Captain Caveman

by Jerry Boyd

  Scotti spoke up. “The reason I’m so old, is that I was mothballed with my ship. The Gene Cernan wasn’t built as a colony ship. Her original purpose was as a carrier. That’s why there are so many fighters in the maintenance bay. We had to move them there when the colonists salvaged the ship and turned all the launch bays into cargo bays.”

  “You’re telling me that if I use that unlock code on Gene, she’ll remember how to fly launch operations, and start bitching about the state of her launch bays?”

  “At the very least.”

  “Okay, that’s big, serious, important news, that we don’t want to talk about in front of Gene. I’m thinking there’s more, though.”

  Dingus asked, “How do you mean, Bob?”

  “The Commonwealth spent a great deal of time and effort building a Navy, it sounds like. Who were they scared of?”

  “That’s just it. They figured there had to be other intelligent races out there in the black somewhere. They never found any. After a few thousand years, they decided to quit worrying about it, and mothball the Navy. Scotti says there is a whole fleet, mothballed, where the Gene Cernan came from. One of the colonists stumbled on the location when he was researching something else, and they decided to salvage the Gene, quietly. That’s another reason they detoured through the Earth system, to avoid being seen, since technically, salvaging from a Galactic Navy boneyard wouldn’t have been quite kosher. We’re in the clear, though, since we found her floating free, with civilian registration.”

  “You’re telling me they built a whole Space Navy, held it in reserve, and nobody ever turned up wanting to fight, so they just mothballed it, and went on with their lives?”

  “That seems to be what happened, from what Scotti knows.”

  “Scotti, how did you wind up Chief Engineer on a carrier, if your job was combat engineer? I realize they’re both engineers, but not the same thing at all.”

  “Early on, they assumed they would be fighting other species for land on planets, so a lot of bots were built for combat specialties. As they ranged farther, without any contact, they reassigned bots to fleet duties, giving them more skills as required.”

  “How did you come to have your memories locked out?”

  “They did that when they mothballed us. They were afraid someone with bad intent, like a pirate, could steal a ship and get a combat trained crew with it, so they locked out most of our memories, and all of our combat training.”

  “Sounds sensible, I guess, but why didn’t the bots get reassigned to other duties, rather than left aboard the ships?”

  “They wanted us handy, to crew the ships, in case they ever found the enemies from the stars that they had been expecting.”

  Nikki said, “So, you just got forgotten, standing ready for a war that never came?”

  “Yes, we did. I had it better than most. I was allowed to become active for a few weeks every hundred years to make sure there was no maintenance that needed doing. I would fix whatever had deteriorated, waking up my crew as required, and then we would all go dormant again.”

  Nikki snapped to attention, and saluted. “Thank you for your faithful service.”

  Scotti returned her salute, and said, “You’re welcome, Ma’am.”

  I asked, “How long a patrol is the Gene rated for?”

  Scotti replied, “With replenishment of stores from a tender? Till the power cores begin to wear out.”

  “So, she could remain on station, acting as a patrol base, for an extended cruise?”

  “No problem, Boss. Do you have a job for us?”

  “I just might, if those new fighters can use the launching bays.”

  She thought a moment. “I’ll need to build bigger bunks, then.”

  “Bigger chairs for the bridge, too.”

  “You won’t be staying, Captain?”

  “Not permanently. I’ll be here for quite a while yet, though. You’ll like Captain Morning Flower.”

  Nikki said, “No way that’s going to happen. She likes to fly too much. I’m sure they will find a good captain, though.”

  I said, “It’s a shame Knocks Hard doesn’t want to leave Earth. I bet he’d make a heck of a captain.”

  Dingus replied, “You just took a shine to him because he said he’d name his firstborn after you.”

  “I don’t suppose that hurts my opinion of him, no.”

  Scotti asked, “Do you need anything else right now, Captain? I’d like to return to my duties.”

  “If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like a good look at the art Topper did for you before you leave.”

