Destined to Change

by Harley, Lisa M.

  He shot me that sexy smirk, raised an eyebrow, and shrugged his shoulders.

  He could’ve been for all I knew. I didn't know anything about this guy. Since he was Jake’s nephew, and I trusted Jake with my life, I could only assume that he wouldn’t let me spend time with Jaxon if he was a bad guy.

  “What do you do? You know, for a living.”

  His eyes lit up as he explained, “I work on cars. Old cars are my specialty. I’ve always been kind of fascinated with them. My mom says when I was little, I took everything in the house apart, just so I could see how it worked and then put it back together. I kinda feel that way about cars. I like to take a look under the hood and see what I can do to make her purr.”

  I don’t know if he meant to make it sound that way, but I was definitely blushing. He gave me a little grin and took a swig of his beer.

  When we finished our beers, the waitress came over, and Jaxon ordered a couple more. I shot him a pissy look.

  “I know, pinky- swear and all, but I’m really having a good time getting to know you. And it’ll take more than a couple of beers to get me drunk,” He said with that damn, sexy smirk of his.

  I nodded as the waitress skulked away to get our order. When she got away from our table Jaxon leaned over, “Wanna dance?”

  I tried to slink down in my chair. I don’t dance, unless you count when I have the radio blaring and dance around my house, and I don’t think you count that. “I don’t really know how to dance.”

  “Just follow me, honey, and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the makeshift dance floor, pressing me against his strong muscular chest. I couldn’t tell if the room was spinning, or if it was just my head. Just being that close to him was making me crazy. And then I did the one thing I shouldn’t have done - I looked up. Big, gorgeous brown eyes were staring down at me. I gulped and my heart literally skipped a beat.

  We danced through several slow country songs, never taking our eyes off of each other. I had never felt that connected to any other man besides Declan. Declan. He was never far from my thoughts, but I had to admit, I hadn’t been thinking about him much while Jaxon and I danced.

  When he started to lean down toward me, it just seemed natural. He brushed his lips along my neck right below my ear. I shuddered from my head to my toes and everywhere in between. He looked down at me through those long brown eyelashes and gently pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and sweet.

  But when he tried to slide his tongue into my mouth, I pulled away and found myself screaming, “What the hell?” I ran to the bathroom and as soon as I slammed the door behind me, he was knocking on it.

  “I’m so sorry, Loralei. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He was quiet for a moment. “Oh, shit I did, I needed to kiss you. I still do. But if you don’t want to, I won’t push you, I promise. Please just open the door and let me in.”

  I leaned against the bathroom door. “I can’t believe you did that. I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t want you to kiss me. Why would you do that?”

  Utter silence. Jaxon didn’t say a word. I slowly opened the door and he was gone. I couldn't believe he just left me there. I ran to the table and noticed my purse was gone.

  I headed outside and found Jaxon sitting in the truck, holding his head in his hands. If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought he was crying. But he was definitely not the kind of guy you would find crying with his head in his hands, right? I opened the door, and he never moved. I climbed into the truck and shut the door.

  Finally, he looked over at me. “Loralei, I’m so sorry I did that. Something is wrong with me, I fuck up everything. I was having such a great time with you, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I’ve been dreaming about what you would taste like since the first time I saw you on the farm. But you’re scared. I get that. I won’t let it happen again. You can trust me.”

  I kept my eyes glued to the floorboard, unable to look at him. “It’s okay, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright?”

  When I finally looked at him, he nodded, and we drove all the way home in silence; not even any classic rock on the radio this time.

  Jaxon

  I was right, I was in trouble with this damn woman. When she explained what had happened to the twin’s dad, my heart hurt for her. I could tell by the look in her eyes that her heart broke that night. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to take all of her pain away. I hadn’t known this woman long enough to feel this way about her. I have too much baggage. I can’t add that shit to her life. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with it, she shouldn’t have to deal with it too.

  When the waitress brought our beers, she was staring me down. Did she not fucking see that I was with someone? It wasn’t like Loralei and I were together, together, but still. This skank needed to back the hell off.

  I explained to Loralei, “I needed to get away from the big city for a while. There was some shit going on, that, well, it was just better for me to get away.”

  She asked, “Are you running from the law, mister?”

  I wasn’t running from the law, but I had had some run-ins with the law. So I just shrugged my shoulders and smirked at her.

  I was so happy when she asked me about my work. I had always loved to talk about my passion for cars. “I work on cars. Old cars are my specialty. I’ve always been kind of fascinated with them. My mom said when I was little, I took everything in the house apart, just so I could see how it worked and then put it back together. I kinda feel that way about cars. I like to take a look under the hood and see what I can do to make her purr.”

  I would love to make Loralei purr. There was that blush again. I was really starting to love that blush. I took a swig of my beer and grinned at her.

  We were having such a good time. I didn’t want it to end, so when the skanky waitress came over I ordered us a couple more beers. Boy that pissed Loralei off. She shot me a look

  “I know, pinky- swear and all, but I’m really having a good time getting to know you. And it’ll take more than a couple of beers to get me drunk.”

