Fully Loaded

by Hissong, Theresa

  “That will be up to the doctor and whatever the tests say, dear,” she replied, leaving the room after asking if I needed anything else.

  “Don’t, Kiera,” I moaned. “Please don’t yell at me right now.”

  “I’m not, Heather,” she sniffled. “I’m just scared.”

  “So am I,” I admitted.

  Rio and Kiera sat quietly next to my bed. Kiera held my hand as if I would disappear if she let me go. I didn’t protest, because the feel of her thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand was soothing in a motherly way that I needed at the moment.

  “Do you want me to call him?” she whispered, after several minutes.

  “No,” I cried. “I don’t want him to freak out. I’d rather wait to see what the doctor says.”

  “Okay,” she replied, but didn’t say anything else because the doctor arrived with the nurse, Pauline.

  “Hello, Ms. Rose,” he said. I took a chance and opened my eyes, but when the jolt of pain speared my brain, I quickly covered them again. “I see you have severe light sensitivity. Do migraines run in your family?”

  “I wouldn’t know, sir,” I replied. “My mother died when I was seventeen and my father…well, I don’t see him anymore.”

  “Okay,” he said, writing on his chart. “I know this is going to be uncomfortable, but I need to give you an exam. I’ll keep the lights down as low as possible. I’m going to need you to sit up.”

  He proceeded to shine a light in my eyes, asked me to follow his fingers as he moved them across my field of vision. It was very hard to do with the pain in my head. At one point I had to hold up my hand, “I’m sorry, I’m dizzy.”

  “Alright, Ms. Rose,” he began. “I’ve seen enough. I’m going to have you taken for an MRI. Just to dig deeper into these symptoms. This test should show us what’s going on in your head. I’m going to need some blood and urine samples, too.”

  “Okay,” I mumbled and returned to the bed.

  “I’m going to give you a little something for the pain,” he replied.

  The next several minutes were humiliating as the nurse took me to the bathroom and handed me a little cup with a sticker on it announcing that it was mine. I used the bathroom and quickly handed over the cup. When we returned to the room, she gave me a shot of medicine in my IV and took some vials of blood from my other arm.

  “Someone will come and get you when they are ready to take you for your MRI, sweetheart. Try to get some rest.” The nurse left us with lights dimmed and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief when the pain medicine worked its way through my body, stopping the sharp pains in my head.

  “That’s so much better,” I slurred. My eyes felt heavy, and I let sleep take me over.

  A hand touched my forehead and my eyes opened quickly to see Kiera leaning over the rails on the bed, “They’re here to take you for the test, Heather. I’ll wait here for you to get back.”

  “Thank you,” I smiled.

  A big, burly man in scrubs introduced himself as Big Jon, and I smiled through my drug induced silliness. “That’s a perfect name for you.” I heard Kiera and Rio giggle behind me, but I really didn’t care. I was not hurting anymore.

  Big Jon made jokes all the way to the radiology department of the hospital and when we got to the machine that would run my test, he held out his hand, helping me out of the wheelchair. He smiled warmly and said he’d be back to pick me up once the test was over.

  The machine hummed and whirled around my head as the tech instructed me to remain still. She came out a few times to check on me, adjust a few things, and then the machine would start again. I didn’t know how long I stayed down there, but by the time Big Jon returned, I was feeling less loopy and more like myself.

  “Come on, sweetheart,” he smiled. “I’ll take the long way around, unless you want to run away with me and get married. I promise to give you everything your heart desires.”

  Kiera was pacing a hole in the floor, impatiently waiting for us to arrive, “I was getting worried.”

  “Big Jon took the long way back,” I said, smiling at the sweet man.

  “Remember what I said, Ms. Rose,” he winked and backed out of the room. Kiera raised a brow at me, but I just shook my head and climbed in the bed.

  “Are you feeling better?” she asked.

  “Yes, the medicine is wearing off and I feel so much better,” I admitted. “They are never going to let me leave.”

  “Probably not,” she laughed, but it was forced.

  “Hopefully, we will get some answers tonight, Heather,” Rio said, standing up to stretch his back. I saw Kiera’s cheeks turn pink when Rio’s shirt rode up in the front. She quickly turned away, but I saw her body shiver slightly. I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing.

  “I guess we just wait and see,” I shrugged.

  It only took about an hour before the doctor returned. He entered the room, his expression was unreadable. My heart fluttered in my chest when he sat down and took my hand into his, “Heather, I have the results of your test.”

  Chapter 13

  “Your scans came back showing a tumor in your brain. Your headaches are being caused by raised intracranial pressure. The build-up of cerebrospinal fluid around the tumor is also making you vomit and lose your balance. Ms. Rose, the tumor needs to come out, and I’m going to refer you to a specialist to get the ball rolling on making you better.”

  All of the breath left my lungs and my mind rushed to the worst conclusion. “Am…Am I going to die?”

  “As far as we can tell, it looks like you may have an ependymoma, but we will need to do more tests to be sure,” he said. “I’m going to talk to the neurosurgeon to see how he wants to proceed. If it is as I believe, the tumor can be removed with little issues, but like I said, you will need to get in to see the neurosurgeon.”

