Never Look Back (Counting Stars Book 1)

by Trish Williford

  "I would tell you to move in with him of course!" I exclaimed without even thinking.

  She smiled brightly. "See! What makes that any different than you and Spence? You've been dating the same amount of time as we have!"

  I crossed my arms, trying to come up with a logical debate. "You two have known each other a lot longer. I think Spencer is just in love with the idea of 'us'. He hasn’t even told me he loves me! We haven't even had sex yet! It's a little backwards don't you think?"

  Ryleigh's lips curled at the sides. "Oh, he totally loves you, and I think he's made it more than clear, but you just haven't opened your eyes. He hasn't vocalized it yet because he's totally afraid you'll freak...kinda like right now. He's trying to make everything perfect with you, but you're making it pretty difficult, girl."

  I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. She's right, but this is so hard for me.

  "Hey, don't get upset. We need to talk this through, ok?"

  I looked over to Ry, now sitting beside me. I nodded and took a deep breath. "What should I do?" I asked quietly.

  Ryleigh tucked her feet under her, getting comfortable. "First, I need to know what you said to him when he asked you to move in."

  I felt my cheeks heat. "I told him I couldn't because I didn't think Tank would approve and I didn't want him to retaliate and pee on my stuff."

  Ryleigh raised her eyebrows. "Tank? As in the dog?"

  I nodded, shrugging. "I couldn't think of anything else! Plus, Tank was lying across my lap, it was an easy way out."

  "Ok, what did he say to that?"

  "He laughed. Hard. He told me that it was Tank's idea."

  Ryleigh laughed. "Ok, so there isn't too much damage to clean up. You seriously owe that dog some bones or something. Now, don't think like Rebecca Patterson. Think like Kelsey Franklin. Spencer Mills just asked Kelsey Franklin to move in with him. What does Kelsey say?"

  I felt a small smile come onto my face. "Kelsey Franklin would say yes." I said quietly.

  Ryleigh put her hands up in victory. "ALRIGHT! We have our answer!"

  I shook my head. "It's not that easy. Kelsey Franklin would say yes, but part of me is still Rebecca Patterson. Although I’m not Rebecca anymore, I think I would still feel wrong living with another man without getting a divorce."

  Ryleigh looked at me like I had three heads. "Um...you are. When you became Kelsey, the marriage between her and douche weed completely dissolved. Kelsey Franklin is a single woman who has never been married. So tell me this, Kelsey, do you still love asshole?"

  Just thinking of him sent chills down my spine. "Not the person he is now. I'll always love who he was before the accident."

  She gave me a sad smile. "And that's ok. But we know that Wyatt won't ever be coming back, right?"

  I solemnly nodded.

  "Next question, does Kelsey love Spencer?"

  I looked up at her, feeling my heart race at just his name. "Absolutely."

  "Does Kelsey see herself with Spencer in five years? Ten maybe?"

  I thought about it for a moment. Five years from now, will anything be different? I suddenly pictured Spence and me lying in bed, overlooking the city with Tank lying in between us, snoring as usual. "Yes." I smiled at her.

  "Why prolong the inevitable?" she asked.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  For the first time ever, I used my key to Spencer's condo. His truck was in the parking lot, so I knew he would be home. I pushed the door open and sat my suitcases inside the door. "Spence, you home?" I yelled from the entryway.

  I saw him walk towards me from the kitchen. "Hey babe, everything alright?"

  Holy crap, is everything alright? He was standing in front of me with just a white oversized cotton towel around his waist. His hair was damp and there was still water drops on his shoulders from his recent shower. Oh, I was more than alright.

  "Yeah, I'm fine. Actually, I came over to have a talk with Tank."

  Spencer crossed his arms in front of him, giving me a half smile. "Tank, come here buddy!" he yelled towards the bedroom. I heard the loud thump of the fifty pound bulldog jumping off the bed followed by his little nails clanking on the hardwood floors. I squatted to the ground and clapped my hands. "Hey Tanky! Come here big boy!" He quickly made his way over to me as I sat Indian style on the floor. He put his front paws on my legs and instantly started licking my face.

