Elemental Fear

by Ada Frost

  Elliott said he was snowed under with work and he spent the last fortnight in his Manchester flat, he said that he wanted to come home but this new client of his was causing difficulties with changing plans at the last minute wanting to add elements in, but the problem was that in doing so it changed the dynamics of the architectural design. Then there was a small problem with planning constrictions and public planning. It all sounded quite problematic and stressful but I was grateful it was keeping him away; a naughty part of me wished I was on that same council to prohibit and cause more planning constrictions to keep him there longer. He referred to his last beating as ‘our misunderstanding’. He always had a pretty little label for them, I couldn’t even say this has been the worse of the beatings but it certainly brought unwanted attention. Usually he refrained from serious harm that landed me in hospital, with lasting injuries to this extent. I expected the usual bombardment of apologies and false promises and pathetic gifts but I received nothing, instead he whole heartedly blamed me, I will take some accountability for pushing him to the extreme and not ignoring Johan and walking away in the club, when I knew in those circumstances Elliott would be angered by his attention, as innocent as it was. I also know that I should have discouraged us going into a nightclub full stop.

  It is always the case when something like this happens; he disappears to the safety of his office stating he has too much work preventing him from coming home. Not that I care, usually I find it a blessing that I get time to physically recover, I would love to say that I get time to emotionally recover but I lost hope of that ever being possible. My main concern is keeping my family safe, the further he stays away the better. Dad is still seething with him and badgers me with question after question of why I don’t want to go to the police. Also why Elliott isn’t here helping me and trying to get to the bottom of the attack. I’m still in shock that dad actually hit him; I've never believed dad capable of losing his temper enough to strike anyone.

  I thought once upon a time that I could learn to love Elliott that given time I would forget about Dominic and fall madly in love with him instead. In the beginning after our first kiss I honestly believed I could fall for him, I thought I was falling in love, but over time instead of my affection turning to desire they strengthened to friendship. I loved him more as a friend, not as a lover. I remember when we first started this relationship. I had the usual giddy feelings of any new relationship, but as time wore on I realised I enjoyed his company; I liked spending time with him, as a friend. When he touched or kissed me it felt wrong, and unnatural. I didn’t want to hurt him because he had made it abundantly clear how he felt. But as time progressed I pulled away from him. I offered my friendship and ended our relationship. But he didn’t accept that.

  A knock at my bedroom door startled me from my thoughts. I wiped at my face and nose. “Come in.”

  The door opened slowly and Ellie came running in, leaping straight onto the bed, jarring my ribs slightly with the sudden movement of that mattress. Quietly Johan stepped into the room smiling at me.

  “Hi” I beamed at him, I haven’t seen him in over a week and it was so good to see him. His usual stubble had developed into a short beard; it made him look older but by no means any less handsome.

  “Hey beautiful.” He smiled, his gorgeous blue eyes twinkling “I found a little princess dancing in the hallway and asked if she knew where I could find my gorgeous girl.” He winked at me. Ellie sat across my lap studying Johan.

  “He sounds funny.” She said staring at Johan. “Like the people on the tele”

  “Ellie, that’s rude” I chastise.

  “He does, listen. Talk!” She demanded waving her hand in a commanding manor, what a brat. I swear she develops attitude daily.

  Johan laughed, winked at me clearly showing he had taken no offence.

  “I need to wee-wee.” She said abruptly and wriggled off of the bed.

  “I didn’t realise I sounded that different.” He mumbled sitting down in the chair near my bed.

  “I’m kind of used to it, so I don’t think about it anymore” I shrug then smiled at him

  “It seems to fade when I haven’t been back in a while, mama-su always comments on my British accent when I do go home; she says I'm becoming more British by the day.” He laughed and shook his head.

  “When do you think you will be going home?”

  “My home is here now Eve, I miss my family but I don’t...there is nothing in the states for me anymore. But usually I go home for the holidays, so the next one will be Thanksgiving.”

  “When is that?”

