SEAL'd Heart

by Alice Ward

  “Take it please.”

  He did reluctantly, then made a gesture that I didn’t recognize but must have been a thank you. Turning from me, he climbed into the car and drove away. I stood planted where I was, watching the little blue car and Aarif, the closest thing I had to a friend on this side of the ocean, disappear.

  I was alone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  I had no clue how I would leave Tejen when this was over, how I would get a ride back to Kabul and to the airport. I didn’t know how I would even communicate with anyone. Picking my bags up, I prayed that someone in the village spoke English.

  The home next to the one Aarif’s friend lived in looked like a place to start. A woman in a headscarf and holding an infant answered, her dark eyes roving over me. The baby fussed, and she moved it to her other hip.

  “Hello,” I said, enunciating clearly. “My name is Quinn.” I touched my chest to indicate I spoke of myself. “I’m looking for my friend. Does anyone here speak English?”

  Her lips pursed. A second later, she stepped back and shut the door in my face. I stared at the wood, the sounds of children yammering coming from behind it.

  Don’t cry. Don’t cry. It wasn’t time to give up hope yet. I still had many other doors to knock on, and after Tejen there would be more villages and towns. I would stay as long as I needed to. If this day proved unfruitful, I would somehow find a ride back to Kabul, where I would stay in a hotel. I would go back out tomorrow and look again, and I would keep looking until I found Seth.

  The woman at the next house was a bit friendlier, attempting to speak to me, though we got nowhere. She pointed at a home down the street on the other side, apparently suggesting that I go there. I smiled broadly and thanked her before going.

  Hours later, I was still at a loss. No one spoke English. No one seemed to understand what I was doing there. I didn’t know what to do next, or where I’d sleep that night. On top of it all, I seemed to be garnering a reputation. Heads poked out of homes to watch me and children stopped playing to stare. A few teenage boys even began to follow me down the street. My limbs filled with adrenaline as I gauged the size and age of the boys. Why were they following me? I prayed it was out of sheer curiosity.

  The sun was getting lower and lower in the sky by the time I stepped up to a new house and knocked. No one answered, and I felt hopelessness begin to settle over me. Glancing quickly over my shoulder, I watched the boys turn down a side path opposite from where I stood. I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped away from the threshold. No one was out to get me. I was just being paranoid.

  A sharp male voice filled the air, yelling something I didn’t understand. I froze, my heart thumping hard in my chest. Advancing on me from the back of the house were two men holding guns. The one closest to me barked out an unintelligible phrase. I dropped my bags and lifted my hands. I felt certain I was about to throw up.

  “I-I’m s-sorry,” I stammered, my teeth chattering despite the heat. “I-I don’t understand. I-I only speak English.”

  He took a step closer. The adrenaline that had entered me in the street now soared, hitting my body with the force of a volcanic explosion. Flight or fight warred within me, but neither of those options applied. These men held guns and were close enough to hit anything they aimed at. I forced my body to be as still as possible, to wait and see what they would do.

  To my surprise, the second man turned and walked the way they had come while the one closest to me gestured that I should follow him. I bent to pick up my bags, and he screamed at me. Terrified, I jumped back, putting my hands up higher, not sure what I’d done wrong. With narrowed eyes, he gestured with the gun, silently tell me to walk.

  Leaving my bags, I followed on shaky legs. I walked between the two of them along the back of a row of houses, strong waves of terror surging over me. The fear blurred my vision and made my knees weak. I kept walking. If I stopped there might be real trouble.

  The first man entered a low hunt, the most primitive structure I’d seen in the village so far. The darkness was so deep beyond its small entry way, making me halt for a second. Once I went in that place, there was no telling what might happen to me. Perhaps I would never come back out.

  A sharp jab of metal between my shoulder blades got me moving. I half stumbled, half walked into the hut.

  I blinked hard, holding my breath while my eyes adjusted. Another jab in the back sent me forward another few steps.

  More men were in the space, standing near the walls with guns of their own and gazing warily at me. I’d never felt more inspected, more hated. A few cushions sat on the ground, and near a far wall was what looked like a pile of bags. A second later, my bags were tossed on top of them. I swallowed hard, willing myself not to cry.

  The man who’d followed behind me, and who seemed to be in charge, pointed at the floor, gesturing for me to sit. I plopped down like I was made from stone.

  The head honcho spoke to another man, and he responded, but Mr. Honcho cut him off. Then he turned to me and spoke in his language again. Judging by its inflection, it sounded like another question.

  “I-I’m s-sorry,” I stammered, my heart hammering in my chest. “I d-don’t understand.”

  He gave a command, and one of the men went to my bags and searched through them, pulling the clothes out and tossing them on the ground. When he found my cell phone, he pocketed it. I just prayed they didn’t find the tracker sewn into my bra.

  “F-friend,” I said, stressing the word. “I’m looking for my friend.”

  They looked at me in disgust, as if the very sound of my voice made them sick.

  Frantic now, I lifted one hand above my eyes like a shade, as if I was searching the landscape, then pressed it against my heart. My attempt at sign language was probably shit, but the man towering over me at least looked like he was trying to understand.

