Fully Loaded

by Hissong, Theresa

“I…I can’t do this right now,” he cursed, setting me to the side. “Eat, Heather. I’ll…I’ll call you.” And with that, he left me alone, scared and crying my eyes out for him.

  Chapter 14

  It’d been four days since Donovan walked out my door. I tried calling him, texting him, and once, I tried going to his place, but it was locked up tighter than Fort Knox. He wasn’t home, that much I could tell by the house being completely dark. Where was he?

  School let out today and the kids were excited to go home for the summer, but I was dreading going back to my apartment. It was lonely and quiet. I couldn’t even bring myself to answer my phone when Kiera would call to check on me. She’d shown up every night with food anyway, making sure that I ate.

  I’d called her after I’d spilled my guts like a blubbering idiot to Donovan. I’d even told her that I may love him and that he basically threw it back in my face, leaving me alone on my couch with nothing more than a command to eat. I’d tossed the food in the trash that night and cried myself to sleep.

  I couldn’t even get up the nerve to look on the internet for more information about Lila Murphy or Donovan Milano. All I knew was that I loved him and that I didn’t care that she looked like me, but I knew that I deserved answers. Answers he wasn’t giving me, because he refused to talk to me at all.

  Kiera was already there when I opened the door. The hard set to her jaw told me she was angry at something. I dropped my case by the coat closet and walked further into my living room. What had her so angry was sitting on my couch.

  “Donovan?” I gasped. He looked like hell. He had dark circles under his eyes that matched my own. He stood and looked over his shoulder at Kiera.

  She grabbed her purse and walked over to me, pulling me into her arms. “He was waiting at the door when I got here, so I let him in. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Thank you,” I said, biting my cheek to keep from crying. I would not spill another tear for Donovan Milano.

  She hurried out the door, closing it behind her. When I turned around, he was still standing there, his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans. He looked beautiful, even with the sadness around his eyes. He wore black jeans and a Glock t-shirt. This one had the sleeves cut off, like most of his other favorite shirts. His hair was out of his cap and hung straight down his back.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, removing his hands from his pockets.

  “No,” I shook my head. “You don’t have to be sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you with all of that, but I’d just left the neurosurgeon’s office and I needed someone. I was scared.”

  I didn’t mean to throw guilt in his face, but I did and the pain on his face was instant. “Fuck, Heather. I am so sorry.”

  I didn’t have time to move back before he rushed forward and pulled me into his arms, his lips crashing down on mine. Tears burst from my eyes at feeling his warmth against me again. I couldn’t be strong with him here, holding me. This was what I’d wanted when I came home and found him here after the appointment, but he had pushed me away and left.

  “I’m sorry, babe. I’m so fucking sorry,” he chanted, holding me tight.

  “I don’t know if I can do this, Donovan,” I cried. “It’s too hard. I need answers. I need to know, but you haven’t called me, texted me, or anything for four days.”

  “I know,” he whispered, holding me tight.

  “I’m a mess,” I said, my hands clenched tight in his shirt. I didn’t want to let him go, afraid he may leave again, but part of me wanted to push him away and tell him to run.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said, kissing the top of my head.

  “Like her? Lila?” I gasped at my own words.

  “No,” he answered. “Not like Lila.”

  “Did you fuck me because I looked like her?” I asked, pleading for an answer. “Please, Donovan. Tell me something…anything.”

  He pulled away and took a seat on the couch, reaching his hand out for me to sit with him. I slid my hand into his and let him hold me in his lap.

  “When I first saw you, I thought I was seeing a ghost,” he admitted. “My heart ached because, just for once, I wanted to see her face again. I just wanted to hold her in my arms one last time. She was taken away from me after we’d had a fight. She left the house angry and was in a car crash. Some asshole ran a red light and killed her instantly. I never told her I was sorry.”

  “Oh, Donovan,” I cried. “I’m so sorry.” What he was saying was so heartbreaking. He had tears in his beautiful blue eyes, but he didn’t allow them to fall.

  “As the night went on, I kept watching you. The way you moved, the way you smiled…it was nothing like her. I was waiting outside the gate after the show, praying you would just walk by so that I could meet you, talk to you,” he frowned. “Then some jerk plowed you over and I grabbed you before you hit the ground. I wanted to kill the guy for almost hurting you. When we went to eat, you looked so innocent across from me, and then you wouldn’t eat.” He laughed and shook his head, smiling at me for the first time since he started his story.

  “My stomach was so tied up in knots. I didn’t want to eat, but you made me,” I blushed.

  “Then we ended up here,” he said, pausing to kiss the top of my head, my jaw, my lips. “I didn’t want to leave you the next morning and you were so beautiful when you slept that I watched you for a long time. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. So, I found your phone and programed my number after sending myself a text so that I had a way to contact you.”

  “I was so mad when you were gone,” I admitted, twirling a strand of his dark hair around my finger. “I wanted to hate you, but you begged me to try. Was it because of her? Was it because I look like her?”

  “No, my little rose. You are nothing like her,” he said, taking a deep breath.