  "Hey buddy, we need to talk. Your daddy wants me to move in here, what do you think about it?" Tank continued to lick my face, not caring one bit what I was saying. I rubbed him behind his ears and he finally sat on the floor in front of me. I looked up at Spencer to find him smirking at me. "So are you ok with me living here Tanky? I don't want to step in on you and Daddy's man time." Tank's little nub was shaking so fast it made his whole body tremble. I laughed and kissed his little nose. "Ok, so I'm taking that as you're ok with me being here. I apologize for throwing you under the bus this morning, so I brought you something to call a truce with." I reached in my purse and pulled out a rawhide bone I picked up at the store on my way over. Tank quickly took it and ran over to his doggy bed.

  Spencer still stood in the kitchen with his arms crossed. I stood up and walked over to him. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you earlier. I'm a little scared that things between us seem to be going so fast, but I'm glad they're happening fast with you. If you'll still have me, I'll be happy to move in."

  Spencer's half smile turned wide. He closed the space between us and pressed me against the counter. "I'll have you in any way I can." He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Welcome home.” He whispered.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and took a deep breath. I was ready. "There's just one thing before I move in that I have to do."

  Spence frowned. "Ok..."

  "I just needed to tell you...well...Spence, I love you. I needed you to know how much I care about you before I moved in here, and how big of a step this is for me. I'm willing to take this step with you, just be easy on my heart."

  Phew.

  Getting that out was a little easier than expected.

  Spencer's eyes doubled in size. Holy crap, did I scare him? He asked ME to move in for Pete's sake! "I mean, maybe it’s too soon. I’m sorry, just-"

  His lips were on mine before I could finish my thought. His arms were around me, pulling me tight against him. The incredible sense of security I felt with him solidified my decision. He brought his forehead against mine. "Kelsey, I love you. I think I've loved you since the beginning. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn't want to scare you off. I’ve been trying to follow your pace, but I know sometimes I’ve probably pushed a bit too far. I promise I'll keep your heart safe for as long as you'll let me have it. You have no idea how incredibly happy you make me."

  I smiled. "No Spence, you've made me so incredibly happy. You've saved me from myself."

  He gave me a lingering kiss before grabbing my hand. "Come on, I need to get dressed. We need to go get your stuff before you change your mind."

  I laughed, pulling him back towards me. "Not so fast. My stuff is already packed and sitting in the entryway. We don't need to go anywhere...and you don't need to get dressed."

  Holy moly, where in the world did that seductive voice come from? His eyes grew dark and his breath quickened a bit. “Are you…” He began to question.

  “I’m ready.” I whispered against his lips.

  Spencer picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, letting him carry me to the bedroom. He pushed me against the wall, kissing me hard.

  He looked scared and confused. "Are you sure?" He asked quietly.

  I nodded, grabbing the sides of his face. "Spencer, please make love to me tonight." His face relaxed and softened. "Anything you want babe."

  I closed my eyes. "I want you to want me."

  He rubbed his thumb across my cheek. "I've wanted you since day one. Patience is a virtue and it looks like it's paid off. I would have waited
forever for you."

  I hovered above his lips. "No more waiting."

  The morning sun was beginning to rise over the mountains, letting its rays into Spencer's...er...our bedroom. I smiled at the reason why I woke up feeling warm. Spencer's body was tangled around me, his leg wrapped over mine and his head lying on my chest, just like every other morning. I ran my fingers through his hair as I watched him sleep. Last night was amazing. As cliché as it sounds, I have never felt so close to someone in my entire life than I did last night. He made me feel beautiful, desired, sexy...and most of all loved. He didn't rush anything, taking his time and making sure every inch of my body was thoroughly washed away of anyone else. Last night, I gave the last piece of myself to Spencer.

