The Lighthouse

by Melanie Wilber

  “That’s how my dad’s family is too. Uncle Stewart finally did some research a few years ago because my mom insisted we know a little more about the other half of our heritage, but he didn’t get very far. One of my great-great somethings came from The Netherlands, but that was as far as that went.”

  Jonathan responded, but in Spanish. “And our children will have the same story to tell, won’t they, Jennifer?”

  I couldn’t believe he said that, but I got goose bumps, and I smiled. “If that’s the way it works out, I believe so.”

  “If what works out?” Marissa said. “What did you say, Jonny?”

  I laughed. “Yes, this could be fun. We could give her some motivation to study ahead.”

  “What did he say, Adam?” Marissa demanded of her back-seat companion. “I know you know Spanish.”

  “Huh?”

  “What did Jonny say?”

  “Oh, I wasn’t listening.”

  Adam was sitting behind me so I couldn’t see his face to tell if he was being truthful or not. But apparently Jonathan wasn’t concerned with him overhearing our conversation, and that gave me a unique feeling. How Jonathan spoke to me in private was one thing, but to speak so freely in front of his friends was another.

  I didn’t expect Jonathan to talk much about the possibility of us getting married in the future, and he didn’t in the weeks that followed, except when he wanted to tease his sister by saying things in Spanish to me she couldn’t understand. But he did refer to the future a lot whenever we were talking seriously and the subject came up, and he didn’t talk about “us and the future” so much as a possibility, but more of a reality, and I was comfortable with that. I didn’t have any desire to imagine a future for myself that didn’t involve Jonathan by my side.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Driving into my hometown on Wednesday evening of Thanksgiving Weekend, I was looking forward to seeing my mom. I would be seeing my whole family before the weekend was over, and probably several of my friends, but I had missed her more than anyone.

  I stopped at the grocery store to get her some flowers. My mom wasn’t much for gifts or anything extravagant, but she always liked fresh flowers for the kitchen table. I called Jonathan from the parking lot to let him know I had made it safely. We had spent part of the day together before going our separate ways, so he didn’t keep me long and said he would call me later.

  The first person I saw when I arrived at the house was Uncle Stewart. I had never viewed him as my dad, but after six years he had come to see me as his daughter, and having him come out into the rain to welcome me home made me believe that more than I ever had before.

  Turning away from the bag I was about to reach for in the back seat, I returned his gentle smile and allowed him to give me a hug--hugging him in return in my heart more than I usually did.

  “Good to see you, Jenni,” he said, sounding emotional and bringing an honest response from me.

  “Good to see you.”

  I stepped to the side to let him take the small suitcase I knew he would want to carry for me. I already had my knapsack over my shoulder and the flowers in my hand. Leading the way up the front steps and opening the squeaky blue door, I felt anxious for the warmth of the house to surround me. I left my small bag beside the stairs, but I took the flowers with me to the kitchen, following the wonderful smell of dinner cooking.

  Mama was there, as I knew she would be. I laid the flowers on the table and stepped toward her. We met halfway, and for the first time I could ever recall, she didn’t say anything but just held me. I felt the tears coming and let them fall, and it wasn’t because Mama was crying. I had missed her, and I knew she had missed me.

  “Good to see you, Mama. I’ve missed you--and your cooking. What is that wonderful smell?”

  “That’s the cranberry pie,” she said. “For tomorrow. Dinner is just some stuffed crab, and it should be ready any minute.”

  “No, no, Mama,” I laughed. “Not just stuffed crab. Your stuffed crab. And I can’t wait.”

  We had a nice evening, just the three of us. My siblings wouldn’t be here until tomorrow. Mama and Uncle Stewart asked me all about school and my friends there. I’d told them a lot over the phone already, but they didn’t seem to mind hearing it all again, and I didn’t mind repeating it.

  Jonathan didn’t call me until nine-thirty, and by then I felt well-settled about being back. I knew the weekend was going to be slow in some ways and fly by in others, but I wanted to enjoy all the moments for what they were.

  “How’s the view of the lighthouse?” he asked.

  I glanced out the window and could only see the light now in the darkness. “The same,” I said.

  “Have you missed it?”

  “Not as much as I miss you.”

  “Wow. That’s really saying something.”

  “You know what it says.”

  “I love you too, and I miss you, but I want you to have a nice time with your family, okay?”

  “I think I will,” I said with a lot of peace.

  I was in my room, but the door was open. I heard someone coming up the stairs and turned to see Mama appear in the doorway. When she saw I was on the phone, she seemed apologetic for the intrusion, but Jonathan was already saying good-night, and I did the same before she turned away completely.

  “I’m done,” I said, keeping her in place. I waited to see if she had come up for a specific reason or if she just wondered where I’d disappeared to.

  “Was that Jonathan?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Is he at home?”

  “Yeah. They left the same time I did.”

  “I’ve been up here a lot while you’ve been gone. It’s good to have you here again.”

  “I’ve always loved this room.”

  “Even after being away at a big fancy college?”