  “I don’t want you to be with me because I look like her,” I admitted.

  “You are nothing like her,” he repeated his earlier statement.

  “Good,” I replied. What else could I say?

  “Heather, I never thought I could fall in love again…until I met you,” he said, cupping my jaw. “I think I’m falling in love with you, too.”

  He kissed my tears away, holding me as close as possible.

  “Let me feed you, babe,” he whispered. “Then I’m putting us both to bed. I haven’t slept in days.” He released me from his arms, but slid his warm, calloused hand into mine, pulling me toward the kitchen where he had a bag of food already sitting on the counter.

  “I went by your house,” I said, once I took my seat.

  “When?” he asked, removing Styrofoam containers from the white paper bag.

  “On Wednesday night,” I admitted. “It was late and you were not there.”

  “I was at Liam’s,” he frowned. “He took me in because I was a mess.”

  “You were?” I asked. I was shocked. I didn’t expect him to be in as bad of shape as I was during our time apart.

  “He kicked my ass and told me to come talk to you,” he paused, making fists where his hands rested on the counter. “I’m sorry, Heather. I will never be able to make up for leaving you alone that night. I am the lowest form of a human for doing that. Please forgive me?”

  “I said a lot of things that you were not expecting,” I sighed. “I should be apologizing.”

  “No,” he growled, shaking his head. Those blue eyes darkened, and I saw the pain in them that he was carrying for leaving me that night. “It was my fault, love. If I have to hold you every day for the rest of our lives to make up for not holding you when you needed me the most…then that’s what I will do. I promise you.”

  “Okay,” I smiled, tucking my chin. That was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. I wiped away tears that trailed down my cheek, but he was there to catch the ones that fell afterward.

  It took me ten minutes to regain enough composure to sit down and eat the gumbo he’d brought along with a hot baguette. “Kiera said she’d been
feeding you to make sure you ate and kept up your strength.”

  “Yes,” I nodded. “She’s the only family I have.”

  “Not anymore,” he said, conviction evident in his voice. “Please tell me what the doctor said?”

  I took a deep breath and pushed away my empty bowl, before I began to recount what had happened at the emergency room and then at the neurosurgeon’s office. I told him that they thought that the tumor could be removed with one surgery, but I may have to have physical therapy for my balance and to rebuild my strength.

  “I’ll help you,” he smiled.

  “Okay,” I blushed.

  I must’ve stood up too fast, because the room started to spin and I lost my balance. I heard Donovan curse as he came around the counter to grab me by the arm, “Heather?”

  “I’m fine,” I said, holding my hand up. “I just stood up too fast, that’s all.”

  “Come on, babe,” he said, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Let’s get you into bed. Do you want a bath?”

  “Please,” I sighed. “I’m so tired.”

  “Me too, love,” he said, pressing his lips to my forehead.

  Chapter 15

  I woke up early and found him in my bed. Call me crazy, but I honestly was worried he wouldn’t be here when I opened my eyes. He was on his side, facing me. His arm rested possessively across my stomach. When I rolled over, he grunted in his sleep and pulled me closer to his chest.

  I studied his sleeping face in the early morning light that filtered through my curtains. His long, dark lashes rested on his high cheekbones. The dark shadows all but vanished with a good night’s rest. His pale pink lips pushed out into a soft pout that made me want to trace them with my finger, but I didn’t want to wake him. I understood why he didn’t want to wake me that first morning. He was beautiful when he slept. Hell, he was beautiful when he was awake.

  Last night had been wonderful. He drew me a hot bath and left me in there to soak until the water turned cold, but he checked on me every few minutes. I thought he was afraid I’d black out or have another dizzy spell when I tried to get out on my own. He wouldn’t even let me do that. He must’ve been close, because when I started to stand, he was there with a towel to dry me off and help me out of the tub.

  We didn’t have sex last night, but I knew he wanted it from the erection I felt pressed into my hip as we snuggled in the bed. There were no words as we laid there in the dark. He didn’t talk, just held me against his chest and kissed me when I fell asleep. Although he’d used love as an endearment, he still hadn’t come right out and said that he loved me. Was he still not ready?

  I slid out of the bed and went to the bathroom. When I returned, his eyes were opened slightly as he watched me cross the room. He held out his hand, silently demanding that I come back to him. I didn’t hesitate when I slid under the covers and rested my head in the crook of his neck. His arm went around me and we fell back asleep for a few hours.

  Tonight was the concert for Ares Revenge, and Donovan was going to spend the afternoon with me before we had to head over to the venue. Since we didn’t wake up until late morning, we ate lunch and headed over to meet the band while their equipment was being set up.

  I had to admit it was a little thrilling to see behind the scenes for the first time. All of the crew worked endlessly for a few hours getting everything perfect so that these guys sounded their best.

  Liam, Pearce, and Knox met us backstage for dinner. All of them dressed the part of rockstar for the night. Rebecca was going to show up later, after the babysitter arrived to watch over their two year old son, Blaine. I didn’t even know they had a child.

  “There’s Donovan’s girl,” Liam smiled. He pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek as Donovan growled low in his throat.