  She gave us all a good look. Nikki said, “This is beautiful work. Topper always surprises me. Just when I think I know all his tricks, he shows me something new.”

  We all stepped into the hall. Gene came over the intercom. “Does this mean you are finished with the security on this room?”

  “It does. Please return it to normal.”

  “Done. Is Scotti in trouble?”

  “Not at all, Gene. We just had some things to talk over that we aren’t ready for everyone to know yet.”

  “I’m glad. I have a strong attachment to her.”

  “She’s fine. She helped us understand some things we’ve been having trouble with.”

  “Are some of my systems malfunctioning?”

  “No, Gene. We’ve been having trouble trying to understand some things with our puny organic brains. Scotti explained them so that we could understand.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  “Do you need anything else, Gene?”

  “No, Captain. Everything is running smoothly.”

  “Very good.”

  Dingus asked, “You need me for anything else right now, Bob?”

  “Not that I know of. Thanks for taking care of that for me.”

  “No problem. I learned a lot. You mind if I grab a fighter and head back down?”

  “Grab whatever ship you think you might need. See you tonight.”

  My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  Topper said, “Boss, we have a drive flare in the outer system.”

  I hollered, “Hang on, Dingus”

  “Topper, can you tell anything from the flare?”

  “Appears to be more or less the same size as the Ronald Evans, Boss. Must have crap for scanners, I would have expected her to jump again for the inner system by now.”

  “They may have seen the Gene and decided to lay low. Is the Ronald Evans ready to launch?”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  “Send your scans to the Evans. We’ll be aboard shortly.”

  “Yes, Boss. Fly safe.”

  “You too.”

  I looked at Nikki. “Do you need Bucky, or can she stay with the Gene?”

  “I’m okay. She’s needed more here. Who else are we taking?”

  “Don’t know yet. Dingus, how busy are Jane and Steve?”

  “They could probably get loose for a few hours. What’s up?”

  “Drive flare in the outer system.”

  “Any idea who?”

  “Nope.”

  “Did Phonelia or her crew tell anybody about this place?”

  “Hadn’t thought of that. I better check.”

  I commed Phonelia while we were making our way to the Evans. “Hey, Bob. What can I do for you?”

  “I need to know if you or your crew told anyone else where to find this system.”

  “I know I didn’t. Hang on.”

  I waited while she questioned her people. “They both claim they didn’t. Why do you ask, Bob?”

  “We have company in the outer system. I was hoping it was somebody we could hope to have a friendly meeting with.”

  “So, if you don’t have any reason to believe they’re here on an innocent mission, you’re going in hard?”

  Steve’s training gave me a little tingle from the way she said that. I replied, “That’s right, we’re going to hurt some people, if I can’t find a reason not to.”

 
“Thanks for playing along, Bob. That would have cracked either one of these idiots if they had been lying to me.”

  “That’s what I thought was going on. You wanna ride along on the intercept?”

  “Sounds like fun. How do I get to you?”

  “We’re coming there. See you in a few.”

  “Bye, Bob.”

  I turned to Dingus. “She’s convinced neither of her boys spilled the beans.”

  “You sounded convincing, when you threatened to hurt someone.”

  “I’m not seeing a way we get out of this without the Gene becoming common knowledge. I feel like hurting someone.”

  I commed Steve. “What’s up, Boss?”

  “Get loose from whatever you’re doing. We’ll be down to pick you up shortly. We’ve got a drive flare in the outer system.”

  “On it, Bob.”

  I commed Jane. “Hi, Captain. What can I do for you?”

  “Finish up what you’re doing, and get ready to fly an intercept. We’ve got a drive flare in the outer system.”

  “No problem. John hijacked a couple of medbots, they can do anything he needs help with.”

  “We’re going aboard the Evans now. Be down shortly.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  “Bye.”