  “This year I believe it’s November the 28th”

  “Oh” I replied, I was hoping Johan would like to come over here on Bonfire night and watch the fireworks at our house.

  “What? What’s with the sad face?” He asked tilting his head to the side and studying me.

  “I’m not sad I just...on the fifth here we have bonfire night, we just...it’s when we all get together and have fireworks and some hot food. It’s silly really but I was going to ask you if you wanted to join us –“

  “I’ll be there. Thank you for inviting me” his smile was breathtaking, perfectly straight and white teeth. When Johan genuinely smiled he has two little dimples appear on his cheeks, but they are getting a little hidden by the scruff of facial hair.

  “We have a bit of a get together my granddad comes along too, he’s a little...erm...crazy, to say the least he chatters about all sorts, so I'm pre-warning you. You’ve met mum, dad and Ellie...and Elliott. So are you going home...I mean to visit your mum and dad for thanksgiving?”

  He grimaced when I said ‘mum’ but quickly masked it with his facade smile, and shook his head “Nah, Mama-su will understand. I hate the long flight, and they said that they were coming over here to me this year for Christmas, even my brother is coming, he’s trying to convince Marissa, his fiancée, to visit but she always spends it with her family so he’s unsure of her plans yet, but he’s promised me that he’ll spend this year with me, his last year before he becomes a married man.” The pride in his voice when he talks about his brother warms my heart. “So I hear tomorrow your slacking ass is coming back to work, it’s about time.” He chuckled and I knew he didn’t mean any malice by it.

  I nodded

  “So how are you getting to work, do you need a ride? I can call on my way to the office if you like.”

  “Oh...erm...I usually get a lift from Dominic. I was just going to text him later and see...” I trailed off when I saw the frown crease Johan’s brow. “What is it?”

  “Eh, oh...erm...nothing” when I say nothing and continue to wait for an explanation his shoulders slump “it’s just I don’t think he will be...available. He’s...when I spoke to him Friday he said you were coming back Monday and he asked that I made sure that you didn’t over do it. And to make sure you got to work okay.”

  “Why would he say that? Where...is he not speaking to me now or something? I haven’t seen him in a few days but I didn’t think...” my voice trailed off as I internally battled with my emotions. I know his attention has diminished of late but I assumed it was because he was extremely busy with the new contracts and with me being sick I just thought he didn’t want to sit around playing nursemaid all night.

  “He left the office early Friday, and isn’t in Monday or Tuesday because he is...” Johan paused and looked out of the window. A bleak look on his face and I knew he was withholding information from me.

  “Please Johan, just tell me.” I knew I sounded pathetic but my body was alight with expectation of what blow was to be administered with his words.

  “Well last week he...I was in with Liz from the PAYEE department when he came in with his new details –“

  “What new details?”

  “His change of address –“

  “What? He’s...but...he’s moved out of Jill’s? When? Why didn’t he tell me?” I stammered.

  “I assumed you knew that bi
t,” he said in a quiet voice, lowering his head to look at his hands knotted in his lap. I shook my head in the negative. I knew he couldn’t see me because he wasn’t looking at me. But right at that moment in time my voice would not work without me breaking out into embarrassing sobs so I remained silent. I rarely cry in front of people, Elliott had taught me that showing weakness only brings more pain. He took a deep breath “Why do I always feel like the bearer of bad news with you...I always managed to freaking upset you.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Anyway, he’s obviously flown the nest and left his mom’s house. I don’t know where to though. He didn’t say and I don’t think he would have told me had I not been in the office at that particular time. You know what he’s like about guarding his privacy at work, so that will have really pissed off the ice-man, that little ol’me found out.” He grinned.

  “Johan please” I choke out.

  His face sobered and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed, I could tell whatever was coming next he was struggling to tell me. “This weekend he is...he took time off...” He scrubbed his hands down his face “he’s helping...Vanessa...she’s moving out of her apartment or flat as you call them, and apparently he is helping her.”

