The Nowhere Witch (Tales of Xest Book 2)

by Donna Augustine

  Gregor smiled. I tried to smile back even as the truth hit me. That was it. Gregor was proof. I was here for the crowds. I was a fake bartender.

  “It’s very nice to meet you.” I nodded to the back room. “Uh, Zark, you think I could talk to you for a second?”

  “Of course. Anything for you, Tippi.” The rough and rugged personality of the Zark I’d first met had somehow transformed into the persona of a doting uncle who wanted to fulfill my every wish.

  I smiled at Gregor again before walking away.

  Zark spoke before I could get the chance. “Is there something wrong? Do you think you won’t mesh with Gregor? I can get someone else to help you if that’s the case. Your happiness is very important to me.”

  I was shaking my head before he finished. “No, not at all. Your son seems like a very nice man.”

  “Then what’s wrong?” He stared at me like a man about to move the sun out of orbit if I said I didn’t like the glare.

  “Well, don’t you think that maybe since I’m getting paid, I should do the bulk of the work? I don’t feel like I’m doing much of anything.”

  Zark shook his head in painfully feigned shock. “You do a lot. Why would you say something like that?”

  “I washed four glasses yesterday. That’s it. That’s all I did, all day.” He might be willing to nix the sun and his son, but the line seemed to be drawn at messing with his bar.

  He rubbed his jaw. “Are you unhappy about that? I want you to be happy here. Maybe you could wipe down the tabletops or something?”

  If this job didn’t work out, I was done. And if you are listening, Helen, that does not mean I’m giving up. It just means maybe I might have to get very creative about my living situation.

  “Look, I like it here and I’m so grateful for the job. But if you’re keeping me for the crowds, they’re going to dwindle eventually after everyone gets their look. You know that. Then what happens? Will I get fired then when they’re done eyeing me up and I’m not doing a good job? I’d rather be useful now and know I’ll have a place to work.”

  There, it was all out on the table now.

  Uncle Zark suddenly disappeared, and the craggy old man I’d first met was back. “Look, if you really insist on trying to do more, even though you’re not good at it, we can work something out if it’s going to keep you here. But as far as the crowds dwindling after they get their fill? It’s not going to happen. That room out there? They think you’ve got something special that’s wearing off on them. They’re not leaving, and I’ll pay you more if that’s what it takes.” He crossed his arms and looked like a man with a mission.

  “I’m not looking for more money, but this is going to wear off.” I hooked a thumb toward the packed room.

  “I’m not so sure.” He shook his head. “They think you’re lucky, and I think they’re right.”

  “You mean you believe it too? Trust me, I’m not lucky.” I could give the man a long list to prove my point.

  “Well, some might think you are. I’ve never made so much coin in one day.”

  “And when you figure out that I’m not?”

  “I won’t fire you because that won’t happen.”

  There was a clear choice here: argue over why he should fire the lousy employee, or be happy for employment. Did I really want to talk him into getting rid of me? I had an apartment and a dust bunny with a fondness for cocoa.

  “Okay. That sounds fair. I’ll head back to the bar now.” Who was I to try to convince a man he was wrong? I was sure much better women than me had tried and failed.

  “That’s great. The crowd likes to see you. Try to stay front and center.” He smiled, waving me off.

  I made my way behind the bar, where Gregor was already filling orders.

  “I’m really sorry you have to help me,” I said. “I’m going to try to get better fast. It seems some of my magic gets a little excited at times.”

  His eyes lit as the corners of his mouth turned up. “It’s fine. Rumor has it that you like to save up your magic for bigger things anyway.”

  “I didn’t really plan that,” I said, not wanting to start off a new relationship being a big magic showboater, especially when I couldn’t even make a drink well.

  “You’ll find your way. I do have to say, a lot of us were surprised you came back. Word was you wanted out of Xest as soon as you got here.”

  He was wiping down the bar as he spoke, as if he didn’t care that much and this was all small talk, but the gut I swore I was going to listen to said he was a little too interested.

  “The place grew on me, I guess. It’s hard to fit into Rest after the curtain is pulled back,” I said, not imagining he’d understand. How could he when he’d never had to hide what he was?

  “Any plans, you know, beyond this? I’d imagine someone as strong as you are would have some.”

  Ah, now all the questions made sense. Seemed everyone, from the sneers to the nods, was afraid I was going to rock the boat around here.

  “I really don’t. I’m just playing it by ear.”

  He let out a small laugh, as if elated to hear I wasn’t determined to take over Xest single-handedly. Who did these people think I was? All I wanted was a nice little space to call my own, a job to pay the bills and maybe have half the population of Xest stop sneering at me.

  9

  Better shoes were in order for my new job. My heels were aching, and there were squishing noises coming from my feet. By the time I got to my place, it felt like I was walking in a slushie.

  Nailed to the door was a long yellow scroll, nearly as tall as I was. Was I getting evicted already? What the hell was this? I ripped it off and brought it inside with me.

  Letter from the Office of Immigration and Naturalization. You are hereby notified by the authority of all things magical in Xest that you need to present yourself first thing tomorrow morning regarding permanent residency in Xest.