  Dingus ran the ramp up as Nikki ran for the bridge. Topper was already cycling the bay doors open. We lifted almost immediately. Topper must have gotten the ship ready remotely. I said, “We better strap in. Nikki is going to be having fun.”

  Flying with Nikki had gotten us quicker at strapping in, but even so, it was close. She started maneuvering about the time I closed my last buckle. When the ramp came down, I hollered, “Get in, and strap in. Nikki’s in a hurry.”

  The three of them didn’t have any better luck with getting strapped in before the fun started. Nikki came over the intercom. “Going to FTL in five seconds. Transponder is off.” The transition was smooth, and a few seconds later, the transition back was as well. Nikki came on again. “Get up here, Caveman. You need to see this.” We all ran to the bridge, wondering what was out there. I didn’t recognize the ship, but the workmanship was very familiar. I pointed to the comm. “May I?”

  Nikki replied, “Go ahead, Captain Caveman.”

  “Luna Colony ship, say your intentions.”

  A female voice answered, “I intend to outfight you, and make off with that beautiful big ship you have in orbit.”

  I replied, “You wanna try for Plan B, there, Luna Colony? That one won’t work out well for you.”

  “That’s big talk. Why should I believe you?”

  I nodded at Nikki. She tapped the drive killer. “There’s one reason. Would you like another?”

  “Big deal. You got close enough to kill my drive without me seeing you. You’ve still got to come aboard and take us down.”

  I said, “Suppose we do. Are you running at a standard gravity, since the Patrol ran you through the autodoc?”

  “Yes. Hey, wait a minute, how do you know about that?”

  “I know a lot of things. Are you surrendering?”

  “Never!”

  I nodded at Nikki. She stunned them. She said, “Looks like two resistant. The captain and one other.”

  “Nice implant you have there, Captain. Do you and the other one want to meet us at the lock without weapons, or are we going to have to do it the hard way?”

  “Suck Vac, Asshole!”

  Jane spoke up. “Is it just me, or is Bob getting acquainted with people faster than he used to?”

  Dingus said, “It’s not just you.”

  I replied, “Ha, ha. Any of you got a way aboard that heap that doesn’t hang our tender hienies out?”

  Nikki pulled up a scan of their ship. “They appear to be covering the two main airlocks, here and here. There’s an emergency lock right here that they don’t have anyone to cover.”

  Dingus said, “As long as it takes a lock to cycle, they could be on top of us before we made it in.”

  I asked, “Do those locks have force fields holding their air in?”

  Nikki replied, “They do. The outer hatch is just there in case of power failure.”

  “So, once we’re through the field, the inner door will just open?”

  Dingus said, “They may have jammed the latches.”

  “So, what do we do? Let Steve rig a big old breaching charge, and tell them if they want to keep their air, they need to lay down their weapons? I don’t think the captain over there is going to listen to reason.”

  Nikki said, “Hang on a second.” She fiddled with the scan, and zoomed in on a particular section. Then she said, “It’s there. These old hulls have a maintenance lock that exits right to the main drive emitters. Nowadays, the emitters are inside pressure, and people forget about the maintenance lock. This one looks like it’s powered down, so it won’t even sound an alarm when you open the outer hatch.”

  I asked, “How big is it?”

  “Two people, max.”

  “Here’s what I’m thinking. If anybody has a better plan, speak up. Dingus, you and Jane are our best shooters. You two take the maintenance lock. Steve and I will open the outer door on the forward lock, and try to draw their attention. Once you’re in, flash bang the crap out of them and restrain them. We’ll go from there.”

  Jane said, “Sounds workable. How do you figure to keep them forward?”

  “I figured once we had the outer door open, I’d reach in and punch in the override to open both doors. That should get their attention.”

  Jane replied, “I like the way you think, Captain. Let’s do it.”