  I laughed. “My room is not fancy, trust me. It has a nice view, but that’s definitely its best feature, and this view is still better.”

  “You seem happy there though,” she stated.

  “I am. It’s different than I was expecting. I thought I was going away to school, and it would be just that--school. Like here only someplace else. But it’s a lot more than that. Like a whole new life.”

  “Mmm, I remember,” she said.

  “How was it different for you?”

  “Well, it was a lot of independence I wasn’t used to having. No one making decisions for me. No one looking over my shoulder. Not having to be home by a certain time.”

  I knew my mom and dad had met after college, after she had moved to Bandon to take a job as a teacher here, and she held that job for a lot of years, even after getting married and having four kids. She hadn’t retired until two years ago.

  “Did you date a lot?”

  “Not at first. But my roommate and I went to some pretty wild parties. I don’t recommend it.”

  “Did you have a serious boyfriend in college?”

  “One,” she replied, appearing reluctant to talk about it. “We dated our final year but broke up two weeks before graduation.”

  “Why?”

  “We were going in different directions. I wanted to start teaching and settle down somewhere, but he wanted to see the world.”

  “With you?”

  “Yes, but he wasn’t looking for us to get married, just backpack around Europe together. I wasn’t that adventurous.”

  “Did you love him?”

  “I thought I did, but looking back I think it was me seeing him as the guy I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with, until I realized he wasn’t thinking the same thing. It was my own fault. I assumed things he never told me directly. It wasn’t like he talked about us getting married after graduation and then changed the plan.”

  I thought of how Jonathan told me he could marry me now, but I decided not to share that detail with Mama yet. Not because I didn’t believe him or thought he might change his mind, but because I wa
nted Mama to meet him before she formed any opinions. For now he was a nice guy I was dating, and that’s all she knew.

  But Mama had other ideas. “So, tell me about Jonathan. All I get on the phone is, ‘He’s nice.’”

  I smiled. “Well, he is.”

  “And?”

  “And,” I replied, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside her. “I don’t know. What do you want to know?”

  “Why him?”

  I sighed. That was a loaded question. If I said I didn’t know, she wouldn’t like that answer, but if I told her all the reasons, that might give away more than I wanted to say right now.

  “He’s changing my world,” I said and then added, “in a good way.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, you know how I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to college?”

  “Yes.”

  “That was mainly because I didn’t want to leave here. I wanted things to stay the same--to be a kid forever, I guess. But then I met Jonathan, and he makes me want to step into the future. Like, there’s a lot more to life I haven’t discovered yet, and I want to.”

  A soft smile spread across her face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I was that way when I came here. I had decided I was going to dedicate myself to teaching and I didn’t need to get married or have a family, and I was doing fine with it until I met your dad. And then I saw a different future.”

  I smiled. I didn’t know why I thought Mama wouldn’t understand how I felt about Jonathan. Of course she would. She’d fallen in love before.

  “He is really nice, Mama. I say that because I don’t want you to worry about me, but I don’t want to just tell you everything. I want you to see it for yourself. He’s coming here next month--for the first week of Winter Break. I’ll let you form your own opinion about him.”

  She smiled. “I remember feeling that way about your dad too. My mother was very skeptical of me dating a fisherman, so I waited until they could meet him and see for themselves he wasn’t a fat, burly guy with a wiry beard, slurred speech, and a patch over one eye.”

  My daddy was nothing like that. He was handsome, educated, tall, slender, and had a winner smile. Like Uncle Stewart, except they had different color hair.

  “So, you understand?”

  “Yes. And if you say you’re okay, I believe you.”

  “I’m happy,” I replied.

  “You seem happy. And that’s good to see.”

  “I will tell you what I like best about him.”

  “What?”

  “He lets me be me. And I can’t be any other way with him.”

  She nodded in understanding, but her words were different than I was expecting. “Stewart was that way for me after your dad was gone. I had to find myself all over again, and he helped me do that.”

  I said something I hadn’t thought about before, but I knew it was true. “I’ve been trying to find myself for a long time--since Daddy died, I guess. And Jonathan is helping.”

  She laid her hand on my cheek. “You know your dad loved you very much.”

  “Yes, I know. And Uncle Stewart does too. And you. I am very blessed.”

  Mama’s eyes teared up.

  “Do you believe Daddy is in Heaven?”

  She didn’t appear prepared for that question, but she lowered her hand and answered it easily. “Yes, of course I do.”

  “I do too. For a long time I wasn’t sure. I just felt like he was gone, but now I know he’s not. Just in a different place, and that’s brought me a lot of peace.”

  “Why do you believe it now?” she asked softly.

  I smiled and gave her a hug.

  “Because God told me you were right all along.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jodi had to work on Friday morning, but her shift ended at two and she was able to come over for the afternoon. We hung out at the house and went for a walk down to the beach. It was cold but not wet, and there wasn’t much wind. We talked about everything just as we had always done, and she seemed more settled than I was expecting. She and Tess had decided to get an apartment together in Coos Bay at the beginning of the year when Winter Term began rather than Jodi moving in with Tess’ family, and she seemed satisfied with that.