  The text became so tiny after that, I’d need a magnifying glass to read it. At the bottom was a raised seal.

  Where was I supposed to present myself? Did I need a lawyer? Were there lawyers in Xest?

  I rolled the thing up and headed back out.

  I found Zab at the Watering Hole, his favorite bar, conveniently located within spitting distance of his place. He was at his favorite table with his friends, all of whom I’d met before.

  He was having a drink. All the people at the table were familiar and greeted me with a smile. At least I was still welcome here.

  “Zab said you were back. Sit! Have a drink!” Ab said, smiling like this might turn into date night suddenly. Berita was already pouring me a drink.

  “I’d love to, but right now I need to steal Zab for a minute. Bit of an emergency.”

  Zab stood, looking guilty already. “It’s the dust bunny, isn’t it? What did it do?”

  “No. I’ve got that under control. This is much worse.”

  “Worse than the dust bunny?” he said softly. Zab waved me outside. “I might not be back, so don’t wait for me,” he said to his friends.

  “We should go upstairs,” I said, motioning in the direction of his place. The letter would be a little conspicuous spread out on the sidewalk.

  “What’s happened?” he asked as soon as we got inside.

  I pulled the yellow parchment out and unrolled it onto the floor. “This. I’m supposed to meet with them tomorrow morning. I’ve never heard of them before. Do you know what this is? Is it a trap?”

  He took the scroll, which was hitting his feet. His eyes enlarged and he did a fast intake of breath. “Wow. I’d heard of them, but I’ve never heard of anyone actually going to see them.”

  “Why now? Why didn’t they come for me before this? I was here for months before. I’m back for a couple of days and I get that?” I put my fingers to my temple, trying to keep a clear head over things and not think the worst.

  He looked up, biting his lip. “I don’t know, but maybe it’s nothing. Maybe you
had to be here a certain amount of time cumulatively?”

  My guess was no. The list of people who wanted me gone was only half the population of Xest, would take a day to write down, and even then, I’d probably miss a few. There were people who hated me and I’d never seen their faces before. Zab was an optimist by nature. I could’ve plopped him down in the middle of an amusement park filled with princes and princesses and he’d feel right at home. I, on the other hand, mentally lived in the savanna, waiting to get eaten. I had a bad feeling that this situation was more tigers than royalty.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

  Zab gasped. “You have to go. You can’t blow this off. You’ll get kicked out of Xest.”

  “Shit. Shit. Shit.” I walked around the room, wishing his place was bigger so I had more space to pace.

  He tried to follow me but decided to take a central location and just turn with me. “Look, don’t worry. I’ll take the morning off and go with you. We’ll figure this out. It’ll be okay. You can meet me here in the morning, since the place we have to go is in this direction, according to the instructions.”

  I grabbed the paper back from the table he’d left it on. “What instructions? I didn’t see anything.”

  “It’s right there, see?” He pointed to some dots and dashes and circles. “These mean walk toward the sunrise in the morning.”

  “How will we know what building?” Were there more dots or wrinkles that were going to answer that too?

  “Oh, that’s easy. Government buildings only show up at appointment time. Whatever isn’t there today will be it.”

  The obstacles to live here kept growing, but here was the only place I could ever be myself. How could I go back to Salem now? They’d have to let me stay. Somehow, I’d make this right.

  “What if when I see them tomorrow, they kick me out?” I asked Zab. He didn’t have an answer either, but there was no one else to ask.

  “We’ll figure something out.”

  My feet were sore and my head was pounding as I made my way home. I couldn’t shake the eerie feeling that I was being watched, and after the note on my door, maybe I was.

  There was a faint chattering in the distance, and I scanned the area for the source. Then I saw the Hear No Evil, See No Evil, and Speak No Evil monkeys running across the street toward me. They climbed up to my stoop, standing all six inches tall, in front of my door.

  “What are you guys doing here? Does Marvin want to see me?” Even if he did, I wasn’t going. I was too tired and too sick of Xest people right now, especially him and his factory. This night had already been too long several hours ago.

  “We heard you bust people out of the factory?” Speak No Evil said.

  “I don’t bust people out. I helped one person relocate.”

  I wrapped my arms around myself. The walk from Zab’s to my place hadn’t been that bad, but the night had been that long. If I opened my door to go inside, would these little jerks follow me in? They were little. I could probably take all three of them at once if I had to. I could probably nudge them out of the way with my boot. It wasn’t like they were that nice. Kind of obnoxious, if I remembered correctly.

  I reached over them, opening my door to little cheers below me.

  “I wasn’t inviting you in,” I said.

  They didn’t seem to care as they ran inside. By the time I shut my door, they were already on my couch. A trail of dusty prints led underneath where they sat. At least the dust bunny was accepting the furniture.

  Ignoring my guests, hoping they’d leave, I moved to the wood stove.

  “The air has the slightest chill and needs to be warmed.” Not hot. Please, not hot. The thing burst into flames that looked like they’d been taken from the surface of the sun.

  “You guys can’t stay here,” I said, throwing off my jacket.

  “We have nowhere else to go,” Speak No Evil said.