  I swallowed at the lump in my throat but it didn’t stop the tears welling in my eyes. And more embarrassingly a huge tear rolled down my cheek. “They are moving in together?”

  “Oh Jesus, I always make you freaking cry.” He stood from the chair and sat on the edge of my bed to the side of me. He didn’t touch me he just stayed close as if he knew I needed that comfort. I remained silent, trying my best to compose myself, especially in front of Johan. But all I kept thinking was he’s back with Vanessa. A soft sob escaped me as I inhaled a long breath.

  “Come on Eve, don’t cry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to upset you” his arms went around my shoulders and he pulled me to him, cradling me to him. I wheeze at the movement, I gripped at his shirt, pinching at his skin. “Oh shit, sorry I forgot...oh I'm really fucking up today I only came to see if –”

  “mummy Joanne said a bad word and made Eve cry” Ellie shouted from the door, I hadn’t realised she had come back into the room. Johan stiffened slightly squeezing my shoulder but then relaxed and with his usually charismatic voice charmed his way back into my little sister’s affections.

  “I'm sorry about the bad word princess, but Eve needs her mommy to get her some medicine to make to pain go away. She is crying because she tried to get off the bed to come find you, sweetie so we could maybe take my gorgeous girl here out for a walk. But I need your help to find a park; do you know of any parks nearby?” My little sister’s face lit up like a beautiful Christmas tree. She nodded so fiercely I thought her head might fall off.

  “MUMMY.” She screamed at the top of her voice.

  “Princess maybe you should go find your mom.” Johan laughed

  “Okay...mummy get the medicine. I go get you some juice Evie-beevie. Sorry I didn’t come back, Harry and Zane were on the TV.” She looked at me guiltily.

  “It’s...okay” I panted through the tears.

  She ran off down the hall screaming for mum to get me some medicine and juice.

  “Who are Harry and Zane?”

  I took small breaths as the pain receded “members of her favourite boy-band” I clarified. “She’s five.” He coughed out in shock.

  I smiled and refrained from laughing.

  “Who the hell are you?” snapped Lou; it’s like Piccadilly Circus in here today. “And why are you making my sister cry?” stand down Rottweiler.

  “Wow” I heard his reverent whisper. It was almost inaudible, and had I been an inch further away from him I wouldn’t have heard it. I looked up at Johan and noticed his cheeks were pink and the tips of his ears were even blushing.

  “Well?” She snapped again crossing her arms over her chest.

  “Dominic is helping Vanessa move in with him.” He replied in a monotone, almost robotic voice. His gaze fixed on my sister.

  “What?” She snapped then shook her head and looked at me “What is he talking about?”

  I pulled away from Johan. “Johan has come to offer to take me to work tomorrow because Dominic has taken time off to help move Vanessa in with him, apparently he moved out of Jill’s last week. So they are now living together” I let out a sigh and wiped at my swollen eyes.

  “Okay...but why would that make you...” She paused as recollection hit her “Oh...Eve...no! I thought...why didn’t you tell me...you’re seeing Dominic?”

  “Shush no...I just –“

  “We have a rule Evie-beevie no lying remember? You can lie to this clown but not me”

  “Hey.” Johan called offended.

  “You made her cry you idiot. Why would you tell her something like that and not expect to upset her if she has feelings for him. A friend wouldn’t do that.” She pointed her finger accusingly at him.

  “A friend would know that she had feelings for him in the first place.” He snapped back. “Okay...okay...stop before the whole street thinks I'm in love with Dominic. I'm not by the way. I'm just...hurt he didn’t tell me himself. It’s the tablets that are making me more emotional than usual.” I protested.

  Both Johan and Lou looked at me with an ‘I don’t believe you’ look on their faces.

  I looked at my hands in my lap and tried to compose myself. I felt like my carefully crafted and composed world was slowly shifting into chaos. I always thought my feelings for Dominic were a secret I heavily guarded and my skills at such would be recognised by MI6. And my ingenious secret keeping abilities would be highly regarded; clearly right about now I would be collecting my P45 and told to clear my desk for betraying my country. I smile at my heinous idea and look at the two people sitting watching me as if I need committing to hospital for my own mental safety.