  He started stirring, nuzzling into my chest, bringing me back from my blissful memories of last night. His green eyes flickered open, finding mine. "Good morning." I whispered.

  He gave me a lazy smile. "Hmmm...good morning. I'm going to get used to waking up like this every day."

  "Me too." We spent a good portion of the morning still lying in bed, kissing between little cat naps. Spence was still sleeping when I decided to get up for the morning and take Tank outside. When I came back in I started making breakfast for us, using my new beautiful kitchen. I almost had the bacon finished when I felt strong arms wrap around my waist.

  "You're beautiful AND you cook breakfast? I really hit the jackpot."

  I turned my head to kiss him. "Um hmm. If you continue to do what you did to me last night, you'll get a pretty amazing breakfast every morning."

  A low growl escaped from Spencer's throat. "I have definitely hit the jackpot. Anything I can help with?"

  "No, I'm good. Can you take my bags into the bedroom? I'll unpack when we're finished breakfast."

  Spencer kissed my cheek and disappeared from the kitchen. By the time I sat the last plate on the table, Spencer was walking out of the bedroom holding something in his hand. "Spence, breakfast is ready."

  He didn't look up from what he was looking at. "Spence?"

  "Kelsey, I started hanging some of your clothes and came across this." He held up the picture of my family that I snuck with me.

  Oh no.

  I closed my eyes and sank onto a chair. "Spencer, fix a plate and I'll explain."

  He sat down next to me, but continued to look at the picture. "This is you." He said quietly.

  I took a deep breath. "That is me...and my parents and my twin brother."

  Spencer looked at me with confusion. "I thought you said you were an only child."

  I had to tell him. I can't lie to this man who wants to share a life with me. "Spencer, everything I'm about to tell you can't leave this table."

  He gave me a slight nod.

  "I grew up in Louisiana, not Mississippi. I have a twin brother and my parents didn't die. I was telling the truth when I said I was severely abused for years by my husband, and I finally decided to run. When I was on the run, I was pulled over during a traffic stop and the detective found me in really bad shape. I was in the hospital for about two weeks, then put into a therapy facility to get me mentally stable again. During that time, the detective along with the FBI was able to get me into protective custody. I received a new name, a new 'life', I just couldn't ever go back home. My family and friends have no idea where I am. They could think I’m dead for all I know."

  His eyes were large. He was extremely quiet, and I was hoping he wasn't about to throw me out. "Spence, say something. I'm so sorry I lied to you. In the beginning I had no choice, and I really shouldn't be telling you this now. But I can't start a life with you and not be honest."

  His hand rubbed the back of his neck. "I knew it was bad Kelsey, but I had no idea it was this bad. Will you tell me more?"

  I nodded. "What do you want to know?"

  He thought for a moment. "What was your name before?"

  I gave him a sad smile. "I was Rebecca Adams-Patterson, but I went by Becca."

  He swallowed hard. "What made you finally run?"

  I took a deep breath. "The night that I ran was the worst night of my life. I was certain I was going to be left to die. A few of my bottom teeth were knocked out, I had several broken ribs, and a severe concussion from a kick to the head. I received third degree burns on my lower back, that’s where the scar is from that you felt. A chunk of my hair had been ripped out. I was in bad shape. I passed out, and when I woke up he was sleeping. I was only able to grab a few items, including that picture, and I fled. I slit the tires on his truck so I would have a head start. He saw me pulling out of the driveway, but he had no way to chase me. I drove as fast as I could for as long as I could."

  Spencer's eyes were closed, his face showing obvious pain. "Why didn't you leave sooner? Why didn't you try to get help?"

  I looked down at my knotted fingers. "He threatened to kill my parents and Pres. I knew he would, he was so unstable, especially towards the end."

  "Pres?"

  "My twin, Preston. He was my best friend. I knew he would have taken the whole thing the hardest; they used to be best friends. I’m pretty sure he and Daddy suspected things towards the end."

  He shook his head. "So everyone in your old life thinks you’re dead?"

  “Probably. I have no idea what’s happened back home.”