  All three little faces looked at me. I knew what that felt like all too well. Still, I didn’t like them. Did I really have to help them? No. They had to go.

  But did they have to keep looking at me like that?

  “Isn’t Marvin looking for you?”

  “He’s mean. He makes us sit on his shelf all day. It’s like a jail,” Speak No Evil said, clearly the spokesperson for them.

  I had to toughen up and couldn’t afford to piss more people off by aiding and abetting Marvin’s statues.

  And then Hear No Evil started crying.

  “Fine,” I said. “You can stay, but just for tonight.”

  A little cheer went up, and then the three of them were doing flips on my couch.

  “Only tonight,” I said.

  They stopped jumping to nod.

  “Only tonight. Of course,” Hear No Evil said.

  They were never leaving.

  I ran both hands through my hair and was heading toward the bathroom when Speak No Evil called after me, “I think you’ve got a dust bunny in here.”

  Two “ewws” followed.

  I didn’t answer as I shut myself in the bathroom.

  10

  Zab was waiting outside his apartment when I got there the next morning, looking down the street one way before looking the other direction. Nothing he saw seemed to make him happy. When he noticed me heading his way, I got a brief smile, but it slipped out of place quickly after.

  “Why are you so nervous? Did you hear something?”

  “I’ll tell you on the way. We can’t be late. Apparently they frown upon tardiness.”

  “But all they said was ‘in the morning.’” Was this a Zest thing? Was in the morning an actual time?

  “Doesn’t matter. If your idea of morning is different than theirs, it’s a problem.”

  He started walking briskly, as if his life depended on it as well as mine, because that was just who Zab was. He cared, maybe too much sometimes. If some girl ever broke his heart, I’d kill them.

  Or maybe not. He did like the ladies a little too much, and not always the same one. My sweet Zab might end up being the heartbreaker, although certainly not on purpose. Either way, not a pressing problem at the moment.

  If he walked any faster, we’d be jogging.

  “Did you find something out?” There was a marked difference between last night’s Zab and today, and I didn’t think it was the couple of ales. He kept looking over his shoulder, like he expected someone to be following us.

  “Yeah. I thought that they weren’t around much because we so rarely have newcomers that stick around long. You know, because…” He gave me a look that said it all.

  “They die too fast to bother.”

  He shrugged. “Something along those lines. Turns out this doesn’t usually happen unless someone calls immigration in.”

  I hated when I was pessimistic and it turned out that I was right. Now to figure out who called immigration on me, which was going to be like climbing up a sand mountain.

  “Someone hired Braid and Spike to get me here, and now someone else is calling in the government to get me kicked out. It makes sense, since I seem to be such a polarizing person these days. I could easily guess two names already: Raydam and Belinda. Maybe that weird little dude that said I was evil. He’d want to get rid of me for sure. What was his name?” Dammit. I had to remember for the list. It might be a sand mountain, but I’d be climbing it like I’d hiked my entire life. “Jasper! That was it.”

  “You’re not blaming Hawk?” Zab asked.

  “This might be the only thing I won’t blame him for. Siccing Xest immigration on me wouldn’t be his style. I’d be more inclined to believe he’d kill me himself first. Yeah, he’s off the hook for this. Plenty of other people hate me, too many to count.” But I was counting. I’d have to start putting names to the sneers. This would not go unanswered.

  We were still walking to the edge of town when a building suddenly appeared at the end of the road. Zab was right. You definitely knew this one was different.

  It was a singl
e-story cottage that was bright blue and sparkled in the morning sun. The roof was covered in snow as if it had been here for a while, even though it hadn’t. The windows glowed with light, but I couldn’t make out any shapes or forms inside.

  Zab waved me to run the last bit. “You have to hurry. You need to be standing in front of the door when it opens.” He stopped short about five feet away while I continued until I was in front of the door.

  “You can’t come in with me?” I asked, looking back at him.

  “Only if they invite me in.”

  I hated to continue to be the pessimist, but…

  “If this goes badly, call Oscar. He might be able to help.” He was the only one who might have enough clout to help me out if things went sideways, and also be willing.

  “Got it.”

  The door swung open and a woman of undetermined but extremely old age stood in front of me looking like the quintessential witch, dressed in a black cape with stringy grey hair falling down her back. If the Wicked Witch of the West had looked like her, little kids would’ve run screaming from the theater. I wanted to run screaming.

  She eyed me up thoroughly before glancing past me to Zab.

  She pointed a bent finger at him.

  “You are not invited.” She turned around and walked inside. “Come in and shut the door.”

  One last glance back at Zab was all I got before I was shut into the room alone with her and two more witches. The other two were in the same black cloaks, same long grey hair, but one had ringlets. It did absolutely nothing to soften her look. The other was stirring a large cauldron over a massive fireplace. Dried plants and herbs hung from the ceiling as I walked across the wood-planked floor.

  “She’s the immigration call we received,” the hag who’d answered the door said, seeming to have some sort of rank amongst the three of them.

  “They said she was a Nowhere witch. Is that true? Are you a Nowhere witch?” the one with ringlets asked.