  “Let’s go to the park. Just pray it doesn’t pour down with rain” I ordered.

  “Cool.” Johan smiled and stroked his hand reassuringly down my back.

  “I can’t...I...erm...Darren is coming to –“

  “Oh Lou, really?” I didn’t mean for the condemnation in my voice but she immediately picked up on it and bristled at me.

  “What? So you can have feelings for someone who doesn’t want you but I can’t talk to my baby’s father?”

  “Hey, you may be her sister but you don’t talk shit to her. You got me?” I looked round at Johan shocked at the stern tone of his voice.

  “Listen, GI Johan she is my sister so stay out of it.” She snapped.

  I raised an eyebrow at her and suppressed my smile, these two were ridiculous.

  “Is she for real?” He turned to me and pointed in the direction of Lou. I looked at his scowl and her pouting face and burst into a fit of laughter. I couldn’t help it; they were like two bickering children.

  Johan tried to remain serious but his dimples betrayed him. He smiled his huge gorgeous smile and turned to my sister, who scowled before she was hit by the dimple-effect. Forget the Lynx effect, when Johan hit you with his dimples you were a goner. And even from across the room I saw my sister swoon. Her eyes glassed over and a flush crept up her neck to ruddy her cheeks.

  I clutched at my ribs when they started to ache.

  Lou returned to her room and we walked down the hall to the living room where music blared from the surround sound speakers, Ellie was dancing around toIcona Pop – I love it.“Eve! Come dance with me.” She continued to dance around the room. I shook my head and smiled at her little body jumping around.

  “What about the park?” I asked. There was no way I was going to dance in front of Johan.

  “Dance first.” She panted.

  “Come on Evie-beevie, shake your booty.” Johan whispered in my ear.

  “Pff I don’t think so”

  I turned and smiled watching my sister dance around the room. The song ended andFootloose came on and my cheeks immediately pinked. “Oh hell no!” whispered Johan. I laug
hed.

  “It must be Lou’s iPod she’s using”

  Next a song from Glee came on and Johan lifted his eyebrow at me accusingly. “Okay so it’s mine” I laughed. I started bouncing my shoulders to the beat looking over my shoulder at him; I bit my lip and smiled shyly at him. As the chorus started I mouthed the words and lifted my arms and started dancing along, my movements were a little slower and more robotic than usual due to my sore ribs but I made it work. Ellie squealed overjoyed I was joining in with her. Johan shook his head and laughed at my silliness.

  He wandered over to the docking station and looked through the music menu. Shaking his head as Ellie and I strut our stuff.

  The park was forgotten by all, Johan played DJ and Ellie and I pranced around the room trying to appear like we had rhythm. The ache in my body prevented me from being too adventurous but I joined in the best I could. The worse pain came when Ellie insisted on teaching Johan theHoedown Throwdown from Hannah Montana, I can safely say I have never in my life laughed as much. Even Lou came to the room, abandoning Darren to see what I was laughing at. She sat with me on the settee holding her sides laughing hysterically. But like a good sport Johan suffered through the entire tutorial, taking it seriously for Ellie’s sake. The sight of his backside was a nice treat.

  “One direction” Ellie shouted jumping up and down clapping when the next song came on.

  “Nope, no self-respecting man dances to that.” He refused.

  “Joanne you’re mean” Ellie huffed and I laughed at her calling him Joanne again.

  “My name princess is Johan...as in Yo-han”

  “That’s what I said.” She looked over her shoulder at us from her crouched position near the docking station. Johan rolled his eyes and shook his head. I smiled and realised I hadn’t had this much fun in a long, long time. And for a change my heart felt a little less broken. I stayed seated on the settee watching my new best friend dance around making a fool of himself for the sake of my sister’s happiness and I adored him for doing that.