  “Oh, God,” I cried, covering my face with my hands. Suddenly, I felt Kiera and Rio surround me with their arms. Both of them were crying into my hair and Rio rubbed circles on my back to soothe me.

  “I’m going to send you home,” Dr. Roche began. “If your symptoms worsen, you need to return here as soon as possible. The nurse will get you the neurosurgeon’s phone number for you to call as soon as their office opens in the morning. They will be waiting on your call.”

  “Okay,” I replied.

  I was given several sheets of paper and a prescription for medication for headaches. I was told it was a temporary fix and that I needed to make an appointment as soon as possible.

  On the ride back to my apartment, I searched the tumor online and by the time I got home, I felt a little better knowing that it was operable and not as life threatening as I’d believed. Oh, it was a serious issue, but with the right treatment, I should…would be okay.

  I put my phone away and let myself into the apartment. I had five hours before I had to get ready for work. Rio and Kiera left me after I promised them I’d be okay alone. Kiera put up a fuss, but I insisted that I didn’t want to do anything other than get some sleep.

  It took an hour, but I finally succumbed to exhaustion.

  The neurosurgeon’s office was expecting me when I called them as soon as their offices opened. I was to be at their office at three thirty. Thankfully, I could be ready to leave the school when classes let out at ten minutes till three and be to their offices with time to spare.

  Donovan’s first text of the day came in during third period, and I noticed it was the first time I’d smiled since I’d been diagnosed the night before.

  Good morning, my little rose.

  It was always the same text, but I wouldn’t complain.

  Good morning, Donovan.

  I added a smiley face blowing a kiss and sent the text. My class started to fill up, but I still had a few minutes before the bell rang to wait for his reply.

  We have a show on Saturday. I want you to come with me. Please???

  My heart clenched when I thought about seeing him again. This couldn’t continue. W
hat if I didn’t make it? He’d already lost his fiancé. That was something I still hadn’t even processed since finding out the night before.

  Sure. I have a meeting after school. I’ll text you when I get home.

  His reply was instant.

  Have a good day.

  The bell rang and I dropped my phone in my desk drawer. The kids were hard to settle down, due to this being the last week of school. I passed around another worksheet and settled in to teach them more about the Spanish Inquisition.

  Each class was more of the same. Kids were acting out and by the time the last class packed up to leave, I was more than ready to rush out the door. When the final bell rang, I grabbed my briefcase and turned off the lights to my class, pulling the door closed behind me.

  I hurried to my car and pulled up the directions to the doctor’s office on my phone. It took me less than fifteen minutes to arrive, and once inside, I was told to fill out several sheets of paper.

  I had to squeeze my hands to keep them from shaking as I filled in the highlighted areas on the forms. When asked who my emergency contact was, I put down Kiera. She was the only family I had. Hell, I hadn’t even talked to my father in two years. I had no idea where he was, or if he was even alive.

  An elderly woman entered the door and signed in at the desk. She wore a bright yellow sundress with tiny pink and green flowers embroidered all over. I tried not to stare at the green cap she wore to cover her bald head. She caught me staring though and smiled warmly at me as she took a seat. I finished the paperwork and took my seat again to wait for my name to be called.

  My phone vibrated in my hand and I had to bite back tears when I saw the message.

  Can I bring you dinner tonight?

  Here I sat in a doctor’s office, alone. I couldn’t tell him what was wrong with me, because I didn’t want him to suffer again if I died. What should I do?

  I don’t know when I’ll be home. Maybe tomorrow?

  I wiped a tear away that had trailed down my cheek.

  What’s wrong?

  I wiped away a second and third tear that escaped my eye as I stared at my phone.

  Nothing.

  By the time my name was called, my face was wet, and I had so much fear and guilt inside me that I was ate up with it. The nurse wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me to a small triage room to take my blood pressure and weight.

  “It’s going to be okay, Ms. Rose,” she said.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said, taking a deep breath to control my emotions. “I’m just scared and emotional.”

  “I can understand,” she smiled and wrapped the cuff around my arm. I took a few deep breaths to calm my heart rate while she pumped air into the thing around my arm. I also kept quiet as she stuck the stethoscope to the inside of my elbow. “Your blood pressure is a little high from you being emotional, but it’s not that bad. Come, let me get your weight and I’ll take you to the room.”

  After I stepped off the scale, she walked me to an exam room and had me sit up on the bed. The tissue paper covering it crinkled as I took my seat. Around the room were several posters, all of them showing the anatomy of the brain and spinal cord. I tried not to look at them as she asked me questions about what happened the night before.

  “How are you feeling today? Any headaches?” She wrote something down on the chart and waited for my answer.

  “Today was a good day,” I smiled. “Until I got here.”

  “It’s going to be okay,” she said, again, patting my knee. “Dr. Mercier will be in shortly to go over your tests.”

  “Thank you,” I replied. Once the nurse left, I took another of many deep breaths. The room was quiet, only the hum of the lights above my head made my eyes drift closed. I was so tired from not getting much sleep the night before. Occasionally, voices could be heard coming from somewhere outside the room, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

  It took about fifteen minutes before I heard my chart being lifted from the holder on the other side of the door. There was a pause and then a soft knock. The doctor that entered the room wore a white coat and black slacks. He smiled and held out his hand.