  “Friend,” I said again, on the verge of helplessness. I thought about saying that I was American, but that probably wouldn’t help my case much. Though maybe they would take me to the American camp. I gave it a moment’s thought but decided taking the chance wasn’t worth it.

  “Seth,” I said feebly.

  The man shifted and looked away, said something to the others. He was growing tired of me, probably trying to figure out how best to get rid of me.

  Then I had an idea.

  “My cell phone!” I pointed at the man who had confiscated and pocketed it. “Cell phone!” I said it in the most excited voice I could manage, trying to get the point across that there was something totally awesome on that cell phone we all needed to see. “Phone,” I said again, smiling.

  The commander barked something, and the phone thief turned the device over to him. Eyeing me, he pressed the cell phone into my hand.

  With my heart beating in my ears, I opened up my gallery and swiped through photos until I got to one of Seth and me. It had been taken in the park a couple days before he left. Our faces pressed together, we smiled up at the camera. The sadness in me was evident, despite the grin on my face.

  I turned the phone so the man could see the screen. “Seth.” I pointed at the picture. “My friend. I’m looking for him.” I made the gesture for searching again.

  The man’s eyes narrowed, and he grunted something to the group. I held my breath as a long moment passed. One of the men who hadn’t yet moved walked across the space, ducking where the ceiling got low and went out into the yard.

  This is either really good or really bad.

  The men talked as if I wasn’t even there. I clutched my cell phone, the one last reminder of my life before I came to Tejen. In it were numerous pictures of Seth, Starlet, and my friends. All of whom I might never see again.

  Perhaps I’d made the biggest mistake of my life coming to Afghanistan. Perhaps I’d also made my last. It could be that Seth wasn’t even in the country. It could be that he was dead.

  I’d never figured out just what I thought about the afterlife, never decided
if I believed in Heaven or God. I’d been too busy with other things, too busy making money seven days a week and chasing the next thrill.

  At least I’d had Seth. At least there had been those magical weeks. They’d saved me, changed me. I hadn’t even known I’d come to dislike the person I was. If I died, I would do so with gratitude in my heart.

  I jumped when two of the men stepped forward and took me by the arms. Their fingers dug into my flesh as they roughly hauled me up and turned me around. With a giant push, they shoved me forward, and I fell, my hands scraping against the ground as terror became a living thing inside me.

  The sound of metal sliding on metal filled the air, and although I knew very little about guns, I knew one had just been engaged. I closed my eyes and felt tears slide down my sweat streaked face.

  It was over.

  I’d been stupid and would pay the price for my recklessness.

  “Quinn!”

  I looked up as I heard the familiar voice, sure I was imagining it.

  Seth.

  He rushed in through the doorway, catapulting himself toward me as a sob escaped my mouth. I pushed myself up from the ground, forgetting about the men with guns surrounding us. His arms slipped around me and pulled me close. My face pressed into his shoulder, and I breathed in his scent, familiar but also changed. Sweat seeped through the fabric, but I clung to him anyway.

  I couldn’t move. Thirty seconds before I had thought he might be dead. And now here he was, alive and in my arms.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, his words almost as breathless as mine.

  “Where were you?” I questioned at the same time, my words falling all over his in a jumbled heap.

  He pulled back to look at me. With the bright light from outside shining behind him in the dark room, I could barely see his face. Just the edges of his jaw were visible.

  Maybe it’s not really him. Maybe it’s a trick. Or he’s a ghost.

  He took my hand and pulled me out of the hut. The men let us go. Out in the bright and delicious air, Seth laid both of his hands on my cheeks and looked directly in my face. His scruff had grown out and was nearly a full beard. Bags sat under his eyes, and his cheeks and forehead were darker, tanned by days in the sun.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked again, harsher this time.

  “I came to find you.” As I said it, I realized for the first time what a truly crazy plan it had been.

  But it was also a crazy plan that had worked.

  Seth took my hand. “Let’s get out of here.” He looked back at the tent. “Stay here. Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

  He ducked into the tent, and I crept closer, trying to stay as small as possible. I heard raised voices, but couldn’t understand a word. Minutes passed as the argument continued and my worry grew with each passing second. What was happening? Had my presence made everything worse? I hated not knowing.

  Inside, the voices grew softer, and I jumped when Seth stepped through the door. He offered me a tight smile and reached for my hand, pulling me behind him. We walked through tufts of grass and wove between houses in silence. Seth’s hand was in mine, our feet hitting the ground at the same pace, our breathing synced.

  I couldn’t believe it.

  He led me to an old Honda parked between two houses. “Climb in.”

  I did as he said, relieved to have a replacement for the little blue car.

  Seth climbed into the driver’s side, sighed, and turned to me. “I...”

  I stared, wondering what he was going to say.

  He winced like he was about to be struck. “I lied to you.”

  “I know you did.”

  “I wasn’t deployed.”

  “I know.”

  His jaw tensed. “I know you probably won’t understand why I came here, or why I lied to you. I’m not expecting you to, and I’m not expecting you to forgive me.”

