Destined to Change

by Harley, Lisa M.

  “Well apparently our time together meant nothing to you if you’re willing to just leave when the going gets tough. I thought we were falling in love, but I guess I was really, really wrong.” I tried to hold back the tears.

  Jaxon pulled the jeep over and grabbed my face in his hands. His eyes were so intense. We sat there for a long time just staring at each other until he said, “God damn it, Lor. I don't think I love you.”

  My heart sank in my chest. He doesn't love me. That's why it was so easy for him to just walk away.

  “I fucking know I love you. I have never felt this way about anyone before. Saying all that shit just now about killed me. I can’t stand the thought of not being with you. Not seeing you every day. I love you and I love the kids and I want to see where this goes. I want us to try for our happily ever after. Don’t you want that too, Lor?”

  I wanted to scream “yes” and “I love you too”, but I couldn't say anything. I reached up and swiped my knuckles across his jaw. “Eric is an asshole. He doesn't know what's best for me and the kids. But I do, and I think that's you.”

  He kissed me, a sweet, soft, meaningful kiss. A kiss that told me that we were going to be together and that it didn't matter what anyone else thought.

  Chapter 6

  Loralei

  The next few days were great. Jaxon and I spent every minute we could together. The fact that we worked together was really convenient. That's one of the perks of being the boss, you can make-out with your farmhand boyfriend in every possible place you can think of on the farm. The barn, the field, the garage, the garden, my office - so many places, so little time.

  I walked into one of the horse stalls and suddenly felt warm breath on the back of my neck.

  “Morning, babe,” Jaxon said, placing a kiss on my neck. I felt his tongue as he licked a trail from my ear to my jaw. I shivered from my head to my toes.

  “Jaxon, stop. Someone will see us.”

  “No, they won’t. Everyone went into town for the sale this morning. We have the barn all to ourselves. Of course, we have to share it with the horses, but I don’t think they’ll mind if we roll around in their hay for a bit.”

  I turned to face him. “Did you just insinuate that I would roll around in the hay with you?”

  He nuzzled my neck and nipped at my ear. “Why yes, ma’am. I believe I did.” He laughed against my neck and pushed me onto the bales of hay in the corner of the stall.

  I giggled as he was fumbling with the buttons on my shirt. “You need help with that, stud?”

  Jaxon pulled away. “You know I hate it when the guys call me that, but when you do it, it really turns me on.” The sexy smirk was back. “I’ll make you think stud.” He kissed me hard.

  As his tongue thrust into my mouth, I pulled my knees up so I could get him closer to me. He pressed into me and let out the sexiest moan. “God, you feel so good. I want to bury myself inside you, and never come out.”

  “Then do it already. Please, Jaxon, I’m ready. I need to be with you.” I was breathing heavy and probably sounded like a crazy person.

  “Not like this, Lor. Not out in the barn, literally rolling in the hay. It needs to be special.”

  “How about tonight? My parents are keeping the kids. We’d have the whole house to ourselves.”

  Before I got the words out of my mouth, he picked me up off of the hay and started swinging me around in circles. “Whoa, calm down stud. I’ll take that as a yes?”

  He stopped spinning and sat me down. “Yes, for you the answer is always yes.”

  The rest of the afternoon dragged. It seemed like the day would never end. I got home and called my mom to make sure the kids were okay. I told them to get their homework done, be good for their grandparents, have sweet dreams, and mommy would see them tomorrow.

  I could do this, right? It’s just sex, Loralei. I tried to tell myself it was just sex, I really did. But it felt like so much more. Like when Declan and I were together, it wasn’t about the sex, it was about our connection. It was about our future. I felt like this night with Jaxon was going to change things.

  I was an excited, scared ball of nerves. We were going to be together. He could be my future. And that was huge. If he was going to be in my life, that meant he was also going to be a part of my kid’s lives. I had thought of nothing else since that first night we spent together. I had finally come to the conclusion that I loved him, and he wasn’t going anywhere. So, yeah, I decided I could do this.