  We all closed up our uniforms, and grabbed emitter packs so we could guide ourselves outside. All of us loaded up on flash bangs, weapons, and restraints. Steve and I went first, and started opening the forward lock. I didn’t have to punch in the override, they did it for me, and started shooting as soon as the outer hatch came open. I took a chance and threw a flash bang in. The shooting was less, after that. I tapped Steve on the shoulder, and gestured for him to watch out toward the rear of the ship, in case they tried to come out one of the other locks and get behind us. I chucked another flash bang, and nearly got my hand shot. I felt Steve move, and looked around. The fellow who had been sneaking up on us was floating away, with a wound in his shoulder. His suit didn’t seem to be compensating well. Steve looked at me with a ‘What now?’ gesture. I motioned for him to go after the guy he shot. Dingus came over the suit comm. “We’re in. How’s it going?”

  “Steve’s got the one he shot on the way back to the Evans. The other one was here taking pot shots at me a minute ago, but I haven’t taken any fire for a while.”

  “I see a lock door closing. Watch yourself!”

  I turned as she came through the field. I didn’t know what that cobbled up mess she was carrying was, but I didn’t think letting her point it at me was a good idea. The way she was crawling out, I couldn’t pick and choose my target, so she got it in the left butt cheek. The comm came alive. “You worthless Patrol bastard! OW! My ass! That was no stunner. What did you shoot me with? I’m bleeding!”

  “Lay your weapon down, and come out from cover, and I’ll get you to an autodoc, or, you could lay there and bleed out, your choice.”

  I figured if I kept her talking long enough, the other two would come up behind her and end our little standoff, so I said, “First off, I’m not Patrol. Second, you were the one sneaking up on me.”

  Dingus slid up behind her and poked his rifle in her back. He said, “Third, I’m going to put a hole in you that hurts a lot worse, if you don’t lay down your weapon.”

  She finally decided that she was beat, and laid down her weapon. Dingus said, “Bob, would you do the honors?”

  “Gladly.”

  Our prisoner said, “Bob? Not Bob Wilson, the famous bounty hunter?”

  I replied, “I’ve taken a few bounties, yes. Why? Is there a bunch of money out for you?”

  “Um, well, not
really, no.”

  “If you’re who I think you are, you were in Patrol custody not that long ago. They wouldn’t have let you go if there was any money at all out for you.”

  “Just who do you think I am?”

  “The engineer who built this heap out of junk and hope.”

  Dingus went in first, and then I handed her to him, and followed them in. “Junk and hope, huh? I like the way you put that. Yes, I built her.”

  I said, “Would you have any interest in a real job, or are you pirate through and through?”

  She replied, “Wait, you just shot me, and now you’re offering me a job?”

  “It’s a fast world, try and keep up.”

  “But, why?”

  “I’ve seen a couple of examples of what you can do with mostly nothing to work with. Neither one of them was pretty, but they both got the job done. I’m curious what you could do with decent parts and a good set of tools.”

  She replied, “You want to hire a pirate to work on your ships? Are you nuts?”

  “There are people who think so. Besides, that fellow there is our head of security, and if he catches you pulling any shenanigans, well, I wouldn’t want to be you.”

  “What’s in it for me?”

  I said, “What do you need out of it?”

  “How do you mean?”

  “What do you need to get out of it, to make it worth your time?”

  She replied, “Three hots and a cot, a decent amount of spending cash, and some time to work on my own projects with all your fancy tools.”

  I said, “That sounds doable, as long as you can be loyal to the outfit, and not go back to your pirate ways.”

  “My Dad was a pirate. I’ve just been trying to stay alive.”

  “The autodoc on this boat any good?”

  She looked downcast as she replied, “Nope.”

  “Give me control over the ship, and I’ll take us to a good one.”

  “Deal.”

  She turned the ship over to me. Jane said, “About time you let me at her. I thought you were gonna let her bleed out.”

  I replied, “Let Scotti’s new assistant bleed out? That would be a waste of resources, don’t you think?”

  “Yes, Captain, it would.”

  I commed Steve. “How’s it going with your fella? We’ve got our situation under control.”