when, instead of singing, Big Mac started burping up bubbles! His eyes went wide with shock, and everypony whipped around to face Discord.

  “Oh, Discord,” Rarity said, putting a hoof to her face in exasperation. “Whatever have you done now?”

  Discord’s jaw dropped. “Nothing! I-I…” he stammered. He was speechless. Because for the first time, a prank actually had been played by somepony else. And now the joke was on him!

  Funny Business

  When he arrived back at his chaotic little cottage, all Discord wanted was to be alone. But another pony was already there waiting for him, pacing back and forth on the ground below the floating abode. “What do you want?” Discord snapped, floating up to the porch. He was in a foul mood after being thrown out of rehearsal by the other ponies. They really thought he’d given Big Mac the bubbl
e-hiccups.

  “To talk to you about vacatin’ the premises,” Martingale grumbled. “Again. You have to leave! Everypony in town is mad at me for lettin’ you move into this house. They say it’s been nothin’ but chaos since you arrived in Ponyville.”

  “For the first time in my life, I can say that is complete hogwash.” Discord sighed. “Now please go away. I have to go sulk.”

  “Your little play not going so well?” Martingale asked with a satisfied smirk. “Heard there was some funny business goin’ on today, and it was all caused by you.”

  “That is not true!” Discord shot back. “I only caused some of the funny business. Somepony else finished it off, and now the whole cast thinks I can’t be trusted. It’s dreadful.” Discord sat down on his front steps and put his lion’s paw under his chin in defeat. “Oh, Mr. Nightingale, I’ve just been trying to fit in here, and everypony still thinks I’m a monster.” Discord pictured his prize, buried deep in a guarded basement room at Canterlot Castle. “What would Celestia say? Surely she won’t reward me for a job poorly done.…”

  Martingale perked up. “So you thinkin’ you might leave Ponyville now?”

  “No, of course not,” Discord scoffed.

  “But you must! Don’t you see?” Martingale stomped his hooves in frustration. “My business is ruined! Nopony will work with me until I get you to leave.”

  “As sad as your little tale of woe is, I simply cannot concede.” Discord shrugged. “I made a commitment to be in The Singing Stallion. And so, the show must go on.” He posed with his lion’s paw over his heart and looked off into the horizon.