  I took a long, hot shower. Towel dried my hair and put on my sexiest nightgown. While I was searching for something to wear, I realized I probably should have gone with Ems one of the many times she invited me, to pick out something sexier. My sexiest nightgown was just a short, white baby-doll gown. It was trimmed in lace and very feminine. Not super sexy, but I had to work with what I had.

  I left my hair down and went downstairs to the kitchen. I decided maybe a glass of wine would help calm my nerves. I poured a large glass and headed to the living room to wait for Jaxon. When I walked into the room, my eyes immediately flew to the mantle, to the picture of Declan and I. I walked over to it, picked it up, and almost cried. Almost.

  My feelings were changing. Declan would always be my first love. But I was starting to realize that he wasn’t the only love of my life. Jaxon had done this. He had made me forget, no not forget, I could never forget my past. But he had made me reevaluate my future, or my destiny.

  Tonight would change everything, but I wasn’t nervous anymore. It was like Declan had released me. Something had happened in my head and my heart. Something that made me know how right tonight was going to be. How right Jaxon was for me and my future. Tonight was going to be life-changing.

  When I heard the motorcycle barreling down my driveway, I went into the kitchen and rinsed my wine glass and put it in the dishwasher. I didn’t want Jaxon to think I had to drink to do this.

  He knocked on the door and I ran to answer it in just my nightgown. He was dressed in his signature “fancy pants” and a blue Eagles t-shirt. His shaggy hair was perfectly tousled and those big brown eyes were taking in every inch of my body.

  I cleared my throat, and he finally made eye contact. “Babe, you do realize that sexy-ass nightgown is completely see-through in the light? You may have just given me a heart attack.” His eyes were lingering on my breasts. Men - they’re all the same.

  “We have plans tonight, mister. You can’t die on me now.” He walked in the house and immediately picked me up and pressed me against the wall.

  He whispered in my ear, “I don’t plan on dying until I see you with that gown off.”

  Thank goodness he was holding me up, because those words, and the way he said them, almost caused my knees to give out. He kissed my neck right below my ear, and made his way up to my ear. He nibbled on my earlobe, and I giggled.

  In a low, sultry voice he said, “You know how I feel about you laughing at me.” He kissed me, picked me up, and started carrying me upstairs toward my bedroom.

  We were still kissing when he sat me down at the foot of the bed. He looked down at me through those long lashes and grabbed the hem of my nightgown, pulling it over my head. I stood in front of him in just my white panties. I instinctively crossed my arms over my naked chest. Even though he had seen my breasts before, it was just an instinct to cover them.

  “Please don’t do that, babe. I want to see and experience all of you. Please don’t be nervous or shy. It’s me, and I love you. I don’t plan on having sex with you tonight, Loralei. What we are going to do means so much more to me than just sex. I’m going to make love to you. I’m going to show you how much I love you. And I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me what you want or don’t want. I want you to know that you can’t do anything wrong here. We love each other and anything we do in bed together will be perfect. Now, I want to ask you one more time, are you sure you're ready for this?”

  I was in awe of this man. His words just melted my he
art, not to mention what they did to my panties. I didn’t answer him. Instead I reached for the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Then I unzipped his jeans and slid them down to the floor. He kicked them off and we both stood in silence, staring at each other. Jaxon placed his hand on my cheek and started to gently rub his thumb back and forth over it. He leaned in and placed a very soft kiss on my lips. I needed more. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him toward me. I kissed him with everything in me. I wanted him, and I wasn’t going to wait another minute.

  He pressed me back onto the bed. His lips never left mine while he laid down beside me on the bed. He slowed the kiss down. I couldn’t control the whimper I released when he pulled his lips from mine. There was that sexy smirk again.

  “You miss me already? I’m not going anywhere, Lor. You are mine.” He kissed my neck and moved down to my breasts. He was caressing one with his hand and kissing the other. I couldn’t decide which felt better. They both felt pretty amazing. He kept looking up at me. I couldn’t take my eyes of him. He was so beautiful.