  “She is my girl,” Donovan scowled at his bandmate, pulling me in for a quick kiss, a possessive one at that. “How are you feeling?” He whispered against my lips, so that no one heard his question. I gave him a reassuring smile and kissed his cheek.

  The opening band arrived, pushing their equipment in through the back entrance. Donovan went over to greet them while I finished eating my dinner. I dumped my empty plate in the industrial sized trash can and took a seat on the couch at the back of the room.

  I heard the guys laughing and cutting up out in the hallway, but I didn’t get up to go see what was going on. They were guys and I had no business being in the way. I opened a book app on my phone and got lost in reading some sultry romance about vampires and werewolves.

  “Hey, babe,” Donovan said, causing me to look up from the book I was reading. “Are you bored?”

  “No,” I smiled. “Just reading.”

  “What are you reading?” he smiled. “Spanish Inquisition?”

  “No,” I laughed. “I read dirty romance books during the summer. I like to turn my brain to mush for three months out of the year.”

  “Hmm,” he smiled. A wicked gleam in his eye made me believe he was thinking of naughty things.

  “Leave your girl alone, Donny,” Pearce called. “Show’s about to start. You guys come on!”

  “Maybe later,” I winked. He pulled me up from my seat and kissed me passionately before letting me go.

  “Definitely later,” he said, pulling me from the room.

  We watched the first two bands from the side of the stage. The crowd was pumped and packed the entire place. I wished Kiera was here, but she was out of town for her job and wouldn’t be back until the next day.

  She’d texted me earlier, asking how things were going. I promised her that I was doing fine and that Donovan and I had made up. She still worried about his motives, but I told her that we’d worked that out after a long, tearful talk.

  “Alright, babe,” he smiled. “Time to go make some money. Stay here where I can see you.”

  “Okay,” I smiled. “Have fun.”

  “Always, babe,” he winked and left me to walk around the back of the stage. The band would come in across from where I was standing. I was told that this side wasn’t used and that I wouldn’t be in the way as long as I didn’t touch any of the equipment.

  The lights went down after the last band had cleared their things. The crowd cheered and called out for Ares Revenge to hit the stage. I heard the hiss from the fog machines that were placed behind Liam’s drum kit. The stage became thick with the white smoke, but I could still see the outline of the guys’ bodies as they waited for their queue to come on stage.

  This show was something to keep these guys busy during their break. In the short time I’d known them, Ares Revenge were more comfortable on the stage than they were walking down a street. Performing was their life and it showed every time they hit the stage.

  They started with a different song this time. As Knox ran out on stage, the crowd screamed and lights came up on the stage. Pearce came out ahead of Donovan and I didn’t even notice that Liam was already seated with his sticks held high in the air.

  Donovan looked over at me and winked. I smiled so widely that I thought my cheeks were going to split. Holy crap!

  They were two songs into the show when something changed. I felt a pain behind my eye. Oh, God, no! Please don’t do this now!

  I didn’t want to move, but I had to find my medicine. We’d brought my car and I’d tucked my purse under the seat. There was a guard at the back door, so Donovan assured me that no one was going to break into my vehicle during the show.

  When the pain turned into a slow throb, I knew I couldn’t stand there any longer. When I made a move to leave, I saw him walk toward me, but I stopped him with wide eyes. I made a motion for my head. I must’ve looked like an idiot making a sign for taking medicine, by holding my hand to my mouth as if I were taking imaginary pills. I guess he understood, because he nodded once and went back to facing the crowd.

  Damn! Why now?

  Slipping through the door leading to the backstage area, I hurried toward the exit. A few guys from the opening bands g
reeted me as I passed them in the hallway. The guy manning the back door smiled as I headed for the exit, “I’ll be right back.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he replied and gave me a once over that made me shiver.

  My car was parked four slots over from the back door. Donovan made me park there, because there was a light overhead that would keep the area lit in case I needed to get something from my bag. Just like the medicine I was in desperate need of at the moment and I couldn’t find anywhere.

  I cursed when I dumped my purse on the seat, frantically searching for the pills the doctor gave me to take for the headaches. My eyes throbbed and I knew I needed to do something quick. Donovan was halfway through with his set. If I could just hold on a little longer, he could rush me home and everything would be alright. Because my medicine was back at my house.

  I knew the moment I walked in the back door at the venue that I wasn’t going to be able to make it home. The wail of the guitar and the deep thud of the bass drum echoed in my head. I squinted my eyes and found my way toward the back room and the couch I’d been sitting on earlier.

  I stumbled when I turned the corner. I could barely see the door a few feet away with my eyes squinting as tight as they could go. Thirty more minutes and Donovan would be here. All I needed to do was to lay down and turn off the lights. He’d find me.

  My hand slapped at the door, trying to push it open, but the light blinded me, causing a sharp pain to shoot through my head. I cried out as my knees hit the ground and everything went…black.

  Chapter 16

  …Darkness…

  Chapter 17

  …Cold…

  Chapter 18

  …Voices…

  Chapter 19

  …Pain…