  She finally agreed and I asked her, “Wanna dance?”

  I could tell by the way she tried to slide down under the table and hide, that she didn’t want to dance.

  She finally answered, “I don’t really know how to dance.”

  This was gonna be fun. “Just follow me, honey, and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

  I grabbed her hand and led her out to the dance floor. Damn, she felt so good in my arms. Being this close to her was making me feel weird things. I couldn’t understand what the hell was drawing me to this sweet, innocent woman. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. When she looked up at me – that was it. I was lost to her.

  We danced through several songs and then, God, I had to kiss her, taste her. I bent my head down and lightly brushed my lips down her neck right below her ear. I could feel her shudder under my touch. I had to take this slow. I didn’t want to scare her. I leaned in and very gently pressed my lips against hers. She tasted so sweet. I could have kissed her like this all night, but I was greedy, I wanted more. When I tried to slide my tongue into her mouth, she jumped back, screaming, “What the hell?”

  Before I knew what was happening she was running toward the bathroom, slamming the door, and then locking it.

  I knocked on the door. “I’m so sorry, Loralei. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Damn it, I screwed this up. I went too fast and scared the shit out of her. “Oh, shit I did, I needed to kiss you. I still do. But if you don’t want to, I won’t push you, I promise. Please just open the door and let me in.”

  I could hear her lean against the door, “I can’t believe you did that. I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t want you to kiss me. Why would you do that?”

  God damn it! Why did I do that? I fuck up everything. I was having such an amazing time, and then I had to screw it up and push her into something she d
idn’t want or need. I had to get the hell out of there, and get away from her. I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her more. I threw some money down on the table to cover our tab, and noticed we left her purse unattended, so I grabbed it and headed to the truck.

  I climbed in the truck and slammed the door behind. I laid my head in my hands. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was so damn close to bawling like a baby. Something about this woman was getting to me. I couldn’t do this right now. My life was fucked up and I couldn’t bring this sweet, innocent woman into my hell. I had to stay the hell away from her. That was the only way it could be.

  She climbed in the truck. It took me a few minutes before I could even look up at her. “Loralei, I’m so sorry I did that. Something is wrong with me, I fuck up everything. I was having such a great time with you, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I’ve been dreaming about what you would taste like since the first time I saw you on the farm. But you’re scared. I get that. I won’t let it happen again. You can trust me.”

  She couldn’t look up at me either, she stared at the floorboard. “It’s okay, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright?”

  Yes, that was for the best. We just needed to forget that any of this had ever happened. I nodded and we drove home in silence. I didn’t even want to listen to the radio.

  Loralei

  When we got home, he dropped me off at my house before he took the supplies out to the barn office to be put away. I decided I really needed to talk to Emma about what happened at the bar. I could never understand how every time I really needed to talk to her, she didn’t answer her stupid phone. I screamed into her voicemail, “Ems, why the hell don’t you ever answer your phone when I need you?”

  God, I needed to talk to someone about this. The only other person I could think of was, well, my mom, and since she’s the one who started all of this, I didn’t know if that was the best idea.

  “Mom, I really need to talk, can you come over?”

  Immediately she assumed something was horribly wrong. “Oh no, what’s wrong, honey?”

  Well, mom the world is coming to an end. This hot as hell guy that you forced me to spend the afternoon with had the nerve to kiss me while I was practically molesting him with my eyes...this was what I wanted to say. Instead I said, “Mom, everything is fine. I just need to talk to you about something, please come over.”

  Within a few minutes, mom was standing in my kitchen, begging me to tell her what had happened. I couldn’t help what happened next. As much as I didn’t want to cry in front of her, the tears wouldn’t stop once they started. She pulled me into her arms and told me everything would be okay, but I didn’t think I really believed her.

  I explained to her what had happened. She didn’t laugh at me, she didn’t give me the PPL, she didn’t look like she felt sorry for me, she just looked at me with love.

  “Honey, you have to move on from Declan. It has been ten years since the accident, and you’re not happy. I can’t stand to see you like this. Please just give Jaxon a chance. He might not be the right guy for forever, but maybe he is the right guy for right now.”

  That last sentence struck a chord - I liked Jaxon, and I wanted to get to know him better. I wanted him in my life, right now. It didn’t have to be forever. I believed in my heart that since Declan had died I only remained on the earth to raise the twins. That’s why I didn’t die in the accident. It didn’t matter if I was happy, as long as they were. They were all I needed, and they kept me close to Declan’s memory. But Jaxon was starting to change my thinking.

  Once I calmed down, my mom went home with the understanding that I would take a chance on Jaxon.

  Chapter 4

  Loralei

  A few weeks passed and I saw Jaxon almost every day. We would discuss farm business over coffee in the barn office every morning. I would sometimes eat lunch with the farmhands, and Jaxon and I would always sit close to each other. Once in awhile, our legs would touch under the table. That would send a shiver up my spine. It was like we couldn’t get close enough.