  He removed his hand from my breast and slid it down to my panties. Never breaking eye contact, he removed my panties. Then he leaned up and started looking at me, like really looking at me. When his gaze got to my c-section scar, he leaned down and placed soft kisses along it. It felt amazing, but I was shaking. He was getting really close to the place I wanted him to be.

  “Babe, are you okay?”

  I guess he felt me shaking and it worried him. “I’m just a little nervous.”

  He stopped what he was doing, gave me a long, sweet kiss and said, “What did I tell you, Lor? There is no reason to be nervous. It’s just me. I love you.”

  I shook my head. “Maybe I wouldn’t be so nervous if I wasn’t the only one lying here naked.”

  “Your wish is my command.” He took off his boxers and I was shocked. Okay, yes I was shocked to see his penis, but I was even more shocked to see that.

  I guess I was staring, because he said, “Remember when Sammy asked me about my piercings? I didn’t tell him I didn’t have one, I just told him we shouldn’t talk about it. If it scares you, I can take it out.”

  I reached down and touched it. Jaxon let out a small gasp. I asked, “Um, will it hurt me?”

  “No, babe, it will feel really, really good. I promise.”

  Jaxon started kissing me again. He pulled away from my lips and his mouth trailed down my stomach toward my inner thighs. He said, “I want to kiss you there, Lor. Do you want me to do that?” I couldn’t speak, I nodded. He pressed his face into me. “You smell amazing. I cannot wait to taste you.”

  Before I could think about what was happening, his tongue was inside me. He was licking me and then he was sucking my clit. He grazed it with his teeth and everything went blurry. I arched my back, which only made his tongue go deeper and I screamed out, “Oh my God.”

  Once I came down from my glorious high, he climbed up to my mouth and whispered, “You can just call me Jaxon.”

  I had to smile at that.

  He placed his knee between my legs and spread them further. “Are you ready?” he asked.

  “Yes, Jaxon, I am.”

  He was leaning over me and then he started to press himself into me. When I felt the piercing hit my clit, I flinched. He stopped, “Okay?”

  “It just felt weird, it’s okay. Please keep going.”

  He pressed deeper and deeper until he was all the way in. I could feel the piercing the entire time. It had been so long since I had done this; it felt like I never had.

  “I’m going to move now, okay? Tell me if you want me to stop.” He started moving. Very slowly at first and then when our bodies became accustomed to each other, he sped up. His piercing was rubbing me and I was getting so close. He was thrusting so hard now. The headboard was hitting the wall. I was moaning, he was moaning. “I’m so close Lor, are you close?’ I nodded and he said, “Let’s come together, okay? Ready?”

  I was having a really hard time speaking, but I finally got out, “Yes.”

  He started thrusting into me. Once, twice, and then we came together. He was breathing heavy, nuzzling my neck. “I love you, Loralei Harper. Oh my God, I love you.”

  We spent the rest of the night holding each other. It was the most amazing night I had had in my twenty-six years. Jaxon and I were in love and nothing could change that.

  The next morning when I woke up, I was suddenly panicked. Last night I was so happy to be with Jaxon that I never even thought about it. How did I not think about it? After what happened with Declan, how could I have not thought about a condom? I had never needed birth control before. I honestly didn’t think about it last night. But why didn’t Jaxon? He knew why he was coming over. He knew I hadn’t been with anyone in ten years. He had to know that I wasn’t on birth control.

  I had to ask, “Baby, are you awake?”

  He peeked at me with one eye, “Yeah, everything okay, babe?”

  I just needed to spit it out. We had just spent the night together, so why was asking him this question so embarrassing?

  I finally just blurted it out, “Um, why didn’t you use protection last night?”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I’m clean, Lor. I knew your history and knew you were too.”

  That didn’t really answer the big question though, did it? I didn’t want to get pregnant again, especially not this early in our relationship. With the twins I could write it off as being a careless teenager, but this would be different. “What about getting me pregnant? I’m really not ready for that, Jaxon.”