  I lifted my chin and forced him to look me straight in my eye. “I came here for you, didn’t I?”

  He said nothing, just searched my eyes over and over.

  “I don’t know where to begin,” he said breathlessly. “How did you…? Why did you...?”

  “I knew you weren’t deployed,” I explained. “I found out soon after your last email. Why did you stop writing?”

  His throat worked up and down. “I was ashamed.”

  I sighed. “Because of what you came here to do.”

  Seth turned away from me and laid one arm across the steering wheel. His shoulders drooped.

  “Seth,” I said softly. “Blaire told me about your sister. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

  He peeked over at me, his eyes red. “What else do you know?”

  “Not much else, although I talked to your dad. I went to your mom’s house, but she wasn’t there.” I pulled my legs up into the seat and tucked them against my chest. I’d left my bags behind at that house. I had no hope of finding it again, but I didn’t care. Nothing in them was so valuable it couldn’t be replaced. I had my wallet — a slim one I used for traveling — in my back pocket, which meant I could get out of the country easily enough.

  “My father blames me,” Seth said, his body still angled away from me. “He blames me for her… for her dying.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I rasped. “That’s ridiculous. I don’t know what he’s said to you, but he’s awful if he made you feel that way.”

  “I don’t know, Quinn. For a long time, I thought it was my fault.” He lifted his head and looked out across the dashboard. “And then I started changing my mind about it, telling myself I’d done everything I could. I told Emmy not to go, but she did it anyway.”

  “You couldn’t watch her every second. She was a grown woman.”

  He nodded begrudgingly. “Yeah, but even if I’d seen her slip out, what would I have done? Held her arms behind her back? Tied her up? Report her?” He shook his head. “She always did whatever she pleased. I just hoped things would work out. I figured they would because they always seemed to for her.”

  “So you know you couldn’t have done anything. But why? Why did you come back here?”

  “To find them,” he answered through gritted teeth. “To find them. I’d tried to forget for so long, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. Then I got a new tip and…” He lifted a shoulder, not needing to finish the sentence.

  “Your dad had something to do with this, didn’t he? With you coming back here?”

  Seth turned to me, the sadness there in his eyes again. He didn’t have to answer for me to know my assumption was spot on.

  “Is this why it drives you crazy to see him? Because you know he’s just going to make you feel guilty. God...” My teeth ground together. “What an asshole.”

  “He hasn’t exactly had an easy time himself,” Seth said. “He and my mother divorced after Emmy… died. He and I never got along, and then this…” He blew out a breath. “He probably doesn’t really have anyone, now that I think about it.”

  “Still, he doesn’t have to treat you this way.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you about Emmy.”

  I reached out to touch him for the first time since climbing in the car. My hand found his and I squeezed it tightly. “It’s all right. I get it now. Really.”

  “This is why I couldn’t go through with it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I saw my dad that last time, he was drunk, ranting and going on about how I should have done more, how I should have been smarter, taken more action. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. I knew he was right. I knew it.”

  “No.” I squeezed his hand tighter. “He wasn’t right.”

  “And so I did the only thing that made sense. I tried to drink myself into an oblivion. That’s what he always did, so maybe I needed to take a page out of his book. It didn’t work. Even when I was walking sideways and falling down, it didn’t work. I still couldn’t forget about what had happened. And I knew it wasn’
t really my fault… but I also knew that I could have done better. I could have done more to stop Emmy from going, but I didn’t. And I just… I couldn’t take it anymore, Quinn. I got to your place, and that’s when I decided. I was going to go. I was going to find Emmy’s killers and do what I should have done four years ago.”

  I couldn’t breathe. The way Seth spoke scared me. He’d become a person I didn’t recognize.

  “And then I got here. They weren’t hard to find. I knew the name of the woman Emmy tried to help. I found her husband, found his brothers. They live here, in this very village.”

  “So I was right. That’s why you’re here. You came to kill them.”

  We locked eyes. “I didn’t.”

  A sigh left my tense body.

  “I didn’t do it,” he said again. “I couldn’t. When it came time… when I followed them to Kabul, I couldn’t do it. All I could think about was one thing. You.”

  Tears filled my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.

  “How could I go through with it?” Seth asked. “What would the point be? I knew Emmy wouldn’t want it. I knew that if I took out those men, it would have repercussions I couldn’t fathom. Maybe they would be gone, but then what? Could I get away? Could I make it out of the country undetected, without anyone knowing what I’d done?” He grabbed at his hair and shook his head. “In the past, when I considered those things they didn’t matter. Sometimes I felt like I wouldn’t care whether I lived or died, as long as I got my revenge. But then I met you… and I knew I had something to live for. I had a reason to go back home. And Emmy would want that. She would want me to do that more than anything else.”

  “She would,” I whispered through tears.

  Seth reached up and wiped my cheek with his thumb.

  I gasped. “But what are you doing here? You said you changed your mind. So, what are you doing in Tejen?”

  “I’ve been helping the family of the woman my sister died trying to save.”

  “Oh.”

  “I had just driven back into town when I was flagged down and brought to the tent. They told me a woman was searching for me and…”