  He rubbed his hand through his hair before looking at me for the first time since the conversation started. "Come here." he whispered. I slowly stood and walked to him. He pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me as tight as he could. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. It kills me you had to go through all this. You had absolutely no one when you came here, and I was such a fucking jackass to you. Kelsey I can never forgive myself."

  I tried to pull away to look at him, but he tightened his grip even more. "I need to hold you."

  I kissed his cheek. "Don't be upset with yourself Spence. You had no idea. All that matters now is I'm here and I'm safe. I finally found someone that makes me feel secure and worthy of love. When I tell you that you've saved me, you really have no idea how much I really mean those words. You have helped me come closer to the outgoing and fun person I used to be. I'm thankful every day that I was sent here, otherwise I would have never met you."

  I could feel his body shaking against mine. I pulled away, this time he let me. I grabbed his face and made him look at me. "Stop. I told you this because you asked, and I wanted to be honest with you. Please don't make me regret it. I'm better. You've made me better."

  He nodded his head, but still had a sad look on his face. "I love you. That will never happen to you again, I promise. I'm going to take such good care of you for the rest of my life, okay? I'll be here anytime you need to talk, but right now I need a change of topic before I go to Louisiana and kill that mother fucker."

  I moved off his lap and onto my chair. "Ok, then let's start with you eating the breakfast I made you."

  A small smile hinted at the corners of his mouth, his attention now on the food. "You made bacon. I like bacon."

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  It has been one month since our first date. We spent the day yesterday shopping for last minute Christmas gifts for Spencer’s family. I agreed to visit his family with him for the holiday in Tyler, Texas. We are leaving tomorrow and would be there until the day after Christmas. Tyler is less than three hours from my hometown of Monroe, but I was trying not to think about that. There would be no way that anyone I knew back home would be in Tyler while I was. Just knowing that I would be two hundred miles away from Wyatt made me uneasy. I can’t wait until we can get the holiday over with and I can be back in Canada where I feel safe…and we haven’t even left yet.

  I walked into the condo and found Spencer packing in the bedroom. "Hey, I just dropped all of the packages off at the post office for your family. I made sure they were all wrapped and tagged. We should get there tomorrow before they receive them. And Tanky is at Collin's house, Ryleigh said they will be sure to take good care of th
e pup over the holiday."

  Spencer frowned but continued to shove things in his suitcase. "I feel bad for always leaving him. I'm glad he likes Ryleigh and Collin though, it makes it a little easier. Did you drop his food, treats and gifts off?"

  I smiled. "Of course I did. He's going to have a good Christmas Spence." I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his middle.

  He sighed and put his hands over mine. "I know he will. He's just my buddy. He was there with me when I was going through my rough patch."

  I kissed his back and smiled. "I know, and he loves you too. Now, stop moping and finish packing. I'm going to order dinner and I want to enjoy the night with you...if you know what I mean..."

  He slowly turned to face me, that sexy smirk playing on his lips that catches my entire body on fire. "Oh yeah?"

  I bite my lip, trying to hide my obvious desire. "Yeah...so are you going to be a good boy and finish packing?"

  His hands brushed my sides, grabbing the hem of my shirt. "Of course, I'll finish packing...later."

  I stopped his hands from pushing my shirt up my stomach. "Nope. Finish packing first. I'll order dinner." I leaned up and tugged his ear with my teeth. "Hurry up." I whispered huskily before walking away.

  I heard him groaning lowly behind me. "You're such a tease Kel!" He yelled.

  "Finish packing Spencer!" I yelled back.

  I swayed my hips from side to side, knowing he was watching me walk away. I giggled to myself, this feeling of being desired and feeling sexy was new, and I liked it. I flipped through several take out menus, spotting the sushi restaurant that delivered.

  "Spence, is sushi ok?" I yelled. I leaned against the counter, looking over the menu. He didn't answer. "Spence, you feeling sushi?" No answer. UGH! "SPENCE!"