  “I’m sorry, Lor. I don’t know what else to say. I just wasn’t thinking.” That didn’t really calm my nerves any, but I guess it was the best answer I was going to get.

  We really needed to get to work. We didn’t want to leave each other, but we knew we would be able to see each other all day.

  The next week was great. Jaxon and I spent as much time together as we could. I thought it might be awkward between us, but it was the opposite. It was so easy to talk to him, to be with him. Actually, we wanted to be together all the time. But that was kinda hard to do with the kids and the farm. But we tried to eat lunch together every day.

  I was sitting at my desk that morning, when he walked in. He sauntered over to me, picked me up out of my chair, and sat me down on the desk, he slid in between my legs and kissed me so passionately, “I’ve missed you, baby.”

  He was doing all of the right things, in all the right places. Before I knew it we were panting and had moved past heavy petting when all of a sudden the door flew open. Jaxon’s eyes shot up and he got this look on his face. This look that said he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do.

  He backed away from me and went running toward the door. I looked over and saw a beautiful blonde woman standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. She was a very small woman with a perfect body, long blonde hair, and she was wearing a shorter than short mini-skirt with a barely there halter top with 4 inch stilettos. She looked even more out of a place on a farm than Jaxon did.

  She screamed at me, “Who the hell are you?” I couldn’t understand why she was so mad at me, why she was crying, or why Jaxon was just standing there staring at her.

  “I’m Loralei, and you’re in my office. So, I think I should ask the questions. Who the hell are you?”

  The words that came from her mouth literally made my heart break. “I’m his wife.” She pointed at Jaxon. He looked over at me and didn’t say a word. I couldn’t help the tears that came into my eyes.

  He finally spoke, “Stacy, please wait outside. I need to speak to Loralei.”

  Stacy replied “Like hell I will, you fucking bastard! What the hell are you doing with your tongue down her throat, you’re my husband, you asshole!”

  “Don’t worry about it, I’ll leave you two alone,” I said on my way out the door. Jaxon didn’t try to stop me, and I was actually glad he didn’t. I wa
s too upset to talk to him. I really didn’t want him to see how much this was affecting me. How much he was able to hurt me.

  When I got home, I called mom.

  “Would you be able to keep the kids an extra day? I think I’m gonna go to Joplin today, instead of tomorrow.”

  “Everything okay, honey? You don’t sound so good.” Mom asked.

  “I’m okay. I’m not, but I just don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?”

  “Is Jaxon still going with you?” She asked, knowing he wasn’t.

  “Something happened. Long story – I’ll explain it later. I promise.”

  I got the kids stuff packed for their long weekend with their grandparents and started my three hour drive to Joplin.

  I finally turned my phone off about half way to Joplin. Jaxon wouldn’t stop calling. I had nothing to say to him. I couldn’t believe he lied to me. How could he be with me if he was married and why didn’t Jake tell me he was married. I really didn’t understand what was going on, but I couldn’t think about it right now.

  I turned my phone back on long enough to call Emma. I needed to talk to someone about what had happened.

  “Hey, Lor, what’s going on?” She answered with her normal, perky voice.

  I was sobbing. I could hardly respond. “He’s, he’s married, Ems.”

  “Who’s married, Lor?” She asked.

  “Jaxon. Jaxon’s married. His wife showed up today. He has a wife.” I was still crying and trying to focus on the road.

  “That fucking bastard. I’ll castrate him for you.” Ems was always supportive. “Why the hell didn’t he tell you he was married?”

  “I don’t know. When she showed up, he acted like I wasn’t even there. When she saw us together, kissing, he looked like a kid who got caught with his hand in a candy jar. He looked like he was doing something wrong.”

  “I’m flabbergasted, Lor. I don’t, I just don’t even know what to say. I’m here for you always. Whatever you need, you just let me know. Don’t you dare cry over that bastard. He doesn’t deserve you.”