  “Good evening, Ms. Rose. My name is John Mercier and I’m the neurosurgeon who the hospital referred you to see for the tumor they found at the emergency room last night. How are you feeling today?” I gave his hand a shake and let it go as he turned for the desk beside the door.

  The doctor set down my chart and walked over, looking into my eyes as if he were searching for something. I had to look up at him because he was so tall. His blue eyes had a hint of gray in them and his salt and pepper hair was combed back from his tanned face. He was probably in his late forties and had a soft smile that made me relax.

  “I haven’t had any problems today,” I replied.

  “Good,” he smiled, again. “That’s good. I want you to follow my fingers without moving your head.”

  I did as I was told and let him poke and prod on me as he gave me an exam. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he sat down on the little rolling stool and pulled out a pair of glasses from his coat pocket. He looked over the chart one last time before he began.

  “Ms. Rose. You have a grade one ependymoma that needs to come out,” he paused, adjusting his glasses. “This is what has been causing your headaches and dizzy spells. We could go in and do a biopsy, but I feel that we just need to do one surgery and remove it completely. We know it’s there, so there is no reason to run tests on the actual tumor. The good news is that it is more than likely benign, but, of course, we will run a test on it once we remove the tumor.”

  “Am I going to…die?” I asked, fighting back my tears.

  “No,” he smiled. “This type of tumor is rare, but the prognosis is good. If we can get it all in one surgery, the only concern we will have is your recovery afterward.”

  “What happens after the surgery?” I asked.

  “You may have some loss of balance and overall strength. It will be very important for you to take care of yourself after surgery and if there are any problems, we will get you into physical therapy to help with any side effects. It’s best if you have someone staying with you for a while after you go home.”

  “I’m a teacher and have a few days left before school is out for the summer. Can we wait until then to do the surgery?” I asked. I had to finish the school year.

  “Yes,” he said, picking up the chart and making a note. “We can schedule it for two weeks, if that will work for you?”

  “That would be fine,” I sighed. “What do we need to do to get this out of my head?” I knew that it had to be done. I’d already gotten the idea in my mind before I had even walked in the door to the appointment. I wanted this thing out of me and I wanted it out as soon as possible.

  We talked more about where the tumor was and the procedure to get it out. He assured me that, although rare, this wasn’t anything to be worried about, but he did tell me to make sure I had my affairs in order. Surgery was always tricky, no matter how simple the procedure.

  “I’ll have the nurse come in and get you all set up,” he said, standing up to shake my hand. “You call us if you have any problems between now and then, okay?”

  “Yes, sir,” I promised, shaking his hand.

  Now, I just had to prepare myself for a major surgery, not knowing how I was going to come out on the other end.

  And I had to tell Donovan.

  I parked behind my building and grabbed my briefcase out of the car, before setting the alarm. My stomach growled and I groaned when I remembered Donovan asking me if he could bring me something to eat. I should have told him to come. I really needed him here, more than I’d thought I would. I just wanted him to hold me.

  I took the back stairwell up to my apartment and stopped when I saw him sitting on his ass outside my door, a bag of food in his lap.

  “You’re here,” I said, not moving.

  “What’s wrong?” he demanded, climbing to his
feet.

  I dropped my case as tears filled my eyes. I didn’t have anything left in me to move from the spot I was in and just let the sobs tell him the story of my day. He had me in his arms before I collapsed into a ball on the ground.

  “Keys,” he growled in my ear. I held them out and let him unlock my door. He scooped me up, grabbed my briefcase and the bag of food, hurrying us inside. He took me to the couch and sat down with me on his lap. “Tell me what happened, babe. Please?”

  “I…I don’t know if I c…can,” I said, sobbing for all I was worth.

  “Did someone hurt you?” he demanded. “Are you hurt, Heather?”

  “No,” I replied, shaking my head that was buried in his neck. I felt my tears as they soaked his skin and I tried to use my hand to wipe away the moisture, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm out when he saw the bruise that had formed from the IV given to me at the hospital.

  “What happened? Were you in the hospital?” he gasped. “Please, Heather. Tell me something. You’re scaring me to death here.”

  “I was in the emergency room last night,” I admitted. I felt his body tense underneath me and I knew he was mad. “I wouldn’t let Kiera call you, because I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “Well, now I really am worried,” he cursed. He was angry. “You should’ve called me!”

  He kissed the top of my head and asked me again to tell him what happened. The words tumbled from my mouth. “I…I blacked out while on the phone with Kiera. She and Rio t…took me to the emergency room last night and they did tests. I have a tumor in my head…a…and it has to come out. You…You were in a picture with a g…girl who l…looks just like m…me. I don’t know if you want me for m…me and I don’t know if I’m d…dying. Who is L…Lila? Lila M…Murphy? A...And I think I’m falling in love with you…” I squeezed my arms around him tightly, afraid he would leave me.

  He didn’t move, he didn’t speak. He didn’t do anything.

  “Donovan,” I whispered. “Who is she?”