  We flirted innocently, well mostly, and I really thought about what my mom had said. He may not be my forever, but he could be perfect for my right now.

  The other farmhands and Jake were always teasing Jaxon about his “fancy-pants”, heavy metal t-shirts, and of course his piercings and tattoos. He took it all in stride, but I could tell that some of the things they would say to him would embarrass him. They called him “Stud” because of his many piercings, and I really think they were kinda jealous of all the attention he was getting around town. Women were definitely taking notice of Jaxon. We didn’t see many guys like him in this little town.

  We were all sitting around the table in the barn office eating lunch on that Wednesday afternoon. Jaxon just kept staring at his plate. He looked like he was scared to eat what was on it.

  I leaned over. “What do you mean you don’t know what greens are? How is that possible?” I was trying not to laugh my ass off at him.

  “Woman, I have never even heard of greens. What exactly are they? Looks like spinach, and I’m definitely not Popeye.” He continued to stare at his plate.

  I couldn’t control my laughter. He finally took a bite of the collard greens fried with bacon and onions, and he smiled. Shoveling a huge forkful in his mouth, he said, “These are awesome!”

  I realized it was going to be fun introducing Jaxon to my country ways. He grew up in the city and he was definitely a “city boy”. He had only been on the farm a little over a month. He hadn’t really been able to experience much since he’d been here.

  After lunch, Jaxon followed me back to my office and he looked really nervous. He was wringing his hands and I could tell he was sweating. He walked in behind me and shut the door behind us. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I was a little nervous now too. I tried to stifle a chuckle at him, but I didn’t know what was coming next. I finally broke the silence, “Jaxon, can I help you with something?”

  “Um, I have a question to ask you, Loralei. I was wondering, would you like to go out with me Friday night?” He finally made eye contact when he said, “Friday night”.

  Oh my God! Jaxon was asking me out. On a date? Whoa! I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t want to say yes, because if I was being honest with myself, my feelings for him kinda scared me. But I didn't want to say no either, because my lady parts needed to be happy and Jaxon sure could make them dance just by looking at me with those gorgeous brown eyes. I had also promised my mom I would take a chance on him.

  I had to answer him. I had been standing there staring into his eyes while I was having this conversation in my head. “Yes, Jaxon, I would love to go out with you on Friday. I’ll just need to make sure my parents can watch the twins.” Yeah, right, like that would be a problem. My mom would be jumping for joy when I told her.

  Jaxon finally took a breath. I couldn’t believe how nervous he was and how relieved he seemed now that I had said yes. He then placed a light kiss on my cheek as he left my office. I felt like one of those silly love sick teenagers who say, “I’ll never wash this cheek again.” I felt silly for feeling that way, but it was kinda true.

  Thank goodness it was already Wednesday when he asked me out. I don’t think I could’ve survived having to wait any longer; my nerves were about to overtake me. My mom had of course jumped on the opportunity to babysit.

  When Friday finally rolled around, Emma came over to help me get ready for my big date.

  “What are you planning on wearing tonight, Lor?” Emma asked as she held up my old Hank Jr. t-shirt between her fingers like it was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen.

  “I’m not sure. That’s why I asked you to come over. Now, help me pick something out,” I said, sounding a little annoyed with her hatred of most of my clothes.

  She gave me that devilish smirk. I’m not gonna lie, that smirk had always scared me. I saw that smirk right before she almost got
us kicked out of school in the seventh grade for filling Mrs. Edgeller’s desk drawer with shaving cream. “Well, luckily, I anticipated this problem and brought you some options from my closet.”

  That meant she had brought something that I probably wouldn’t be caught dead in. She pulled out a bright red dress that was so short it would have left nothing to the imagination. “Uh, that’s a no. Next.” I looked at her annoyed. Then she pulled out a little black dress that I swear to God was cut all the way down to the navel. I didn’t even have to say anything on that one. She could tell by my stance and expression that she better just put that right back in her magic skank bag!

  Finally, she pulled out a light pink ruffle skirt. It was so cute, a little short, but definitely something I would wear. “Okay, this I might be able to work with. What should I wear with it?”

  “I would wear it with a white tank and this.” She pulled out a gorgeous short hot pink denim jacket with some rhinestones on the breast pockets. So country, and so definitely me. Ems had always known me so well. She knew I would never wear her first two picks.

  After she helped me get ready, she headed home, and I almost wore a dent in the floor pacing in front of the door as I waited for Jaxon to arrive. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this nervous. Jaxon and I had been flirting and spending time together on the farm, so this was the logical next step. But what if he expected more? What if he thought we would have sex tonight? I definitely wasn’t ready for that.

  When he finally got to my house I didn’t even wait for the doorbell to ring. I heard his truck pull up and I opened the door. He hopped out of the truck and my heart skipped a beat. He looked absolutely gorgeous. He had on dark stonewashed jeans, and a dark grey button up shirt, with the sleeves rolled up - just enough for me to see some of his tattoos - and black motorcycle boots. His hair looked like he had run his hands through it a few times. About the time I had that thought he reached up and did it.