  We met Tess, Annie, and Sam for dinner in town, and it was fun. The five of us together had a familiar chemistry. I was mostly quiet, just listening to the four of them laugh and joke and talk about everything under the sun. Annie and Sam had both gone away to college like I had, and they didn’t know about Jonathan until he called me.

  I went outside to talk because I couldn’t hear a thing, and when I came back, all eyes were on me. Tess, Annie, and Sam wanted to know everything. I had assumed Jodi had told Tess, but she didn’t seem to know any more than the other two. I tried to be vague, telling them his name, how we met, and a few other details, but they were too curious to let me get away with that, especially when they learned he was twenty.

  “It’s always the quiet ones,” Sam said. “You think you know them, and then they do the unexpected.”

  Tess was sitting beside me, and she whispered in my ear. “Is he a good kisser?”

  I smiled.

  “He is?” Tess said loud enough for everyone to hear.

  I just laughed.

  “He is what?” Sam wanted to know.

  “A good kisser,” Tess replied.

  On and on they went, asking me questions right and left, including if I had slept with him, to which I quickly answered no, but I didn’t elaborate. I felt it was a personal matter and said, “Enough of that subject” when they tried to probe further.

  Jodi had driven us here, and when she drove me home, she didn’t stay or even get out of the car. I gave her a hug and told her good-night, asking if she thought we might see each other again before I drove back to school on Sunday afternoon, but she said she wasn’t sure of her schedule tomorrow and Sunday morning.

  “I’ll call you,” she said. “But if you want to make other plans, go ahead. Don’t wait on my account.”

  I didn’t respond and got out of the car. Walking up to the front door, I realized Jodi had been quiet after the subject of Jonathan had come up, and I knew her dismissal of me had been cool. I never knew what made Jodi upset, but I always knew when she was.

  I didn’t see her before I left, and it was just as well. I spent all of Saturday with my family and got some studying done too, and it was a good thing because when I arrived on campus around dinnertime on Sunday, Jonathan was waiting for me, and we were inseparable for the rest of the evening.

  We had two more weeks of classes and then finals, and other than having to go over a lot of review material during Dead Week, it wasn’t much different than the rest of the trimester had been. Marissa couldn’t figure out how Jonathan and I could spend so much time together and still be ready for finals, but we were, and I did about how I expected. A couple of the exams were easier than I’d anticipated, and I knew I had over-studied for them, but I would rather have it that way than the other way around. Jonathan took me out for a nice dinner on the day we both had our last final, and it was a relaxing and carefree time. I couldn’t believe the first term of my freshman year was over, and on the drive back I asked Jonathan how he had felt two years ago.

  He laughed. “I was probably thinking, ‘Three months of college and still no girlfriend.’”

  “You could have asked. I doubt there is a girl alive who would say no to you.”

  “I didn’t have a lot of confidence in that, but I also waited for another reason.”

  “What reason?”

  “Because I was waiting for the right one, and God told me I would know it when I met her.”

  I smiled. “Do you know how difficult it was for me to try and describe you to my friends when I was home? There aren’t words, Jonathan.”

  “I didn’t have any trouble describing you.”

  “What did you say?”

  “Beautiful, amazing, smart, p
retty, fun--”

  “Beautiful and pretty are the same thing.”

  “No, they’re not. Pretty is skin deep. Beauty goes all the way to the heart.”

  I didn’t know what Jonathan saw in me on the surface or otherwise. I knew he was attracted to me and wanted to be with me--that was obvious. But why? I had no idea. Nearly three months of dating, and I was clueless.

  I thought we were driving back to the campus, but Jonathan had a surprise for me: tickets to a concert, and I suddenly knew why he had seemed in a hurry to get out of a restaurant where the food was good but we hadn’t had much talk-time afterwards.

  I didn’t recognize the name of the singer we were going to hear, but once he was on stage and leading us all in worship more so than performing, I realized he was the writer of a lot of the songs we sang at church, several of which were my favorites I had learned well by now.

  I really enjoyed the concert and felt God speaking to my heart several times. Not anything new really, just the things He had been whispering to me for the past ten weeks: I see you, Jennifer. I know. I’m here. Just trust me. Trust me with your present and your future. Trust me with your dad and your family. Trust me with Jonathan and your relationship.

  On the walk to the car I was thoughtful, and Jonathan seemed to be too. Once we were inside and waiting for the traffic to clear a bit, we both started to talk at once.

  “Sorry, go ahead,” Jonathan said. “You first.”

  I wouldn’t have minded him going first, but I said what I was going to say. “Why is it that we only hear this stuff at church?”

  “About God?”

  “Yes. I mean, I guess I always thought of religion as being about something besides life. I don’t know what I thought it was about, but I didn’t expect it to be so relevant. So soul-touching and real and practical. Am I just stupid, or am I not the only one who didn’t know that?”

  “I don’t think you’re the only one,” he said. “If you were, churches would be a lot fuller than they are--or I should say, the churches that teach the truth for what it really is.”